Chapter 28: Chapter 29

It was the day of the party, and even though our state was going into lockdown, the club decided having an in house party didn’t qualify as breaking the law.

Kaleb was with Beggar, a woman I met twice. Once after Killer dropped me off after our bike ride and vanished for the rest of the afternoon on his own and the second time when she came to fetch my kid telling me she’s on babysitting duty with her husband Zero.

She assured me she’ll let me know if Kaleb needed anything.

It was one evening, and I wanted to be the mother of the year, but I really wanted to attend the party too.

Hannah, who also left her 13-year-old daughter with Beggar, reassured me these moments were far too few to let them slide and one night would not brand me worst mother of the year. So here I am, in a black mid-length dress and a purple 4-inch-heel.

I styled my hair in waves down my back and kept my make-up to a minimum. Most of the women in the Clubhouse dressed up. Chadley, Jade, Frost and myself decorated the lounge area and cleared the room to make a temporary dance floor. Apparently bikers loved to jive.

Frost took it a step further by adding a disco ball and some decorations. Which I admit looks freaking fantastic.

The place looks great and the energy in the room is electric. The men are dressed and showered and the women are looking sexy with heels and revealing tops.

Knight, Spade and Snake set up the poolroom for the guys and Venus and Whisp decided they’ll man the bar. Since Whisp belonged to Texas and he didn’t like parties and Venus was not drinking at the moment because of health reasons, no one objected.

Which leads me to now, standing by the wall, with a glass of orange juice, watching some guys and women dance.

After and Bull are sitting outside having a “chat’.

Storm is stationed in front of the makeshift snack table, trying to chat up Frost to no avail. Frost is taking the no communication rule a step further and refusing to even say a word to Storm, which I find rather amusing. I should go save him the trouble, but I choose not to get involved. TONIGHT is about me. Well, if I can relax. I miss my kid right now.

“Dance with me.” It isn’t a question, and since I doubt anyone else is going to ask me, I get up and take Knight’s hand.

His hand engulfs mine as the next song starts playing.

Danielle Bradbery, worth it, begins playing.

He imprisons me close to his body, and someone stops me from holding Knight with a hand on my neck. Knight’s face transforms from smiling to utterly shocked as he lets my hand go.

I turn my head, as Killer grips my waist and swings me around. My breath leaves me in with a whoosh.

His fingers span my back as he gazes at me like I am more than just me. My spine bends as I look to the ceiling. He lifts my back up and I gawk at him, and in this moment I forget who I am. I lose track of all the reasons we shouldn’t. His blue eyes hypnotize me, that all I see is him. He’s so close, but not close enough to get out of his spell. Killer was supposed to hate me, and push me away, but since I got here, he is bringing me closer.

“You keep pushing me away, but Sin, you gotta leave me with something.” He doesn’t wait for me to answer as he breaks the spell and tugs me closer toward him.

My face goes to his chest and I inhale, the sandy scent that will always belong to him. He sways to the music. I never knew Killer could dance, nor did I know he could say things that leave me wanting something I never knew was available to me.

The song finishes and I make to move, but Killer has other plans, and I turn my head to look at him, as Lukas Graham, Lie, plays next. The women around all make noise as he arches his eyebrow at me.

Such a foreign human emotion coming from Killer. I shake my head as he dances. His body is lithe and moves with the flow of the song as he holds my hand, spinning me toward him.

Some guys and ladies whistle and make obnoxious sounds. The world spins for a moment before I am close to his body. I’m laughing as he smiles, showing his pearly whites.

It feels so surreal, like I am dreaming. The room erupts as the other bikers all start grabbing partners and dancing. WE dance for plenty of songs and my feet ache from the long hours the night before but the pain of it is dull compared to the fun I’m having.

I dance a bit with Spade and Frost, then again with Killer. The night ends as the first touch of the sun breaks through. My body feels like it went through a grinder, but inside I am burning with life.

Killer takes my hand and beckons me outside. We walk to the top of the Hill and sit as the first touch of sunlight kisses the river. This right here is peace.

“Do you think momma can see me from here?”

“Yeah, I think she’s smiling up from there,” He points to the sun.

“Why the sun?” I never thought ghost could smile from the sun.

“Because Crazy girl, she’s burning with love for you, and at the woman you have become.”

My tears flow down my cheeks, and I don’t wipe them away. How does a man who has no feelings say a thing like that? Was this Gods joke, momma always said the lord had a way of teaching us lessons. Is this mine?

“Tears have no place here,” He kills me when he says that.

“I’ve spent so many years trying to be the stranger I was meant to be, because when I looked in the mirror I never liked what I saw,” I confess, “That day I went for Diamond’s dad, I was so tired of lying, and when she told me he was her dad, and she never remembered me, it was like I finally became that stranger.”

Killer puts his arm around my back, and I place my head on his shoulder.

“You can never be anything else, but the one who lives inside. They can change your name and your fucking hair, but no one has power to take that fire you have to live, Sin. I know you said you don’t fear dead, but crazy girl I wish you do.”

His words resonate in me like a lifeline and we sit here, under the morning sky, as the sun brings new light to our lives.

“Momma always said no matter how many times you screw up, the Sun never misses its chance to shine.”

“Your momma always had a way with words.”

“Yeah, she knew how to get the message across,” I say.

“Sienna, did you love Gabriel?”

“I did, I loved him, but I spent more time trying to change him than loving the parts I couldn’t,” I tell Killer and it’s the truth. My love for Gabriel always came with a condition, and he came with expectations.

Which was the reason I always left, and he always managed to pull me back. When Gabriel and I were together, it was an explosion of fireworks, but the days before I left we were like two stars trying to touch each other.

So much potential, yet so impossible.

“Sometimes love is best done from afar.” His words remind me of his own far love.

“Is that why you stay away from Natasha? Because you love her?” I don’t look at him, and he never misses a beat when he responds.

Killer (The Satan Sniper's Motorcycle Club book 5)

Chapter 28 (Sienna)

“Natasha reminds me of someone, a girl I once knew. I’m not capable of loving anyone. I CARE for her like I do you and everyone else here. But not love.”

“Have you ever tried to love?”

“If I did, I wouldn’t know.”

We remain silent and it’s a comfortable silence as we sit here. The sound of my name and the far distant cries of my kid pulls us up from our moment.

Killer surprises me when he holds my hand and walks me down to the back door of the Clubhouse and kisses my head. He turns walking away, heading straight for his bike.

I watch in silence as River and Frost hop into theirs and race shortly after he leaves. I’m not sure why, but the sound of his bike stays in my ears longer than it normally does.

I head into the kitchen and then to the dining area, following the sound of Kaleb’s cry.

“He is hungry,” Beggar’s says in a rough voice.

She hands him to me and smiles, as Zero walks in and kisses her cheek before turning around again and walking right back out.

Killer (The Satan Sniper's Motorcycle Club book 5)