"Maria!"
I threw open the door and glared at the dangerous man at the door. He had his eyebrows furrowed, and his mouth was turned into a scowl.
"Yes?" I growled Stephan.
My hair was a complete mess, it resembled somewhat of a haystack in a wind storm.
"Get yourself together. We're leaving soon."
I slammed the door. Then I sighed. I had questions.
I opened the door and tried to look mature and composed. Thankfully, Stephan was still at the door.
"Where are we going?"
"It doesn't matter."
I was about to slam the door again, but I took a deep breath and restated my question, "Are we leaving the city or the country?"
Stephan stood still a moment but thankfully decided to answer. "No."
He left and I closed the door- quietly this time. I jumped onto my bed and groaned. I hated myself.
Not only had I committed a sin, which goes against God, but I also went against Alexander, my husband. He didn't deserve it, no matter how cold and unattached he was from me. Even if he hated me, it didn't matter, because I was still married to him. I owed it to him to be a good wife, who honored him and was faithful to him... but darn! Darn, darn, darn!!
I screamed into my pillow and then threw it at the wall. It made me feel better, but only for a minute moment.
I was terribly ashamed of what I had done, and until this awful burden, this weight of regret and guilt wasn't lifted, I wouldn't be able to function normally. The weight of such actions was truly great, impacting all thoughts and reactions.
Alexander wasn't here and I couldn't express my deepest, deepest regrets and apologize for my lack of control and faithfulness.
But God was here, and I could start with an apology to him.
"God..." I whispered into the air, closing my eyes.
I didn't want to continue the prayer. You know, it's when you're so guilty that you don't even want to admit what you have done because of all the embarrassment.
However, the weight would be gone. And I did need someone to talk to and to apologize to and so I proceeded.
"God, forgive me. Forgive me, please. I know that no matter what I do, you always love me, but I still feel so... disgusted. So, so horribly disgusted with my betrayal to Alexander. No matter how awful he is sometimes, he doesn't deserve it and what I did is simply wrong. I beg you to forgive me... please, take this awful burden from me. I am so utterly displeased with myself and IÂ know that only you can take away this shame and this guilt and this sin and cleanse me. Please, God, grant mercy and give peace to my soul. Amen."
I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew God heard it, but I so desperately wanted to apologize to Alexander as well. I knew I wouldn't feel entirely better until I could properly apologize to Alexander.
I quickly began to get myself ready to leave. My mind never left Alexander, and I would find myself in constant prayer. Even though God had forgiven me, I still wanted to apologize over and over for my actions.
I quickly brushed my nest hair until they almost gleamed like the golden strands of Rapunzel's hair. I threw on the same outfit I had on when I first went out. I didn't want to bother to look for other clothing.
I was just about to open the door when a thought stopped me.
Shouldn't I also apologize to Misha?
I know that he kissed me first, but I allowed it to happen. I also continued it, and with such... ugh. I shuddered. Let's definitely ignore the details.
I was still wrong by him. I had been getting close to him and didn't stop his flirty comments or smiles. Maybe I had provoked him to do this, without ever thinking about what might become of it.
I had made him fall for me. Now, we were in a very heated conversation, our minds were high, when he made the confession, and so I wasn't sure how much he really meant it.
I knew he had feelings for me, but how deep they were, I didn't know.
But I did deepen his affection for me when I kissed him back, and when I admitted that I had liked it. If I had just kept my mouth silent, he would have stepped back.
Oh... I knew I had to apologize to him. He still hadn't returned from the city, but I wasn't worried. I didn't really want to see him.
I sighed again. I had to get things right with him, and I couldn't hate him or avoid him or become apathetic to him. We had a low moment, but I still cared for him and I didn't want this moment of miserable weakness to ruin our friendship.
"God, please, grant me the strength to... at least tolerate Misha and then learn how to reconnect with him. I do not want to go on with life feeling angered or hatred towards him."
I opened the door.
"Finally!" Stephan exclaimed with a deep sigh as soon as I stepped out.
I noticed the entire crew had been waiting for me.
"Sorry, I didn't know you were waiting."
He waved his hand. "Let's go."
Shurik and Eugene followed him with me in the back... wait a second. Where was Misha? Was he really so upset that he never returned?
I didn't want to bother anyone with my stupid questions so I just clamped my mouth shut and followed them.
We walked through the heart of the city of Moscow, and I stared at the buildings we passed by... All the pictures I had seen of the towering cathedrals and stunning works of architecture, as well as the colors... Oh, it was so aesthetically pleasing to my soul and my heart.
We reached a simple little building. It wasn't a broken down building, where windows were shattered and splinters lined the wood. It was just not a work of art like the heart of Moscow was.
"Maria, remember you are Kate Parfenova, my daughter," Stephan mumbled to me as we stepped in.
I nodded, looking around the dark room. It wasn't actually that dark; there was light from the windows, but other than that, there was nothing. The men silently walked through the corridors, and each step echoed in the empty corridors. All the doors lining the hallways were closed, but there was light coming from one door that seemed to be wide open, and laughter was audible from that direction.
Indeed, we walked to the room and immediately our faces lighted up from the bright room. Several men and a few women were sitting or standing in the room, merrily conversing or drinking. When Stephan and the rest of the crew walked in, people jumped up and greeted them the good Russian way, and in a few seconds, they each had a bottle of good Russian vodka.
No one offered me any drinks as soon as they saw my belly, but they would smile and dance with me and feel my baby kick. When I finally got a chance to step away I had to rub my cheeks because they hurt so much from laughing with all these wonderful people.
Ahh, I loved this. Being in Russia, engaging with my culture and talking with all these people in Russian. I had missed being so engrossed in it and it really did bring back a part of me that I had forgotten existed. A part that I had longed for a long while.
"Maria." A hushed, low whisper sounded in my ear.
I nearly choked on my water and turned around.
"Misha?"
He gave me a weak smile. I could see his eyes welling up with guilt and regret and I knew he also had a burden weighing him down.
"I want to talk. Please, just let me have a moment." He pleaded.
I nodded. "Of course."
"Let's go get some fresh air. It would be horrendous talking in here."
He led me out. I noticed that I wasn't filled with hatred towards him. At the sight of him, I actually felt pity and wanted to comfort him.
"Maria-" he began, but I quickly cut him off.
"I'm sorry. I know that everything was weird and I'm not going to blame you for everything. I am very sorry that I continued to kiss you and I'm sorry for the way I reacted and for yelling, and for running away... I'm truly very sorry!"
He seemed very shocked at first but slowly he began to smile.
"Oh, no, darling, stop blaming yourself for everything! I... I am the one who caused you to... you know, and so I am very sorry. I didn't want any of that to happen, and I'm sorry for all I said and you know, well... yeah. Please, Maria, if there is any way for you to forgive me and give me another chance to... correct everything?" He rambled, his eyes fixed at the ground, his feet playing with a pebble on the street.
I took his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I couldn't stay mad at him. His apology was genuine and... no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't hate him. He wasn't the only one at fault.
"I forgive you, Misha. But swear to me it won't ever happen again."
He nodded very enthusiastically. "Oh yes! Yes, I promise. And for what I said, I want you to know it came out in a spur of the moment kind of thing, I didn't mean it. I swear."
I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank you, good God!
"I... I do have a few, well a few confessions to make." Misha muttered, looking around, "But not here. Let's go into the city?"
I looked into his eyes. His eyes, swarming with an array of emotions. I could trust him. I wanted to see what he would say, so I nodded and he grabbed my hand, and we walked off.
"We'll go see the beautifully stunning Cathedral of Christ the Saviour. There, we can talk and enjoy the beauties of Moscow. Sound good?"
My face exploded into a grin. "It sounds better than that. I've been dreaming of that since... well, doesn't matter. For a very long time and ahh, I cannot believe that I am finally getting a chance to go there and see it. Thank you."
I gave his hand a gentle squeeze, and his eyes met mine. He didn't me to say anymore, he understood the deep and genuine thanks from the bottom of my heart. He simply gave a nod, and then turned back to the road.
We finally reached the stunning piece of artwork, a true masterpiece of architecture! What made it, even more, a work of art was the color scheme: a pure, snow-white color reminding one of the sacrifice of... Christ the Saviour. But the alluring and radiant gold, gleaming under the sun's rays, like a halo of a holy angel, marked the holiness and radiance of Christ the Saviour.
A small laugh escaped me. It seemed the name of the Cathedral was a pretty accurate name.
"Let me start," Misha began after he gave me a good long while to inspect the building and take in every centimeter into my memory, "by saying that I have some information on Alexander."
I whipped around to stare at him.
He gave a guilty look. "I'm not supposed to be telling you any of this, so you'll have to keep your mouth shut and act just as if you know nothing, understand?"
"Of course. And I do appreciate it, Misha. You've done so much for me, and even this, it does mean a tremendous amount."
"Let me continue. We received a letter from your husband in Tokyo. It was the reason for our sudden departure. You see, things didn't go as planned, and your husband sent us a letter. In the letter, he addressed you..." He paused and looked at me.
He seemed to be worried about my reaction, but little did he know that I in fact already knew the contents of the letter. I let him continue, though.
"Alex told us, or even asked us that we keep you."
He waited a few moments but after receiving no reaction from me he frowned. "Are you not... hearing me?"
I laughed. "No, I am. I guess I have a confession of my own. I already know. I accidentally evesdropped."
He laughed. "Oh, you're a good actor. I want you to know that we are planning to give you back to him. He already knows where you are, and with whom, and I'm afraid you're not much use anymore."
"No!" I grasped Misha's arms and shook him, "No, please, I cannot go back to him now! I cannot! Please, let me stay. I'll do anything you want, but I do not want to go back to Alexander. Not yet, at least."
Misha was slightly shocked. Okay, a lot shocked. "Maria, are you feeling alright? Are you sick, is the baby in bad condition, are you overwhelmed, have you been drinking or taking drugs?"
"No, what stupid idea is that? It's just... he doesn't want me there right now. I would be a burden to him and he would despise even more than he usually does. I cannot stand to think of the thought of being with him right now. I... love him. I do, I really do, but I don't want to see him right now. Please, don't make me." I closed my eyes, a tear dropping from my eye.
Dang, why did I cry so easy? Oh, right, it was the baby human inside of me.
"Shh, my love, don't cry. I'll be sure to tell Stephan to keep you. There really is no reason for us to not not keep you."
I gave him a warm smile, hoping he would understand everything I couldn't. And he did, he did understand.
When did we begin to understand each other so well? We had been the closest of friends the past few months, but... we understood each other extremely well. Too well than normal friends would, right?
But then again, we weren't normal friends. Normal friends didn't kidnap each other and they surely didn't plan on sabotaging their husband's company.
"I've got another little confession to make..."
Misha acquired another guilty expression on his face. One slightly guiltier than the previous one.
I frowned. "Well?"
"Well... Stephan may have not told you the entire reason as to why we need, or should I say want, to ruin your husband and take his money."
I sighed. A deep, long breath.
I had been waiting to hear about this ever since that plane ride. They had been hiding something, and Misha was finally going to disclose the secret to me. Why was I so nervous?
"Alexander... well, I knew him. And we have some history together. A lot, actually."
He pressed his lips tightly together. He turned to look at the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour. He admired it for a good long while. And I studied Misha.
His hair was a mess. I just realized that he had been combing his hands through it during our conversation. His hands were in his pockets, and he was rocking on his feet, back and forth. He was nervous. Or afraid. Maybe he was agitated? I couldn't tell, but I knew that whatever he had to say, it would not be the pleasantest of memories for him.
I decided it best not to push him to tell me. So I just stood and admired the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour with him.
Finally, a barely audible whisper could be heard from his general direction, but as soon as he said the words, I knew that it was Misha talking, and not the stone next to him, "He killed me."