Don't Push Me Away

Hey everyone, this is the second last chapter! Whoa, I know, it’s been a crazy ride! I’m a little disappointed in the drop of the number of reads in recent chapters, I know the uploads were slower but wowzza, lots of people gave up on me! Thank to those who stuck through to the end, the ones who didn’t are gonna miss out on a lot! Anyway, enjoy this, and then the last upload will be up soon!

Love you all, don’t forget to vote!

I looked at Gavin with all seriousness before bursting into laughter. After about a minute straight, my eyes were leaking tears. And then my laughing tears turned into real ones, and before I knew it water was rushing down my cheeks.

Gavin pulled my close to him and I laid my head on his shoulder. “God I’m pathetic,” I said brushing away the moisture from my face.

The last thing I needed was for Julie or Owen to see me crying. I trusted Gavin like I trusted Nate, and I knew that he wouldn’t judge me.

“Hey, it’s okay. I felt like crying when I figured out you didn’t like me.”

I frowned at his words, because I knew they were supposed to help cheer me up but it did the exact opposite. Maybe I had made the wrong decision. Gavin was such a good friend. Every time we were together all we did was laugh. Why did I think Landon would be better than him? Landon was the exact opposite.

Stifling another crazy laugh, I pulled away and looked at Gavin. “Trust me when I say you don’t want to be with a screw up like me.”

He sounded like he was going to say something again, but I went on. “And what did you mean by the “L” word? You were joking right, because love and Landon don’t belong in the same sentence.”

At this, Gavin grinned. “Well, I know it sounds funny but I think I see it in the way he looks at you. He doesn’t treat you the same as he has other girls, you’re special.”

“I sure don’t feel special.”

“Well you should.”

Sighing, I leaned forward onto my hands. My eyes drifted over to the soccer field. It was the first place I ever saw Landon, and even though he stuck out tremendously, I would have never thought he would mean so much to me in the future.

How could people do it? Come into your life, and then mess everything up. Maybe it was all my fault that things ended badly with Landon, but it didn’t mean the rest of my summer had to be horrible. Hell, these next two weeks could be great if I could just forget about Landon.

But how could I? He was all I ever thought about…

Gavin nudged me to get my attention. “You think too much, and even though brains and beauty is a great match, overthinking can ruin it. Come on Mia, forget about him for now. If he doesn’t do something in the next two weeks—which I think is highly doubtful—then you’ll know it wasn’t meant to be. It’s one of those things you can look back on when you old and married. You know, like something you tell your daughter when she’s having boy troubles.”

I thought about Gavin said, and instantly knew he was true. He was right, I needed to move on and hope for the best. But before I did that, there was something I really needed to do. Smiling, I leaned over and hugged Gavin. He wrapped his arms around me and enveloped me in warmth. We sat there for a while, holding each other like best friends. It was funny how close we were for just meeting a couple of weeks ago. I felt like I could tell him anything.

“You’re the best, you know that right?” I said, finally pulling away.

Gavin rolled his. “I mean I try not to, but it just comes naturally.”

Laughing, I nudged him in the shoulder and pulled myself up. Gavin took that as his cue and also sat up before heading down the stairs. “Hey meet me later there’s just something I really need to do,” I told him as he headed off towards the dock, no doubt ready take his usual swim.

He shouted back something I couldn’t quite understand, so I shrugged my shoulders and went to open my cabin door. The hot air greeted me so I instantly reached for the hair band around my wrist and pulled my uncontrollable locks back.

Sighing, I made my way over to the bedside table and sat down on the bed. Taking in a deep breath of air I reached for the little drawer and opened it up. Inside sat Landon’s journal. The brown leather cover looked warn, which told me that there had to be plenty of time he used it to write down his feelings.

I was so very tempted to lie back on the bed and tear through his writing, soaking in every word, but I knew I couldn’t. It would just make everything worse. I had to forget about him, and that meant somehow getting rid of this diary.

Sadly, I stood from the bed and made my way towards the door. I cursed as the little leather book came loose in my hand and dropped onto my bed. The journal popped open, revealing the most beautiful cursive writing I had ever seen. Even though the cursive was beautiful, it was also very readable and after only reading a few words I found my name.

Damn it Mia!

Shaking my head, I snatched up the diary and held it close to my chest. How could I do this to myself? It was so torturing, every part of me wanted to rip open the book and read it all. I mean, that’s why he gave it to me right? He expected me to read it, he wanted me to read it.

Landon wanted me to read it.

All of it, every last word. That was the whole point, he wanted me to read it. Of course he did, but it was still wrong, I couldn’t violate his privacy like that.

But he stomped all over your feelings, why do you care?

Struggling with myself for an answer, I slipped into my bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. Looking down at the journal, I came to a conclusion. One page, that’s all I would read. One page, and then I would burn the whole thing, rip it to tiny bits.

I took in a deep breath before fingering three fourths the way through the pages. I squeezed my eyes shut really quickly before taking a second look at the beautiful writing. A smile instantly formed on my lips and the sight. Surprisingly, Landon didn’t date the entry so I began right away with the first words on the page.

I feel like I’ve spent my whole life pushing people away; mostly girls but all for the same reason. I can never get too close to someone, because in the end they’ll end up leaving just like everyone else does. Like my sister, like my mother and father are, the only one I have is Luke and I won’t let him go.

Oh God, this was something personal, really personal. I didn’t even know Landon had a sister, and what did he mean by they left? I couldn’t do this, I couldn't read this. Just as I was about to close the book, I spotted my name a few words down. Unable to help myself, I read on.

Mia. God, her name is like music to my ears sometimes. She’s the whole reason for this dilemma though; I can’t tell if her being here has made my life a living hell or something unimaginable. First, I liked how feisty she was, how she wouldn’t seem afraid at all. And then I saw her with Owen and all this hatred built up inside me.

I sucked in a deep breath hoping that whatever next wouldn’t be too bad.

My initial thought was how could she mess around with him, knowing that he had a girlfriend? And then every time I saw Owen I just wanted to punch his face in so hard. Then I thought, how could she choose him over me? And then even after I knew she knew nothing about his girlfriend, I still felt so mad that she had even been with him, and took it out on her. How could I let a girl get to me this much? Never in my life have I ever let any female have so much control over my emotions. That was the plan, use them and then move on. But I couldn’t move on with Mia, and she wouldn’t just let me use her. That was the best part, she was different from the est. She was so beautiful, and funny. She was better than them all.

I reread his words about a million times before the water works came on…again. Silent tears fell down my cheeks and I sniffled in a little. God how many times could I cry in one day? I shouldn’t have read this, it only made it worse.

A little flash of movement flickered in front of me and my eyes moved upward. Standing in the doorway was Landon, wearing a plain black tee and fiting blue jeans. How he managed to get the door open without me knowing was a mystery to me, but it didn’t matter. What was he doing here?

I tried to form words in my mouth, but nothing came out. Silence swept over us as Landon gazed down at me with a small frown. “Mia, I-“

“Why are you here?” I interrupted, rage practically cutting through me like a knife. I had never felt so mad before.

He sighed and leaned against the door. I knew he was on edge by the way he ran his hand through his chocolate brown locks. Why did Landon have to be so good looking?

I shook the thoughts from my head and focused on my anger. “I asked you a question,” I spit out after getting no reply.

“I just felt like we left things, well a little messed up. You left so suddenly, and—“

“I didn’t feel very welcomed,” I said interrupting once again.

Landon sighed. “Don’t tell me you’re here to apologize Landon, I think we’re past that.”

He nodded his head, and moved forward to sit on the bed. His weight shifted the whole mattress, and I found myself sliding closer to him. “Well I did come here to apologize, because I should and I mean it.”

His eyes shifted down to the journal notes in my fingers and he sighed. My hand was shaking as I reached over and handed him his private things. “I shouldn’t have read the page, I didn’t read anything else. Just take them.”

Landon shook his head. “I don’t regret giving them to you; I just wished you would have read them earlier.”

Before I could help myself, the words slipped from my mouth. “You have a sister?”

Immediately, I regretted my actions because an expression filled with pain covered his face. He nodded his head slowly, looking down at his hands. I could tell it was something he didn’t like to talk about.

“She was two years older than me, last year her and her friends were out drinking and they got into a crash. Everyone lived but her.”

I winced at the thought of losing someone close to me, and the person who popped into my mind first was Nate. How would it feel to lose Nate over night to some car crash? “Were you two close?”

“Inseparable,” he answered immediately.

I didn’t really know what to say, and I didn’t want to say sorry because I knew it wouldn’t make a difference. He was probably sick of people saying sorry to him all the time.

“But like I said, I’m here to apologize. Look Mia, the way I treated you the other day wasn’t fair. I shouldn’t have played with you like that, and I know how much it upset you. Right now, there’s too much crap in my life, and I can’t dump it all on you. I really like you, more than any other girl, but that’s why I can’t have you. Because I can’t pull you into my crappy life an expect you to stay through it all. I can’t do that to you.”

His words seemed genuine, and I knew he was being completely honest but I still had some anger left in me. “You’re right, what you did to me wasn’t fair. Do you really think of me as a mistake? Do you wish that kiss never happened?”

Landon bit his lip and lowered his head in shame. “I mean every word, and I think it was a mistake to make things worse, but that kiss is all I’ve been thinking about since. I can’t get it out of my head.”

Yeah, I can’t get you out of my head.

Sighing, I reached over and placed my hand on his. He looked up at me with a strange expression on his face. “Then why are you doing this to me?”

“I can’t pull you into my crappy life it isn’t fair!” he argued.

I pulled away from Landon and rolled my eyes. “Did you ever think to ask me what I think? It’s my choice to make, not yours.”

“I just can’t do that to y-“

“I can help you through this Landon, you can’t do this alone.”

“I can get through this on my own, I just-“

“Why do you keep pushing me away?” I finally raised my voice, and I didn’t care if half the camp heard me. “All I want to do is help and all you do is push and push and push. Soon you’ll have no one Landon, not even Luke because you’ll push him away too.”

Landon’s eyes glazed over, and I thought that maybe he would cry. I wasn’t trying to be harsh, but I needed to know that he was pushing someone away that cared for him. I could help him through everything.

“I push you away because I’m scared of how you make me feel,” he finally admitted.

Leaning over the bed, Landon gently took my face in his hand and smiled. His gorgeous eyes stared down at me and butterflies erupted in the bottom of my stomach. “I’m scared of you because whenever I’m with you, all I want to do is this.”

Without another word, Landon leaned down and gently placed his lips against mine. It wasn’t as hungry as a kiss like the first time, but it was just as pleasant. His lips tasted like peppermint and I sighed inwardly as he pulled away.

My eyes were still closed when he spoke again. “And this.”

Before I knew it, Landon had me underneath him. This time, the kiss was more than just a gentle peck. His hands found their way to the small of my back, and crept up my shirt spreading tingles throughout my body. His mouth urgently moved across my face, his rough kisses stinging my lips, and then my neck.

Landon suddenly pulled away, his eyes filled with joy, passion and so much more. “Why do you do this to me?” he asked, rolling over and laying down next to me.

I didn’t know what to say as I leaned my head against his chest. “I want you to know that I won’t leave you Landon, I promise.”

His hand gently stroked my hair and he moved forwards to place a kiss on the top of my head.

“I know that now.”

Whoooooaaaa!! Finally!!!!!

*Crowd cheers*

I hope you liked this one, be ready for one last chapter!