chapter 30

Chapter 3Getting into the flowGanga sent for her on her return and explained what was expected of Anu. Anu was distracted, eager to see again the man who reminded her so much of Chintan. With half a heart she listened to Ganga, wondering where he was, if he would come back again, if they would interact. Maybe just hearing him speak would give her the feeling of being in Chintan’s presence. Her work would involve meeting ladies of a self-help group formed by Grameen Nivas Kendra. GNK itself was an NGO arm of a microfinance company that diverted a part of its profits for the self-help groups (SHGs) they had formed in different villages. Anu would have to meet women in this village as well as the one nearby and document the projects and their impact. As Anu spent the next day talking to them, she was drawn into the lives of the women around her, for once forgetting her own preoccupations. By the time she finished talking to the women a day later, it was late evening. She headed to the office, thinking to finish a draft of the reports and show them to Ganga.Ramdulari, who lived close by, saw her and brought her a glass of tea. She smiled, as she looked up and noticed scars on the elder lady’s face. There was a fresh wound, and she winced. Noticing her look, Dulari said wryly, “A gift from my husband.” Anu sat still, not knowing if it was meant in jest or was irony. “There are some where no one can see.” Roused to anger, Anu exclaimed, “Why do you allow him to!”“What choice do I have?” Dulari asked hopelessly.Anu bristled. Remembering a similar situation in a movie, she said, “Deny him then, at night.” Like she had, denied a man who professed love to her, she thought bitterly, and bit her tongue. Who was she to dole out advice!Dulari stared at her in surprise. “And die for it?”She said, now trapped to go the whole way. “He is anyway killing you. Be armed. You have access to a knife right?”Dulari’s eyes were wide like saucers. Anu sighed tiredly. “I am sorry… You know best.” Here women stuck to men who beat them, and here she was, in denial because…Anu went back to writing, wanting to cut the conversation. So she didn’t notice the light in Dulari’s eyes , a new purpose in her stride. If she had noticed, she would still not have understood the implication and what it would cost her. For she did not realise Dulari’s husband had been privy to this conversation.Alone, she let her shoulders sag. The earlier enthusiasm waned as the evening progressed. Her thoughts drifted, her body became limp, unable to fight her emotions. She sat thus, unmindful of the falling night, the deepening darkness. Her mind was on the day Chintan had made gentle love to her.Was it instinct or some unexpected sound that startled her? A shadow on the threshold brought her heart to her throat. It was a man wiping his shoes on the doormat. Dulari came out of her house, exclaiming, “Arrey babu, I didn’t expect you tonight!” “I had some unexpected work,” the man said, his voice again making Anu ache. She looked, but all she could make out in the dark was a tall man with clean shaven face and cropped hair.Disappointed, Anu got up as Dulari and he entered the office. She shrank back in the shadows of the darkened room, trying to hide herself. An unreasonable panic enveloped her. She did not want herself discovered, and from Dulari’s words “I was about to lock the door,” she realised that Dulari had thought the office to be empty.The man groped for the switch. Anu stepped back and the tea tumbler toppled. Dulari and he turned. “Who’s there?”“Anu didi!” Dulari exclaimed, surprised, before Anu could say anything. Anu picked up the tumbler when the light flickered on, struggling vainly in the low voltage. She thrust the glass into Dulari’s hand, who had stepped forward. The man had gone into the other room. He stuck his head out and asked, “Anu?”She had stepped out and mumbled to Dulari, “I didn’t realise it was late. I should be going now… Jamna behn will wonder.” As if to vindicate her, Jamna behn came looking for her. “I was worried. It’s become dark, and I thought you would be back by dusk.” She turned to Dulari. “Not seeing any signs of her, I came to look for her.”Anu’s attention was distracted when she realised the man was with them and was peering closely at her in the near darkness. He blocked the light, and she shied away from meeting his eye, offended at his close stare. But what offended her more was the way her own body sang strangely at his nearness. It was all because of indulging in the past, she thought angrily to herself, and grabbing Jamna behn’s arm, led her away.“I have to leave for my son’s house in Indore tomorrow. I will be leaving early morning. I was waiting up to give you dinner and inform you,” Jamna behn explained as they walk back to her house.Anu frowned. “Should I find another place to stay in? Does Ganga ma know?”“No, no! You are not going anywhere. Stay here… Treat this like your home.”Anu took the older lady’s hand, warmed by those words.