Chapter 16: Chapter Fifteen

TIMELINE: COLLEGE DAYS

GUN'S POV

It's been a month since I clarified the feelings that I was denying. I burried those feelings and decided to keep on moving on with my life. I have fixed everything ahead of me. I managed to get a job in New York and I am moving there when I graduate, I am also done with my requirements.

All I have to do now is to say my goodbyes to everybody. I needed to fix some stuff. I need to atleast say goodbye to things that are hurting me, even if running away from it doesn't really solve anything, I am choosing to be selfish. I am choosing me. I am choosing to run away.

First on my list is my friends including Off... then my family and then Oab...

I wanted to say a proper goodbye to my friends and not just be drunk with them for the last time and leave them, I planned a farewell sleepover at Tay's condo, he got his condo as a college gift to him from his parents since their house is kinda far from university. It's only the three of us. The rest of the friends I have, I'm gonna have to see them on the party that we've set.

I wanted to say goodbye to Off as well. I wanted to say sorry for being that cold person to him, for being shitty when I was also at my worst. And of course, I wanted to say thank you, he kept up with it and we've gotten kinda close I'm not gonna deny that... As per my feelings for him, I'm gonna have to let that one go too. It's not something worth telling him because he's so famous and what am I? A complete mess. He has so many co-actors paired with, I'm pretty sure I have nothing compared to them. In short, it's impossible for him to like me back.

I wanted to say goodbye to my family, or at least mom and Pim. They support me with this and they are hoping Dad would come around before I leave but as I see it it's very impossible he does. He's still not impressed with my choices, he still has that hope I'd be an heir to their company...

Lastly, Oab... I need to say goodbye to Oab. I loved him even if I deny it, I did loved him. Three years with him is no joke, he was my escape from all of it before, he was there at my happiest, but I guess I need someone who will be there at my worst as well. I needed to tell him how I'm grateful am I and how sorry I was for everything I've done to hurt him.

I scheduled everything... for all those goodbyes... I just don't know if my eyes are ready for all the tears I'm surely gonna cry.

"Gun what really is this for?" Arm asked me. He knows I'm leaving and he knows my farewell was gonna be the party.

"I just wanna have one last moment with you guys, before I leave..." I said and we fell silent

"Do you really have to go?" Tay asked me

"Yeah. It's selfish, I know... but I needed to choose myself for once, try to fix the broken pieces" I said

"Gun, we're always gonna be here" Tay said

"I know, I just really need some time for myself, I need to fix myself before I am ready to live the life we've all planned. I have to be the best person for myself before I could be the best  best friend or business partner to you all"  I told them trying to stop the tears

We shed a few tears more that night until Arm started cracking jokes and we pretty much got drunk and played Tay's play station all night. I wish I could bring them with me, they are the best choice I had, I didn't fail when I chose my friends. I was surrounded by good ones.

Off was the one next on my list and I asked if we could have lunch a few days after I the farewell to my best friends. He was busy so he said we could have another dinner movie night. I said yes because there's pretty much nothing on my list but bid my goodbyes.

I went to Off's place with a heavy heart, I just couldn't shrug my feelings off for him and the thought of letting this chance of friendship with him slip away breaks my heart.

Who wrote the book on goodbye?

There's never been a way to make this easy

When there's nothing quite wrong but it don't feel right

Either your head or your heart, you set the other on fire

The song played on the radio as I wait in traffic, ugh. I was kind of nervous when I got at Off's place... I don't even know why.

"Hey, is this the celebration for the project?" Off said when I walked inside his condo

"Yeah and sort of something else" I said

We prepared the food when I got there, I don't know how to talk to him...

"Thank you Gun, I thought I was gonna retake that subject, and sorry for delays or those days I wasn't able to follow our schedule" Off said

"Thank you for trying your best too Off, I hope you graduate next year" I said

"Congratulations Director Gun" He said which made me smile.

"Off.. I wanted to say goodbye as well" I said

"What do you mean?" He looked at me confused

"I'll be leaving the country after my graduation, I got a job in New York, I'll be staying there and I might not see you again?" I said

"Oh..."

We fell silent for a few minutes, he doesn't know any of these plans, and I wanted to say everything before I never have the chance to tell it to him...

"Off, I just wanna say thank you, for keeping up with me, I know I was hard to deal with when we were making the project... Thank you also, for being a friend to me and I'm sorry for being ice cold back then, there was just so much going on with my life and I am wrong for having you put up with that" I said

"Don't act as if we're never seeing each other again, I'm an actor, you're a director Gun... When the time is right maybe we'll cross paths again? I'd love to direct a film with you" He told me

I was a fun night, I did get to say everything I wanted to tell him, except for one... I had to save it, because he gave me hope that one day we'll see each other again and that he will not forget about me.

The family dinner was the next one on my list. I texted my parents the details, I sent the details to my father just in case he wanted to come... he's still my father after all, we're still family.

"Gun, let's eat?" Mom said as I was looking outside, I have that small hope dad is still gonna come

"Cheer Up, this is to your new beginnings, your Dad will eventually come around, just not now" Mom said trying to cheer me up

It seemed to be a pleasant dinner with my mom and my sister but of course it ended in tears, Mom said she's taking a few weeks off the company so that he could be with me before I say goodbye to all of them, I was kind of in favor because I wanted it as well but I was also torn because it would also make it hard for me to go...

I was finally down to the last one on my list of goodbyes... Oab... I don't know what to tell him... we haven't really talked that much for months now, we just kept greeting each other good morning and good nights and he would just often update me about his whereabouts and what he's doing.

I told him I'm coming over at their house instead of him coming over because I couldn't bring that kind of drama here at home. It's already enough for this house...

"What is this about? Are you gonna break-up with me?" Oab said as we sat in front of their porch.

"Oab... I---" He cut me off and held my hand

"Gun, please don't leave me... I'd do anything, You wanted to keep hooking-up? It's fine. I'd do anything" He said as his voice cracked...

"Oab, I'm sorry" I said also starting to cry

"Gun, I know it has been rock bottom for our relationship lately, but have you forgotten all the promises we made to each other? We'd make it through anything right? Together right?" He said as he kept crying beside me

"Oab... I loved you... but I have also hurt you already. I am leaving Oab... I'll be far away" I told him

"Gun please don't... I don't care if you hurt me already, I don't care what you've done. I don't know if I could keep going without you" He said begging me and tugging at my hand

"Oab... you have to let me go..." I said

"No..." He said and cried harder. I shut my eyes letting the pain sink in.

"Oab, three years with you was the best, it was a roller coaster ride of emotions and for that I will forever be grateful. You made me very happy, you were there through all my achievements, I was there with you as well... but Oab those weren't enough, I'm still at my worst and I couldn't keep dragging you with me. We can no longer save a relationship with only one of us holding on. Yes, I am letting it go because it is what's best for us. We need to separate, we need to grow. It may be hard now, it will be harder, those memories and years with you will also haunt me, but right now you have to let me go so I could fix myself, if the time is right and our faith is really written in the stars, maybe in another lifetime Oab. I loved you Oab and I can't keep on hurting you, thank you, and I'm sorry for everything." I said fighting the tears that keeps coming.

He was silent after that, we were both crying, he let go of my hand and that moment I decided to leave, I didn't wait for him to say goodbye, I know he has the right to be hurt and mad after all that I've done and I guess it's just better that way when I leave.

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