Chapter Twenty-Eight

n.

Grayson's cabin, or what we used to call Peach's castle, held a lot of history for the both of us. His dad bought it for him on his twelfth birthday, and we spent that entire week here by ourselves. That sounds insane, and it really was, but it was one of my favorite moments in life.

We'd been being left home alone since the age of ten, so it wasn't strange when his mom dropped us off and left to go and pick up his cousins. Insanely enough, there was a blizzard, leaving her and anyone else unable to come back with us.

The kitchen was well-stocked with food, and the back up generators kept us with heat, so we weren't in any danger. I remember being terrified after playing games in his room for hours and hours, when I realized that she never showed back up.

He told me that he was sure everything was fine, and tried calling her, but the service was completely out. Like the brat I was back then, I started crying my eyes out.

He cheered me up by suggesting that we build a fort in the living room, where we cuddled up underneath a fluffy blanket and watched movies on his laptop until I fell asleep.

In the morning he showed me all of the snow outside, which was too thick for us to open the door, saying that the blizzard was the reason his mom couldn't get back to us.

We were free of our parents, he'd cheered. His excitement was contagious, so I couldn't help feeling euphoric about it as well.

Imagine two twelve years olds having access to a 5000 square foot cabin all to themselves. Since it was his cabin, it was full of things that any child would love.

We spent the week bowling, watching movies in the theater and stuffing ourselves with the popcorn and candy that lined the walls of the room. We even role-played as if we worked in the theater, taking turns making the popcorn and slushies.

The gym was a place of many adventures, pretending as if on the treadmill, we were running from bears. There was a huge rock climbing wall, and obviously, we were ACTUALLY climbing mountains on it.

A lot of excitement, came on that third night, when we spotted a huge bear outside that we gave the nickname Bowser. We spent the rest of the week pretending as if he was coming to steal me away for marriage, so Grayson had to be by my side at all times.

In between being my savior, he played chef and I acted as his sous chef, making grilled cheese for every single meal of the day. Somehow we never got tired of eating them, seated on top of the dining table, a random board game between us. There was even a miniature go kart track in the basement, that took up a lot of our time.

He never failed to make sure there was something to do when I was starting to feel scared, making me laugh until my head hurt with the most idiotic jokes. He tucked me in at night and kissed me on the forehead just when my eyes were starting to close, like my dad used to do.

At the end of it all, we even got to be on TV several times throughout the week after that, dazzling the world with all of our adventures.

Now, though, Grayson wouldn't even look at me. In fact, he found any reason in the world not to be in close proximity with me. I'd been having fun, spending the first hours on the advanced ski slope with Kennedi, Taylor and Rhys.

He decided to spend his time on the beginner slope with everyone else, even though every other person except for Selah had skied before. What HAD she done, really?

Luckily, I sprain my ankle on the slope trying to show off in front of Taylor, forcing him to visit me in the ski resorts infirmary. "You did this on purpose didn't you? I would've spoken to you eventually, Nastassia. There was no need for this" he says, settling gently on the side of the bed. I laugh, giving him the finger.

"This was an ACCIDENT, Toady. Don't freaking flatter yourself".

He clenches his jaw, turning away from me to study the mountain scene hung up on the wall at the foot of my bed.

"Don't CALL me that! You don't get to call me that anymore. The things you said about me in those messages was absolutely disgusting. I read every single one, you know? Who knew that reading bad things about yourself, lies at that, was so addicting?" he spits out, standing up from the bed and heading to the door.

"Wait! At least talk about it with me, Gray. You can't just LEAVE! I came here because I know that I messed up. I didn't mean any of that stuff and I'm sorry that I said it".

He turns to face me again, disgust turning his features into a mask that I'd never seen him wear before. "Which part didn't you mean, exactly? The one about how you weren't surprised that I slept with Freshmen because I always had pedophile vibes? The one about how I was a lap dog and that whenever you threw even the smallest of bones, I'd lap at your heels until you threw another one?

Or, I don't know, the one about how I was sexually attracted to my mom and breast fed until the age of eight. Just MOMMY ISSUE things, you said. I came here to check on you, because they contacted my mom about it, and she asked me to. But even if you have to hobble back to the school on your crutches, I don't want you back at my cabin.

You can piggy back on Blake's back if you like, because I didn't give her permission to invite guests. She's waiting out in the hall for you, with both of your bags. I don't care if you didn't mean what you said, or what happened between you and Peyton. Both of you can go to hell".

And then he storms out of the room, the mountain canvas lifting up and hitting the wall because of the force of the door's slam.

For the first time in a long time, the tears just come.

How did I mess things up so badly?

s.

I'm laid in the bed, fingers twined beneath my head and a shirtless Cason beside me. Warm underneath the covers, I'm entranced by the sun rays dancing on his naked skin. "Thank you, for stopping this. You're a really amazing friend" I say, letting the tears stream down my cheeks. They tickled, but I left them there, appreciating the fact that I could still feel things. It had been a while since I could, and although feeling things hurt, I never wanted to be numb again.

"I could tell how much you didn't want to do this, and I didn't feel right taking advantage of you in such a low moment. I should get out of here, before Armani comes back. The fact that we did nothing will sound like a lie if he walks in on this".

I nod, unable to bring my mouth to form words. I still felt queasy, although much less so than when I was leading him up to the room. One minute Cason's here, the next he's gone, and in another, Armani is dragging his luggage inside. I couldn't tell how much time had passed in between each moment and I didn't care. All I knew is that the sun still shone just as brightly through the window, performing a beautiful number on the silk sheets.

"What's Cason doing walking out of here?" he asks, an eerily calm tone to his voice. I turn to face him, the room much darker on this side of the room. I cried even more. "I brought him here to have sex, but he wouldn't even kiss me. That's a first, huh?" I ask, pushing myself up into a seating position with shaky arms.

"All because I told you that I loved you. It never happens that way in the books or movies. In just a day, they're meeting and falling in love. And you were going to go through with it, if he hadn't stopped you. Self destruction is a sad thing to watch" he says, letting his duffel bag drop to the floor and coming to take his place beside me.

"I thought that I was ready when I came to you, but I wasn't. I'm not ready to love or to be loved. I'm sorry for wasting your time and your energy. And I'm sorry that, instead of telling you just that, I ignored you all day and tried to sleep with someone else. I'm not ready to be your sunshine".

"At least look at me while you break my heart, Selah" he says sadly, turning me to face him with a gentle grasp on my chin. I can tell that he's trying hard to hold back his tears. He's good at it, I realize. There was pain there, that we never talked about, which gave him practice. Maybe one day I'd be able to hear the things that haunted him. Maybe one day I'd hear about the shadows he wanted me to chase away with the sunshine. His sunshine. I couldn't be that today.

"I'm sorry" I whisper, embracing the way my voice shook.

I couldn't hide anything from him.

He places a gentle kiss on my lips, and I cry even more at the sweet goodbye.

"I have nothing but time. The sun sets eventually, but it always rises the next day. I'm counting on it".

I kiss him again, holding his face in my hands.

"I hope you're still here when it does. That'd make me the happiest girl in the world".

"Whether I am or not, you'll get your happy ending. You deserve it. The only person you have to convince of that is yourself".

Too bad I'm stubborn.