A Y E S H A :-
"What's with the silence today?" Farhan asks me the first thing as we were driving back from airport.
Why? Can't I have a peaceful morning?
I wanted to answer him that but I didn't do that, for good measures.
Let's start with how Today early morning mama baba and mina went back to istanbul leaving me alone with mister iceberg, we were on our way back to our home after dropping them at the airport with tearful goodbyes, Of course I was upset that everyone left so I was naturally feeling little lonely and second of all I am not a Morning person, not at all, and third of all I am tired, emotionally, and physically.
"Well?" He prompted, tapping his thumb on steering wheel impatiently.
"No reason," I replied glancing outside the car window and watching trees passing with a blur,
"As far as I know you are not a quite person, I noticed you talk quite decently to others." He glances at me, his gladiator sunglasses glinting from the sharp morning rays.
"I am not in a mood to talk." I replied playing with the ends of my hijab.
"Not in a mood to talk or not in a mood to talk to me?" He asks again and I raise an eyebrow at him,
"Why are you so persistent today? It's not like we talk everyday," I snap and immediately regret my choice of words.
His jaw tenses, "You asked me to improve, but clearly you don't listen to your own words."
Regret churns in my stomach I wanted to apologise to him for snapping but my ego didn't allow me to,
He was not always like this, Mina's words echo in my mind as I looked at him, he was right I lectured him to try and look at me being a hypocrite.
"I am not a morning person." I say quietly swallowing my ego down.
"What?" He asks looking ahead, concentrating on the road ahead.
"Answer to your previous question." I picked up the skin around my nails avoiding looking at him.
"Oh." He clears his throat, "More of a night person perhaps?"
I breath a silent air of relief at the silent truce between us, "No."
"No?"
"I am just a..a...person." I answer after lot of thinking,
It's just so difficult to make people understand what is it like to not sleep and not wanting to wake up.
"Oh..okay then."
I shift in my seat, This is awkward. But at least a progress.
After some time we reached our house, as soon as the car stopped in front of the porch steps, I practically sprinted out and made a bee line to my room, avoiding to look at the empty house which was radiating happiness full of people yesterday and now void of any.
When I came out of the bathroom, I saw farhan combing his hair and he was in his office suit?
What is he? Flash?
Before I could open my mouth, he answered my unasked question,
"I have an immediate meeting with my clients." He said fixing his rolex watch on his wrist.
"Oh..ok?" It came out as a question.
Wait a second, it means I will be alone in this whole house.
He cleared his throat adjusting his collar, "I will be back soon."
This feels like a normal conversation and totally abnormal at the same time.
"Oh, Okay, Allahafiz." I played with my bracelet looking at him.
He looked at me as if he wanted to ask something but decided against and tipped his chin at me,
"See you then." I raise an eyebrow, what are we, gym bros?
By the look of his face, I could tell he cringed too.
"See you." I said trying to less his embarrassment.
He grabbed his coat and with a last nod he left the room, before going out I caught him briefly looking at the bin,
Curiosity got better of me and I peeked inside the bin and gasped seeing a small bunch of hyacinths laying in there,
Frisky I grabbed it and touched the now dried flowers, was I really not dreaming last night?
Hearing an car honk, I jog towards the balcony to see Farhan's car leaving the gate, I look back at the flowers and at his car again, Did he really...?
I remembered him trying to talk to me this morning and these flowers, oh my god is this really going somewhere where I think it is going?
I bit my lip to suppress a smile but I could still feel my lips tipping up, shaking my head I went downstairs to find an empty vase and filled it with water and kept the hyacinths in it, bringing it back to my room, I hid it in the corner space of the balcony.
Hearing my phone ring, I went inside the room and smiled again seeing my mom's name flashing on the screen,
"Salam mama," I greet her,
"Walaikumaslam my child, how are you?"
"I am good by the grace of Allah, how are you?"
"All good my child, so everyone has gone now, how are you feeling?" She asks hesitantly,
"Little upset, of course." I reply going back in the balcony and sat down on the swing,
"I know you must be feeling lonely. Want me to come over?"
I sigh, "I really want to but I don't want to disturb you just for my inconvenience."
"Ayesha," her voice is firm now, "Don't guilt yourself for thinking about you and I really don't mind being there for you, really."
"I know mom you would, but I am good, trust me."
She takes a deep breath, "You are so much like your father, stubborn to core, making you understand something is equal to bang one's head on the wall."
I chuckle, "How's he anyway, Baba?" I ask quietly,
"Same, he is still the same Ayesha, nothing changed."
I pick on my nails, asking a question which I know would hurt me, "Does-does he asks about me?"
There was defeating silence on the other side of the line,
It was an clear answer for me,
"Mom it's okay, I understood." I cut her off,
"I-I," she stutters, "I am sorry my child." She whispers defeatedly.
"It's not your fault mom," I change the subject before the air turns heavy, "How's Murat? Office?"
My mom catches my tone and changes the subject talking about my brother, we were talking for about half an hour when my mom
Suddenly says,
"I almost forgot, Did you contact Danish?"
My breath hitch on my throat and I could feel blood draining down from my face,
"W-why?"
"He was here yesterday, said he wanted to throw a party for you and Farhan and he didn't had your number-"
"Did you gave him my number?" I asked frantically,
"He asked, why? I shouldn't have?"
I flap my hand on my forehead dragging up my hairs and tugging on it, "No it's not like that,"
"Ayesha are you okay? Why do you sound so......agitated suddenly?"
"No-no I," I bit my lip, "I don't think it would be nice, him calling me now that I am married, he could call Farhan, it doesn't feel correct that's why, nothing else." My leg bounces as I lie to my mother.
"Oh that's the reason? Yeah I should've thought about it, but why are you so scared? My child he is your cousin too, there is nothing wrong in talking,"
I got up from the swing and sighed anxiously,
"Mom actually..um Farhan doesn't like it. Me talking to other men."
I am going to hell. Sorry Allah.
"Oh," her voice is small, "I didn't caused a mistake, did I?"
I band my fist on the railing, "No mom you didn't, don't feel sorry, he didn't called me anyways."
My heart set low in my stomach, if he didn't till now, what is he planning?
"Um mom Farhan is calling me, I will talk to you later?"
"Okay no problem, but um Ayesha?"
"Yes mom?"
"You are okay right? Farhan treats you good?"
My nose sting as I say, "Yes mom, I love you, Allahafiz."
I hung up after she responds shortly, since when did I started lying to my mother? I feel so bad.
My eyes go wide when I remember about Danish, after our walimah I had completely forgotten about him but now he is trying to reach me...what is he planning?
"Oh god." I mutter walking anxiously inside my room and pacing around,
I never knew what he is capable of, but his personality screams trouble.
Sitting down on the bed I opened my Instagram, which I deactivated months ago,
As soon as I open, I gasp seeing the number of messages from Danish,
207 new messages from Danish Malek.
Reluctantly I opened his chat and all his messages started few days after the fiasco with Imran, and all of them were repetitive,
Where are you?- 23 Aug 2015
Are you ignoring me my love?- 29 Aug 2015
You are not supposed to ignore me you know- 8 September 2015
This is my twentieth time asking you where the fuck are you -19 September 2015
What am I seeing? My girl is getting married huh? You are too daring sweetheart- 26 September 2015
Pick. Up. My. Phone. Right. Now. - 26 September 2015
Fine have it your way- 10 October
10 October was the date I got married, and on the 11 was my walimah, it means that threat he gave me was no joke.
The rest of his messages were the same except this time he was texting me to meet him.
I raise an eyebrow at the messages, how is this man a business tycoon if he couldn't understand that if I am not responding it means I have deactivated my social media why couldn't he take a hint?
Men.
My phone started vibrating and slipped from my hand hitting the carpeted floor,
As I bend down to pick up my heart started beating anxiously seeing an unknown number,
The number code was of turkey, it could be anyone so why am I scared?
Leaving my phone on the ground I left it to ring and didn't pick up, I don't pick up new numbers and specially after talking with my mom, it's a big no.
I was just breathing in relief when my phone started ringing again, I ignored it, again.
But it kept ringing for the third time, fourth and fifth, by sixth time, a headache formed hearing the shrill of my ringtone.
Picking up my phone after it stopped ringing I immediately blocked the number, it could be anyone, any wrong number, an old friend or relatives, or any company call, or it could be really him. But why the risk, no I am not picking it up,
why am I scared of him, I didn't do anything wrong but my heart thumps with an unknown fear.
I clutched my head in my hands as my head started throbbing, why am I stuck in this situation?
I brought all of this upon myself, and the fact what killing me is I cannot talk to anyone without it, it was a secret affair and now it is coming right back at me for hiding from my parents.
I jumped from my seat hearing a knock on the bedroom door, the door opened and Julia, a house help props her head inside,
"Am I disturbing you madam?"
"N-no you are not." I could still feel my heart thumping wildly,
"Oh alright," she comes inside and hands me the landline phone,
"There's a call for you ma'am."
"For me?" I took the phone from her hand,
"Who is it?"
"Says he is your brother."
I frown, why Murat is calling on the landline and not on my phone?
"Hello Murat?"
"Wrong name sweetheart." My heart drops to my stomach and my grip losses on the phone,
The familiar deep voice which I was dreading to hear speaks in my ear again, this time startling me,
"I am saying this for the first and last time, unblock me and pick. Up. My. Phone. Or I will reach to your house just like I reached for your landline, do not under estimate me sweetheart, you have five minutes to unblock or the next time we talk would be in your house, face to face."
With that the line went off leaving me with a dizzy head and my stomach churning.
The landline slipped from my hand and Julia grabbed it,
"Ma'am?" She touches my shoulder, "Ayesha madam? Are you okay?"
"Huh?" I snapped from my thoughts and looked at her and the cordless in her hand, it was real, all real, he really found me.
"Your face is pale ma'am are you okay? Should I bring you something?"
"I am fine." My tongue felt heavy, as if I had no idea how to use it.
"Ma'am your hands are turning cold, I think I should call Sir Farhan."
Farhan. No, not him.
"No." My voice came out sharp, "Sorry, No, no need I am fine, just bring me some water, I am fine."
She looked reluctant to go but she nodded and left the room before throwing a worried glance towards me,
Grabbing my phone I went to call log and immediately unblocked the new number and hit the green button as it started ringing again,
Stepping inside the balcony I closed the door behind me and locked it, as he started speaking,
"Finally, sweetheart." He chuckles, his deep voice vibrating against my ear making my nerves hurt.
"What do you want?" I snapped.
"Now, is that a way to talk to your ex- boyfriend?"
"Yes, it is."
"Oh I see," he clicks his tongue, "little birdie got new wings?"
"Why were you calling me? Are you insane?" I hissed.
"For you? yes." He laughs,
"Shut up." My voice came out meek,
"Alright, I will come to the point," his voice sobers, "I want to meet you."
I rear back in shock, "No."
"I am not giving you a choice. And do not think of bailing on me, otherwise all of our chats would be sent to your father and husband, accidentally of course."
I sunk down on the balcony floor leaning against the railings as fear gripped my throat,
"Why are you doing this,?" I cry out,
"Leave me alone, please." Tears spill down from my eyes as I clamped my mouth to not let any sob break out.
"I will after this meeting, I am texting you the details and time."
"Danish, please. I can't come to meet you, what did I even do to you? please leave me alone."
"You will know what you did to me."
With that he hung up, desperately I tried to call him but he didn't pick up.
I dropped my phone on the ground and grabbed my head, oh god what have I gotten into?
I should have known this was ought to happen, Haram relationships always leads to problems.
Why didn't I understood it before? Why did I had to learn it the hard way?
Just because I was desperate for some attention and my giddy teenage heart got better of me, I stared talking to him, despite knowing every consequences, I talked to him, wasted my time, wasted the time I could've used for my career, for what I could've gotten close to my creator, but now everything is coming back at me, these haram relationships will always ruin your life, it will never leave you.
It could not bring anything except shame to you and your family and yet, yet I did the exact opposite.
The things I said to him, he is going to use it against me, humiliate me.
I slapped my forehead as a sob broke out, what if he Farhan gets to know of it?
He would leave me, I can't go back to my parents house, if my baba knew of this, all of his words would come true,
My mother would be disheartened, disappointed, my brother would never trust me again,
"What did I do?" I whisper hoarsely punching the ground beneath me.
I am tangled in my own web of lies, only if I didn't got in that relationship.
I flinched when my phone pinged, indicating a message, with shaky hands I grabbed my phone and opened my messages to see that same unknown number messaging me the address of an cafe,
Downtown Olive Café.
2 pm, this afternoon, don't be late sweetheart.
"Damn you." I curse closing off my phone.
"Damn you Danish malek."
It was like All the doors where closed for me, I was struck in a middle of a storm and the only way to reach the shore was bypassing the storm itself.
I looked at the time, it was noon now, if I am quick I could be back home before Farhan gets here, but would it be really worth hiding from him?
Unknowingly my eyes landed on the hyacinths, and a fresh set of tears formed in my eyes, things were just starting, starting to get normal, how am I going to lie to him?
My own lies and life choices landed me here, there is only one escape now, I had to meet Danish, to finish everything from the past.
It's the only way left.
Getting up from the balcony I went inside my room and washed my face before changing into a fresh set of clothes and going downstairs,
Julia met me on the steps with a tray of hot steaming cup on it, she was surprised to see me all dressed up but followed me in the kitchen,
"I was about to come in your room to give you this ma'am." She places the tray in front of me as I sat down on a chair of the dining table,
"Thank you so much, Julia." I say taking a sip of the steaming ginger tea.
"Are you fine now ma'am? You still look pale."
"I am fine now, thank you Julia, I guess I am just missing everyone."
She smiles softly at me, "If you don't mind ma'am, you could talk to me."
I offer her a smile, "You are too kind Julia, thank you."
I flinch as I heard the landline ringing, Julia walk towards the living room and receives it,
My heart picks up it's speed, when she glances at me and nods saying something to the person on the line and starts walking towards me,
"Farhan sir, ma'am." She hands me the landline,
Is he calling again and now taking Farhan's name?
"Farhan?" I whisper.
"Yes ma'am, says you were not picking up your phone."
Unknowingly my hands start shaking as I took the landline and brought it up to my ear,
"Hello?"
"Where is your phone?" He speaks,
A strange kind of relief flooded in me as I heard his familiar voice, I spend only two months with him with less than ten times of interactions yet still his voice soothes like it's been doing for a lifetime.
"It's really you." I whisper.
"What?"
"I- I meant it is in my purse." I gesture Julia to bring my purse and coat from my room and she nods going upstairs.
"Are you okay? I called before and Julia said you didn't seem well."
"No-no, I am fine, I was just missing everyone."
"You don't sound so sure."
"I am, um.." I hesitated, should I tell him everything? Or should I tell him later? Or should I not tell at all?
"Yeah?"
"I- um, I am, Can I go out for a while?" I bit my lip.
"Alone?" He asks.
"Yes-no, I mean with friends, my friends." I slap my forehead. I have a seat reserved in hell.
"Fine, how are you going?"
"Taxi?"
"No need, take my other car, ask Julia to give you my sedan's keys."
"Alright, thank you." I say before hanging up the call.
When I return, I am going to tell him the truth everything, I cannot do another thing in my life on the basis of lie. Not this relationship.
I ask Julia to bring Farhan's car keys after she brought my coat and bag, wearing my hijab in the mean time, I went to the garage where she hands me the keys and shows me Farhan's car,
Thanking her I get inside the car and drive off from the gate, the car smells like Farhan, which didn't help the bubbling anxiety in my stomach.
Thirty minutes later I reached the cafe and choose a booth secluded in the corner away from the crowd,
It was almost lunchtime and the cafe was fully packed, my leg bounces under the table each time I check my phone. I was fifteen minutes early.
Ten minutes later I startle as someone slides in the booth bench in front of me.
"Long time no see huh?" Danish smiles, setting his gladiator glasses on the table and leaning against it.
On instinct I lean back on my seat and speak, "I am not here for a chat, tell me what do you want?"
He lets out an tch sound, "What happened to hello? How are you?"
I glare at him, "Stop it, stop your games."
He merely throws a smirk at me and calls for waiter and orders two coffees.
"I said I don't want anything." I say as the waiter leaves.
"Oh come on, it's on me." He winks.
I clench my fist under the table resisting the urge to punch him, "Why are we here Danish?"
"Look if this is about, how I did not told you I am getting married, then listen," I lean forward and he raise an eyebrow in mock seriousness.
"You were ignoring me for months, for you we technically broke up, but I didn't knew about it, and I suffered every single day not realising how un worthy you are of my time, I did not had the guts to say you this before but listen to me, all of it was a mistake which I will regret my whole life."
"And don't act like you don't do this to every other girl that pleases your eyes, I was blind before to ignore that but now I am no more because Allah saved me from a man like you and opened my eyes. And now I request you to leave. Me. Alone." I breath out as the waiter brings our coffees.
"Great speech." He comments adding creamer to his coffee,
"And I think you are partially correct, I mean I was contacting you to break up but seeing your wedding card laying on my desk really blowed my ego you know and now-"
"You want me to apologise," I fill for him,
"Fine, I am extremely sorry Mr. Danish Malek." I resist the urge to add an sarcastic remark.
He blinks in shock,
"Didn't expect that easily?" I raise an eyebrow,
"Anything else to say? For what you threatened my whole family for this?" I am surprised by my own confidence.
I got up from my seat, "Do not try contact me again. Or my family, it is over Danish, get over your ego,live and let me live in peace."
As I was walking past him he grabbed my wrist and caressed my knuckles,
"It's far from over my love."
I try to free my hand from his grip, "leave me."
He got up from his seat as well facing me, his tall figure looming over mine, making me shrink in fear, "Never."
He was still holding my hand caressing my knuckles, bringing my foot down on his foot, I freed my hand from his grip and sprinted out from the restaurant ignoring the stares of people.
Sitting down in the car, I took some deep breaths to calm myself, why was I so scared of him? He is a human just like everyone what could he do? nothing.
My phone pinged with a message, opening it I saw a message from Farhan,
Where are you? - Farhan.
On my way home.- me.
Reversing the car out the parking, I decided today I was going to say everything to my husband, nothing is going to be hidden now.
No lies this time, only truths.
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A/N:-
So..........
Do any of you know about the significance of purple hyacinths? If you, then comment.
Winner gets virtual hugs from me.
Vote. Comment. Share.ð