When I came to my consciousness, I didnât feel the slightest bit of pain. I could only feel Fatherâs firm arms and pounding heart, and Kirâs whimpering cries and the touch of his clenched hands.
Surely the fire overtook me? Itâs bewildering that my memory and the sense of reality are different. I couldnât understand why I wasnât hurt when that great disaster hit me.
âWhat happened? The last thing I saw was fireâ¦â
Why am I fine? I couldnât bear to ask this. Kir looked at me blankly. I waved my hand at his hesitant expression, who probably doesnât know if it was okay to say it or not. I urged him to answer. Even so, he looked at Father with a glance, perhaps feeling anxious.
Kir, who was hesitant, saw the signal Father gave him, told me about the moment I passed out.
âI didnât know that the fire would come out all of a sudden. Iâm sorry.â
I got goosebumps when it was mentioned that a fire came out. It was terrifying just to hear that. A shuddering sensation came. But apart from my suffering, it was not Kirâs fault.
âYou didnât even know. Itâs okay, you donât have to apologize for that.â
âNothing much happened. As soon as the fire grew, you fell and then the fire disappeared without a trace.â
Kirâs explanation came as a shock. I couldnât believe it.
âThe, the fire⦠didnât hit me?â
âYes. It didnât reach you.â
To my surprise, Kir responded cautiously. Hearing his words, I took a deep breath. It was confusing. Well, then what is the pain Iâve been through? What kind of heat did I feel? I really thought I was going to burn to death. I thought the flames were going to melt me⦠But the fire didnât even reach me?
Father comforted me as my body began to tremble again.
âItâs okay. Aren, itâs okay.â
I buried my head in Fatherâs arms, who said I was okay. Fatherâs hand gently patted me. Even though I wasnât used to it, it seemed like it wasnât the first time.
Come to think of it, something similar happened before. It was troubling like a nightmare, and I remembered only being comforted by Father after waking up. Even then, I felt like I had seen the fire at the end.
I know now. This wasnât the first time. At that time, I couldnât remember everything. It was so shocking that I must have erased it from my memory. And unlike me, Father had already gone through it and knew the reason for my reaction.
I was reincarnated and lived a straight life, but my body was young, so there were many restrictions. Like cooking, for example. I had never handled fire myself. So I didnât know No, I may have unconsciously pretended not to know.
I have a trauma about fire. As soon as I saw fire, I would reflexively think of the painful death in my previous life. The terrible pain of my body burning as I desperately begged for help.
The memories of the desire to live and the instinct to know that I couldnât live were mixed together to create realistic phantom pain.
Yes, I was terribly afraid of fire. Even after admitting it, I didnât feel comfortable. I didnât even wonder why it happened. I just wanted to rest. So I just closed my eyes in Fatherâs arms.
* * *
Is it because I passed out and Kir was sobbing and making a fuss? The Grand Duke must have known that Kir and I had sneaked into the treasure trove due to the commotion, but the Grand Duke didnât scold him for it.
He didnât mention anything, as if nothing had happened. Everyone else was also silent, perhaps because I was terrified by the very sound of âfireâ.
Compared to other people, I was calm. My phobia didnât manifest without fire, and it wasnât something I was aware of until this incident. So I went about it as usual. It wasnât a lie. It just felt far away as if it was a dream, and there was no special feeling.
Itâs a psychological shock anyway. Knowing that I couldnât easily overcome it and that there was no way to fix it, I decided to just accept it. Even if I thought it was a complacent attitude, I wasnât too afraid because the symptoms werenât immediately apparent.
Maybe itâs because I, the person involved, have a normal life. Neither Kir, nor Father, nor anyone from the Grand Duchy mentioned it again. They didnât even ask me why.
In Kirâs case, he showed signs of being conscious of me because he couldnât hide everything. But I didnât ask him anything, and the incident itself was quickly settled. So we went back to our usual routine.
Instead, Kirâs mischievous behavior has diminished. My fit seemed like a shock even for the little boy.
Thatâs how my 8-year-old life passed calmly and routinely.
***