I get it
I do
Some days aren't the best for me too
And I don't know if you're hurting
So I can't really judge
But when I'm hurt
And I'm bleeding
I can't help but feel like I'm no one to you
And I can try to complain
But you don't even check
Somehow you're only available
When it's you in distress
And maybe it's all in my head
Maybe nothing is against me
Maybe it's just the chemical imbalance
telling me I'm worth nothing
Because now when I'm in distress
You don't even bother
My house almost burned
And you didn't care to answer
And of course you can always be busy
That, I can respect
But everything is getting overwhelming
And you're leaving me alone
For dead
And I can be apologetic
I can say sorry all I want
So I'm sorry
I'm sorry I'm no longer number 1
I'm sorry my education is no longer my priority
I'm sorry I'm no longer smart
I'm sorry I have to ask for answers
And feel bad for asking when you never respond
And I'm sorry if this feels like I'm guilt-tripping
That's not what I'm trying to do
I just feel lonely and lost and hopeless
As my grade slowly falls down
And I want to talk but I can't
I can't seem to trust you when all you do is talk
And I'm glad you have interests
I'm glad you're branching out
I tried to
But I can't
I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I was
I know I'm so overwhelming
I know I'm not bubbly like her
That I'm confusing
And make no sense
Not even my therapist truly knows the extent
And I won't even publish this
Because you won't even read it
You don't care
It's the repeat of 5 years ago
At my very worst
Everyone leaves me
I get it
I know
I'm not worth saving.
Written on: March 28, 2021