I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't even look in the mirror. I couldn't stand looking at myself after saying what I had. I looked into the eyes of my own father and told him that I would kill him.
What kind of monster am I?
I sat in my room for what felt like weeks, but in reality it was only like two days. Eli heard about what had happened and came home this morning to make sure I was okay. He wasn't supposed to be home for nearly two weeks, but came back in only two days. I couldn't help but feel like crap. I didn't deserve a brother like Eli.
"Please eat something," Eli pleaded motioning toward the untouched plate of food that he brought to me nearly two hours ago. I shook my head ignoring the groans from my stomach.
"I'm not hungry," I mumbled looking down at my hands in my lap. I'd chewed my poor nails down to nothing but stubs. I couldn't actually recall ever starting the habit. It was quite new to me to be honest. Eli huffed causing me to look up at him. He ran his hands down his tired face. He had driven all night just to get here and came to see me immediately. He didn't get any sleep. "Why don't you take a nap?" He looked up at me as if I were telling him he had two heads.
"I'll sleep when you've eaten." I sighed and clenched my jaw. It angered me that Eli cared so much. It really shouldn't, but it made it very hard for me not to share a bond with him. I knew when Kieran, Marilyn, Bolton, and I left, leaving Eli would be one of the hardest parts. He was my brother, and the more time that I spent with him, the closer I felt toward him.
"I'll eat if you go at least shower," I reasoned. Eli looked like a mess. He was obviously tired and struggled to keep his eyes open. The least he could do was take a shower to wake him up a little bit.
Eli pondered the idea for a moment. He bit the inside of his cheek and quirked his left eyebrow slightly.
"I promise, Eli," I swore quietly. After a moment, he nodded.
"Okay, I'll be back," he stated standing up. "Eat, please." With that, he was out the door. I glanced over to the food sitting beside me. I gulped feeling my body yearning for the food. I shook my head and got out of bed. Pushing away my aches, I grabbed the plate from the side table.
I shuffled my tired body into the connected bathroom. I stood over the toilet and just dropped the food into it. I immediately frowned wishing I hadn't done it. I knew Eli would figure out what I had done somehow, and he would be so upset with me. I frowned knowing Kieran would be angry at me for neglecting myself. He hated when I did that.
All that Eli and the rest of my family wanted was for me to be okay. I really couldn't be, though. I was torn between being with my shredder family and my real family. Both of them wanted me to be happy and safe, but I just couldn't be that when things were the way they were.
I felt a tear slip from my eye as I thought about the conversation Alex and Greyson had last night. It wasn't hard to hear them. They were shouting at each other. It seemed like a usual routine for them. Greyson was shouting something to the affect of 'what about her safety?' Alex fired back with 'what about her sanity?' which in turn caused another uproar. They continued fighting for nearly an hour after that.
"Don't like eggs?" a voice asked from the door way of the bathroom making me jump. I snapped my head to the right to meet a pair of dark brown eyes-Stiletta. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a pony tail which allowed me to see her clear, beautiful skin perfectly. "I don't really either, but," she paused moving her hand to her stomach, "he does." My eyes grew a bit larger taking in her slightly protruding stomach.
"You're pregnant," I concluded. A smile graced her face as she nodded. I forced a smile onto mine. I wanted to be happy for her, but I honestly couldn't. She had everything: a mate, a pack, a baby. I couldn't help but be jealous. "How far along are you?"
"Two months."
I didn't reply. I didn't know what else to say. 'Oh, well I wouldn't exactly have chosen Jale to be my baby's father, but you know-you do you.' Ha, no. Mate or not, I don't get how Stiletta isn't terrified of the beast boy. Stiletta clapped her hands together and sighed.
"I'm Stiletta by the way," she said extending her hand out for me to shake. I looked at her hand, but didn't shake it.
"I'm Arden-or Grey," I said blankly as a frown made its way to my face, "I don't really know which one anymore." Stiletta's smile faltered as she took a step toward me. I flinched slightly when she put her hand on my shoulder. She was trying to be comforting, but if anything it just made me feel uneasy. I think she noticed because she slowly removed her hand.
"Well, I just thought I would come up and get you. Jale was going to send Trevor up, but I wanted to meet you myself," she said comfortingly. I gulped and nodded expecting her to start exiting the room, but she kept talking. "You've been missed around here, Arden." I lifted my head up to look at her directly in the eyes. I was taken back a bit by her calling me Arden. No one here did that. She must have noticed the appreciation I had for her because she gave me a small smile. "You came here as Arden. It's only fair that I call you by what makes you happy."
I didn't say anything else to Stiletta after that. She gave me a moment to get ready to meet my brother once again. She sat on my bed as I got a quick shower and finished making myself look and smell normal. Well, look decent. I shyly walked out of the bathroom in a towel over to my closet. I still didn't really even know what I owned in my closet. I can only assume Alex had someone stock my closet and dresser with clothing after I had arrived back.
"Wait, here," Stiletta said from beside me. She was holding out clothing to me with another comforting smile. I smiled back at her and took the clothes. I wandered back into the bathroom where I put them on. I was startled a bit by the shorts that Stiletta had given me. The shirt was just a basic green t-shirt with the words 'wish you weren't here' on the top left of it, and the bra and underwear she had given me were similar to the undergarments that Marilyn would make me wear. When I had walked back out to meet her, she explained that the shorts were Nike Pros. Honestly, I didn't think they were shorts that I should be wearing to talk to my brother, but she did.
We walked out of my room together. Neither of us said anything, she just shot me a smile every once in a while. We were about to go down the hall to Jale's office when she walked down a different hallway which lead to the stairs.
"Wait, aren't we going..." I said slowly pointing down the other hall to Jale's office. Stiletta didn't even stop let alone look back at me.
"You'll see," she stated as she continued walking down the hall. I furrowed my brows not entirely understanding the situation. That soon changed when I realized where we were heading. Well, more like when Stiletta starting opening the door. We were at the training room.
"What-Stiletta, I can't-no-I'm not," I stuttered as I began backing away. Stiletta quickly grabbed my wrist knowing I was just moments from bolting down the hall. I was panicking. They couldn't make me go back in there. I was not going to lose myself again. I was not going to kill someone just because my father didn't think I was capable of taking care of myself.
"It's okay. I swear," Stiletta said as her brown eyes bored into my grey eyes. I understood why Stiletta was Alpha Female. She did an amazing job of keeping others calm in crazy situations. She was kind and patient. She was everything I wish I could be.
I nodded numbly. She slowly opened the door and tugged my arm. I had no other option, but to follow her. She had an iron grip on my wrist, and she was not letting go.
I took one step into the room before it hit me. The scent hitting me like a brick wall causing my wolf to hum. I lifted my eyes to meet the familiar green ones just across the room from me.
My breath hitched, and I froze. I didn't know if I was dreaming or not.
Stiletta's grip on my wrist loosened giving me the opportunity to bolt. I was over to him in an instant. I ignored the tired look on his face as I jumped into his arms. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms wound around his neck. Tears fell from my eyes as I dug my face into his shoulder.
"Kieran," I choked out not knowing what else to say. His arms circled me holding me against him. I didn't want to let go. "Kieran."
I wasn't sure if people were talking. People could have been shouting for all I know, and I wouldn't have heard them. My wolf was humming wildly, I was crying out of sheer happiness, and I was entirely focused on the sound of Kieran's heart beat. It wasn't until I was yanked away from Kieran did that stop.
My wolf growled viciously in my head as I turned and stared at Jale in aw. Why would he do that? I expected Kieran to growl, but he didn't. He just glared angrily at Jale as tiredness was evident on his facial features. He had a black eye, and his nose looked crooked as ever. It made me want to cry seeing his beautiful face in such an unnatural way.
Two men, one of them being Trevor, held onto Kieran's shoulders and pulled him back. I didn't like how they were trying to create distance between Kieran and I.
It was then that I realized just how much Kieran didn't look like my Kieran. Purple bags lined his under eyes. His normally straight, menacing posture was now not existent. His body was dropping forward a bit almost as if he couldn't hold himself up. The one thing that remained the same, though, was his usual stoic face. The same stoic face that I couldn't help but want to kiss senseless.
"What did you do to him," I asked quietly feeling my blood run cold at the thought of my brother beating my mate nearly to death.
"A little silver to shut his wolf down for a while," Jale said, his jaw clenched. My wolf did not like the fact that they were forcing her mate's wolf away. She let out another growl, but this time a pain shot through my chest as she did so. It felt almost like someone kicked me in the chest. I sucked in a deep breath and stared up at Kieran. He watched me intensely with his dark green eyes.
Not enough. My wolf said making me confused.
What? As usual, I did not get an answer.
"He'll be fine. Don't worry. He's just weak," Jale stated earning a chuckle from Trevor.
"Poor thing can barely stand," Trevor joked as he pushed Kieran forward a bit. Kieran tottered for a moment before gaining back his footing making Trevor and the other man laugh. Kieran's teeth clenched. My eyes widened as I looked into his. They flashed red in the centers for just a second before going back to their beautiful, deep green color.
Not enough. I thought to myself. His wolf is still there. They didn't give him enough.
"Why would you do that?" I asked Jale trying to ignore the fact that I knew Kieran's wolf had survived through however much silver they flooded his system. I knew they'd take him away if they knew his wolf were still there.
"You said you only train with him," Greyson stated walking into the training room with Alex. Her eyes landed on me. She smiled widely.
"So we're gonna have him train you," Alex finished her mate's sentence. Her smile never left her face. I smiled widely at her. She actually did it. She got him to agree to it.
"Once," my father cut in, "one chance to help you control your wolf. One chance to prove yourself, Grey." I nodded anxiously not being able to contain my excitement.
"I won't let you down," I assured staring into his grey eyes that we happened to share. He nodded and started walking back out of the room with Alex in tow. Greyson left, but Alex stopped at the door and turned to us.
"I'm trusting you with her," Alex said staring directly at Kieran. Their eyes met and for the first time I saw a different side of Alex. She held an intense gaze that could make even the strongest man want to hide. The scars that ran down her face seemed to come off as even more menacing in the moment as her bright, blue eyes pierced into Kieran. "Try anything, and I'll kill you myself. I've had to deal with worse than you before, and killing him was one of the best decisions of my life." Alex left the room with those being her last words. I stood the frozen.
Murderer. Monster. Hypocrite. My wolf said recalling the time she called Kieran, Marilyn, and Bolton monsters for murdering people. I shook the thought from my mind as I turned back to Jale.
"Jamie and Dakota will be guarding the exits. Anna and Dustin will be standing outside," Jale stated looking at me before turning to Kieran, "Anything bad happens, and they won't hesitate to rip you apart." I gulped knowing that Jale was dead serious. Why'd he have to be like this all the time?
Kieran didn't say anything. He just continued glaring at Jale, but don't worry. Jale kindly returned the gesture before leaving the room with Trevor following him. I couldn't help but wonder if the man that was just beside Trevor was Jamie or Dakota as he started walking over to the second exit.
"Have you been sleeping?" Kieran asked startling me. I watched him for a moment feeling guilty. It was probably obvious that I was practically a zombie. He shouldn't be worrying about me, though.
"Yes," I lied. He looked skeptical before nodding. I don't think he believed me, but he didn't say anything which I was pretty grateful for. "Have you?" He shot me a look that would have scared most people, but to me just reminded me of the Kieran that I knew before all of this.
"What do you think?" I frowned. Of course he wouldn't be sleeping. He's locked in a cell next to Bolton who probably complains all night, and Marilyn who probably does the same thing.
I glanced back at the men guarding the exits. I clenched my teeth together not feeling entirely comfortable talking to Kieran while they were standing there. I didn't like knowing they could hear everything that we were saying. I didn't feel safe.
"Can you guys stand outside?" I asked. The brunette boy who was standing beside Trevor shook his head.
"No can do, Miss Hayes," he said making me frown.
"Are you that bad at your job that you can't do it from behind a door?" I shot out, but as soon as it left my lips I realized that it wasn't my own thought. They were my wolf's words. I panicked slightly not really understanding how her thoughts were slipping past my mouth without even taking over me entirely.
The man rolled his eyes and looked over to the other guy. The other guy shook his head making brunette dude look back at me.
"Alpha's orders." I groaned and crossed my arms narrowing my eyes at them. I could feel my wolf's anger coming over me, and my words were coming out like vomit.
"You really wouldn't want me telling my mother that my guards wouldn't even respect my wishes, would you? I don't think she'd be happy about that." Yeah, it was a low blow, but the looks on their faces made it worth it. It was obvious they were terrified of Alex. Who wouldn't be? Everything from humans to freaking lamps probably fear her, to be honest.
"Alright, but if we hear one thing we don't think Jale will like, we'll be back, and he'll be gone," the brunette that I'm just going to assume is Jamie said. He just looks like a Jamie.
"Thank you," I said as they both left. I smiled to myself and turned to Kieran. His eyebrow was raised at me obviously not impressed by using my mother as a threat. "What?" I asked rolling my eyes at him as I walked back up to him. I wrapped my arms around his beautifully sculpted torso enjoying the feeling of the shocks between us.
His arms wound back around me as we stood there for a moment.
"Your mom is interesting," he said making me chuckle. I pulled away from him, so that I could look at his beaten up face.
"Marilyn and her would get along," I chuckled. He nodded his face still not showing much emotion. That was normal, though. He never showed much of it. "Well, what are we gonna-" I began, but he interrupted me.
"Hold on, I've been needing to do this for a while," Kieran said grabbing me my upper arms and pulling me against him. He leaned down and connected his lips with mine.
I melted into him immediately. I missed this. I missed him. Sure, I saw him most days, but not being able to touch him drove me mad. I wanted to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away. My lips tingled, and my face felt hot. His usually emotionless face now showed a small smile. I couldn't contain my wicked smile after seeing how happy he was to kiss me for even just a moment. His smile was amazing, and I was happy that I was the one person that could surface that smile.
"One more?" I asked feeling a bit brave. He raised his eyebrows as if questioning me. His smile changed to a smirk, but he didn't make a move to kiss me again. My wolf growled in my head. I could feel how impatient she was getting with her mate.
A growl escaped my lips as I grabbed onto the collar of Kieran's shirt. I pulled him down so that his lips connected with mine again. He responded immediately. His hands found their way to my hips where they sat as he backed me into a wall.
I groaned feeling my back hit the wall. Kieran's hands dug into my hips making intense shocks spread through out my body. Our lips moved against each other's in sync. I had no clue if I was kissing him correctly, but I was enjoying it, so I didn't think it mattered. He bit my bottom lip making my breath catch in my throat as a growl ripped through the room. An intense heat ran through me knowing it was him who growled. My wolf was humming and doing a very strange noise that I honestly can not explain. It was almost a squeal.
I pulled back from Kieran panting slightly. His eyes were dark. The blood red color blanketed over top of the green. I placed my hand on his chest lightly.
"Kieran. Come back to me," I whispered knowing he could hear me. His jaw clenched as his eyes slowly returned to their gorgeous, green color.
"I promise I'm going to get us out of here," Kieran stated staring directly into my eyes making a heat build up in my chest.
"I know you will. I never thought that you wouldn't," I assured. We both watched each other for a moment. I wanted so badly to know what he was thinking. That's all I ever wanted to know.
"I'm only doing this because I love you," Kieran said breaking me from my thoughts. My heart stopped when he said it.
He said it. My wolf remarked giddily. He loves me.
I paused and furrowed my brows at him.
"Doing what?" He brought his hands up to my face as he cupped my cheeks. I thought he was going in for another kiss, but that was completely wrong. Just as I saw his canines come out, my head was snapped to the side with a sickening crack.
Well, that's a shitty way of saying 'I love you'.
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Aw so cute.
I have been waiting so long for that to happen. Love when mates just randomly snap each others necks aw like yes oml that's lit.
For real though, I'm excited for these next chapters! It's starting to get lit now and I can't contain my excitement and some more people may make an appearance from the first book MUAHAJAHANA.
ANYWAYYYYYYY, voting always helps guys and appreciate your votes sososososososo much so yeah thanks!!
I also miss writing about Marilyn which is weird, but I just do.
Okay it's late, and I'm tired.
Enjoy the early update. Stay awesome Gotham 8/21/16