25 | Lights Down Low

Seaside, California October 23, 2012

Lillian

EVER since our last confrontation with Seana, I have thrown myself into prepping for the Homecoming dance.

This week has been a whirlwind, getting the decorations correct and finding the manpower to decorate our gymnasium before the dance tomorrow night has been a hassle. I happily volunteered the entire football team to help out.

We had only decided the theme we wanted a little over a week ago. It would have been done in September but we all couldn't agree on a damn theme. Last year's homecoming theme was horrible; they did a '70s theme.

I had no part in that horror show. Cel loved it last year. Though ironically not a part of the decorating committee, it was Cel who had given me an idea; one based on her favorite painting.

Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh. Everyone in the committee voted on it unanimously.

Despite picking the theme, Cel had nothing to do with making it a reality.  When it came to doing anything crafty, she would just stare blankly at it. She would much rather be training with her father on magic or going to that damn ice cream place.

Speaking of which, I still wondered what Scott did to clean up that mess.

I had put a distance between us, it was the only way I could focus on things because when I saw him my heart would race, and my face turned red. I couldn't even carry on a conversation with him without thinking about that feeling.

But he never was uncomfortable, he always had this calmness about him. Almost like he was keeping something under the surface. But whatever it was I didn't ask. We talked that night, and things are what they are.

But maybe there will come a day when things will be different. Probably on a cold day in hell. Life loved to explode in my face at the best moments.

So here I was with Amberly setting up the tables. Elle was in charge of finishing the floral arrangements. School had ended not that long ago, so some of the helpers have yet to arrive.

"Are you okay? You seem on edge today," Amberly noted.

"This decorating shit has not been what I needed it to be," I admitted, "A distraction."

"A distraction from what?" Amberly grinned, "Someone you like—"

"No!" I shrieked.

"Lily it's fine to have a crush on someone," she murmured. "Besides, what is the big deal?"

"I was rejected and I'm not taking it well," I whispered.

"Well, if he can't see how amazing you are then that's his problem," Amberly replied.

I raised my head back up and turned to her. "It's a little bit more problematic than that," I reasoned.

After all, Scott did have some valid reasons.

"Well, how about this, why don't you ask him to homecoming? And if he says no then we'll kill him!" Amberly giggled.

Ha ha. He actually was already dead, but I had to love her humor.

"Yeah, I am not doing that," I muttered. "I'm just going to go stag. Maybe Elle will join me in being forever alone."

"Don't be dramatic Lily, you will find a date, I'm sure of it!" she assured.

It was easy for her to say; she didn't have the inhibitions I had when it came to talking to others. I had to pressure myself to ever speak how I felt to someone. I'm surprised I was able to do it with Scott. But he brought out another side of me, one that almost felt like the real me.

One where I didn't have that fear of the unknown.

Just when I thought I wasn't going to see him, Scott came into the gym. Zach was already trotting over to him all excited. I wonder why he came today to help, I never asked.

There was a reason I didn't ask for his help. Because you know, what was the point of doing this as a distraction?

"Amberly..." I whispered nervously, moving my eyes toward the direction of Scott and Zach.

Amberly just gave me a wink and got up from the table.

"I got you, girl," she whispered back.

I turned my head and watched as she walked over to them. She said something to him, and he and Zach went away to the other side of the gym with the rest of the guys.

Thank, GOD.

I could feel my anxiety wanting to spike up, but I willed it back down.

Amberly came back and resumed tying ribbons to the chairs. I got up and helped.

"Listen, Lily, you can go home if you want," Amberly said quietly. "We can all wrap this up, you've pulled the weight of like 100 people."

Staying later at night after everyone left this past week, I did maybe go overboard in the time I spent here. It did take my mind off things.

Sometimes.

"Maybe, I still haven't decided what to wear," I chuckled and finished tying a silver ribbon.

I did have this pretty navy-blue dress that I had yet to wear. It has been sitting in my closet for the past year. It would look nice with my opal necklace. And maybe some cute strappy heels—

"I think you better run, I see Brandon walking this way," Amberly hissed, snapping me out of my thoughts.

She glared at him, her blue eyes narrowing.

Dear God, why now? I stood up quickly and started walking, no scratch that. I was almost running. But that damn jock's longer legs were faster, and he caught me just before I reached the doors.

"Hey Lil wait up!" Brandon shouted, I halted in my tracks and glared at him.

"Yes?" I asked, cringing.

"I just wanted to apologize for how I've been lately," he began, he looked like he meant it. "You were right about Seana, she just seems different, you know?"

I just gaped at him. Seana must have kept her word and released him from whatever mind-controlling crap she did to him.

I sighed, "Yeah. She is just a tad different."

"Anyway, despite how shitty things have been I just wanted to ask; do you want to go to the dance with me tomorrow?" he asked. He looked so serious I was about to burst into laughter.

"What?" I gawked. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

God, I wanted to say no and tell him to piss off. I glanced over to where Scott and Zach were. Elle had come to the table they were working on. They were all laughing, even Scott.

Oh, to hell with reason.

"I know it's awkward but hey, going as friends isn't a bad idea, is it?" Brandon reasoned and gave me that old stupid smile of his.

Cel was going to bitch at me tonight man. But did he really have no one else to ask? I mean there were dozens of other, prettier girls than me.

Just say yes for fuck's sake.

"Sure, I'll go with you," I said quickly, wanting to end this conversation and get the hell home.

"Great, I'll be over tomorrow night then!" he beamed.

Oh, what the hell did I just agree to? Was I so desperate that I accepted going to homecoming with my EX?

I just smiled back at him nervously, my face turning red. Brandon took that as a good sign I suppose and left me standing there awkwardly. As I watched him go back to Eddie and the other stupid jocks, I had a feeling someone was watching me.

I turned in the direction of who I suspected. It was Scott.

And he did not look happy. Well, you wanted it this way, so this is how it's going to be.

MY darling cousin was all too thrilled when I told her what I agreed to earlier. She barged into my room right at seven at night, saying she was staying there because Zach was busy with his father tonight. As I was trying to finish up my mountain of homework at my desk, Cel demanded to be told what Brandon asked me earlier. Seriously, does Zach need to eavesdrop on my conversations and immediately report me to Cel?

"Lily, I love you but, seriously?" Cel droned on. She went into the walk-in closet and started going through my dresses. She didn't have anything "decent" in hers. But her sense of style was a deep contrast to mine. "Do you have anything that isn't prissy?!"

"Uh, what? Prissy?" I exclaimed, laughing. "I'm not prissy."

She just gave me a pointed look.

"Whatever, I'll just wear that blue dress I got last summer," Cel sighed and sat down on the bed. "Anyway, I think you should tell Brandon to piss off."

"Okay, then I will go ask Scott!" I snickered.

"Forget what I said then, go with Brandon," Cel asserted. "But if you want to ask Scott then that is your choice! Even though both are horrible ideas."

I loved that Cel was trying to be more civil with Scott. But I understood that he and I were just not going to work out.

"Lily, how are you still doing with everything? You've been kind of detached lately," Cel murmured, her tone worried.

"I'm fine Celesta," I cried. "I've been just trying to keep myself busy you know. Maybe going to the dance with Brandon will be fun and it will make me forget all about that other guy you know?"

"You are hopeless," Cel sighed.

"I know," I agreed.

I turned back to my homework, I fucking hate chemistry. Speaking of which, has Cel done hers?!

"Cel, did you do your homework?" I asked. "You know it's due Monday."

"Yeah, it is due on Monday. It's Friday, Lily," Cel huffed. "It doesn't need to be done right this moment. Besides, can you just give me the answers?"

"No," I muttered, staring at these horrible chemical questions.

Cel opened her bag and started dumping her disorganized shit all over my bed. I got up from my chair, my brain going haywire at the sight of disorder. I had everything in this room straightened and put where it needed to be.

"Don't freak out, I'll clean it up, okay?" Cel giggled as she started looking for her homework.

Did the girl not own a damn binder for each class?! I did!

She finally found it. Then fucking grabbed what I had already done and started copying it. I rolled my eyes and sat back down on the chair with a huff.

"You know what, I don't want to do this. I think I'm going to go back to school and do some last-minute touch-ups before tomorrow!" I announced.

Cel raised her blue eyes at me and frowned. "The gym is probably locked you know."

I smirked and went to my backpack and pulled out a key.

"Head of the committee, remember?" I remarked.

How the hell else would I have gotten back in this past week? Legally anyway. I could easily blast the doors down with magic or make the doors open, but you know. There are cameras.

"You have fun with that, I'll be here doing my homework," Cel grinned evilly. She went back to copying off of my paper.

The jokes on her, I'm sure I did half of them wrong.

When I got back to the school, there were almost zero cars there, except for the custodians that stayed till about nine. That and a familiar black Camaro that I did not want to see still here.

Why the hell was he still here?

I slammed the door to the mini Cooper, my nerves starting to churn as I walked towards the gym. The doors were still unlocked when I turned the knob. The foyer before you got into the main area of the gym held case after case of trophies, our school was only good at one thing.

Football. That was it. And most of these trophies were old.

When I stepped through the other set of doors, I gaped at what I saw before me. Everything I imagined this theme would look like; was here right before me. The silver, gold, and blue streamers were designed beautifully, leading to the center of the gym where we installed a pretty good-sized disco ball that flashed blue and silver on the floor. Moons and Stars also dangled between the streamers; you couldn't even see the hideous rafters.

The tables and chairs were set up towards the back. There was a long table for the finger food and a punch bowl was at the side. The bleachers were pushed back, completely covered by decorations. The stage for the DJ and everything was also set up. There they would announce the Homecoming king and queen, whoever the hell that would be.

Amberly wasn't kidding when they said they would get it all done.

Elle's floral arrangements stood out. They were tall with white and blue flowers with sparkly silver fern-like stuff coming out of them.

And the balloons, they were everywhere. Tied to the backs of some chairs, some on the walls taped to the covered bleachers. It was an overwhelming scene. You wouldn't even know you were in a gym. I didn't even need to change anything; everything was perfect.

Walking further into the gym and glancing at everything, I saw the lights flash on suddenly from above, further illuminating the gym and the decorations. I spun around, expecting to see Scott somewhere as I knew he was doing this.

Then the disco light came on and started to spin and some random music came on, it sounded like some Katy Perry song. I couldn't make out the words, the audio was low.

"Is everything exactly to your liking?" I heard his echoed voice ask humorously from somewhere.

I started to chuckle under my breath and looked up at the ridiculous spinning ball. Did he need to be doing this?

"Yes," I replied laughing. "It is exactly as I envisioned it. Though it might be a little over the top."

I heard the sound of boots landing on the gym floor, was he in the fucking rafters or something?!

I turned and saw him standing there grinning stupidly. I felt my face heat up, so I just looked back up at the ceiling. My nerves started to go haywire when I noticed he was standing beside me.

"I've noticed anything you do is over the top, but I have to say that it turned very nice," Scott admitted.

I looked at the number of balloons again that were not there when I left. "Did you do all of these balloons?" I asked.

There had to have been hundreds.

"Yes, Amberly was quite adamant about having me blow all of them up alone and stay till it was finished," he chuckled.

She so did this to get back at him for me. It was quite hilarious, but now I felt horrible.

"The hell?" I gawked and finally looked at him. "How long did it take you to do all of this?! You didn't have to listen to her and do all of that—"

"It didn't take long, trust me," Scott put in quickly.

I just shook my head, "I know but still, you didn't need to do all of this."

"I didn't mind," he went on.

I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. "Why did you stay so damn late if you finished this hours ago?"

"To surprise you, you've been stressing out all week over this decorating shit so figured I'd show just how amazing everything turned out when you walked in. Amberly told me you would probably be back tonight," he beamed.

Did he not realize I have been stressing over seeing him and that me doing all of this decorating shit was so I could stay away from him?! Yet here he was doing all of this. I just didn't understand it. No normal person would do this. Was he that oblivious to my feelings? I try to keep calm around him and here he was doing all of this to make me happy.

I realized I just zoned out; Scott was looking at me funny.

"Lily—"

"Yes, thank you," I gushed. "Everything is perfect. And uh, I need to go."

Something felt wrong, I couldn't tell what it was, but I felt like I was about to lose control of something. Like I was about to start crying or making things explode.

We didn't need that happening.

Before I moved Scott stepped in front of me, his expression worried. I glanced up at him, confused. I hated how he kept making me feel like this. It started to feel torturing lately.

"Lily wait," he interjected, "I wanted to talk to you earlier before you left but—"

"But what?" I asked sharply. I don't know why I started to feel angry suddenly. Everything that I have been feeling this past week started rushing to the surface.

And him acting like nothing was wrong between us was bothering me. Or maybe it was just me overthinking everything as usual.

He narrowed his eyes, "I just wanted to ask how you were, you've been avoiding me all week."

"I haven't been avoiding you. I've just been busy," I paused and looked at the monstrosity around us. "Uh, decorating shit?"

Scott just glowered at me and didn't respond.

Could he not see the pain written on my face? He had to have known what this had been doing to me. Scott doing all of this was not helping me move on from loving him. I just needed him to stay away from me. Even then I don't think that would help ease the ache in my chest.

Having had enough of this bullshit, I think I was ready to explode. I just couldn't take it anymore. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm myself before I started screaming.

This silence from him was maddening.

"Just say something!" I shrilled, glaring right into his angry blue eyes.

"What do you want me to say?!" he shouted. "I know how you feel Lily, I do. And I do care about you. But you have to understand that I just can't alright."

"Why?" I retorted. "Because of what you are or what I am?"

My body started to shake, the air around me tensing beyond normal as I started to hear the sound of balloons popping. I didn't need to know that I lost control of my magic again. But I couldn't stop it, nor could I stop the words spewing from my mouth.

"I would understand if you didn't feel the same way about me," I went on, the lights now flickering around us. "But you keep acting like you do. And it's been driving me fucking crazy for days!"

Why did Scott look so broken? Here I was this mess before him and all he did was stare ahead at me. I clenched my hands into fists, my tears flowing freely now as the wind ripped around us, threatening to destroy everything. And now my magic was beyond my control, almost as if it were consuming me.

I looked away from him and saw all of the decorations around us blowing wildly, it was amazing that it wasn't ripping away where it was placed.

I felt Scott pull me towards him, his hands placed firmly on my shoulders.

"Lily you need to calm down," he pleaded.

I glanced at him; my eyes frantic. "I can't," I cried out.

He pulled me closer to him and pressed his lips against mine. Everything around us went silent as he deepened the kiss. I could feel tears slide down my cheeks as he held me close. When he pulled away, I just gaped at him in disbelief.

He glanced at me, seemingly shocked at himself for kissing me. Was it to just calm me down? It did, my magic was now silent as was the gym. But my heart was still twisting and turning. And being here in his embrace was killing me.

All because he just couldn't say what he wanted to say.

I couldn't take one more minute of it. I just needed to get away.

I jerked myself free from his grip on me and started walking away, right towards those doors.

"Wait—"

I turned around, my eyes threatening to shed tears once more.

"No!" I cried, my voice quavering. "I can't handle this; don't you see that? This is hurting me every second I am near you."

Before he even uttered a word, I was out that door, not looking back.

Feelings be damned, because if I continued to feel this way I don't want to feel anything at all anymore. I just had to stay away from him, period.

All of this bullshit I put myself through, would it even be worth it in the end?

I guess I'll just have to wait and find out.