CH 21

Lin Xiaodi shoved a paper bag into my hand. “I heard that you were leaving, so I came back from Taiwan for a second trip. I don’t know when I’ll be able to see you again.”

“What is this?”

“A gift.”

“Thanks.”

She paused for a moment. “Will you be back?”

“No, not again.”

I set the bag aside on the seat and took a sip from my coffee.

Lin Xiaodi sighed. “Anjie, you know, you’re the unhappiest girl I’ve ever met.”

I looked down, smiled and continued stirring my coffee in my white porcelain cup.

“So, Anjie, you must learn to be happy and happy and happy.”

“Thank you, Di.”

It’s just that Di’s form of happiness isn’t so easy to understand.

When I left the cafe, I found the sky had gone cloudy, accompanied by a cold wind laden with dead branches and leaves. The sky looked grey and depressing, and I wondered if there was some winter rain on the way.

When I reached the Jian family home, the maid opened the door.

“Miss, Mr. Jian is waiting for you in his study.”

I handed her the gift from Lin Xiaodi as I asked, “Did he say what it was about?”

“No, only that Miss is invited up when she arrives.”

“Got it.”

I climbed the stairs and crossed the long empty corridor. When I reached the door of the study, I stood there for a moment, gathering myself, before I finally knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

My father, Shen Qingyu, and even Xi Xichen were all inside. My father and Shen Qingyu were standing in front of the mahogany table discussing something quietly, while Xi Xichen sat to their side with his head down. His slightly messy bangs were covering part of his face, forming shadows on his eyelids that created a deep and puzzling look.

“Anjie, here you are. We were waiting for you.” Shen Qingyu smiled and took a few steps towards me.

“Something wrong?” Such an atmosphere made me feel uneasy for no reason, as if something was brewing.

“There is something, but it’s a good thing!” Shen Qingyu laughed.

“Little Jie, dad wants to tell you something.” Jian Zhenlin’s voice was overly hard, which made me feel even more wary.

Jian Zhenlin walked over to me and handed me a photo of a decent looking man. “This is Mr. Cheng Qijun.”

I squinted at the photo, then looked up quickly. There was a treacherous look in Jian Zhenlin’s eyes.

A wave of pain swept over me. The loathing in my chest spread out extremely fast, and my heart felt as if it had been viciously torn open, with bright red blood gurgling out. The photo slipped out of my hand and my fingers slowly formed into a fist with my nails digging into my palm.

Xiaodi, happiness never comes to me freely.

“Xiao Jie, I just want to do something for you, I want to make it up to you.” Jian Zhenlin’s voice sounded old and dry. “I hope for someone who can take care of you and love you. Mr. Cheng Qijun is a straightforward person of high status and he has a successful career. He is perfect for you.”

Disgusting….

“Little Jie, you do not need to worry and do not think absurdly. Mr. Cheng would be very fond of you, even though you are seven years apart. An old husband and young wife relationship can last longer.

“If you agree, I will mention it to Mr. Cheng tomorrow. Little Jie, you have to trust your father, I won’t harm you, I’m doing this for your own good, for your future.”

“That’s enough!”

If I had been smarter, I wouldn’t have hoped for anything in the first place. Let’s end it, let’s end it, let’s end it all! Just because I didn’t want revenge on the Jian family, that doesn’t mean they’ll give up hurting and trampling on me over and over again!

“Little Jie?”

I looked at the father who was talking about “making it up” to me.

“What a great father, to go out of his way to recall his daughter who was kicked out of the house six years ago for the sake of his business. Mr. Cheng Qijun, right?”

I leaned down and picked up the photo at my feet.

“A dignitary, huh. Look at me, what can you see? The picture’s appearance, the broken body, father, did you tell him that this daughter of yours has tried to commit suicide? Did you tell him that this daughter of yours is crippled in her right hand!”

“Sh– what?!”

I gently brushed the dust off the photo.

“For my own good, for my future? What a lovely excuse, what touching words. Why don’t you just say that you want to use me to help you gain greater benefits? Wouldn’t you at least maybe be sincere then? In fact, I wouldn’t feel as sick as I do now. Maybe I would even be compelled to help you in turn.”

Maybe.

“An– Anjie, what did you just say…? You are a cripple…?” Shen Qingyu came over and tried to take my hand.

I shook her off.

“Get lost, don’t touch me! Shen Qingyu, you obviously secretly love to tear me apart, but you have to outwardly put on a kind face. Who are you acting for, aren’t you tired?!”

Shen Qingyu looked a little nervous.

“Anjie, back then, when I pointed at you and called you a murderer, that was my fault. Your auntie at that time, at that time–”

“No, that child, it was me who killed it.” I sneered, “That child was my fault. But, Shen Qingyu, you don’t have to give me that look, it’s disgusting! The only thing I owe is that life! As I said, it was my fault, but I don’t think I owe you anything!”

One by one, I glanced at the people in front of me, my shocked father, Shen Qingyu who was looking at me incredulously, and Xi Xichen who was sitting on the sofa with his head hanging. “I don’t owe any of you guys anything!”

“Xiao Jie, don’t be like this.”

“Don’t be like what? Did you think you could all unite, and try to use me as a bargaining chip in a political marriage, and I would keep quiet?! I’m sorry, but I’m not the same Jian Anjie! I will no longer be weak and powerless enough to allow you to throw me away and use me!”

“That’s not true, Jie. Dad really just wants to find the right person for you who can take care of you for the rest of your life.”

“Funny! I’ve taken care of myself for six years and I’m still alive. There’s no reason why I should have to find someone to suppress me now!”

“Little Jie, why do you have to be so paranoid?” Jian Zhenlin’s body trembled like a withered leaf in a gust of cold wind. “Also, what is going on with your body? Why is your right hand crippled?”

“Dad, I really want to–to– to kill you sometimes!”

Ha! Such cheap and hypocritical words will now only add to that hatred.

Jian looked at me in dismay and anguish.

I hadn’t expected this all to end early, or in this way, but it was fine.

I walked up to Jian Zhenlin, took out the credit card that had been in my pocket and threw it to the ground.

“Here’s your money back, every penny of it.”

I turned to leave, my back straight, carrying the last of my pride, proving that this time Jian Anjie was not being driven out of the Jian family.

I walked out of the corridor and through the front door, letting the cold rain beat down on my body. Numbly, I walked through the garden and pulled open the iron door.

I was sure this time, it was really over for good.

“Little Jie, be a good girl. Daddy has bought the estate in Deeping and we’re moving there tomorrow, okay?”

“Mum, why do you want to plant bamboo in the garden?”

“Because book bamboo represents the eternity of the four seasons.”

“Little Jie’s room is beautiful.”

“Piao Zheng, it’s pink.”

“Do you like the balcony very much?”

“Yes, I like it, I can see very far away.”

“Little Jie, this art room is a gift from Daddy, do you like it?”

“Little Jie paints beautiful pictures.”

“Mum, I love this place, I really do, can I stay here forever?”

The rain slid down my cheeks and I felt cold to the bone.

“I am so tired, really tired, Piao Zheng. Take me away from here.”

The words were broken, and I finally collapsed into the arms of the man standing in the rain.