Chapter 40: Our Secret Moments: Chapter 40

CAT THE BEST PART about the football season being over is that I get to see Connor a lot more than before. It feels like he’s been tethered to me since the final and now, weeks later, I still can’t get enough of him.

The only small tiny problem? We still haven’t told Nora yet and she’s this close to figuring it out. I’ve had to hide him behind my door more than once and I’m sure she must be able to hear us some nights because we’re not always quiet.

I’ve been preparing myself to tell her next week after her boyfriend’s birthday party. She’s planned this whole surprise party for him at his house and she’s invited our friend group to come along. I swear I’ll tell her then.

First, I’ve got to sit through the process of letting my professor read my official finished report for the Drayton Titans. I’ve put my blood, sweat and tears into organising this magazine and I hope it paid off. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ve had the most fun of my life writing it. It’s brought me closer to people I never thought I would even be friends with. And it’s given me Connor.

I’ve spent nearly every waking moment when I’m not in class in front of a computer, trying out new fonts and new designs all by myself. I tried to get in contact with one of the design students, but they’re always too busy. If the paper wasn’t taken up for the last five years, I would have to be stupid to think they’d spare some time to help me out.

Although it’s taken most of the school year to get it going, once this has been finalised, I’ll be able to start doing monthly instalments every semester after this and hopefully recruit a little team when they see how much fun it is.

I didn’t mind it, though. I’ve never been able to be creative in that way before and having free range has been amazing. I just hope I’ve managed to pull it off. The writing and the different sections I’ve added in, I’m not so worried about. But sitting in front of professor Rotford always brings me an annoying amount of discomfort.

She’s read and skim read the paper three times and she hasn’t said a word. Her office isn’t much to look at either, so there’s not even that I can focus on. She lets out a soft hum. I can’t tell if that was a hm this is extraordinary or hm who let this girl ever pick up a pen as a kid. Either way, the anticipation is eating away at me.

I told Connor I’d meet him at his dorm since his roommates are out and I don’t want to go there in tears. I want to be able to go and show him what I’ve managed to make out of the newspaper. George has tried to reassure me more than once, but he’s too kind for his own good, so I don’t know if his comments are completely legitimate.

“What do you think? I’m still playing with the headers, but I think it’s okay,” I mutter, nervously fidgeting with the loose material of my skirt.

She looks up at me and… Oh. My. God.

She’s smiling.

At me.

I’ve always craved academic validation, but getting a smile from a teacher who I could have sworn has never smiled a day in her life is fucking incredible. I resist the urge to smile back and wait for her to say something instead. This could be a pity smile for all I know.

“Catherine, I’ll be completely honest,” she hedges, pushing up her glasses onto her forehead as she leans on to the table. “I wasn’t sure how well you would manage to pull through with this. I know I dropped this on you, but I wanted to test you. To push you. And… Well, this is one of the greatest things I’ve read in a long time.”

My chest expands with utter pride at her words. “Really?”

She nods, flicking through it again. “I mean, it has everything an article needs. It tackles the subject of football in an enjoyable and accessible way. It’s serious in some parts, talking about the injuries and the anxieties on the team. It’s funny… I mean, it has everything you’d need. You’ve done a really good job with this, Catherine.”

“Thank you so much,” I breathe out as if I just received the world’s greatest compliment. Well, I kind of just did. For me anyway.

“Seriously,” she says, shaking her head with disbelief. “I am really impressed. I feel extremely proud to be your teacher. If a company gets a whiff of this, you could be working for the New York Times. I’m really proud of you.”

Oh shit. Here comes the waterworks. My eyes start to water immediately at her words and my throat pinches. I can’t help the tears of joy that stream down my face.

“Oh, God,” she mutters, fiddling for a tissue on her desk and hands it to me. “Please don’t cry. Again.”

“I’m not crying,” I sob, clearly crying harder now. She just shakes her head at me as I stand from my seat, my legs shaking. Pull yourself together, woman. It’s not a big deal.

When I manage to get out of the room, I twist my mom’s necklace around my neck and I know she’s with me, guiding me, knowing that she lives on in me. Her love for books and literature will always be in me and this article is living proof of that.

CONNOR I don’t think she’s stopped moving since she got here.

This is by far the happiest I’ve ever seen her, and without the pressures of football on my back, I can completely bathe in this moment with her. I’m so fucking proud of her I feel like I might explode. Well, if I don’t pass out with dizziness first.

She’s been pacing the living room for the last half an hour rambling about the project. I’ve been waiting all day to hear back from her and now I can hardly get a word in. Her gorgeous black hair is flowing down her back, the white summer dress she’s wearing distracting me as she walks back and forth, talking with her hands.

She’s fucking adorable.

“She said I could work for NYT! Do you understand how big of a deal that is?” she asks, her voice an octave higher than usual. “I mean, I don’t think it could actually happen. It’s just a school paper, but you never know. It could happen. Imagine if it did. How crazy would that be? I need to update my CV. Oh my God! Do you get how crazy that would be?”

I laugh, throwing my head back as she continues moving around. “I get it. I get it. Now can you sit down so I can read it?”

I try to reach for her when she walks my way again, but her hands fly up into her hair, tugging on the ends of her curls. “Ah! I’m too nervous! I’m going to close my eyes. Actually, no. I’m going to go into your room. Wait. No. I’ll stay here.”

“Sweetheart,” I urge and her panicked gaze set on mine. “Just sit down and let me read it. I’m going to love it. I know I will.”

She takes in a deep breath, closing her eyes. “Okay,” she whispers. She moves to sit next to me on the couch before changing her mind and sitting across from me instead. “I’ll sit here. It’s less torture if I’m here.”

“You’re going to freak out either way,” I mutter, leaning over to pick up the paper from the coffee table. I watch as she curls up into the chair as I slowly let my eyes linger to the sheet in front of me.

The design is already perfect. It’s a pale green colour with darker greens on the outlines, resembling a real traditional magazine. The front page is a faded photo of the team, one of the first team pictures we’ve ever taken. I smile to myself, knowing just how much we’ve changed since then.

I open the newspaper and I’m instantly in awe with the way she writes. She crafts every sentence perfectly. Every joke is executed with ease. Every fact about football is thrown in so casually that you wouldn’t need to be an expert to read it.

I read through all the profiles she’s made on every single player on the team. She accurately describes Wes as a ‘thunder on the pitch and a ball of sunshine off the pitch.’ I laugh when I get to the part where she writes about our day in Fired Arts and the family dynamic of our team. She writes carefully at length about the atmosphere being around us in social settings and when we’re training. My eyes linger over a few words when I look over my profile.

Connor Bailey is a sweetheart. And I don’t mean that in the way a granny would call her grandson a sweetheart. I mean, he is genuinely sweet on the inside and the outside. You could often find the team joking about how he takes things too seriously, or how he always tries to keep them in check, but I see someone who cares for his team like they’re his family. Someone who would give the shirt off his back for anyone on the team and open up his home for any of them. There’s not a mean bone in his body and it amazes me how he manages to get through each match unscathed and with a smile on his face, win or lose. You’ll know that just by having one conversation with him. You know exactly the kind of person he is instantly and you’ll have a toothache from just how sweet he is.

Something catches in my throat when I read the rest of the paper. Every line is sculptured to perfection. Every word she writes speaks to me in a way nothing has ever done before. When I look up at her and she’s still watching me read, I try to speak, but nothing comes out. I’m in complete an utter awe of her.

“What do you think? Is it good? I know what Rotford said, but maybe it was a little too much. You know… all of your part. People are going to think that we’re–”

“It’s perfect, Cat,” I say, cutting her off as I set the paper back down on the table. She’s too far away from me. I stand up from the couch and it takes me two steps until I’m in front of her. She looks up at me, those chestnut eyes filled with worry and self-doubt. “It’s fucking perfect. You’re perfect.”

I can’t help myself anymore, so I grab her from her seat as she squeals. I fall back into the chair, pulling her with me as she wraps her arms and legs around me. The sappy smile on her face makes me pepper her with kisses across her face and her chest as she giggles in my arms.

“Do you really think so, or are you just saying that?” she manages to ask through her contagious laughter.

“You make me sound so smart,” I say, pressing a soft kiss to her lips, “like I actually know what I’m talking about. Like you just get me.’’

“I do get you,” she replies, smiling against my mouth as she pulls back. “It’s you that has done this, not me. You have the biggest heart out of everyone that I know, and you love and care for things so easily, so effortlessly and so selflessly. You give so much of yourself to others, to help others, and I just want to squeeze you sometimes and tell you how amazing you are because you don’t hear it enough. I know it might not seem like much coming from me, but seriously, Connie, you’re the best at everything you do. Well… maybe not baking, but you’re trying and that’s what matters.”

Her words settle on my chest and it pinches when I look up to see the serious look on her face. “You were doing so well until that last part, baby,” I murmur, leaning up to steal the smile off her lips, pressing my lips to hers.

It feels like we’re kissing for the first time. Everything about her – about us — feels fresh. It’s like we’re trying something new. I thought that feeling would fade after the first few weeks, but it hasn’t. If anything, it’s just grown tenfold.

She laughs against my mouth, pulling away from me. She sighs heavily, glancing out the window into the spring afternoon before looking back down at me.

Her eyes soften and my chest rises and falls, suddenly out of breath just by looking at her. “I love you, Connor. I have so much love for you that it drives me crazy. I’m in love with everything about you, everything you believe in, everything that you are. I’m in love with all of you. Wholly. Completely. Everything all at once.”

Her words take me back to the first time I really saw her when I was seven years old and I just knew she was it for me. It takes me back to the first time she let me hug her when she scraped her knee after she fell off her bike. It takes me back to the time we walked along the path back to our estate, barefoot as we held melted popsicles in our hands. They take me right back to the very first time I kissed her and she kissed me back.

“I love you too, Catherine. You’ve got the most brilliant mind I’ve ever known. You make my world tilt on its axis whenever you’re around. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I’ve been in love with you before I even knew it myself,” I say. She takes in a deep breath as I wrap my hands around her waist, pulling her as close to me as possible. I kiss the top of her chest that’s poking out of her dress. “Sometimes, when I think about you too much, I get dizzy. It’s like my body doesn’t know what to do with all the love that I have for you. It’s maddening.”

She responds by pressing her lips to mine. She starts off slow and I let her take the lead. Her lips work over mine seamlessly, her hands curling in my hair. The pace picks up when she pushes her chest closer to mine, causing my back to fall against the chair. She starts to trail kisses across my jaw, gently grinding in my lap.

“I love you,” she murmurs against my skin. “I love you so fucking much, Connor.”

A low groan escapes my throat when she moves against me again, still kissing my jaw. I don’t think I could move, or guide her in any way even if I wanted to. Her hands delve deeper into my hair, her hips moving on their own accord against the soft fabric of my plaid pyjama pants.

She reaches down between us to tug the hem of my shirt, still kissing me. “I want this off.”

Fuck. I love it when she’s in control.

“Yes, ma’am,” I mutter and she smiles. I waste no time pulling it over my head and her hands are all over me instantly.

I love this side of her, when she’s completely caught up in the lust that she forgets to be her proper and poised self. She’s just her. She rolls her hips against me again and a soft whimper leaves her mouth when her core contacts my hard cock.

“Fuck, baby,” I mutter. My hands slide higher up her thighs, her wetness immediately covering my fingers. Just as I expected, she’s not wearing any panties. “Is this all for me?”

She nods, and I elicit a gasp from her throat when my fingers work closer towards her heat.

“I want you so badly,” she murmurs in my ear, biting softly on the lobe as she withdraws. Both of her arms rest on my shoulders as she leans back a little, displaying to me her gorgeous chest, her tits pressing through the thin material. “Do you want me?”

“Yes, Catherine,” I breathe. “I want you all the time.”

“Great,” she chirps, that sexy smile doubling as she presses another kiss on the side of my mouth. “Now take me to your bed and fuck me.”

I tut, shaking my head at her dirty talk. “Why? Are you opposed to couch sex?”

“I’m not opposed to anything when it comes to you,” she replies, shrugging. “I do, however, want to remain with some dignity if your roommates were to walk in on us.”

I press my forehead to hers. “Right. Good call.”

She yelps as I stand up and she keeps her legs locked around my waist, still peppering me with kisses as I knead her soft ass with my palms.

When I get us through the door of my bedroom, I quickly lock it before throwing her on to my bed. I slowly make my way over her, pressing my hands into the mattress until her back falls.

“Have I told you how fucking pretty you are, Cat?” My voice doesn’t sound like my own when I speak. She’s still covered by her dress, but there’s something else that shines off her when she’s beneath me like this. Confidence. Strength. I don’t think I’ve ever found anything more attractive. “I want the image of you burned into my eyelids. I want to see you all the time. I want to have you all the time.”

She shifts beneath me. “You do have me.”

A greedy and possessive hum ripples through me when I lean over her. I tug on the hem of her dress and she helps me take it off her.

She’s fucking perfect. Every single inch of her. Every part of her makes my body ache for more.

My eyes roam over her body, committing every part of her that I can to my memory. She’s all I want to see. Even when I’m not supposed to. Especially when I’m not supposed to. She’s all I want.

My Catherine.

My love.

“Are you going to touch me?” she asks, her back arching, trying her hardest for our bare chests to touch. “You’re looking at me like I’m going to disappear.”

“No, I’m looking at you like I love you,” I murmur, pressing a hard kiss to her lips. She grabs the hair at the back of my neck, urging me down to her until our bodies are flush against each other.

I reach a hand between us, my fingers finding her wet cunt and she gasps, her hips instantly bucking up. I watch the way her face contorts when I tease two fingers into her and a satisfied smirk spreads across my face.

“Connor,” she moans. I pull my fingers out of her only to tease her clit with my thumb. Her hips jerk again. “Don’t stop.”

“Never.”

CAT This is not how I saw today going. We hook up most of the times we hang out, but something shifted today. I told him I loved him for the first time and he said he loves me back. He’s shown me he loves me too.

He’s showing me again now after he just gave me a mind-shattering orgasm. He switched our positions seamlessly and I let him. He’s now on his back, both of his hands digging into my hips as I straddle him.

I rub my pussy against his condom-covered dick and I swear I almost see stars. He’s so big and thick beneath me, and the more I move, the tighter his grip on my hips get. I’m going to be bruised in the morning, but I don’t care.

“Fuck,” he groans when my clit presses into his skin again. “That feels so fucking good, baby.”

“Yeah?” I tease, grinding down on him again. “How good?”

His hands flex on my hips. “Too good.”

“Fuck,” I mutter when the friction starts to get too much. “I want to feel you inside of me like this.”

“You sure you can take it?” he teases, panting as he continues moving me over him. His face twists in pleasure and I press my lips together so I don’t moan, not giving him the satisfaction he wants.

“You sure you can take it?”

“You’re right,” he agrees.

I get used to the rhythm, getting wetter by the second, but he moves me further up so I’m resting on his stomach. My hands fall to both sides of his head as I lean down. “What are you doing?”

“Sit on my face, Catherine.” His tone is so sharp I almost do exactly as he asks before I really think about it.

I’ve never done that before and no matter how turned on I am right now, there’s no way people actually enjoy their face being ridden.

“I– I can’t,” I stutter when he smacks my ass.

“You can,” he urges. I stare up at the ceiling when he pushes my pussy closer to his face.

“It won’t feel good for you.”

“Sit the fuck down and I’ll show you just how good it feels for me,” he demands. I’m about to tell him that I’ll do it, but he beats me to it. He swiftly lifts my hips up and slides down the bed slightly and I lower myself onto his mouth.

Holy, fuck.

My hands fly to the headboard, needing stability when his tongue slides inside my pussy. This feels way too good. I can’t believe I was shitting on this two seconds ago because this sensation is godly. He pushes his tongue in and out of me as I try to move my hips. My clit throbs as my core tightens with need, desperate for a release.

“God, Connor,” I groan, muffling my moan in the crook of my arm as I continue to move my hips as fast as I possibly can.

“That’s it, baby. Just like that,” he encourages, panting from beneath me. “Ride my face like you fucking own it because I’m all yours, Catherine. All yours.”

“All mine?” I whimper when his teeth gently nip at my clit.

“All yours.”

His words work me up even more until I’m panting and I can hardly move. He guides me with his hands and his mouth, doing most of the work for me until stars burst behind my eyes and my entire body convulses. The orgasm soars through me until I feel like putty and I roll onto my back.

Connor’s glistening face comes into my view and he immediately captures my mouth, both of our tastes swirling together. It’s glorious. He’s glorious.

When both of his knees settle on each side of me, I press my arms around his shoulder blades and push his chest down onto mine until he collapses.

I gasp slightly at how heavy he is. His weight is comforting, though. Safe. He settles for a minute before he leans up on his hands, using one hand to brush a sweaty curl from my face. “Wait. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m heavy.”

I shake my head, pulling him back down to me. “Stay with me like this. I like it.”

We both settled after a while, our naked bodies pressed together so comfortably that I almost fell asleep. The only thing keeping me awake is the fact that Connor stretched our arms out together and has been circling his thumb over my hand.

“You’re the best thing that I’ve ever had, Connie,” I murmur into the silence. I swallow the lump in my throat, wanting to make this moment a happy one and not ruin it by my over emotional tendencies. “I don’t think I’d ever be able to let you go.”

“I wouldn’t let you, anyway,” he replies, his voice heavy with sleep. “You’re the best secret I’ve ever had to keep. The best thing that’s ever been mine.”

With Connor’s weight on my chest and the steady thrum of our heartbeats, I know that all my dreams are going to be happy ones now that I’m with him. I just know he’s going to continue to make me feel like I’m the most extraordinary thing he’s seen in his life forever. I’m not hoping or guessing anymore.

I know.