Reuploaded because lots of people couldn't read the chapter. 9/11/16 7:48pm
A week. That's how long it's been since Eli had Kieran moved back to his cell. That's how long Kieran has been howling every single night. That's how long it's been since I've even seen Kieran. A week-one long, exhausting week.
After everything went down in Lock Nine, I drug myself back up to my room. I sobbed and sobbed for hours until that sadness turned to anger, and I resorted to just ripping the room apart. I wasn't sure if the anger I was feeling was Kieran's or my own, but I was wholeheartedly accepting it. I ripped the curtains from the windows, tore apart the fluffy, white pillows, punched about seven holes in the walls, and shattered the mirror in my bathroom.
Eli was not happy about it at all. In all honesty, I think it kind of scared him.
Eli had me moved to another room until they could get mine cleaned up. The new room he placed me in was eerily similar to the last one. Creamy white walls, a connected bathroom, wooden floors, a large, queen-sized bed covered with a navy blue and light grey comforter-almost exactly the same. Although it was the same, I hated it two times more. The empty closet made me feel like I was in another place that I would never call home. I was just there for a little while. It wasn't really mine. I was just filling the space.
I will admit, the bed in the new room was much comfier. That was the only thing I missed about the room when I moved back into my old room three days later.
That same day I had begged Eli to let me see Kieran. I had been hearing his howls all through the night making my wolf and I yearn for him. I didn't know the exact reason for his constant howling, but I wasn't going to make him stop. To most people, Kieran's howling was probably the most obnoxious thing they'd ever heard, but not to me. Hearing Kieran made butterflies erupt in my stomach. It comforted me knowing he was still down there. His howling actually helped me sleep through the night-even through all of the nightmares.
As I had said, I begged Eli to let me see Kieran. Eli refused to let me down in the cellars, though. He seemed extremely off about something ever since he had placed Kieran back in his cell. All week he kept saying that we should just stop going down to see him. Obviously, I objected. Then, I threw a small tantrum causing Eli to agree on taking me down to see Kieran at the end of the week.
Since then I've been just sitting in my room or aimlessly roaming the pack house. I saw Reagan, again. I met her mate, too. His name is Maverick, and he's a really nice guy. He's a lot nicer than Jale and Trevor considering all three of them are best friends. Well, that's what Reagan tells me.
Other than that, I've resorted to being a lone wolf the past week. Staying out of people's ways and hoping they stay out of mine.
Currently, I was very much succeeding in that. Eli, being the dear he is, brought me some coloring books yesterday. It sounds childish that a seventeen year old girl would be passing time by coloring in a children's coloring book, but it didn't bother me. I colored a lot in the mental hospital. It calmed me down.
I was coloring a cartoon mouse's left ear a light blue when a knock sounded against my bedroom door. I slowly raised my head to look at whoever was about to enter the door.
"Come in?" I said aloud. I wasn't used to people knocking. Usually, they just walked in unannounced.
The door slowly opened. The blonde-haired beauty entering the door making my eyes widen. Her brown eyes were fixed on me as a smile graced her flawless face.
"Uh, hi," I mumbled not sure of what else to say to her. The last time I had spoken to Stiletta, Kieran marked me and snapped my neck.
"Nice to see you again, Arden," she greeted sweetly. She walked gracefully over to me and stood in front of my bed. I was currently laying on my stomach with the book laying in front of me as a mass of colored pencils were scattered around my bed. "Can I sit?" Stiletta asked.
"Yea, yea, uh," I stumbled over my words as I pushed myself up into a sitting position, "yea," I drug out. She shot me another award-winning smile before sitting down on the bed.
"Pack gossip says that Kieran marked you." I nodded at her words. It wasn't really a secret. I didn't try to hide the mark. I was proud of it. Kieran is my mate, and it only seems right that everyone should know that.
"It's true," I stated showing her the mark at the base of my neck. Her eyes widened, and she seemed scared for a moment before her facial features returned to her usual comforting ones.
"It's beautiful," she complimented making me smile.
Of course it is. I pushed away my wolf's cocky comment with a chuckle.
"If only more people thought that," I joked with very little amusement. Stiletta's bright smile turned to one of pity. Her brown eyes softened as she sat a comforting hand on my knee.
"People are close minded, Arden. Don't let them spoil your happiness. They aren't worth it," she advised. Stiletta was a perfect Alpha. She did an amazing job of calming others down and making them feel important. She knew just what to say and when to say it. She was so young, but she seemed so good at the position. It was almost as if she had been doing this for thirty years.
I could never be like that. I was supposed to be an Alpha just like her, but I wasn't. Just like she was mated to Jale, I was mated to Kieran. I was supposed to help him lead. I was supposed to help him make all these important decisions and control his pack, but I could barely control myself. My wolf was a psychopath, I was a lunatic, and together we were a mess. There was no way I could ever be like Stiletta.
"I've learned to just block most people out," I replied in a whisper. I fiddled with my hands as I stared down at them in my lap. Stiletta's hand moved from my knee to my back. Her hand moved up and down my back as if she were trying to tell me everything was going to be okay.
"My parents didn't want me anywhere near Jale, at first. Alex and Greyson pretty much ripped my old pack apart when I was five. Since then, the remaining members of my pack despised this pack," Stiletta began. My eyes flickered up to meet hers. Sadness swam in the depths of them. "I met Jale when I was seventeen. He was twenty and literally insane," she chuckled. "He was coming to my pack talking about land agreements. Well, more like telling our alpha that if he didn't give him his land and pack, he would kill us all and take it himself. I was on a patrol when I met him. I rejected him, and then he kidnapped me. I hated him so much. Now, we're here-five years later," she concluded placing a hand on her slightly swollen stomach.
"Rejected him?" I asked not familiar with the term.
"Its when a wolf denies the mate bond," Stiletta explained.
Makes sense.
I mentally nodded agreeing with my wolf. Who wouldn't reject my brother? He's a monster. Then again, people probably think the same thing about Kieran for reasons I don't entirely understand.
"So he kidnapped you?"
"Yep," she nodded as anger crossed her features recalling the memory. "I tried so hard to get away from him, but nothing worked. Jale didn't accept the rejection like a normal person, and the bond stuck. He made a deal with me that if I stayed with him, then he wouldn't attack my old pack. I agreed knowing that if I didn't, Jale would surely rip them all apart." She paused as she stared down at her stomach angrily. "Saying this out loud makes me sound crazy, but I do love him. A lot has happened in five years," she mumbled rubbing her stomach. Her eyes snapped back up to me. Her lips formed a familiar smile.
"I know how it feels to love someone that everyone thinks is a monster because while he was just that to everyone else, he would never do anything to hurt me." Her words were full of understanding and pity. A lone tear fell from my right eye. I wasn't sure if I was crying because someone actually understood what I was going through, or because I just really wanted Kieran in that moment. Maybe a little bit of both?
"I wish more people saw things the way you did," I stated wiping away another tear as it feel.
"Sometimes you just need to speak your mind. You have to use reason over violence," she advised making me frown.
"I try, but she never listens."
"Who?"
"Alex," I growled out through clenched teeth as my hands formed fists in my lap. "Every time I try to explain, she gets mad. Then, we argue, and we both just go back to hating each other. I don't want to, though! I want to get along with her so bad," I stated my voice breaking. "I love Alex. I love Greyson. I love them. I just hate what they're doing. I hate how they don't listen."
"Make them listen."
Stiletta left after that. We had a bit more of a conversation about the baby. She said she was still hoping for a girl even though she knew the chances of that were slim. She actually startled me when she said her and Jale agreed to name the baby Grey if it were to be a girl. Jale was the one who came up with the idea.
Once she left, I cleaned up the pencils placing them into their boxes and stacked them onto the coloring book.
My nerves were sort of a mess. My wolf was humming loudly knowing I was about to confront Alex. It wasn't a secret that my wolf wasn't fond of Alex, but she didn't hate her. She knew that-in a way-Alex made me happy. Alex was my mother, and a part of me would always crave my mother no matter what she did. I knew that everything she did was out of wanting to protect me. I just don't think she understood the damage she was actually causing, or she just chose to ignore it.
I slowly crept down the stairs until I reached the first floor of the pack house. I walked into the living room earning me weird looks from pack members. I nodded at them acknowledging them.
Kitchen. Without another word, I turned on my heel and made my way to the kitchen area. I entered the kitchen and stopped in the door way. Alex was hurriedly rushing around while a little boy trailed behind her. He had chestnut brown hair and big green eyes that landed directly on me. Alex was too busy mixing something in a bowl to notice me.
"You're just as bad as making cookies as your grandfather," Alex muttered turning around to look down at the little boy, but caught sight of me instead. Her blue eyes widened as she stopped mixing the cookie batter in the bowl.
"Ander, why don't you go find Fin?" Alex asked not removing her gaze from me.
"'Dunno where he's at," the little boy who Alex referred to as Ander replied as he stood up on his toes to look into the bowl in Alex's hands.
"Well," Alex began as she looked down and shoved the bowl into Ander's little hands, "why don't you go find him. I'm sure he's around here somewhere. He'll come around once he smells cookie dough." With that, Ander bounced out of the kitchen taking a handful of cookie dough out of the bowl and plopping it into his mouth.
"Who was that?" I asked once the little boy was out of sight.
"Ander, your cousin," Alex answered watching me carefully. I knew she was probably mentally freaking out considering I hadn't spoken to her since the whole Lock Nine incident. "My brother, Andrew's, grandson."
"Oh," I mumbled chewing on the inside of my cheek as my wolf called me a wimp. "Who's Fin?"
"Finley is Ander's brother. They're twins," Alex explained giving me a small smile. "You have other cousins, too. Winston-their dad, Maya-Whinny's sister, Dylan-my younger brother's daughter. She's a little older than you."
"You have another brother?" A smile graced her beautifully tired face at the thought of her brother.
"Yea, his name's Ashton." Her smile then faded to a small frown. "He lives in Germany." I furrowed my brows.
"You're from Germany?"
"No, no. It's a long, complicated story that could seriously be turned into a forty chapter novel," she muttered as she rubbed her right eye tiredly. I wanted so badly to hear about it, but decided it would be best to hear it another day.
Mate. I sucked in a large breath knowing that my wolf was not going to let me leave here until I talked to my mother about Kieran.
"I need to talk to you about Kieran," I stated hoping that my voice didn't sound as scared as I felt on the inside. Alex's eyes widened as her jaw clenched.
"What about him?" She asked as she moved her hand to an area on her stomach. I wanted to ask why she had done that, but decided not to. I didn't want to get off track.
"You need to stop hurting him. You need to feed him-them. All of them need fed." I could feel the power of my voice coming off in waves. Alex could, too. I knew she could by the way she seemed to lean away from me slightly. I wasn't used to this at all. I wasn't sure if this was even me talking.
Mate coming through bond. That made a lot of sense.
"Grey, Kieran is dangerous-"
"He's never hurt me," I defended feeling the power slip away from my voice slightly as vulnerability slipped in. Way to go, Arden. Way to stay strong.
"He snapped your neck-"
"So what? I'm fine!" I shouted trying to stay calm, but failing miserably. Stiletta would be so disappointed.
"He could have killed you-"
"No, he wouldn't have!"
"Grey-"
"Stop calling me that! That's not my name!" I expected her to get angry, but instead I saw sadness flash through her features.
"You don't mean that," Alex mumbled. I could practically feel the vulnerability in her voice. It made me even more upset.
"You never listen to me! How can you act like you care if you don't even know what I want!"
"Grey, I'm listening! I'm listening!" I shook my head violently.
"No! You never do! You hear me, but you never listen!" I shouted as I saw Greyson enter the kitchen in a panic. "Please, just listen to me, mom!" The word slipped out before I could stop it. Alex froze. I froze. Even Greyson froze. We all just stood there staring at each other. I'd never actually called Alex my mom before.
My wolf was silent. I couldn't tell if she was proud that I stood up to Alex or angry that I lashed out. Either way, she was not talking to me.
Greyson slowly made his way over to me. His grey eyes held so much emotion that I was not used to seeing. My heart broke seeing him like this. I knew he never showed much emotion. I had been here for a while now, and this was maybe the second time I'd ever seen him not scowling.
"Grey," Greyson said quietly. His hand came up to grab my forearm, but I quickly snatched it away from him. I hugged my arm to my chest. Greyson's frown deepened as his hand fell back down to his side. I could hear Alex's quiet cries. I craned my neck to look over to her. Her hand covered her mouth to muffle her sobs as silent tears rolled down her cheeks.
"That's not my name," I mumbled turning my gaze to the tiled floor which now seemed much more interesting than my parents. "Air-I need air."
I was outside in what felt like seconds. I kept my head down as I left the kitchen and bounded out the front door. I didn't know where I was going seeing as I hadn't ever left the pack house. I was just running.
I knew that I wouldn't get far. Eli had explained to me that if I tried escaping the territory, patrols would just bring me back. There was no escaping.
I broke down in the middle of no where. Tears poured from my eyes as I sunk to the forest floor. I wasn't too far from the house, but I was surrounded by trees. I felt alone, and that felt as close to home as I was going to get.
I was used to being alone, and at times like this, I enjoyed it.
Sobs wracked my body as I pulled on my dark, brown hair. I rocked my body back and forth ignoring the feeling of sticks and rocks poking at my bottom and legs.
I felt like an idiot. I felt weak. I was never going to be able to get Kieran, Marilyn, and Bolton out. I was useless.
"I'm so sorry," I cried to literally no one. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry I don't know what to do anymore. If I could take your place, I would, but I can't, and I'm sorry!" I sobbed wrapping my arms around my knees and burying my head in them.
I cried for Kieran. I cried from him being locked in that cell. I cried for him being starved. I cried for him being put in Lock Nine. I cried because I knew he wasn't getting out. I couldn't get him out.
I cried for Marilyn. I cried for her losing her mate. I cried for her being abused by my family. I cried for her unmanicured nails which probably bothered the hell out of her. I cried because I knew she was never going to find love again. She was never getting out.
I cried for Bolton. I cried for Eli. I cried for my mom and dad, Jale and Stiletta, Stiletta's old pack. I cried for Grey and Arden. I cried for Riley. I just cried.
I just couldn't hold it together anymore.
Not happy. I shook my head.
"No, I'm not happy."
Mate safe.
"Can we please not do this today? I can't keep thinking he's safe when he's not," I whispered shaking my head as the tears stopped.
Mate safe.
"Please, stop," I begged feeling my head begin to pound from the minutes spent crying.
Mate safe.
"Okay! Knock it off!" I shouted looking up from my lap. I didn't expect to make eye contact with anyone, but I did.
Standing just feet in front of me, my eyes connected with a pair of crimson red ones. I gasped in shock as my heart rate sped up. The red eyes were barely noticeable. I could just barely see the wolf that they belonged to until it stepped out from the brush where it had been hiding.
It's large, dark brown head lowered to me almost as if it were bowing. I didn't know what to say as I just sat there with my mouth open.
Mate safe. My wolf repeated as the large wolf backed away into the forest once again. I shook my head. I've seen Kieran's wolf before as well as Bolton and Marilyn's.
That wasn't any of them, but I knew those eyes. Pack wolves had black eyes when their wolves came out. That I knew due to seeing Eli, Jale, and some other pack members get mad, but shredders aren't pack wolves.
Those red eyes belonged to a shredder.
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GOD DAMN WHATS GOING ON
Guys, I realized while writing this that TCML is almost over...LIKE WTF.
Any way, I literally wrote this chapter today and I spent like five hours writing it-maybe longer.
Well, you guys know the drill.
Stay awesome Gotham. 9/11/16 (OMFG JUST REALIZED ITS 9/11 GOD BLESS RIP TO ALL THE SOLDIERS OUT THERE. HALLELUJAH)