Chapter 33- Christmas Love

Chapter 33 - Christmas Love

Kim's POV

My finger still shook nervously as I was hanging up Christmas decorations around my house. My whole body wasn't even relaxed as I thought it should be. You would think after kissing the guy I've always had feelings for, and finally hearing everything I would have wanted to hear for the past eight years would make me relaxed and carefree. Skipping around the house, humming, or singing, being really nice and sweet; wrong. I was the total opposite.

My fingers fumbled around with the sticky tape as I tried hanging up mistletoe above the door way of the kitchen to the dining room. A little tradition we Taylor's allowed to have around this time of year. No matter who passes under it you were to give the person a kiss- on the cheek at the least. Unless you were married or going out then the cheek wasn't an option for you. My "kiss" to the boys or all my cousins that were younger than me was a gentle tap to the head or arm.

After setting up the dinner table for my mom, I went upstairs and changed into some nice clothes for our family Christmas party, which we were hosting, again, as always. I didn't bother looking too fancy like putting on a dress because it was just my family and in my house. So I decided to just wear a pair of dark washed jean, a white lacy top and a long red cardigan, red for at least a little Christmas spirit. I pined two pieces of the side of my hair back in a cute little silver bow clip and slip on my black slippers I wore around the house since my feet are cold. I went light on the make-up and brushed my teeth before heading down stairs.

"Kimberly, can you get the dip out of the oven and put the chips in a bowl." My father orders wiping his hands on a dirty dish towel frantically looking paranoid.

"Sure dad." I reply grabbing the oven mitts from the draw to take out the dip. I placed it on the table and then went off to get the bowl and chips. I frowned at the high top cabinet where the tortilla chips are kept. It was a good few inches deep in, and I couldn't reach even on my tippy toes. I tried, struggling, standing on the tips of my toes reaching out for it, whining pathetically. "This is hopeless." I grumble silently to myself.

"Need some help with that?" A deep husky voice offers from behind me. The same familiar voice that I would recognize anywhere. The same voice I've heard for eleven years. It's like one of those annoying ring tones you just can't change or get rid of.

Still staring blankly and awkwardly at the cabinet, without turning around to face him, he grabs the bowel out of my hands, ripping of the plastic bag, and the sound of the chips fall into the wooden bowel. I turn slowly watching him do so. He had a smile playing on his lips, his cerulean eyes sparkling with happiness. He dressed up a bit wearing a white button up shirt with microscopic thin red strips, dark jeans and black shoes. His hair was spiked up in the front a bit, and from where I stood I could even smell his cologne.

"Seen enough of me yet?" He teases with his famous smirk, crumpling the bag in the trash. I blink momentarily aware that I was staring at him intently.

I hid my blushing red face and walk past him, trying hard to hide a little smile that was forming on my lips. I walk into the living room where my Aunt Rachel, Uncle John, and my cousins Shane and Ivy we all gathered in the living room along with Asher's parents and little sisters. I hug them all wishing them a merry Christmas.

"Where's Asher?" Ivy asks, a little too sweetly batting her eyelashes. I roll my eyes getting sick of her pitiless flirting with him.

"Leave him alone, Ivy." I order her strongly sitting on the edge of the couch's sofa arm.

"Yeah what she said. Leave me alone." Asher smirks throwing his arm around my shoulder.

Ivy looks a bit shock and hurt, staring at him hopelessly with dead look eyes. She huffs and walks away with her chin held high. Did Asher just tell Ivy to back off and leave him alone? If I know Asher well, - and I know him better than God himself! - I know he loves getting attention, any attention from anyone. So it's a bit shocking to hear him say that. But then again he must just be annoyed with her, I know I am. I probably would like her better if she didn't flirt with my best friend every time.

The doorbell rang and I got up to answer it revealing my Aunt Stella, Uncle George, and cousins Mason, Max, and Jenny.

"Merry Christmas!" My uncle and aunt shouted at the same time.

"We're here to annoy you with awful songs of Christmas carols." Mason jokes making us all laugh in hysterics as he started singing Joy to the World off key.

I lead them in the living room helping them put the gifts under the Christmas tree. After that I went to the kitchen to help my dad with anything. It looked like he had showered and change while I was gone.

"Dinner is almost done. You want to go and tell everyone that?" Dad asks nodding his head to me. I shrug my shoulders picking up the bread basket to the dining room table. I head out to the living room to announce dinner, only to crash into Asher; literally. I grin trying to go around him but he stops me. He points up to the top of the door frame with a smudge look.

Shit. Mistletoe. I start laughing nervously darting my eyes around to see if anyone else was with us. Is he joking with me? Seriously I get it that we kissed- twice- and I had asked him to, but wasn't it just that? A kiss. A kiss that lead to pouring out our feelings for one another.

"You got to do it, Kimmy." He smirks still pointing up. I stare at him stupidly thinking it over, wow am I seriously considering this!?

"Aw, but Kimmy you and Asher are just friends. Plus you're dating that other guy, what's his face name.... Spen.... Spencer! I'll steal the kiss for you." Ivy interrupts, intruding on something she wasn't remotely even part of.

Asher glances at her furiously as she mentions Spencer's name, my heart pounds against my chest remembering. I hear Asher's teeth grind together and see him stiffen in response.

"I told you to leave me the hell alone." Ash growls stalking away and past me.

I look at Ivy coldly with a scowl as she smiles successfully at Asher's walking away figure. She looks at me, the smile dropping from her face, "What did I do?" She asks 'innocently.'

I push past her roughly walking the opposite way from Asher. I stalk angrily to the living room where everyone was gathered around with smiles and giggles.

"Dinner is ready." I announce putting on a small fake smile. I walk back stubbornly to the dining room pushing past Ivy when I see her again. Spencer! Ugh! How did I already forget about him? What the hell am I doing with Asher when I'm in a relationship with Spencer? How could I do this to him? If the shoe were on the other foot I'd be devastated that he was cheating on me or admitting his love to some other girl! It's not fair, it just isn't right. None at all.

I should call him, right? I should tell him so I don't feel like a dirty cheater, so then maybe I could....move on? That's so whore-ish of you Kimberly. UGH!

"Earth to Kim! Hello! Pass the food!" I hear someone shout. I snap out of my trance looking around. I was already sitting at the table, my whole family is.

To my right my cousin Max is pushing the bread basket to me. I grab it from him passing it along to Asher on my left as he hands me a heavy glass bowl of mash potatoes. I put some in my plate then passed it off to Max.

"You OK?" Ash whispers in my ear as he passes me another plate of food. I nod my head meekly putting more food on my plate and setting the napkin on my lap. We all said Grace then dug into the meal my father prepared for us. Conversation went around among the adults and then some meaningless separate ones coming from my younger cousins.

I stay quiet, only talking when one of my family members started asking me about school or life. My grandpa went off telling a story about some war he was in. I never remember him being in a war.

"Dad you were never in a war. I think you're talking about the fight you and mom had every thanksgiving about what turkey to shoot." My dad explained to him.

"Oh... that makes more sense. Thanks, Champ." My grandpa said in a rusty hoarse voice.

"Everything alright with you two kids over there? You seem unusually quiet." My Aunt Stella questions curiously. I look up to see her directing towards Asher and I. We haven't been talking or laughing hysterically like we normally do, making loud noises and being obnoxiously loud that made everyone having to talk louder to speak over us. Us being quiet is just simply odd.

"Yeah. Fine." I reply quietly shifting around the food in my plate. I look over to him through the corner of my eye watching him glance back at me.

~~~~~

After dinner was cleared and the dishes were all in the dish washer we already began to put out the desserts. And by us I mean me only because I was in the mood for something sweet at that moment. I couldn't seem to choose anything over the variety we had set out, apple pie, cookies, brownies, some peppermint patty things, cheesecakes, fruit salad, mini cupcakes, lemon tarts, raspberry tarts.

I went for the simplest and healthiest, fruit salad, but the dang peanut butter cookie was tempting me over the edge. I scooped some fruit in a cup for me nibbling on my cookie. I felt someone standing behind me and watching me as I did so. I already suspected it was him but I was still so nervous to talk to him.

When I turn around I lean against the counter poking at my fruit, all the watermelon was on top, and I was more looking forward to the strawberries and grapes. "Want this?" I ask holding it out for him.

He shrugs his shoulders digging his hands deeper into his pockets. He bends his head down taking watermelon off my fork. I push another out of the way to get the tip of a strawberry.

"Are you mad at me?" He whispers gently. I looked up at him through my eyelashes as I brought a strawberry up to my mouth. Before I could answer he spoke back quickly, "Because you're the one who asked me to kiss you."

"Yeah I know Asher.... I just...." I stutter out my words helplessly, shaking my head. My mind is so confused, I just can't think about it. Thinking about kissing my best friend would then jump back to the conclusion of cheating on my boyfriend.

"You just can't wrap your head around it." Asher clarifies for me. That was exactly it. I just couldn't wrap my head around the thought of kissing my best friend. I'm so confused about it. I love him, don't get me wrong, and I want to be with him, but there's just something-someone especially- holding me back.

"Yeah. Ash it just-" I hear voices coming near. I whip my head to the doorway as my Aunt Stella, Mom, and Mrs. Knight came walking into the kitchen. I saw Asher take a small step back realizing how really close he actually was.

"Hey kiddies. Seems like you already got dessert all figured out, huh?" My Aunt Stella comments.

"Yep." Asher replied to her with a small grin.

"You better behave at this party young man." Mrs. Knight warns Ash with a stern look, grabbing a brownie off the platter. He rolls his eyes, grunting as we all remembered Thanksgiving, "Don't give me those rolling eyes. I'm serious, do it again and just see what happens when you get home."

I smile lightly at them, struggling to pierce a grape with my fork. My mother leans down next to my ear whispering, "You two alright?"

I nod frantically, standing up straighter. I took out the annoying piece of watermelon that was in my way and handed it to Ash. I walk out of the room hoping he'd follow me. The downstairs game room was being occupied by all my cousins so I lead Asher to the abandoned office that use to be mine and Nick's to do our homework. In reality we never got our homework done in here, we always got distracted or fought with one another.

The walls were a pale green with white trim and white tile floors. Two oak wooden desks with black wheelie chairs were on opposite walls with a reading lamp, pens, pencils, high liters, rulers, old papers and books. Old good graded papers we're still tacked to the cork board along with some drawings, paintings, or framed certificates. It was just how we left it what felt like years ago. I haven't done my homework in here since Jr. High.

I sat on one of the black chairs holding out my hand for my fork. Nervously I stared down in my cup eating my fruit. "So what were you saying?" He asked politely.

"I- uh- I'm just not use to the idea at all I guess. I guess I just don't..." I didn't want to say it. I knew it would work him up and throw a fit. So I kept my mouth closed but he kept trying to push it out of me.

"Tell me. I need to know, Kimmy. I want to know what's wrong so I can fix it." He wheels over to me, sitting in the other chair across from me. He was about to grab my hand but I stopped him, instead handing him the fork with a melon on it.

"Ash I'm not sure anymore. I don't- I just don't....Trust you. OK. I'm sorry." I mumble looking away. I hesitate to reach out and grab my fork to distract myself with.

"What?" He half whispers. I could practically hear the hurt and disappointment in his voice. How do I know that I could trust him? How do I know if he won't be going around and screwing every girl he has the chance with? How do I know that he'd be faithful? I trust Asher. I just don't trust him in a relationship. He hasn't even ever had a real relationship. The longest he's gone being with one person is two weeks; tops.

"Asher, don't take it like that. You know I trust you, but I just don't- I wouldn't be surprised if you... you know-"

"You think I would cheat on you!" His voice cracks, sounding shocked and hurt once again. He understood. He knew what I meant, he had to at least get where I'm coming from in all this. I nod my head slowly and shyly, feeling guilty agreeing with this statement, "I can't believe you would think that." He growls angrily standing up right, pushing the chair back.

I stood up hastily, hoping he didn't leave the room. I guess he doesn't understand where I'm coming from, "Ash you don't understand what I'm trying to point out here-"

"No, I do! You think that after everything I said you would have more trust in me. Instead you think the worst and the complete absurdity! Jesus Christ Kimberly. Being a player or whatever you want to call it was just an act to get your attention and to feel jealous, but clearly after all those years it didn't work." He shouts, but not enough for people to wonder and hear us.

I shook my head, scowling at him, "If anything Asher, you becoming a player, whoring around with any girl made me think less of you. It's disgusting, how you would you just go around doing that, like sex has no meaning to you other than to just get off and cool down your horny hormones. By doing that to make me jealous? Are you serious? You think that would get my attention then you don't know me Asher. Because if you just want this 'relationship' with me just to have sex and gloat about having done it with your best friend, then you can forget about what I ever said."

I stood there silently. I had no idea that I'd say that, but it all came out and I'm sure it was for the better. I guess I have to get all my insecurities out before I even consider anything. Who would want to be that girl? That's used and not love the way you want to be loved; like he's air and you can't breath and you need him in your life, and you know that with every silly and stupid thing you do or say he'll just love you more and more. We're still just kids, looking for a love that will last forever. Don't waste your love on somebody who doesn't value it.

"I wouldn't do that to you." He said simply, licking his bottom lip, "Look, you're the one who told me that you wanted to know where this was going because you wanted to know so you could move on. Now you're the one holding out and now I'm the one tired of waiting. So tell me.... What's it going to be?"

To be honest it wasn't like he was waiting forever for an answer. He only gave me several hours to process it all, to think it all thoroughly. He sat back in the chair calmly looking up at me for an answer. I knew what he wanted me to say. I place the stupid cup of fruit on my desk walking up to him slowly. The room is silent, but we could still hear all the families' voices around the house and the shouting coming from the downstairs game room.

Elegantly I sat on his left knee then turned my head to face him, looking deep into this sparkling sapphire eyes feeling so shy around him. This is so stupid, he's my best friend why am I acting and thinking this way? My mouth slowly opens and I hope my voice would come out evenly and not hoarsely.

"I'm sorry..."

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