Chapter 37: 37.

Zacson's POV

Two weeks. Half a month. Fourteen days. It took me that long to realize if I didn't start doing something, I was sure as hell going to lose her from my fingertips.

She had been distancing herself away. Purposely. Going all-out-ly. I thought not sleeping in her room at night would give her sufficient space; but she even went to the extent of turning the opposite direction when she so much as chance upon me on campus grounds. She'd often use Cassandra as her shield to get herself out of our usual lunch. And the most ridiculous of all? She actually went out for runs every single day as long as I was hanging around Wayne's house.

This girl didn't even like to perspire, for goodness sake.

So I waited. I dropped her several texts and called her almost twenty times—in which all of it went to her voicemail. I was bordering on being worried and being mad. The last time she was uncontactable, she got herself involved in a car accident.

All these because of two missed dates? I thought to myself. Frankly, I hadn't expect her to be so hung up about it. It wouldn't have been fair to say she was wrong to be upset—she had every right to. But it was just two times. And I had good reasons to do what I needed to do.

That night, I eventually dozed off on her bed thinking I'd wake up to her snuggling up to me. Then hours later, I flunk an eye open and realized the other side of the bed was still cold.

She didn't come home.

———

I am only human.

Four hours of interrupted sleep isn't something I can function with, coupled with the fact that I've been so busy. Finals are approaching in slightly more than a month from now, so that means we are bombarded with mock tests and shits to prep. And then there's drumline practices. Freshmen are always a pain in the ass, especially when you get those who are cocky and think they're the Mr-Know-It-Alls.

Having to graduate soon also means moving on to adulting life. I have been determined not to work in my father's company even though he offered me a high position job. I'd much rather carve out something of my own name than inherit his tainted legacy.

Not forgetting, I have to constantly deal with Becca's needs. Some days she'll need me to chaffeur her, some days she wants me to cook her her favourite beef lasagna, some days she simply needs me to hold her hair up while she puke her guts out. Why I have agreed to basically be her butler is completely out of kindness and sympathy. How do you possibly turn a close friend who's come to seek your help down knowing they're already at wits' end?

So, really, with so many things going on; having to cajole a girl will entirely drain me out if I don't get that third cup of coffee.

I'm on my way to the least populated coffee shop in campus when I just so happen to spot a familiar, striking, red studded backpack that I know only one person uses. Squinting my eyes, I kind of make out Cassandra and Kelsey heading towards the dorm building. Cassandra has her arms around my girl, seemingly supporting her as she walks.

Immediately, I know I have to go to her and find out if she's alright. She hasn't been home last night and was still uncontactable all day. Showing up first thing so weak absolutely does not put me at ease.

And that's when I come face to face with an outraged Cassandra who looked at me like I am the dirty gum under her boots.

"She was. Not anymore."

My head can't stop swirling at the fact that I am just told Kelsey is pregnant. No, she was. Pregnant with my kid. And then at the same time, not anymore.

Is she shitting me?

"What do you mean was?" I stare at Cassandra, perturbed.

"Exactly what I meant. She had a miscarriage. Well, not technically. The pregnancy just didn't develop well and she had to undergo a procedure to remove the fetus." She explains.

That's why she was weak? That's why she didn't come back?

"When did it happen? Why didn't she tell me?" I couldn't understand. I would've thought she should know by now that I'll be there if she needs me.

"Look," she sighs, looking like she wanted to face-palm herself, hard. "I shouldn't even have told you. Hell, you probably wouldn't believe that I only found out this just about an hour ago when she called me from the clinic. If she really wanted you to know, do you think she would've called me?"

My knuckles throbbed from the one punch I gave to the wall earlier.

If she really wanted you to know, do you think she would've called me? I couldn't stop this from replaying in my head.

She didn't want me to know. She probably never wanted me to know. She must've found out about the pregnancy at least awhile ago, and yet she never hinted about it to me. Instead, she became more and more detached.

I turn around and smash my fist into the wall once more, not caring about the loud crack it made.

"Jeez, stop that. I don't think even Iron Man can break a brick wall with his fist." Cassandra places one hand on my shoulder but quickly retracts it when I flinch.

"Where is she?" I ask, breathing hard.

"In my room. She couldn't drive and didn't want anyone to ask about her car."

"How is she now? I have to see her."

"She's fine. She just needs to be alone."

Alone? What kind of man would I be if I were to let my woman be alone in times like this?

"I have to see her for myself, Cassandra. I need to." I insist. Even if she says no, I'll probably call up all the locksmiths I can find and pay a good sum to whoever who'll open up the damn door.

"She's resting now, she needs it. Now is not the time. And she has to be the one to decide if she wants to see you or not."

"I won't wake her up. I just have to see her. For awhile." I plead. "Five minutes. Please, Cassandra."

Ultimately, Cassandra relented. We walk back to her room down the hall and she spins around before turning the door knob. "Five. Minutes." She hisses.

She creaks the door open slowly and impatient me can't help but zoom in to the figure lying down on one of the beds. One look at her and I know she's crying. She quickly turns to her side, pretending to rub her eyes when anyone can tell she's trying to wipe off the tears.

My chest suddenly feels like a black hole. I hate watching her cry knowing I am likely the cause of her tears. Unable to help myself, I lightly shove Cassandra into the room to get nearer to her.

Kelsey sits up from the bed, her ponytail now loose and messy. When she lifts up her face, my fists automatically clench at the sight of her eyes. The whites in them now completely pink from all the crying. How long has she been crying on her own? How was I so dumb not to notice?

But when she spots me standing just a few feet away from her, her eyes instantly turns cold. She directs her death glare towards Cassandra who's now half-hiding behind me. We haven't really expected her to be awake when I asked for five minutes. I thought I could just hold her and check her to make sure she's alright.

Cassandra sighs, stepping out to face Kelsey entirely. "You should talk to him, okay? Hear him out."

"Cas-san-dra." Kelsey seethes, her jaw clenched tightly.

Knowing this is going to be our first fight, I cast Cassandra a look, hoping she gets the hint.

She seems to hesitate, flickering her gaze between Kelsey and I. Until she puts up her arms, slowly moving backwards to the door. "I'm just going to buy the food I was planning then." She informs Kelsey before lowering her voice to me. "You better be done once I'm back." Then she leaves.

Like statues, neither of us make any movements. I dare not make a wrong move and rile her up even more. But after a few minutes of silence, I realize she won't say a word until I do.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I start soft, watching her as she looks anywhere but me. Did my heart just shatter a little?

With her head turned to the side, she forces her eyes close a couple of times. I can clearly see her hands turning into fists beneath the sheets she's covering herself with. She's willing herself not to cry. I've seen her done this whenever she was in extreme pain during her period days.

I have a sudden urge to dig out my heart in exchange for hers. I put her through this pain.

Without thinking, I take three large strides towards the bed and kneel on the floor next to her. She feels my presence and only tenses up even more. Fuck. I want to hold her so bad. I need to hold her so bad.

"You should go." She mutters. I hear the heartache and anger that she tries to conceal in her tone.

"You know I won't." And I mean it.

She shakes her head.

"Talk to me, baby. Help me understand." I beg her, hoping she'll at least open up her eyes and look at me just once. Once is enough. "Please don't shut me out."

"There's nothing to say, Zacson." I had to inhale a sharp breath when I hear her say my name. I can't believe it hurts to hear her say it.

"Yes, there is." I grip on the corner of her sheets. It's getting harder to restrain myself. "I hate that you didn't tell me anything. You keep bottling things up to yourself."

"It doesn't matter anymore." She murmurs so softly, heartrendingly.

"Of course it does! I would've been there for you! I want to be there for you! And the fact that I wasn't, kills me!"

My eyes don't leave hers as she finally flutters them open. Aquamarine, she always calls them that. Beautiful like the birthstone. Yet all I see now are her hollow orbs staring back at mine—as if the blue and green in them faded away.

"At least you were there for hers." She vaguely says, not hiding the tears in her emotionless eyes. She has completely put her walls back up, again.

"It's not my child, Kelsey."

She tries to turn away quickly but I don't allow her to. I cup both my hands on her cheeks and hold her there, firmly. "It's not my child," I repeat. "I didn't sleep with Becca, baby. It's her ex boyfriend's."

"You didn't?" Her lips quivers.

"I-" I rake a frustrated hand through my hair. I've never told her this, mostly because she never asked. But I should have. Why didn't I think of telling her this? "It was a long time ago, baby. There hasn't been anything going on for a year now. She's just a close friend, I swear to god." I plead for her to believe me.

Becca and I started our sleeping arrangement out of an impulsive game of truth or dare back in freshman year. I have known her from band but have always kept things platonic even though there's no doubt that she's attractive. As much as people assumes I'm a manwhore, I honestly don't sleep around so casually.

But a dare from our horny band mates made us make out for seven minutes in a damn bathroom, and that eventually led to more. We'd end up in each other's beds and still hang out as friends for close to two years. It was a convenient and fuss-free arrangement for both of us since we didn't make it exclusive. Things only ended when she told me she's started seeing someone for real. There wasn't any hard feelings, I was truly happy for her.

Instead of feeling relieved at my words, Kelsey ends up tearing up again. I furiously try to swipe away all her tears with my thumbs but they keep on dripping like a broken tap.

"Baby... did I say something wrong? Don't cry." I couldn't take it anymore. I push her head into my chest and hold her there, letting her wet my shirt up for all I care.

I keep on telling her everything that I've told Cassandra earlier. I explain that I was only helping Becca because she needed a friend. Not many people knows that she comes from a divorced family, and she lives with her mother who's crazy about drugs and alcohol. It's one of the reasons why I knew I couldn't not help her. If I don't, who will? Her ex boyfriend already walked out on her when she needed him the most.

"Why didn't you just ask me if it was bothering you?" I sigh.

She moves away from my chest. "I didn't have to ask." Her hand shoots out to retrieve her phone from the bedside table. "This is all the answer I needed." She shows me a photo. A photo of me and someone who resembles Becca, both naked and sleeping in my bed.

What the hell?

My brows couldn't have furrowed any deeper. I inspect the photo in all states of confusion. How the heck did this photo even exist to begin with?

"I took this photo, Zacson." Kelsey speaks up. "I was there to see for myself. All I was short of was to see your dick buried inside her. But I guess I don't really want that image in my brain." She acts like she don't care, averting her gaze again.

"Fucking hell!" I stand up in a rage, unable to comprehend this. "I did not sleep with her, I swear! Never once did I bring her to my house, Kelsey!" I try to explain myself, but I know she obviously isn't going to believe me. She trusted what she saw. "Why didn't you just confront me about it? I would've proved to you. I didn't even think of sleeping with her at all, not once!"

"You want to know why?" She starts to stand up from bed and that's when I notice her outfit. She's dressed in a way too oversized hoodie that swallows her up to her mid-thighs. I don't recognize it as mine and a part of me demands to know which man gave her his clothes.

"It's because I realized that we were nothing short of friends with benefits, either." She chuckles humourlessly. "I realized that I have no claim over you, no rights to accuse you of cheating when we never talked about being exclusive. And I realized that-"

I cut her off by taking her by her waist, crashing her back to my front. Friends with benefits? It sounded ridiculous to hear that idea come out of her mouth.

"I love you, Kelsey Owens!" I decide to put it out there and then. "God, I was an idiot, wasn't I? I never thought of asking you officially, because I assumed things were happening so naturally that I didn't have to. I assumed from the moment I took you to bed, that you'd know I wanted you more than just friends."

I spin her around to meet her eyes. Green. The green in them stands out so much more now. "I love you. I really fucking do and there hasn't been anyone for me since you, Kelsey. I will find out and give you a rightful answer about that photo but trust me when I say my conscience is clear. I did not cheat on you and never have I thought to!"

Cassandra chooses this moment to come back and interrupt us by barging in the room. I curse, feeling Kelsey withdraw herself from me again. But I'm certain I'll make things right this time.

"Times up, Gray." Cassandra announces, coming in with bags of various take-outs.

I rub a hand down my face, annoyed. If I could have my ways, I'll be hauling Kelsey out of here and into my car already. But clearly, rash decisions are not encouraged as of now. She needs time, and I need to figure out why the fuck Becca was in my bed two weeks ago.

"Make sure she eats. Call me if she needs anything." I instruct Cassandra before I leave. "By the way, thank you. For being there for her when I wasn't."

Cassandra rolls her eyes instead, already shoving me out her door. "You know what? If you don't come get her back, don't blame me when I say I'll get her right on track to find a new cock to ride."

Then she slams the door in my face.

———

"What are you doing here?"

"Zax!" She perks up at the sight of me at my own doorway. Imagine my surprise when I enter my house to hear her laughing with my mother.

"I won't ask again. Why are you here, Rebecca?"

Her brows furrow at the use of her full name. I've never called her that since... ever. She's always telling everyone to call her Becca.

"Zacson!" My mother says in a reprimanding voice. "Why are you talking to her like that?"

"I live here, and I don't recall inviting her." I say, not wanting to embarrass her.

"You don't want me here?" Becca seems to deflate, sucking in a deep breath.

"Well, she's not just your friend, Zacson. She's my friend too!" My mother unsurprisingly takes her side. I wouldn't even be shock at this point if she was the one who let Becca into my room two weeks ago.

I glare at the both of them, not in the mood to make small talks anymore. "My room. Now." I don't even turn back to look, knowing she'll follow me up anyway.

"Zax..." she tries to grab my biceps but I pull away. She gapes at me.

"Let's just cut the chase." I start, tired of talking in riddles. I discreetly open up the recording function on my phone.

"What are you saying?" She says nervously, sitting at the edge of my bed. I almost asked her to get off until I recall that she's still a pregnant woman.

"Is there something you have to tell me, Rebecca?"

There hasn't been much possibilities now that I think about it. After clarifying of the exact day and date from Kelsey, that's when I recall I was down with migraine that day and had taken medicines that would make me drowsy. There was no way I could have drunkenly bring Becca to bed if I didn't even drink at all. If I couldn't even find the energy to attend class, funny how anyone would think I'd have the energy to be fucking.

"No?" She has the audacity to deny, not even meeting my eyes as she answers.

"Did you or did you not go to Kelsey and tell her you're pregnant with my child?"

She springs up on her feet, wanting to close the distance but I put up a hand to stop her. "Did she tell you that? And you believe her? Oh my gosh, Zax. She's a liar!"

I shake my head. There's only so much one person can take hearing someone badmouth the one they love. "Is there a reason why I shouldn't believe her?"

"Of course! She's obviously trying to sow discord between us! She's just...jealous."

"Jealous of what?" I stare at her in disbelief. What has happened to this woman?

"Zax..."

"You got into my bed when I was asleep. Texted her to come using my phone, then deleted the text so I never had a clue about it. Took off your clothes, pretended to sleep with me making her think I cheated on her. What is she jealous of, Rebecca?"

"It wasn't like that..." she glances up to me with glossy eyes. I have to look away. Goddamnit. I can't stand it when someone uses their tears to weaken me.

"Then tell me. What was it?" I really wish she can come up with a miracle reason to excuse her behaviour. Because I really thought of her as a close friend.

"I needed you, Zax... I needed you but she was taking you away from me."

"She wasn't. The whole point of me taking care of you since you asked of me was entirely because I wanted to help you. You of all people know that I neglected her because you kept calling me and saying it's an emergency. But it ended up with you just being hungry or giddy. I tolerated it—thinking it's your pregnancy hormones. Now it seems like it had been your devious scheme after all." I shake my head, turning my back to her.

She takes the chance to come up to me from the back, wrapping her arms around my waist so tightly.

"Let go, Rebecca." I warn her.

"Don't do this, Zax. I only have you left." She sobs into my shirt.

I forcefully pry her hands away from my body and take a step back. "I can't lose Kelsey either, Rebecca. I've already let her down. She just lost our child while I was busy attending to yours. I'm sorry if you find this cruel, but I find you cruel to have caused her so much pain in the first place. She didn't deserve this." I take a deep breath, gesturing to the grey double doors of my room which have been left open all the while. "Get out."

• • •

A/n: I apologize that this chapter took a week to update. I didn't start writing until 24 hours ago when I got a comment that asked me to update. Simply put, your motivations are what spurs me into writing mode. So if I ever slow down or disappear for a while again, feel free to bug me to update.

Because I just might. ;)

On hindsight, we actually exceeded 10k and is now nearing 12k reads!!!! This is impressive for me considering I never actually expected this book to go on this long.

Thank you and keep the votes & comments coming 😍