I got lost in him, and it was the
Kind of lost that's exactly like
Being found.
~Unknown
______________
*trigger warning for this chapter, caution to read it, I will have a warning closer to it as well*
The next week is more difficult than ever imaginable, seeing Aaron every day, knowing I can't touch him, nor can I tell him I love him is getting more and more hard as the days go by,
I miss him even though I still see him, I never realized that Aaron was one of the reasons and sources of my true happiness,
But now that he's not mine anymore, now that he hates me, I feel empty and more alone than ever before, we're acting as if were nothing more than strangers at work, and that hurts me more than I thought it would, he addresses me as miss Adler and makes sure that I only call him Mr. Huxley from now on, he only calls me to his office when necessary and he's even gone as far as telling me he's going to get his morning coffee's himself from now on,
And I know that's just so he doesn't have to see me every morning, I understand though...I wouldn't want to see someone who broke up with me every morning with a coffee in hand and a fake smile on their face,
All my smiles this past week have been fake, I think back to the entry I read this morning from my dad's journal I feel a little sadder.
Dear buttercup,
I hate to even have to think about writing this entry but I know I have to because it's unavoidable, heartbreak is going to happen to you whether you like it or not, and that sucks to hear I'm sure, but there are many different kinds of heartache the ones of losing a loved one, like an example me...which I despise to think about writing my future death but it will happen and I know it will break you and your mother's hearts, but I know you my two girls are strong and will get through it eventually. then there's the heartache of when a boyfriend breaks up with you, and I hate to not be there to beat him up for you, for breaking my little girl's heart but I know you're strong enough to handle it on your own, just remember anyone who doesn't treat you like the queen you deserve to be treated isn't worth your time, you deserve a man who will thank God every day that he brought you into his life, a man that loves you unconditionally in the hardest of times and the best, I do hope that you find a man worthy of your love. There's also the heartbreak of losing a friendship, or even breaking up with someone can be hard, the right decisions are not always the easiest, trust me when I say leaving you and your mother was the most heartbreaking decision I had to make, but I knew I wanted your mother to have a second chance at life, I knew you needed a mother and I made the impossible decision of having to leave my two girls, but ultimately I know it's for the best. Please stay strong my dear, I know you have it in you and remember it's okay to cry, it's okay to grieve a heartbreak, and it's even more okay to not be okay for a while, remember your mother and I believe in you and we both know our strong beautiful daughter will make it out of her heartbreak stronger than before.
~ with all the love in the world, your dad â¡
I shake my head and realize I've been dozing off in the office for the past half hour, I get back to work immediately and get lost in many words and numbers, after a long day I decide to invite henry over to my place for dinner.
I haven't exactly told him I broke up with Aaron...so I'm nervous about that conversation.
I open the door for him and give him a big hug "hello Henry I'm happy to see you" I say muffled by his hug
He laughs a little and hugs me tighter "ah I'm happy to see you too, how are you?" He smiles kindly as he steps inside
"I'm not okay actually" I swallow deciding to just spill the truth out now
"Well, what's wrong dear?" He says knitting his brows
"Come in and I can tell you over some food" I give him a small smile
We sit down and I immediately tell him I broke up with Aaron because I can't keep it in anymore,
"Why? I thought you two were happy" he asks taking another bite of his shrimp, asparagus, and Angel hair noodle dish that I made
"I just don't think a relationship is right for me" I whisper
"Are you alright dear?" Henry asks gently while putting his hand on top of mine
I look up at him with teary eyes and immediately start bursting out in tears because no...no I'm not okay,
"Hey... it's going to be fine," he says getting up and gently hugging me
"Why is life so hard?" I hiccup in between cries
"I'm not sure...but what I do know is that we are capable enough to get through anything, and I know for whatever reason you broke up with him it will be fine in the end," he says gently
"I also miss my parents" I cry
It's an ache that nothing can help with, I feel like I'm breaking, and it's unbearable
"I know nothing I say can help with your pain...but I miss my daughter, and even my wife every day, and nothing I do will get them back, I always think that maybe if I did something differently my wife would've loved me enough to where we could fight our battles instead of giving up, but nothing I say or do can change that, so I have to move forward, I have to fight for myself and continue fighting, and you have to as well" he pats my back trying to soothe my breakdown
"It still hurts...after so many years it still feels like I lost them yesterday" I whisper
I feel Henry nod "I get that...and I don't think it will ever fully stop hurting because that kind of loss sticks with you for a lifetime, but what you can do is continue living your life to the fullest for your parents...so they know that their little girl was happy and she made good memories" he whispers
We talk back and forth for over an hour, me about my parents and him about his daughter, I'm thankful he stayed away from the topic of Aaron.
I get a knock on the door and knit my brows "were you expecting someone?" Henry asks
I shake my head and look through my peephole to see a man with a clipboard, I open it "hi how can I help you?"
"I have all your things from Aaron Huxley's place...are you Vanessa Adler?" He asks chewing his gum and looking down at his clipboard
I swallow the bile that threatens to rise "um yes that's me" I whisper
He nods "sign here" he points, I sign it and look at the boxes in the hallway
"You want me to bring the boxes inside?" He asks continuing to chew the damn gum
"Umm sure" I clear my throat
After the man brings in three boxes he leaves, and I look at them with a heavy heart, I'm not sure why I thought Aaron would keep anything of mine at his place. why would he even want blankets, pillow, and some of my clothing when I hurt him, that reminder must suck for him, and yet it still hurts to know his apartment probably looks the way it did before me, there's probably no sign of me in it anymore.
"Well I'll get off your hair since I've been here a while" Henry laughs
I give him a big hug and thank him for coming
After he leaves I go over to Mr frog "what am I going to do" I whisper
"Why does it hurt so much" I whisper to the frog, he just sits there obviously not answering.
The whole night I lay awake not being able to get in a minute of sleep, I know I'll get through this
I can get through anything, and a breakup is one of many things that will be easier to heal from, and yet my heart gets crushed at the thought of having to leave Aaron in about two months when I move away to prepare for my death,
Which in itself is depressing to think about, then adding the fact that I won't see Aaron again makes it worse
My mind drifts to our first date, the stolen glances, the butterflies that erupted in my body at his touch, I was foolish to let it get farther than one date, but he was so intriguing, too sweet to me only and it made me want to spend alone time with him,
And that ultimately was a bad decision and yet, laying down on my bed, thinking, I realize the most heartbreaking thought is that I would do it all again,
Every memory I had with him was what I was searching for in this world, happiness, safety, love, trust, a person that can help me live my life to the fullest,
And that is exactly what Aaron did to me, he brought out sides to me that I thought I didn't have, sides to myself that I wish I had more time to discover,
I hate the fact that Aaron hates me now, he barely looks at me, and when he needs me to do paperwork he will leave it at my desk before I leave on break just so he doesn't have to see me, and if he does he acts cold and addresses me professionally,
It's heart-wrenching to see him so cold and distant but I'd rather him hate me so he can move on,
I see that the time is 5:40 am, I sigh and get out of bed and pee for the hundredth time tonight, I'm not sure why but I always need to pee multiple times at night because of my heart.
I didn't get any sleep so getting ready proves to be difficult,
As I drive to work in the car Aaron got me I attempt to keep it together, if I seem happy to others then they won't ask me unnecessary questions
"Good morning" I smile at the receptionist
She rolls her eyes "it's like 6 am What so damn happy about that?"
I shrug and keep my smile on my face, but the minute the elevator door closes I drop my smile because I don't have to pretend in an empty area, I don't have to act like I'm okay when I'm not.
I smile at people already at work and go up to my office, I contemplate whether I should say good morning to Aaron but decide against it,
I don't receive flowers from him anymore and the flower shop told me he didn't want me sending him any flowers and that he canceled both subscriptions to flower deliveries,
I was confused at first but then they explained how he paid for both, and then it made sense to me why he let me get him flowers...since he was paying for them the whole damn time.
I look at the flowers I got myself and feel sick to my stomach looking at them, I grab them and walk to the elevators and when I get to the bottom floor I hand them to the receptionist
"These are for you" I smile trying to keep tears at bay
She grabs them with a confused face "why? And from who?"
I shrug and keep a smile on my face "does one need a reason to give someone flowers?"
She bites her bottom lip and mutters a 'thanks'
"Have a good day" I smile and as I turn to the elevators I see out of the corner of my eyes her eyes lighting up and a smile overtaking her face as she looks at them, sometimes small acts can help someone's day and the flowers made the grouchy receptionist day a tiny bit better.
___________
After a long day of Aaron ignoring me once again I pack up for the day and take a deep breath and knock on his door
'Come in' I hear and his response is a little more bitter than I wish it was
"I'm heading out for the day...is there anything else you need me to get done?" I swallow and keep my composure professional and calm
"No you may leave miss Adler," he says not looking up at me from his computer
I nod "have a good night Mr. Huxley," I say quietly
He doesn't answer as I wait a few seconds so I close his door and walk out to my car, I never realized how difficult it would be at work with him, how heartbreaking it is to see him every day,
I decide to drive to the park instead of going to my apartment, I sit on the bench and watch the sun setting slowly, it's getting late but I can't seem to move from my seat, from the corner of my eye I see a man with a camera taking pictures of the sunset, then after a few minutes a girl comes up to him and sits next to him,
I see them shaking hands and talking, at some point he blushes and looks back at the sky, they continue to talk and I watch with a sad smile, they end up getting up at some point and walking together on the pathway, I see the girl rambling and the guy watching her with a small smile,
I can already see it's a love story waiting to happen, they both glance at one another when the other isn't looking and watch each other in complete Interest as the other talks,
I watch them slowly fade away into the night as they head off to do whatever it is, I hug my knees to my chest and sit in the dark for a little longer.
I spot a strange man walking my way and immediately am on alert, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I know I have to watch my surroundings and that realization occurs much too late,
'Shit' I whisper to myself as I realize there's no one here since its dark and 7 pm
I'm a young girl alone in the park, with no weapon to use, damn it why was I so careless?
Because idiot you let heartbreak control your mental state.
The man stumbles as if he's drunk and walks towards me, I'm frozen in my seat and scared in fear, he's too close for me to stand and run away from yet far enough that I feel anxiety rise in me
"Hello, their pretty lady" the guy slurs, he looks like he's in his mid-30s, medium build,
I ignore him hoping he will leave but he grabs my hand causing me to gasp in surprise
"I was talking to you" he slurs with a frown
I quietly grab my phone and manage to get to the phone numbers, I see Aarons's name and silently curse knowing he's my only option since he's the closest to the park,
I dial his number and the man sees me looking at my phone so he knocks it out of my hand, I can't see if It got through to the call, so I pay attention to the man in front of me instead.
â ï¸trigger warningâ ï¸
He grabs my hand again and I scream "get off of me"
"You're a sexy little thing Aren't you, what are you doing in the park all alone huh?" He smirks and stumbles over his words
I kick him in the foot but his hold tightens on me "GET OFF" I scream and wiggle around trying to escape
There's not a single person in sight and I stare in horror as I realize I'll probably get raped tonight, from here I see my phone screens black which means there's a low chance Aaron answered the call
"OW," I yell as he yanks on my top which causes a couple of buttons to fly off, a part of my bra is on display because of this, his eyes light up as he watches me with a disgustingly creepy smirk,
My breathing is getting worse and I'm panicking, his grip on my wrists is so strong I know it will bruise, he's trying to unzip my pants but my wiggling around trying to escape making it difficult for him
"stop moving you little pest" he slurs and grips my chin in Anger
He's biting on my neck and kissing me everywhere, I'm crying without realizing it, his hands are all over me keeping me in place, I can't move I'm yelling for him to get off but he won't listen.
The unmistakable memories of David come to resurface as I attempt to numb the pain I'm feeling right now like I used to with him, and yet like all the times before...this time nothing works to dull the panic and fear.
He's unzipping my pants and ripping my blouse off so my bra is on full display, before he can get any further he's fully lifted off of me, the weight of him is gone and Everything is too blurry from my fear, and sobs to realize what's happening,
I take a deep breath out and take ragged breaths in, I see Aaron punching him in the face
Aaron.
He's here, he answered the call, And he got here before anything horrible happened.
It makes me cry even harder, I'm hysterical at the realization that if he was mad at me enough to not answer my call...this could've ended worse.
I'm numb and can barely register anything he's saying to the guy, I see Aaron on the phone,
Everything hurts, I feel the bruising on my stomach from him pressing me down, the hickeys and bite marks all over my neck and chest, and I see the bruising already forming on my wrists.
I barely register cops coming and taking the man to custody, I feel Aaron crouch in front of me on the park bench, he goes to cup my face but I flinch "hey it's just me" he whispers
He pulls his coat off and puts it around me covering me up, he gently pulls me to him and I immediately start uncontrollably sobbing again at his comforting, safe presence
"You got the call," I say in between cries
"I did" he whispers stroking my hair
"I'm sorry I called you, I know I had no right, but I had no one else to call" I whisper
"Hey" he cups my face and I can see his face is full of anger and distress
"Don't apologize, you better call me anytime you're in trouble, God Vanessa...you scared me half to death when all I could hear were your screams and a man's voice, it doesn't matter that you called me when we were not together I'm glad you did"
"I was so scared" I whisper while hiccuping
He nods as he watches me with a clenched jaw, he shuts his eyes tightly as his eyes go over my neck and chest, he swallows and takes a deep breath
"Are you going to tell me I told you so... I mean you were right it was stupid to go to a park in New York alone at night" a sad laugh escapes me
I see an EMT walking over to us just as Aaron shakes his head "she's going to check you out and ask you some questions to make sure you're okay" Aaron whispers
I nod "again I'm sorry I called you" I whispered
"Stop apologizing damn it," Aaron says taking a deep breath and running his hand over his mouth and jaw
"Is it okay that I check you quickly?" An EMT asks crouching in front of me
I nod slowly already missing the feeling of safety I felt with Aaron, has currently pacing around rubbing his temples in front of me
"I'm going to ask you this and all you have to do is shake your head for no and nod for yes okay?" She tells me
I slowly nod
"Did the man Rape you?" She slowly asks
I shake my head and whisper a 'no' forcing myself to say it to attempt to subside the panic in my heart and bile rising in my throat,
Aaron's head shoots up at the question and I see his shoulders relax slightly when I shake my head, but he still looks tense and pissed off
"Are you in any pain where he touched you?" She asks
I slowly nod and don't stop as a sob escapes my throat
"Alright, can you point to where?" She asks
I point to my wrists, neck, and my chest, and stomach area
She checks the bruising and takes my blood pressure "looks a little bit on the high side but understandable with shock and fear," she says
"Alright you seem physically okay at least enough to go home, I recommend that you take it easy and wear some loose shirts because it looks like you will bruise" she sighs a little
"Thank you" I whispered
She nods "no problem, if you need a more thorough checkup, someone to talk to or any questions just come down to the ER okay?"
"Okay" I whisper and nod
After she leaves Aaron helps me stand, I stumble slightly on shaky legs, and I grab his arm to steady myself, suddenly feeling dizzy
"What's wrong?" Aaron asks concern evident in his voice
"Just a little dizzy, I skipped lunch so it's probably just that" I whisper
He clenches his jaw as he looks at me "why didn't you eat lunch?"
Because I feel too sick to my stomach to eat and I can't stomach any food when all I continue to think of is hurting you...is what I want to say, but instead, I answer
"Lost track of time while working... I'll eat when I get home" I shrug
He watches me and doesn't say anything as he helps me to my car, but not before asking if I'm sure I want to drive myself home
"Yes I'll be fine, and I'll text you when I get home, so you know I made it safely, okay?" I clear my throat
He slowly nods and opens his mouth like he wants to say something but decides otherwise
"Thank you for coming" I sadly smile opening my car door
"Did you get your hand checked out?" I whisper seeing his bruised hand from him hitting and punching the man
"Yeah, they said it should be fine" he nods slowly then crosses his arms hiding his hand from me
"Goodnight" I whisper after I nod
"Goodnight" Aaron clears his throat and closes my car door for me, I see him watching me pull out of the parking spot but I look away because it's too painful to see him care.
When I get to my apartment I text Aaron I made it safely, I cry while I get undressed to get into the shower to wash off the man's touch,
An endless stream of tears is rolling down my face as I take in my badly bruised body, the blood coming out of my lip from him biting me, my body trembling from fear, my hair is messed up from the struggle, my eyes are puffy along with my face and I look tired and scared.
I don't get any sleep that night, all my mind focuses on when I close my eyes is the man's terrifying smirk and his hands all over me, I take a bath and drink tea, I clean my apartment two times to distract my mind in any way I can,
I bake some desserts and then watch a movie while eating said desserts...
But nothing works for long because the minute there's some peaceful quiet my fears come back, the touch of the man is still present no matter how much I shower or change my clothing,
Hysterical tears come and go.
I lie awake wondering if this feeling will ever subside and if I'll ever feel safe...especially as safe as I did in Aaron's arms.
I've never felt more fear in my life than I did when I answered Vanessa's call to hear her screaming and telling someone to get off,
Then to hear a man speaking to her as if all she was is a plastic doll to have fun with and then throw to the side made my blood run cold,
My heart jumped hearing him say the word park,
I've never run to my car so fast in my life, and then seeing him on top of her while she was sobbing and trying to fight him off filled me with so much rage that I was too close to murdering him,
I kept punching him until I couldn't feel my fist until he looked like someone ran a meet grinder over his face, and then looking over at a trembling Vanessa made me collect myself and call the cops to come and help,
She wasn't registering anything around her as the cops came and took the man, she just sat on the floor next to the bench shaking and screaming hysterical if anyone came near her,
Any anger I held towards her vanished when I watched her cry and plead to not be touched even though he was already off her,
The EMT'S tried multiple times to check on her but she wasn't cooperating, she was too scared to be near anyone, it was then that I knew I had to try talking to her, no matter how much I dreaded to.
I remember me gently calling her name and her flinching when I came close, but then relaxing when she realized I wasn't the man who hurt her, I remember closing my eyes when I felt her in my arms again,
But this was a different feeling, any thought or anger I held against her for breaking up with me vanished the moment I held her knowing she was alive at that moment, that the drunk bastard didn't take her away from this cruel world
I kept whispering "you're safe now, you're okay" but she kept shaking her head and holding onto me as if I would disappear in a moment, she kept crying and saying "nothings okay, it never will"
She trembled as I told her she had to be checked out by the EMT but reluctantly agreed, I watched her get questioned and felt angrier when she said she was in pain,
I wanted to murder him terribly, the police said he would most likely be thrown in a cell but they can't be too sure and we most likely won't find out if he did which pissed me off,
Everything went by in a blur when she kept telling me she could get home by herself, and reluctantly I had to agree because I can't force her to get in my car, I just nodded and watched her drive off.
But when I was in my bed that night, I didn't sleep at all, after she texted me telling me thank you and that she was safe at home I felt better but I still felt sense and angered, I paced around my place trying to breathe as the realization that she could have been raped and badly hurt set inside my stomach,
I ended up puking out everything I ate that day and stared at a wall until it was time for work,
----notes---
Early bonus up loud....
Well...that happened, sorry besties, ima go dip and write the next chapter I guess... ððð
Also, I put in a sneak peek of two characters in my short story called "ten days" you see them at the park bench (that's when they first meet) (but they live in Washington, and their story is set in the summerð§ð¼ââï¸so you'll just have to ignore that part lmao I'm a little slow at 5 am and didn't realize they don't live in New York until after I wrote it...)
â ï¸Just a warning, to never walk alone, especially at night, this can most certainly happen...easily, especially in a city, please be careful lovelies, stay safe and if possible carry something with you like a stun gun (like I have) or a pocket knife, some kind of self-defense weaponâ ï¸
This was a hella long chapter so I'm sorry about thatð§ð¼ââï¸
Also a long authors note no one will read but oh well...
Vote and comment!
Word count: 4910