Sometimes I wonder your motivation
Is it nice for humanity sake?
Is it nice to keep the peace whilst we sleep?
Is it nice because sometimes you think you might care about me?
I often have a hard time comprehending
And these feelings usually lead me astray
Its often hard to get me to open up and talk about myself
Usually I only have friends if they push themselves into my space
And somehow you haven't done that
You haven't prodded into my personal life and traumas
How did you come to do that?
Was it in your repetitive nature to just talk yourself out and then flip the question?
And it's almost weird that our dynamic works
That I see you everyday and in between classes
Crazy that I always smile and sometimes I wave
It's like the anxiety of seeing a crush after hours
And at times I tell myself you feel pity for me
It's all some sort of game you've been planning behind the scenes
Like I'm runt of the litter and you think my sadness is cute
You think I'm someone to fix because maybe you need love too
But it's not like that
Despite my own repetitive nature of negative thoughts
Of reading into every hesitation and guarded breath
Every late blink and every slight split
I try to not read too much into you
You're good for me
And you're good for me because you're you
Not because we speak and you ask about my day
Or because you help me take up less space
Or because you're pretty and sometimes I can't look away
Or because you make me laugh when you tell me about your day
No, you're good for me because you're you
And I like getting to know you
I like you for all you are worth
For more than you think you are worth
You're so functional it's odd
I don't think I've ever liked someone for who they are instead of who I am not
Written on: May 9, 2023
A/N: Last line is so profoundly true. Everything in this poem is, but the last line was truly my subconscious reaching out. I can't wait to dissect this in therapy.