Chapter 44
After the game ended with their school team winning the score, Zoe forced Alison to grab dinner together with the rest of the group except Jason, for obvious reason. This has bothered her so much that Jason was pulling away from the group because she was with them. She thought of slowly withdrawing herself from the group but Zoe and Layla were constantly bugging her each time, consistently showing up in front of her, probably wanting making sure that she was alright with the break up.
They walked together to the carpark when she saw Jason walking alone with his gym bag slumped over his shoulder, completely blocking out everyone else.
"Hey Jay, let's grab dinner together!" Corey called out forcing her to quicken her steps with her heart pounding loudly, afraid that it might explode.
"Nah, you guys go ahead. I'm off." Jason briefly replied leaving them quickly. The stabbing in her chest worsen as she heard his voice. Even for short phrases, she missed him. Clenching her fist, digging her thumb nail into her skin hoping that the pain in her heart would magically be replaced with the pain on her skin instead. This is what you wanted, Alison! Deal with it! It's for the best. He's better off without you. I missed him. Clenching her jaws, she tried to ignore the throbbing pain in her chest, swallowing the huge lump in her throat, ignoring the fact that her heart was aching knowing that he was out of her reach.
The following week had been the same, Layla and Zoe still tried to make sure Alison was doing alright while Jason had been making sure she was invincible to him.
During lunch break, Alison went to her locker, placing the books inside when she saw another purple envelope fell from it. Her heart beat started to race knowing the familiar letter. Picking it from the floor, she scanned to look around wondering who had placed it inside. Opened the letter, bracing herself for what she was about to read which was written in the similar italic letters.
Changing what you wear doesn't change you truly are. It will still be your fault!
Your long-lost best friend,
Leah.
Take deep breath in, deep breath out. Calm yourself. You know that someone is trying to play sick trick on you. Deep breath. Inhale deeply, exhale.
She tried to control her breathing when suddenly someone snatched the letter from her hand.
"Changing what you wear doesn't change what you truly are. It will still be your fault. Your long-lost best friend, Leah. It is true, changing your clothes doesn't change who you are. Now, what did you do exactly, dork?" Amber chirped as she read the letter out loud causing a commotion in the hallway.
"Who is Leah? Your long-lost best friend. Wow, bet she was glad not being friends with you anymore. I'm very sure you're such a terrible friend. What did you do? Boy, she really hated you, blaming it on you. Leah. Leah. That name sounded awfully familiar." She taunted fanning herself with the envelope making her heart to quicken its pace again. Don't let it get you. Deep breath.
"Leah, the name sounded so familiar. Are you alright, Ally?" Mia asked.
"Keep it." She slammed her locker door walking away from her, knowing that she will eventually break down if she continued to stay and listen. As she walked, she passed by Jason who was by his locker watching the whole scene. He just stood there, listening! Who am I kidding? Of course, he won't defend you anymore. You've hurt him and now you're nothing to him.
"Who's Leah? Does she go to our school?" Asked the girl standing beside Jason who noticed Alison's reddened eyes which was filled with tears that were ready to fall as she walked passes them.
"Who cares." He retorted walking towards the cafeteria, while his mind can't help but wonder why does she keep receiving these letters. Leah was from her previous school in Los Angeles. Who might have placed it in her locker on her behalf? Even back there, she was hated. Damn. How stupid could I be to belief that she was actually different? But Leah was supposed to be her best friend, right?
Alison was bidding goodbye to her little students one by one as they walked out of the room leaving their teacher behind. She stretched out and played her ballet playlist and started doing her routine just as she had been practicing for the past few days as requested by Madam Moreau, which she complied since it did help to get her mind off things temporarily.
"Stretch your arm further. One more time." Madam Moreau insisted whilst holding her favorite stick at hand.
"Focus Alison. You're all over the place. Again!" Madam Moreau snapped her stick on the wooden handle by the walls.
"That's better. More graceful now. Perfect. Alright, we're done for today. What's wrong my dear? You seemed to lose your focus lately." Madam Moreau asked.
"I'm fine. Just school work." She replied shortly.
"You know, you should join the performance since you've practiced so hard. I'm very sure you'll qualify." Madam Moreau insisted.
"Thank you for the offer but I'm just... not ready yet. Maybe next event." She replied half-heartedly, she was grateful that Madam Moreau would help her practice and pushed her to her limits which helped her focus more on the dance than the countless other matters clouding her mind. She thanked Madam Moreau and continued to practice further on her own until her feet finally gave in. Changed into her sweatshirt, jeans as well as changing the plaster on her bleeding toes before limping out of the studio. The sky was almost dark when she stepped out of the studio, she hobbled her way towards the café wanting to buy her favorite chicken pie to reward herself after the vigorous practice before driving back home. She paused and quickly turned when she caught sight of Jason walking with Loraine towards her but luck had abandoned her completely when Loraine spotted her.
"Alison!" She called out ignoring the look that her brother gave her. Trying to ignore her call, pretending not to hear as she forced herself to walk faster but couldn't hold back the piercing ache as she hissed out loud.
"Alison! What happen?" Loraine caught up with her just in time to hear her curse.
"Oh, hey Loraine. Nothing. You just finished your violin lesson?" She turned with a fake smile plastered on her face while awkwardly stealing a glimpse of Jason who was still walking very slowly far behind them.
"Yeah. You just finished your shift? This late?" She wondered.
"Yeah. Anyway, I got to go. I'll see you at school tomorrow, Okay? Bye!" She hobbled her way quickly without waiting for her reply as soon as she saw Jason walking close behind her. I missed us walking together. He's such a good brother. She sighed as she continued her way to the car.
The following day, Alison walked slowly as soon as she stepped out of her car, trying to withstand the blisters and swelling of her feet.
"Rough customer at work last night?" Ivy sneered with Amber and Mia standing behind her. She ignored her comments and continued walking away.
"You know, I just remembered where I actually heard that name, Leah. Isn't she the girl who died tragically? I heard she died because of... huh , strange that I think her name was also Alison." Mia divulged getting her full and complete attention.
"Oh my, my. The freak with tons of secrets. What will happen if the school is to find out about your little secret? Isn't that the real reason why you moved? Can't handle the guilt? Although, wherever you go, doesn't change the fact that she's dead now, because of you. You're just lucky that her brother wasn't there or he would've hated you as well. Murderer." Ivy declared noticing that her chest was rising and falling quickly.
"Oh, are you going to have another anxiety attack? After what you did, you do deserve that." Amber barked leaving a depressed Alison behind. Her head was spinning, her heart was racing too quickly like it was going to burst out of her chest, her breath was becoming shorter like her throat was being squeezed, her body growing weaker by the second that forced her to sit on the ground. Breathe. I can't breathe. Please breathe! She closed her eyes but the image of Leah's body dangling by the cupboard kept flashing in her mind reminding her that it was her fault and...
"...be okay. Deep breath Alison. That's right. Deep breath." The familiar voice never fails to help soothe her anxiety. Once her heartbeat slowed down, her breathing controlled, slowly she opened her eyes to look at the warm brown eyes looking straight into hers, full of concern.
"You alright?"
She could only nod.
"Can you stand?" He asked, the initial worry in his eyes were apparent but soon turned back into a cold stare.
"Yeah." She stood up with his help and then he just left, leaving her alone and lost. How she missed his tender care and comfort. He had turned so cold and aloof that slowly broke her heart every time they crossed-path.
I missed you. I really need you right now, more than I ever needed you before. Soon, my past will be catching up to me and I don't know how to handle this. You're the only one that can calm me down and yet you're not mine anymore. I am so lost. How I wished things are not the way they are, how I wished that my life is not this complicated.