I thought I had done a good job up until this point with not pestering Taylor about where he was taking me. But now, on the way to wherever-the-hell-we-were-going, surely would be a good time to spill the beans? It had been five minutes since Taylor drove out of the arena's parking lot and the only word he apparently knew was mum.
Fine. I thought he would have admitted our destination by now, maybe even explain why he was protecting the information like it was top-secret, but I could see that he wanted to play hardball. I wasn't above begging. But first, let's start with simply asking. Again.
"So, Taylor, where are weâ"
"Fine, I'll tell you," he said, cutting me off.
I had never been so okay with getting interrupted. When I was younger, I would always be spoken over because my voice was so soft, which is why it now sounds like I'm saying a rehearsed speech whenever I address even a small group.
"We're on our way to see a good friend of mine," Taylor said as we hit a red light. "One of the best ones I have here, actually."
"Really?" I glanced over at him.
Was that a tinge of jealousy I felt? That's ridiculous. So what if I wasn't the only "good friend" Taylor had in Winnipeg?
"Yeah, his name is Devon and he's a really good kid," he continued.
Wait. A kid?
Taylor looked at me from the side, likely assessing my slightly confused expression before he dropped the most important nugget of information.
"He's a patient at the local children's hospital. I visit him from time to time and thought maybe you'd like to come with me. But if you're not comfortable with it, we can go straight to dinner. I was going to take you after..."
Whoa, whoa. Whoa. My brain could only process so much at once, and I was still trying to get past 'hospital.'
Taylor had a friend at a children's hospital, one that he visited? From time to time, as in, more than once? That was so completely... Taylor.
"Of course, I'd love to visit with you," I interrupted his never-ending stream of words. "How come you never mentioned this before?"
In true humble Taylor Hudson fashion, he shrugged. "I met him in August, at a team event. The Storm organization visits the hospital every year at that time. The players get to meet and play with some of the kids, and it's a highlight for the kids, which is great. But there was one boy and his parents that I met..."
"Devon," I said, putting two-and-two together.
"Yeah, Devon, that I formed a real connection with. So, I visit him whenever I can, which isn't too often, but I guess it's better than nothing."
"I think it's amazing."
Taylor scratched his neck, seeming uncomfortable with the compliment.
"I'm in a pretty fortunate position. It's just a small thing I do."
"Yeah, but there are lots of people in fortunate positions who would never think about spending their free time visiting a kid who wasn't related to them at a hospital."
And yeah, I was included in that group. I felt so fortunate and often thought that my life and what I had had to be greater than 90% of what the world's population had. I was healthy and able-bodied and had an amazing family and a few great friends. I didn't have to worry about finances or where my next meal was coming from or constantly worry about the health and safety of my loved ones.
Sure, I tried to always be kind to people and not hurt others, but wasn't that the bare minimum of what any decent person should do?
Maybe I wasn't as good a person as I liked to think. In my weakest moments I worked myself up over graduate school so much that I felt like a victim. Was that not the definition of selfishness?
"You okay over there?"
"Hmm? Oh yeah, just thinking."
Thank goodness Taylor was here to crash my pity party.
"About what?"
"That you are a much better person than I am."
I meant it.
Taylor smiled, a crooked one that saw only one corner of his mouth reach up to his cheek.
"I wouldn't say that. You're a kind, hardworking person Camille. That counts for something. Besides, spending time with Devon is fun for me too. I'm not completely selfless."
I sighed. "True. But sometimes I feel like such an ignorant person. I haven't had to sacrifice too much in life. Most things have come relatively easy. Yeah, I work hard in school, but I don't have to work to pay for it and I have my family to help support me."
Taylor's head cocked to the side. "You were born into a family who loves you and worked hard to give you a good life. So was I. That doesn't make us bad people, just lucky."
I thought about that for a moment. "It's what we do with all that luck and fortune that counts, I guess."
"Exactly."
I looked out the window, feeling thoughtful. I recognized the scene outside as belonging to the hospital district.
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Camille. I know that's rich coming from me, because I get angry at myself when I go a few games without scoring, but seriously. We're only human."
"You get mad when you don't score?"
That thought never would have occurred to me. Taylor definitely seemed serious about hockey, but he also seemed to be the type of person who didn't get too high or too low.
"Yeah, sometimes, for sure. I want to be the best."
Yeah, ditto.
But for me, being the best wasn't restricted to a sport. I wanted to be the best at everything, all the time. I wanted to be beautiful with an attractive body. I wanted to be smart and educated and have a high-paying job. Eventually, I wanted a sexy husband and a nice house. I couldn't fault myself for wanting these things; a lot of people did. What bothered me was that I had a bad habit of equating imperfection with failure.
"We're here," Taylor said, turning off the ignition.
He managed to find a spot near the front of the visitor's entrance, so we didn't have far to walk.
"Just make sure to use the hand sanitizer when you walk in," he murmured.
I nodded my head. After I did that, I let Taylor take the lead.
"Taylor! You're here!" the kind, middle-aged woman at the front desk smiled. "Here to see Devon, I assume?"
Clearly, he got around to coming here more than he let on.
"You got it, Barbara. I've brought a friend today, too," Taylor told her, gesturing to me.
"Wonderful, hello dear. If I can have both of you sign the visitor's form," she said, ruffling some papers, "that'd be great. I'll give you the sticker, just stick it anywhere visible and you'll be good to go."
I nodded my thanks at her as I stuck the yellow sticker in the middle of my chest.
"Okay, go ahead. Devon's on the first floor, in room 107 this week." Barbara said once the sign-in tasks were taken care of.
"Thanks, have a good one, Barb," Taylor winked as he led me down the hall.
I didn't say anything on the walk down. My heart began to race with a bit of anxiety. Would Devon be upset that I was here with Taylor? I didn't want to ruin their special visit.
"Those are his parents, standing outside the door," Taylor nearly whispered next to me.
A few feet ahead was an attractive couple with the most beautiful dark skin. They were murmuring to each other with worried expressions on their faces, until they saw Taylor. Then, their eyes lit up.
"Taylor!" the woman exclaimed. "We're so happy you made it! Devon is going to be so thrilled!"
"He doesn't know you're here?" I asked Taylor, trying to keep my voice low.
"No, I typically surprise him with my visits. I don't want to disappoint him in case something comes up and I can't make it. I just confirm with his parents that it's a good day to come."
Taylor then introduced me to Devon's parents, Darryl and Melanie. They exuded a friendly calmness, despite the fact that anxiety seemed etched in the skin under their eyes and the lines around their mouths.
"You guys can go ahead, we'll be good to stay with him," Taylor told them.
"Thanks a lot, guys. You really make his day and we appreciate the relief as well. His nurse is just inside with him right now," Melanie said.
The door to Devon's room opened and said nurse walked out and stopped to talk to Melanie and Darryl.
"Dad?" a young voice called out from inside the room.
With one last wink in my direction, Taylor sprang into action.
"Sorry to disappoint, it's me!" he announced.
"Taylor!"
The person who yelled my friend's name looked to be about twelve years old. He had a slight build and was wearing a hospital gown. He was laying in his bed.
For the first time since we arrived at the hospital, I got the urge to cry. I pushed that feeling down immediately. I had to. This wasn't about me.
I zoned back into the present moment, where Taylor was laughing and Devon kept repeating how happy he was that Taylor was there.
"I brought you a few things," Taylor said. "First, is my friend, Camille. She's really cool and nice and fun and I thought you'd like to meet her."
I smiled. I don't think anyone has used those words to describe me before, especially 'cool' and 'fun.'
"Hey, buddy," I said. "I'm really happy to meet you. Taylor tells me you're a close friend of his."
The smile on Devon's face was enough to break my heart.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Do not cry.
"We're best friends, but I don't mind sharing him with you," Devon said.
"Thanks, I appreciate that," I laughed.
I didn't mind sharing with him either.
"Don't you want to know the second thing I brought?" Taylor asked. "Actually, maybe not. You probably don't want it."
"No, no, I want it!" Devon protested, not picking up the tease in Taylor's tone.
"It's just another one to add to your collection," Taylor hinted as he pulled something out of his duffel bag. He tossed it onto Devon's bed. My eyes narrowed as I tried to get a good look at it. Was that...
"Your Storm jersey! And it's signed! This is so cool!" Devon held the jersey up to his body and smiled proudly.
I looked away, mentally urging whoever was cutting the onions to stop. My eyes landed on the wall above Devon and I noticed the signed Wind jersey hanging there. That must have been what Taylor meant when he said collection.
"I'm glad you like it," Taylor said. He ruffled Devon's short hair.
"It's awesome. I'm going to wear it when I watch your games. I've been watching them all, even the ones my parents say are on too late!"
"Really? Even I can't stay up for those ones," I said.
Devon shrugged. "I'm a really big fan."
I laughed and looked at Taylor. He was looking at me.
"What'll it be this time?" Taylor asked our young friend, a moment later.
"What're you talking about?" I asked.
"Every time I visit I like to get Devon a treat from the vending machine."
Right. Because the time and jerseys weren't enough.
"Ketchup chips!" Devon said.
"You've got good taste. Those are my favourite," I said.
Taylor excused himself, and I was left alone with Devon. I wondered what to say him, but that was unnecessary, because Devon spoke almost as soon as Taylor left the room.
"He told me about you, you know?"
My heart felt like it sank to my stomach, if that was physically possible. Taylor talked about me?
No, Camille, it was Bob the Builder who told him.
"Who?" I asked cautiously, playing dumb.
"Taylor. The last time he came to visit me, I asked him what was new. He said he met a new friend, Camille. That is your name, right?"
I smiled. "Yeah, that's me."
"I have a question for you, if you don't mind."
I raised my eyebrows. "Yeah? Is it a quiz?"
"No. I just like asking people fun questions."
"Okay, then, go ahead."
"If you could visit anywhere in the world right now, where would you want to go?"
I brought my hand to my chin, like I was thinking. "Hmm, that is a fun question. I think my answer is California. I've never been but I've always wanted to go," I said honestly.
Devon nodded, like he understood completely. He didn't ask another question, like I thought he would.
I desperately wanted to know what else Taylor had said about me, but in the few seconds that I spent deliberating about whether I should ask, my moment slipped away. The devil himself walked into the room, carrying too small bags of ketchup chips. How did I know he was going to get me a bag as well?
"Enjoy, bud," Taylor said, tossing one to Devon and the other to me.
Thank you, I mouthed.
No, thank you, he mouthed back.
Heat flooded my cheeks and I looked away quickly, focusing on Devon devouring his chips.
As we ate our snack, we talked about how Taylor felt playing in the NHLâamazingâand how much longer Devon had left in his treatmentânot very long. Devon even asked me what things I liked. I told him that I liked hockey and school. He responded with a thumbs up and a smile followed by a thumbs down and a frown.
Taylor and I were laughing at that when Devon's parents stepped into the room.
"It sounds like you guys are having fun, but I'm afraid it's time for your dinner," Darryl said.
"I don't need dinner. Taylor got me chips!"
Taylor's eyes widened, but Melanie winked and shook her head, telling him not to worry about it.
"Lucky you," she said to her son. "But you're still going to have to eat some more. Tell your friends thanks for coming."
Before Devon could protest, Taylor told him that we'd be back before we knew it. Yes, I was included in that promise. It wasn't in vain; I'd come back in a heartbeat.
Taylor and I exchanged goodbyes with Devon and his parents.
"Thanks for coming," Taylor said to me as he closed the door behind him.
"Thanks for taking me. He's a great kid."
"Yeah, he's pretty cool."
My stomach grumbled, sounding loud in the near-empty hallway. Considering I had only consumed waffles for breakfast, a protein bar during class, and a bag of chips, it was safe to say that I was hungry.
"We better get some food in you," Taylor said. "There's a small restaurant right around the corner. We wouldn't even have to drive there."
"Sounds good."
As Taylor pulled out my chair for me at the two-person table the hostess brought us to, there was only one thing on my mind.
This is not a date.
This is not a date.
But boy, I wished it was.
There. I admitted it. Happy? Slowly as hell but surely as heck, I was beginning to see Taylor as someone I wanted to be in a relationship with. Technically, friendship was a relationship. But we already established that I'm selfish, remember. And friendship suddenly wasn't cutting it. I wanted to mean more to Taylor. I wanted him to see me as his partner. Because he sure as hell was starting to feel like that to me.
"Have you ever been here before? I've been a few times. A few guys on the Wind told me about it," Taylor said.
Geez. Isn't it so crazy how two people at the same place could be thinking such different thoughts?
"I haven't actually." I was surprised I hadn't, because it was my kind of restaurant. The menu was full of comfort food and not that expensive, fancy, small portion crap.
It took me ten seconds, max, to scan the menu and see what I wanted.
"Ooh," I mumbled.
"What?"
"Looks like someone's getting chicken tenders."
At that moment, I remembered my sister-in-law, Beth, telling me how nervous she was about choosing food during her first few dates with my brother. Was it the norm to feel self-conscious about eating in front of a guy? I wasn't sure; all I knew was that I wanted chicken tenders.
"I don't remember those being on the list of foods you liked," Taylor smiled.
"Must have forgotten then. Probably because it's so rare nowadays for them to be on the regular menu and not the kid's."
Taylor laughed. "Yeah, you definitely eat like a kid. No offense."
"None taken."
It was the truth.
A waiter came and took our order. The service was incredibly fast and before Taylor and I could even start a conversation my chicken tenders and Taylor's turkey sandwich were placed in front of us.
"So," Taylor began after he took a bite. "What's new with you?"
That question immediately brought me back to what Devon had said, about Taylor telling him about me. I felt my cheeks blush. I pretended to scratch my face to camouflage it.
"Not much. I submitted my grad school applications and have, like, five papers due this week. Then over the next two weeks I have a few exams." Even saying it all aloud made me stressed.
"We have different ideas of what 'not much' means," Taylor laughed. "But congratulations on applying. What happens after your exams?"
I finished chewing my French fry before I responded. "Not much, literally this time. We're on break until the second week in January."
Taylor seemed satisfied with that answer. "You should go on a vacation."
"I don't know. It's a little late to plan something."
"Not if all you need is a flight."
I paused, holding my chicken tender that was dunked in ketchup mid-air. "Pardon?"
"Camille, would you like to come back to Pasadena with me over the holidays? We play until the 23rd and then I'm sure you'd want to spend Christmas with your family, but how about right after that?"
Huh? Just...huh? Was he serious? He wasn't laughing and there was no 'Gotcha!' yelled. So, yeah, I guess he was. Again: huh?
"Taylor," I began slowly. "I don't know. I couldn't impose."
I couldn't. I just couldn't. Go back home? To his home?
"Come on, you said so yourself, you want to visit California."
How did he...?
"I overheard when Devon asked you."
I sighed, my body falling forward.
"Taylor, that's not why I said it. I didn't say it so you'd invite me."
Taylor placed his hand on the table, close to mine but not touching it.
"I know. I know, that's why I'm inviting you."
I...I don't know. He looked so hopeful and I was getting so hopeful, but was this too much?
"Isn't this supposed to be time with your family? Wouldn't me being there get in the way of that?"
He shrugged. "I'd still spend time with them over Christmas. That's plenty of time. Besides, I've seen your city. I want to show you mine. I can't show you all of California, but I can promise you that the weather will be great."
I was trying to think of a good argument against this plan, other than the fact that I hadn't done anything like this before in my life.
"Where would I stay?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest, dinner forgotten.
"My house," he said like it was obvious. "And I'd pay for your ticket."
"No way, then. It's a no."
"Well, I tried," he laughed. "If I let you pay for your own ticket, will you think about it?"
I sighed, letting out a small nod.
Here I was being offered a chance to spend a few days in California. With Taylor. At his home. I'd meet his family and see where he came from. It was an offer I couldn't refuse. Almost.
I had never travelled without my family; just thinking about it made me anxious. Would I be imposing too much, staying at their house?
Forget all those questions. Only one mattered. Did I want to go?
"Yes," I said aloud.
"You'll think about it?" Taylor asked.
I shook my head. "I mean, yes, I'll come."