"WHY IS EVERYONE being so damn cryptic? Just tell me what you're all talking about!"
Alex, Brenton, and I were abandoned in the living room while my mother and Niko were in the kitchen talking in hushed voices. Anytime I stepped into the kitchen they immediately ceased all discussion.
"Are you okay?" Brenton asked with concern laced in his voice.
I narrowed my eyes at the hand he conveniently placed on my shoulder to stop me from barging into the kitchen again. "I'm fine."
He pressed his lips in a thin line but didn't say anything further. Just then the two secretive Parkers returned to the living room, both of them wearing matching frowns.
"It's time we tell you what happened between Mom and Dad," Niko said in a quiet voice.
"Can I stay?" Alex asked, his brown eyes wide with curiosity.
Mom offhandedly said no but when Niko gave her a stern look she shook her head. "Fine."
I blinked in surprise that Mom surrendered so easily. How bad was this story? I already knew what happened between my parents so why did they have to tell me again? I had just about a million questions racing through my mind but I didn't utter a word as I quietly waited for them to tell me. Despite me obliging and remaining seated on the couch, Brenton never released his hand off of me and I was somewhat grateful he didn't. I was dreading the incoming news and it felt good to have some support. Mom sat on the sofa across from me, and Niko turned on the electric fireplace before taking a seat beside her. She had her hands clasped in front of her, her face void of emotion.
"I'm sure you remember bits and pieces of the day your father left," she started. "And I know you think I must be a monster who forcibly removed my children's father from their lives."
"I do," I answered blankly.
Hurt flashed across her face but I didn't care. She hurt me enough and it was about time she knew how it felt. Mom cleared her throat and continued talking. "The reason your father left wasn't because I forced him. I gave him an ultimatum." She looked at me expectantly, as if waiting for a question but seeing that I had none she continued talking. "The spark between your father and I died many years ago and we really only stayed together because I got pregnant with Alex. We thought raising another child together would reignite what we lost but that wasn't the case. It just led to more fights about everything."
"I'm the reason Dad left?" Alex asked, his voice cracking.
Mom shook her head profusely. "Of course not. I'm the reason, honey, none of you."
Niko got up and scooped our baby brother in his arms before sitting back down with Alex, his arm wrapped around him. At times like this I was grateful Niko was here. While Mom was more firm and headstrong, Niko was the more compassionate and affectionate Parker.
"This doesn't explain anything though," I argued. "Why did he leave?"
She heaved a sigh before resuming. I could tell this was difficult for my mom to say, but having my dad leave and not knowing why was also pretty damn difficult if I said so myself. "Well, your father and I worked at the same law firm and as our home tensions increased, he started taking longer shifts and changed his hours. I assumed it was to spend less time with me at home but I was wrong." I stared into her eyes, able to see the reflection of the flames from the fire burning in them. She tore her gaze to stare at the fire instead. "Two years." A single tear rolled down her cheek. I thought I was the only one shocked, but I looked around to see my brothers showing similar reactions. Not only did my mother never ruin her makeup but she also never cried. My heart sunk a little and I suddenly felt like the world's shittiest daughter but I didn't think I wanted to hear what she'd say next. "For two years he had an affair with my colleague."
It felt like I had just been punched in the gut. My throat constricted as bile rose up from my stomach and it felt like the life was sucked out of me. My lips parted as I gasped for air, unable to make sense of the words she uttered. Brenton tried to comfort me but I slapped his hand away, wanting nothing more than to undo this entire day. There was no way, absolutely no goddamn way my father was a cheater. My eyes welled up with tears. He couldn't be. He left because Mom wanted him to, not because he abandoned his family. I had heard more than enough, but Mom wasn't finished yet. "It's almost kind of comical. The coworker you saw every day but never even talked to, aside from a few hellos, was sleeping with your husband right under your nose." Mom shook her head. "They both played me like an unsuspecting fool for two years."
I swallowed my lunch that was threatening to come back up, ignoring the burning sensation in my throat. "Was her name Elizabeth?"
When Mom and Niko both looked at me with widened eyes, I didn't want to hear any more. "Let me guess," Mom spat bitterly. "They're still together, aren't they?" I didn't have to answer because she knew. We all knew. "The night I discovered your father's unfaithfulness, I gave him the option of breaking things off with Elizabeth and starting from a clean slate, or that he leave immediately and never contact you kids again."
"You would have forgiven him?" I asked bewilderedly. My mother was a stubborn as hell woman and I never heard of a single incident where she was willing to forgive, forget and move on.
"No," she said in a voice so soft I almost didn't catch it. "I could never forgive him for breaking my trust but I knew how special he was to all of you."
My heart sunk even more. The woman I had pinned as an evil monster for so long was willing to put up with the man who cheated on her just because I wanted him in my life? "You don't have to continue..."
She held her hand to silence me. "I promised myself I would tell you everything if this day came. After he left I filed for divorce and took sole custody of all of you. He didn't put up a fight, even when we made an agreement that he was never to see or speak to any of you again." That made absolutely no sense. How could Dad not put up a fight? He loved us more than life itself, there was no way he'd let Mom win that easily. "I never told you the truth because I knew you were the closest to your father and it would have killed you inside and ruined your image of him to know why he left. It was my fault for keeping this from you for so long."
Now that she was done everyone looked at me expectantly as they awaited my response. I had a series of mixed emotions coursing through me from feeling betrayed, furious, devastated, and strongest of all, broken. "You were left in the dark for two years and you couldn't find it in yourself to forgive him." I paused. "Try five years." I stood up and bolted up the stairs though thankfully no one stopped me. I opened my bedroom door before getting inside and slamming it shut as I made a beeline for my bed. I pressed my face against my pillow as the remainder of the tears I had been holding in finally escaped. I lost track of time, finally getting a temporary break from my raging thoughts when my bedroom door opened. "Get out," I barked without checking who it was.
"Dan." It was Brenton.
"We need to be honest with you." Niko as well.
I turned around as my brothers sat at the edge of my bed, both of them wearing the same serious expressions. As if the bomb Mom dropped on me wasn't bad enough I didn't know what these idiots had in store for the night. My brothers didn't have to say a word because the looks on their faces spook volumes. "You knew," I said in a shaky voice as I pointed a finger at them accusingly. "You both knew this whole time."
Niko looked at me with sadness in his eyes. "James told me why he needed my car... Don't worry I didn't tell Mom," he assured me when he saw my expression. "But that's why I came home for the weekend. I knew your encounter wasn't going to go well and I wanted to be here for you."
"How long did you know?" I asked.
He frowned as he thought over my question. "I've known since the beginning. I was with Mom the day she caught him. She was driving me to my baseball game but forgot her wallet back at the office, so we went back to get it and saw them." He grabbed onto the edge of my blanket and balled his hand, squeezing the fabric. "Mom told me not to say a word to anyone and the night she decided she was going to confront him, she told me to spend the night at my friend Aryan's house." It all made sense now why Niko wasn't there the night shit went down. She didn't want to make it harder for him since he knew the truth so she made him leave to avoid witnessing everything.
I raised my eyebrow at Brenton. "What about you, Mr. Let's-Always-Tell-Each-Other-The-Truth?"
"Mom told me after he left," he admitted.
"Oh." It was nice to know that betrayal was a hereditary trait in this family.
"Don't be mad at him, we all knew how much you loved Dad," Niko said.
"I'm mad at both of you." I couldn't believe the two people I considered my closest friends could stab me in the back like this for years. Brenton knew better than any damn person in this house how many nights I cried myself to sleep after Dad left, meanwhile neither him nor Niko had any trouble letting me hurt for years. "How could you guys do this to me?" I tried to sound angry but my stupid cracking voice betrayed me.
The two of them hugged me from either side, leaving me at the bottom of this Parker dog pile. "We did it to protect you," Niko explained.
"I'm sorry, Dan," Brenton murmured.
"Don't ever lie to me again," I told them.
"Lesson learned," my twin agreed.
Niko ruffled my hair. "Never again."
"Good." I paused. "Now let's eat ice cream and wallow in pity together." And that was exactly what we did for the remainder of the night.
~*~
"You've been avoiding me," James said on Sunday night.
I mentally cursed myself for not shutting my window and curtains sooner. I wasn't avoiding him necessarily, I just wasn't in the mood to talk to him. I had spent the duration of my weekend being mopey with my brothers and eating my weight in junk food. Niko and Brenton made up for their backstabbing disloyalty by cheering me up all weekend and I finally felt ready to face the world again. Minus James Hastings...
I tried to look as nonchalant as I could when I faced him through our open windows. "I've been busy."
"Bullshit."
"I have a lot of homework."
"You don't do your homework." He paused. "I do your homework." Okay so maybe that wasn't the best lie to give to my personal nerd.
"I just didn't feel like talking," I sighed.
"Forget talking then." He paused. "Want to come over?"
I peered at the distance between us, more importantly focusing on how many bones I'd break if I failed my window stunt. "The idea of dying at seventeen doesn't have the same appeal anymore."
He rolled his eyes. "I have a door you know."
"Because my dear old mother would be totally cool with me leaving the house at night to go to a boy's bedroom." It had been exactly two days since I talked to my mom. I knew I hurt her and I had to make things right, but I just couldn't find it in me to talk to her. This was all so much to take in and I needed time.
"Want me to come over?" Damn this guy was persistent.
"Because my dear old mother would be totally cool withâ"
"Through the window," he interrupted.
I chewed on my lower lip as I mulled it over. "I don't think that's the best idea."
"Relax, I'm not an uncoordinated idiot like you."
I scowled. "I'm not in the mood for jackass James so you can leave him right there."
"Dani," he said in a chastising tone.
I folded my arms across his chest as I watched him step onto his windowsill. "The least you can do is apologize."
"Why the hell would I do that?"
What exactly did I see in this boy again?
James maneuvered out his window and to mine with ease. I watched him with astonishment as he just about frolicked to my goddamn bedroom. He entered without making a single sound, a smirk on his face when he saw how impressed I was. Â He did an overdramatic bow. "I'm a man of many talents."
I threw a pillow at him. "You're sleeping on the floor."
He caught the pillow and tossed it back to my bed. "Not after I climbed through a window for you." James walked past me and laid down on my bed.
Although I was nervous as hell that he was in my room and there was a risk of us getting caught, I didn't realize until now how much I had missed him. Ignoring all the warnings my brain was giving me, I crawled onto my bed and into his arms, breathing in his scent.
"What happened?" he asked while tightening his arms around me.
I snuggled in his warmth as I looked up at him. "My dad cheated on my mom and he chose his mistress over us."
"Wow." He raised his eyebrows. "That was to the point."
"I can't believe it," I continued. "I mean, how could he do that? He loved us, hell, he loved me."
"I don't doubt he loves you."
"But?"
He chuckled. "What do you mean?"
I rolled my eyes. "You're using that tone when you're about to say something smart that's going to make me want to punch you in the throat."
He jokingly smacked my head. "But there's only one parent who's actively in your life..."
"Not actively," I grumbled, earning another smack from him.
"I just think it speaks volumes," he continued. "I know you and your mom have your differences but at the end of the day she's been here to support you. I get it she's absent but she's given you everything people like myself could only dream of."
I felt a pang of guilt in my chest. "I'm sorry for rambling about my problems, they're nothing compared to yours."
"Dani," James sighed, "everyone has their own struggles. You won't get anywhere if you compare your problems to the world's."
I eyed him weirdly. "When the hell did you get so wise?"
"I had to make up for the stupidity in this room." Before I could retort he kissed me which was honestly the perfect way to shut me up.
"Thank you," I told him. When James' forehead creased I continued. "For being here for me. I don't know what I would've done without you."
He pressed his lips against mine, letting them linger for a few seconds before pulling away. "I'm here for you, idiot." I smiled up at him, too in love to even bother yelling at him for calling me an idiot.
~*~
After the weekend I had I thought I'd instantly knock out as soon as I closed my eyes. Unfortunately, I spent the better part of my night tossing and turning in bed. Every fibre of my being craved slumber but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't sleep. Finally fed up, I sat up in my bed, the cool air from my open window hitting my bare arms.
"Can't sleep?"
I slapped my hands over my mouth to muffle the scream that escaped my lips, completely forgetting I had company tonight. I shot James an accusatory look, knowing he had a smirk on his face despite the darkness of my bedroom. I pulled my knees to my chest. "Why are you awake?"
"I don't sleep," was his reply.
"You can't?" I asked.
"No, I don't."
"I don't understand." My eyes slowly adjusted to the lighting of my room and I saw James laying on his back with his hands folded behind his head.
"No matter how hard I try, I can't fall asleep."
"You have insomnia," I confirmed.
He shrugged. "I guess."
I turned on my stomach, propping my arms up so I could rest my chin on my hands. "How did it start?"
"I don't really want to talk about it..."
"James," I said in a stern voice. He playfully shoved me as a way to avoid this topic but I wasn't going to give up that easily. I could tell this was something that was really bothering him and I wanted to be there for James just like he'd been there for me. "You can tell me anything," I told him.
"You're obnoxious." He breathed in defeat. "Ever since I was a kid my mom used to work at a local convenience store. We were tight for cash so she'd usually end up working doubles, including night shifts." I nodded as he spoke, confused where he was going with this. What did his mom's job have to do with any of this? "I was always so worried about her so I'd stay up until she came home every night. Some nights it'd be midnight, others it wouldn't be close to the morning but it didn't matter. I wouldn't sleep until I knew she was home." My stomach started to sink as he continued. I had a bad feeling of what was to come but I didn't interrupt James while he talked. "One night Bobby let her take his car to work and I felt a lot better knowing she wouldn't have to walk home alone." He pressed his palm against his forehead. "I slept before she came home."
"Was that the day..." I didn't have to finish my question when he solemnly nodded his head.
"She got into a car accident that night. The same accident that put her in a coma and ruined my life." He paused. "If I had just stayed up, maybe I could've done something to change what happened."
I cupped his cheek with my hand, staring into the grey eyes of the boy who was filled with so much pain. "There's nothing you could've done to change what happened. None of that was your fault."
"I guess."
I frowned. "James..."
"Ever since then I've had trouble sleeping," he continued, putting an end to the prior conversation. Despite how close we had gotten, James still had his defences up around me no matter how much I tried to tear his walls down. I didn't want to upset him so I didn't push the topic any longer. "Most nights I don't sleep."
"How do you manage?" If I got anything less than six hours of sleep I was cranky as hell the next morning and ready to kill anything in my path â my brothers could attest to that.
"I'm just used to it now."
My mind went back to the time I slept in James' room with him. Thinking about it I couldn't recall seeing him asleep, in fact he was out of bed well before I was. My thoughts then shifted to the night we spent at Helena's house. "You were asleep at your mom's," I said. "I went to get some water and you were asleep."
A ghost of a smile appeared on his face. "It was the only time I was able to without taking sleeping pills." He thought it over some more. "I guess I felt at ease knowing my mom was safe and with me."
I leaned up and kissed him, feeling his soft lips against mine. James circled his arms around my waist and held me tightly as he kissed me back. He clearly felt so alone and I wanted to ensure I could make him feel like the most important and special person. James deserved the world, and I was going to give him just that.