Chapter 5: Four

The next morning, my hands shook as I tugged a ratty old messenger bag down from the top shelf in my closet. I’d rented all the books and bought all the school supplies I needed, even got myself a new laptop, yet I’d completely forgotten to purchase a new bag to carry everything in. So the one I’d used during high school would have to do.

Today was my first day of college, and I had been so sure I’d be fine and ready for this, but the tremor in my hands as I loaded the messenger bag with notebooks and pens and folders belied all that. I was flipping the fuck out inside, not sure if I should even attempt the first class or not.

I mean, what was the point? Was I really going to find something better inside a classroom? Could a degree honestly help me escape the life I’d sunk myself into?

I wasn’t even sure how to act around people my own age anymore. Felt like I’d been out of the social scene far too long, which okay, I had. And after the turn my life had taken, it was anyone’s guess how my peers would receive me. The few I had contact with at the Country Club when they came by with their families either avoided me with distaste, spread outright hate my way—as Ethan Riker had—or thought they deserved every right to my services, just like their rich mommas, but without actually paying for it.

Waterford Community College ~was~ kind of reputed for taking in all the wealthy kids who weren’t quite ready to go off to a four-year university yet, so the Country Club scene pretty much did resemble who I’d be dealing with.

Ah, hell. I was screwed, wasn’t I?

But if I wanted out of the sex business, this was the best, most honest path I could think to take. So I was going to at least try it. Trying and failing was better than just plain giving up and failing, right?

Strapping my messenger bag over my shoulder like a piece of armor, I tightened it across my chest and marched off to war, aka, the kitchen, because clearly, I needed some sustenance before tackling the trust-fund babies of Waterford.

When I entered, I found Sarah sitting in her chair, facing the closed refrigerator, just staring at it.

“Morning, kiddo,” I greeted as I passed, ruffling her hair along the way. “Practicing your psychokinesis again? Except if you’re trying to open the door with your mind, I don’t think it’s working.”

She growled out a sound of annoyance and swatted out her arm, actually whacking me in the thigh.

“Hey, hey.” I dodged away on a laugh. “Abuse.”

In all honesty, I was impressed she’d been able to tag me. With her cerebral palsy, her motor function was all fucked up. It took her more effort than most people to even get her arm to move the way she wanted it to. So I wanted to compliment her for making full contact, but I knew she liked it better when I didn’t focus on her CP at all.

When she sent me a look that I knew she wanted to be a scowl, I sighed. “Seriously, was there something you wanted from here? We’ve got…” Opening the door, I leaned down and started to browse.

Wow, Mom had really stocked up yesterday. There was a total of one-tenth of an outdated carton of milk, a bottle of ketchup and mustard, then something in a Tupperware container with mold growing inside it, mayo, salad dressing, grape jelly, a tub of sour cream I knew better than to check for freshness, and a bottle of wine.

Okay, so I guessed I’d be making my own grocery run soon.

I shut the door and glanced over at my sister. The dry look on her face seemed to say, ~told you so~, even though she hadn’t said a single word.

“You already checked the fridge,” I guessed.

“Yep,” she answered.

“Figured.” Moving to the cupboards, I made a humming sound deep in my throat. “Well, let’s see what’s up here, shall we?” She wasn’t able to reach the top cabinets, so I knew she hadn’t looked in them yet.

Inside the first door I opened, I found a shelf full of protein shake powders. Mom liked to mix up something for Sarah to drink through a straw because it was less messy since she sometimes had trouble swallowing and holding things steady.

I rolled my eyes and shut the door. “Pass.”

Behind me, Sarah made some kind of snorting, laugh-like cough. I think she was entertained by my disgust and supported my decision to bypass the shakes. In the next cupboard, I found half a loaf of bread, full of more mold, some peanut butter, a box of old-lady Raisin Bran cereal, and a package of open crackers, probably meaning they’d long ago gone stale.

Grabbing the peanut butter and cereal, I turned to my sister, holding up both. “PB and J on crackers or dry cereal?”

She pointed to the peanut butter. I nodded, grinning over her choice, even though I wanted to curse over the fact that this was all I had to offer.

“So, this is your first day of school, too,” I started conversationally after grabbing all the supplies and spreading massive globs of peanut butter and jelly over each cracker. “You as nervous as I am about it all?”

When she didn’t answer, I glanced over. Her non-response alarmed me more than anything, so I turned fully, facing her with jelly dripping from the end of my knife. “What’s wrong?”

She didn’t get a chance to answer. Mom swept into the room, Sarah’s book bag and her own purse hooked over her shoulder with Sarah’s shoes in one hand as she held her phone to her ear with the other. She was dressed for work at the Glass Factory and seemed to be in a rush as she strode to the refrigerator and yanked it open, only to scowl inside and shut it again.

“Okay, good,” she said to whomever she was speaking. “And that pays for an ad for ~how~ long?” After listening to the answer, she winced. “One day only? Okay, fine.” She ran a hand through her bangs and caught my gaze as I finished stacking Sarah’s cracker sandwich. “Thanks, anyway.”

She hung up the phone and tossed it into her purse. “You’re not feeding that to Sarah, are you?”

“Don’t worry,” I said, even as I handed my sister her breakfast. “I was going to stick around until she finished.” ~To clean up any mess that was made or sweep her airway if she gagged.~ I passed the box of cereal to my mother, knowing she’d probably prefer that for her own breakfast. “Were you placing an ad for Sarah’s evening sitter?”

Nodding, she dug her fingers into the cereal box and came up with a handful. “Yep. I told you I’d take care of finding one.”

“Did you list all the…details?” I asked, casting Sarah a quick glance. Mom didn’t always mention Sarah’s CP when interviewing babysitters.

Instead of answering, she scowled at me for even inquiring. “I told you I’d take care of it.”

I blew out a breath through my nostrils and decided not to reply. Instead, I rested by butt against the counter and watched both ladies eat. When a blob of jelly fell out the backside of Sarah’s sandwich, Mom uttered a grumble and reached for a napkin on the table to clean her up, only to spot the open envelope lying next to the napkin holder.

“What’s this?” She extracted the letter and flipped it open. A second later, her eyes flared wide. “Holy shit! Six ~thousand~ dollars? For medicine?” She glanced at me and held it up. “This says it’s the second notice.”

“It’s fine,” I told her before taking a bite from my own cracker sandwich. “I sent off the payment the day before that notice even arrived. No worries.”

“What about rent and the electric bill? Aren’t both of those due this week?”

Holding up a finger, I waited until I swallowed before answering. “Rent’s paid for the next three months, and I got enough to cover the rest of the utilities.”

Her shoulders relaxed. “Oh. Okay. Well…” She glanced at Sarah, only to make a sound of remembrance and then hurried to wipe the peanut butter off her chin before cleaning the jelly spill next. “I need to get her to school and head to work.”

She tossed the napkin in the trash and grabbed the handgrips to Sarah’s chair. As she towed my sister toward the exit, I waved. “Bye, guys. Knock ’em dead at school today, kiddo.”

Mom didn’t answer—her attention seemed elsewhere—but Sarah glanced miserably my way and waved goodbye.

Once they were gone, I sighed and scrubbed a hand over my face. Then I put away the cereal Mom had left out and cleaned up the rest of the kitchen before leaving the house as well. The campus was only five minutes away, so I was pulling my Jeep into a parking spot and killing the engine before I knew it.

Showtime.

I blew out a breath and stared out the front windshield, watching kids fresh out of high school either strolling toward the main building or gathering outside in groups.

“Dammit,” I muttered, not ready for this. Then I grabbed my shit and opened the door, anyway.

I slipped my bag’s strap over my head as soon as my shoes landed on asphalt and glanced around some more, not sure which way to go. I’d toured the building and knew where my first class was located, but I had a good fifteen minutes before it started. I didn’t want to get there too early, so I just started wandering.

As luck would have it, I noticed a group of guys I’d gone to high school with—all of them younger than me—loitering around what everyone called the statue garden. So I swerved in that direction.

When they hollered a good-natured greeting, I joined them and found a free bronze statue to lean against before trying to mold myself into the discussion they were having over what the most kick-ass bumper sticker was. I was nodding in support of the awesomeness of all Jeep stickers when I heard it.

A laugh.

Just a single, simple laugh.

Except my response was anything but simple, because it was unlike any laugh I’d ever heard before, all loud and animated yet enjoyable with a layer of intriguing female on top. I was used to tittering girls who covered their mouths when they let out an embarrassed giggle or husky, do-you-want-to-be-my-secret snickers from all the cougars I didn’t want to think about. The closest that could compare to ~this~ laugh was my sister’s screams of delight when I tickled her, except this wasn’t a scream. It was a full, out-and-out ~laugh~.

I glanced over, needing to see what kind of person would make such a lively, open sound—and ~here~, of all places—when ~it~ happened.

I’m not even sure how to properly describe the experience that followed.

You know when you’re sick and your internal thermometer has one of those fucked-up, what-is-wrong-with-me moments where your body is chilled, then goes suddenly hot all over, only to return you to feeling cold again a moment later?

Yeah, well, staring at a complete stranger did that to me.

I couldn’t tell you if she’d just been laughing in my direction or if she’d already been focused on me, but when I looked over, our gazes caught and did the whole meet-and-greet routine, locking together until there was just me and her left in the universe.

That musical sound that seemed to come straight from her soul died abruptly, and I instantly missed it. I mean, not enough to look away in the hopes she would return to laughing again because I liked looking at her, but still in an achy, please-laugh-again-because-my-life-felt-as-if-it-depended-on-it kind of way.

Honestly, looking away seemed impossible, and I had no idea why that was. She wasn’t super gorgeous. I mean, from here, she looked pretty and sweet, in a girl-next-door sort of way, wearing skinny jeans with fraying holes in the knees and a dark form-fitting V-neck jersey shirt with white stripes around the short sleeves. But her lines ran a little on the leaner side, whereas I typically preferred more curve. However, the way the sun hit her long, dark hair put a glossy sheen on it that was breathtaking.

I think the energy around her was what captured me the most, though. Vibrant and colorful, she fucking shimmered. It was probably just the way the daylight hit her, but I swear she glowed, and the glow seemed to come from within, not from the sun. It made me want her to laugh again, more than ever. I bet her glow went neon when she laughed.

An invigorated, jazzed feeling of hope bloated inside me, something that resembled…peace. Maybe the glowing girl was an angel or something. Maybe she could deliver me from—

Hell, what was I thinking?

I had no idea where my brain had been heading, but it seemed like a direction it shouldn’t go. Her laugh had totally discombobulated me; that was all.

Putting the brakes on my thought process, I tore my gaze away, only to become aware of the friend she was occupying her bench seat with.

And like taking a needle to a balloon, all the giddy hope crammed in my chest deflated. Whoever the glowing girl was, she kept some seriously shitty company.

Eva Mercer wasn’t my least favorite person on earth but she did rank in the top ten, possibly even the top five.

Spoiled little rich girl, Mercer had visited the Country Club with her family more than I liked. She ran hot and cold to the extreme, trying to get into my pants one minute and then treating me like a pus pocket that grew on a diseased toad the next. I could only imagine what kind of horrors she was telling Glowing Girl about me that very moment, the worst of them no doubt being true.

My eyes narrowed as anger and frustration filled me. Damn Eva. Next to her sat the one girl who’d made me think maybe women weren’t the bane of my existence after all, and she was probably ruining her for me even as I stood there.

Though honestly, if the brunette ~was~ a friend of Eva’s, then she must be ~like~ Eva, and in that case… Never mind. Not interested.

Not that I wanted to be interested in ~any~ girl, anyway, even if she’d ended up being amazing. But now I didn’t even want to think about wanting to hear her laugh again.

I turned away.

The group around me began to disperse, startling me. Worried about how long I’d been thinking about the girl, I glanced around to make sure no one was giving me any strange looks. Then I checked the time, and shit, I needed to get to my first class.

I started toward the main building, tempted to walk the long way around and find a side entrance because I knew—I just knew—I’d be tempted to cop another peek at Glowing Girl when I passed by her.

There was just something…I don’t know, ~interesting~ about her that made me curious.

Dammit, temptation got the best of me.

I needed one more look, just to convince myself she wasn’t all that, so I kept with my path. I was in the middle of an internal debate with myself, trying to decide when the most opportune moment to nonchalantly glance over would be when Eva’s voice rang out. “Good morning, Mason.”

It took everything I had to appear completely unaffected when I lifted my face her way, and in effect, that girl’s way. I set my gaze on Eva, still avoiding her friend, and tipped my chin in the most lackluster greeting I could manage. “Sup?”

“Looking good today,” she told me, tossing her blonde hair as she posed. “What do you say we skip class this morning and do something…fun instead?”

I snorted and shook my head. So she was running hot today with the flirting and come-hither glances. It figured. The last time she’d talked to me, she’d called me a bastard and probably would’ve slapped me if I’d been within smacking distance. She was one girl I planned to stay as far away from as possible.

But the most incredible thing happened next.

Glowing Girl gasped. And not in pleasure. It was clearly an outraged sound.

“E!” she growled at Eva in a reprimanding voice, telling me a couple things.

• A) She was not a blind Eva follower; she had her own mind, thank God.

• B) She must not have heard the dirty rumors about me yet or she just didn’t believe them, because who would defend a male prostitute like she was defending me?

• And C) Not only was she not an Eva follower, but she also didn’t seem to be ~like~ Mercer. At all. She had at least some decency and kindness in her if she was willing to call Eva out on my behalf.

This new insight had me glancing at her before I could stop myself. She met my gaze, cringing as if apologizing for Eva’s behavior.

And fuck, it happened all over again. Our eye contact locked and held.

The sudden rush of heat washed over me once more, only to flee just as soon as it came. And an intense buzzing desire flooded my skin, soaking into every pore before surging through all my internal organs.

Up close, she was even better looking. There seemed to be a little more meat on her than I’d originally guessed, and the fluid way she moved was like poetry. Then there was her face. Jesus Christ, plush kissable lips, big blue eyes, and an expression of innocence mixed with curiosity and verve.

She was like no female I’d had contact with in the past two years. Void of any and all controlling, cold, calculating, and powerful ice queen vibes, she exuded pureness. Kindness. Compassion. Maybe a bit of naivety, but a whole lot of playful fun to make up for it.

I wanted that. I wanted to own it and possess every fiber of it. And quite suddenly, I wanted ~her~. As in, I wanted to fuck her. I hadn’t wanted to fuck a specific person in a long time, certainly not since Patricia Garrison had pranced into my backyard and ripped away all intense desires for human contact from my soul that I’d ever had.

It scared the ever-loving shit out of me. And gave me instant wood all at the same time.

Horrified by both my physical and emotional reaction, I forced my gaze away and picked up my speed, rushing into the school. I stopped by the bathroom to duck into a stall and cool off.

But what the fuck had just happened?

Merely looking at a girl should ~not~ do that to a guy, especially a guy like me who was as jaded as they came. At least I ~felt~ jaded, anyway. Except right now, I felt hot. Needy. Uncertain, and kind of naïve myself.

And as I stared at my own haunted reflection in the bathroom mirror, my life mission became: Fuck making her laugh, whoever she was. I needed to stay away from that girl at all cost. She was straight-up frightening as hell.

She made me ~feel~ shit.