a/n: please listen to the song above, 'the last time' by taylor swift ft gary lightbody, before reading this chapter. it'll set the mood :)
Finally, finally I'd got my proof. After months of being unheard, misunderstood and wronged, I was going to show that boy what he'd failed to see.
The next day I went through all my classes without saying a word to Archer. We still weren't on speaking terms and he still didn't know I'd got the proof.
But then lessons ended at half past two and soon it was time to go to the study. Archer was already there by the time I arrived.
I went through five excruciating hours, painful silence engulfing us as we worked on our own papers. I didn't say a word.
Then as the bell rang at half past seven, I got up, opened my phone and sent the recording to Archer. His phone pinged.
I said, "I've sent a recording to you. Beth met May and got this from her. That's all the proof you'll ever need."
With that, I walked out of the study before he could say anything in response.
I couldn't control my emotions anymore. All these months, he'd misunderstood me and not even given me a chance to explain myself and prove him wrong. After such a long time, after all this heartbreak and hatred, he'd agreed to give me a chance as a mere challenge, just because of a sudden, stupid fight.
I deserved far better than this. I'd thought he was the one for me- the boy I'd marry, the one I'd have kids with, the one I'd grow old with.
Ever believed in soulmates? I did too, once upon a time, when I had him. Now I wasn't so sure anymore.
I walked down the corridor back to the common room, tears streaming down my face. I wiped them away before I entered, lest Angie or Kate see me crying. I didn't want them to get more anxious than they already were.
"Viv!" Katie cried as soon as she saw me. Angie stood up too. "Did you show him the recording?"
"I sent it to his phone, told him that was the proof, and then left."
"Didn't you see what his reaction was?!"
I shook my head no. "I couldn't bear to. Not after...not after all this time."
This time, however hard I tried, I couldn't stop that one treacherous tear from escaping my eye. The two girls came and hugged me, and soon Beth entered the room and joined in.
"We're always here with you, Viv. You have us, one hundred percent."
I nodded and smiled through the blur of tears. "I know. I love you all."
°
During supper, I didn't see Archer at the table. It wasn't like him to skip meals and yet he was missing tonight.
Later that night, I was lying in my dorm when suddenly there was a frantic knocking on our door.
Angie frowned. "Who could be knocking at this hour?"
Since I was closest to the door, I went and opened it.
Big mistake.
Archer stood on the other side, his hair dishevelled, and eyes red. He was a mess.
But unfortunately, I didn't care.
I was about to shut the door in his face when he put his hand out to stop me.
"Vivian, please," he pleaded, his voice sounding hoarse, "I just want to talk. Nothing else. Please, just hear me out."
I smiled wrily. "Funny how you ignored me when I said those exact words to you a year back."
To say he looked remorseful would be an understatement. He looked terrible.
"I know I have no right to say this. But please, god please, I'm begging you, Vivian, please. I just need to tell you something, that's all. It won't take up a lot of your time, but please just listen."
He looked about ready to cry.
I looked back at Angie and Kate. They were glaring at Archer. Kate strode over.
"Archer, she won't talk to you or listen to you right now. Please leave."
"Katie, please-"
Angie interjected. "No Archer, she won't listen to you now. It's late and you should go back to your dorm."
Archer looked at me with a strange determination. "Fine. I'll just sit outside on the floor until Vivian agrees to listen just once. I know the room inspection has been done already so I won't be caught and neither will I move until you hear me out, Viv."
I tried to look as calm as possible. "Don't call me Viv."
Archer gave me a helpless look which almost made me reach out and agree to listen. Almost.
But then I turned around and shut the door behind me, ignoring his calls.
I was this close to crying as I leaned my head against the door, knowing he was on the other side.
Kate and Angie made me go to bed and turned the lights off.
But I couldn't sleep. Forty minutes passed. Was he still there outside? Surely he must've given up by now? Should I go check?
I couldn't stop myself. My curiosity got the better of me. I headed to the door and put one ear against the wood and heard shuffling on the other side.
He was still here!
I opened the door instinctively.
"What the hell are you still doing here?" I whispered angrily.
He looked at me. "I told you I wouldn't go away until you agreed to listen. Please Vivian, just give me five minutes. Please."
Even in the dark, I could just about make out the utter desolation in his eyes. I couldn't bring myself to look away.
I sighed. I told myself I wouldn't stoop to the same level as he had a year ago.
"Fine."
His shoulders relaxed visibly. "Thank you. Can we please talk outside? In an empty classroom maybe?"
I stared at him. "How will you get into a classroom now? All the doors are locked!"
He smiled faintly. "I know one which isn't."
He led me all the way to the other side of the tower. We climbed up an old, winding staircase and reached a part of the building that was mostly unused. The rooms here were pretty ramshackle and that's why they weren't used anymore.
All this sneaking around after dark suddenly took me back to those days when I'd have secret midnight feasts with Archer in the garden. It brought an old, unwanted ache in my chest.
Archer took me inside one of those unused rooms, which was surprisingly unlocked. "These rooms aren't used as classes anymore, and they're just cleaned once a month. Once the lock to this room broke and the authorities didn't bother to change it, considering it's not used anymore."
I stared after him. "How did you know this?"
He shrugged. "Jack, Edwin, Freddie and I used to do a lot of exploring earlier."
We went inside and stood awkwardly for a brief moment. I crossed my arms over my chest. "What do you want, Archer?"
He took a deep breath. "I know this will never be enough, and I get it if you never speak to me again, but I made a terrible, terrible mistake and it took me this long to realise it. So I wanted to say I'm incredibly sorry, Vivian. I know I messed up big time, and I didn't trust you when I should've. You can go ahead and blame me for all these things, I deserve it."
I looked away. What was I supposed to say?
"What do you want me to say, Archer?"
"I'm just asking for your forgiveness, Vivian. Please. I probably don't deserve it, but if you could just give me another chance--"
I raised my head to look at him. "Another chance? For what?"
He looked away. "For...maybe...if we could give it another try..."
This time, I couldn't keep my hurt in check.
"It? It?! What do you mean, Archer? You think it's just that easy to forget everything and get back together? You apologising now doesn't take away the fact that you didn't trust me in the first place! How can you expect me to just jump back into your arms like nothing ever happened?"
By this time, I was crying. I couldn't stop myself. He had tears in his eyes too. Thank god this part of the school was empty and no one would hear us.
He attempted to reach forward. "Vi, please--"
Vi.
"No, no, no! You don't get to call me Vi! You stupid twat, you don't get to call me Vi! You don't know how much you bloody hurt me!"
I hated myself for this outburst, that too in front of him of all people. But I could only take so much.
He put his arms around me as I cried. It was horrible. I didn't want this. I didn't want any of this, or so I kept telling myself. I didn't want him in my life.
He only seemed to bring heartache, heartache and more bloody heartache.
And that was the worst kind of ache you could experience.
I shook his arms off me.
"Vivian, please can we just be friends? Please. I made a terrible mistake, can you please forgive me? I promise, I promise I won't mess up again. I'll never hurt you again, I promise."
By this time, he was crying too. I realised the problem lay with both of us. Maybe we were too explosive, like a highly inflammable substance brought near the fire.
At one point I'd thought the fire was what kept us going, but it just ended up giving us first degree burns. Maybe we weren't cut out for each other.
Maybe we weren't meant for each other.
I got up from the rickety old chair, wiping my tears.
"I've cried enough for one night, over one boy. You don't deserve my tears."
I was just about to walk away when he caught my hand. His face was heartbreaking. It made a part of me want to hold him tight, but a greater part of me just wanted to go back to bed.
I was tired. Tired of every bloody thing in the universe.
He searched my eyes. "Tell me, can we please be friends? I'll do anything to make it up to you, whatever it takes. Vivian, please. Please."
I sighed. How could we go from being soulmates to this? Were soulmates really supposed to end up this way?
This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. We had planned to do so many things together: go to Zürich, Florence, and Madrid, watch football matches in our favourite stadiums, eat at a roadside café in Paris, paint and click lots of pictures together, raise a family in the heart of the city but retreat to a small cottage in the Cotswolds during summer.
It was planned out.
But then, in that moment, as he held onto my hand for one last bit of hope in that dingy classroom, I realised something.
Life isn't about planning everything to the last detail. Sometimes they don't go according to plan, or as expected, and we have to deal with it. Often the outcomes are happy and often they're not. Who are we to decide?
Maybe Archer and I were a testament to this fact. Maybe our plan wasn't meant to be, and maybe life had other plans for us. Our paths had crossed and I would never forget him, because he was my first, and till now, only love. But could I ever forgive him for what he'd done?
I didn't know the answer yet.
Archer waited for me to answer his question about being friends. He added, "I'll wait for as long as you want. Whenever you're ready to be friends again. Just please, Vivian, don't say no. Please don't say no."
I took a deep breath. "I don't know, okay? This is too hard for me and I just want to sleep now. Will you let me go, Archer? I need to sleep."
My voice was tired, and maybe that's what made him release my hand. And as I walked out of the room back to my dorm, I couldn't help but wish I'd agreed to his request.
But I couldn't. I just couldn't.
a/n: ahhhhh this was so hard to write! things are rocky right now but let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we? in the meantime, don't forget to leave votes and comments about your thoughts on this chapter!