40

Groaning, Winston rests his head on Gary's kitchen table and shuts his eyes, dead to the world. Neither his spine nor his neck much appreciates the position but quite frankly his body just needs to deal with it because he's stuck. His brain is mush, and his thoughts keep running in circles.

It's only been a day, and yet Winston is ruined.

"There, there," Gary's mom says, patting his back as she passes by. "I'm sure it can't be that bad, whatever it is."

Winston groans again.

He hears the laughter in her voice as she suggests, "Why don't you tell me about it and i can share my special adult wisdom with you?"

Liam snorts, poking Winston's head with the tip of his pen. "Don't worry about him, mom, he's just a loser. Let him fall apart on his own."

"Liam," Gary's mom says, then redirects her attention to Winston while Liam mutters something unflattering in the background. "Win, honey, talk to me." And she even sits down, the chair yelling when it's pulled over the floor. Liam mutters something again (it sound vaguely like kiss-ass) but Winston can't really focus on it. He looks up in time to spot Gary's mom flicking Liam's forehead, but Liam doesn't even flinch. His forehead doesn't even get red. Did it even hurt at all? What was the point, then?

Liam rolls his eyes. "What? You want to fight? I'll fight you, we'll step outside and–"

"Liam, you have homework," Janet [that's her name now, I decided!!] says, and then she winks. "You can fight afterwards."

"Awesome." Liam pulls his papers and textbooks and pens closer and hunches over it all, scribbling away at the speed of light. Winston scoots his chair away a little, cautiously eyeing the chaos. Gary's brother has always seemed to be a miniature beast to him; dyed black hair, lots of eyeliner, fake piercings lining every inch of his ears. When he's muttering to himself it always seems like he's cursing somebody and, to be fair, Winston has literally walked in on himself drawing what he can only assume to be a demon summoning circle on the floor.

Janet turns to him. "How can I help you?" She tilts her head and snags an apple from the bowl, biting down on it while she waits.

A minute passes.

"I'm in love."

Janet blinks. She swallows and slowly says, "Well, I'm flattered, of course, but—"

"Oh my god," Winston's head lands on the table again.

She laughs. "Joking, I'm joking! I know you're dating Jason, can I assume he's the one you're in love with?"

"Yeah," breathes Winston, sitting up straight in a decidedly stilted manner. He pretends not to notice Liam shamelessly eavesdropping which—fair. They're sitting at the same table, so it's not like Liam couldn't not hear them.

"Tell me about him?" Janet asks, looking at him.

It's almost unbearable. But he finds the words just tumbling out of his mouth, a mess of "He's a basketball player" and "he's really, really good at cooking" inter-spaced with some "he's so pretty sometimes I can't look at him for fear of my heart just stopping" and even "I just wanna be with him all the time" and also a "my heart skipped a beat—i didn't know hearts could do that in real life".

Janet doesn't even pretend to hide how amused she is and how cute she finds this all. She smiles at him encouragingly, and Winston finds himself babbling even more, hands waving as he says "We've been going out for a few months now and I just. I just. Really fucking like him," and he winces because he's never cussed in front of Gary's family before, but Janet doesn't say anything.

Liam, on the other hand, mouth fuck to himself and sends Winston a highly smug look.

Janet nods. "I see. You're in love with you boyfriend."

"No, I—" Winston's mouth snaps shut. He stares at the table and his shoulders draw up nearly all the way to his ears. Biting his bottom lip, he stays still as a statue.

"Oh, come on," Liam drawls, breaking the silence with his usual elegance. Aggrieved, the boy says, "This is like the definition of a win-win scenario, you're just being a loser, loser."

"Liam."

The boy sulks, "You know I'm right, mom. He's just panicking because he's a total loser."

Winston looks at the table again. He doesn't want to look up, see what expression Janet is making, doesn't want to confront a reality where that might be true. Liam is Liam, he knows, but the boy has a point. Winston being in love with his boyfriend (are they boyfriends? What's the difference between boyfriends and dating?) shouldn't be a problem.

It should, in fact, be a pretty desired thing.

Janet's voice breaks through the dim of his thoughts, "Does Jason not want you to be in love with him?"

Winston's gaze snaps to hers. "I don't–" He shakes his head. "That's not—" Taking a deep breath, Winston says, "Jason is so good, and amazing, he's fucking incredible and I'm... me. I'm not...What if I'm just with him because I'm lonely?"

"Are you lonely?" Janet asks.

Winston flinches. His hands squeeze together harshly, his breath raspy. He shakes his head, but he thinks of the long nights in the apartment, the darkness that never seems to recede. He doesn't think of himself as lonely, but he might be alone.

Which is weird. Because he's not. He has Gary, and Janet and Liam, and Jason. He's not alone, and he shouldn't be lonely.

In the end, he just shrugs.

Janet smiles and pokes Liam's arm to get him to focus on his abandoned homework. "Does it matter, anyway? Whether you're lonely or not, whatever the reason, if you just don't want to be alone, what does this change? You say you're in love with Jason, correct?"

"I am." And this, at least, Winston is sure of.

"So then, does it matter?"

Winston stares at her for a long moment, mind so quiet he can't even hear his own thoughts. She smiles, and says, "It's not an either or situation, Winston."

Winston looks to Liam; can't bear looking at Janet anymore. He feels—scraped raw. Like his insides have been turned out and his entire intestine is on full display. And he can't bear it, can't stand Janet gazing at him like that. He doesn't want to be known, be seen, so clearly.

Liam notices his gaze and sticks his tongue out, and abruptly Winston can breathe again. Rolling his eyes, Liam says, "If you're scared to be lonely like a loser, just move into the dorms."

Janet flicks the boy's forehead—softly—again, and Winston's brain switches tracks again. Again, he can't help but not how comfortable Liam is with it, almost leaning into it. It doesn't hurt him, it's not even really a punishment. It's not like—other things. Things other people—might do.

Janet would never hurt her children.

(She wouldn't hurt him, either.)

Janet shakes her head. She stands, grabbing the remains of the apple and tossing it in the trash with a deft flick of her wrist, adjusting her glasses afterwards. "Come on," she says, checking on the oven with a thoughtful expression. "Stay the night."

"Is it okay?" Winston can't help but ask.

Liam scoffs, but doesn't say anything, busy scribbling something in a notebook. Janet smiles at them, cocking her hip on the counter beside the stove. "Yeah, of course. You know we love having you over." A pause, and then she adds, "Have you spoken to Gary about this? How you feel?"

Winston mutely shakes his head. Janet adds, "Well, give it a try. You know he loves you like a brother."

"He does so not," Liam objects, basically hissing at them. Janet points to the homework and Liam deflates like a balloon, but he still sticks his tongue out at Winston the second Janet turns away. Winston huffs a little, but amusement is beginning to curl through him. Liam is, despite his flaws, a pretty damn cute kid.

"I'll stay tonight," Winston tells the room at large and as if on cue, Gary emerges from the bathroom. Gary's frowning, holding a hand to his stomach, and he looks between all three of them and tilts his head. Winston merely holds out his arms, and Gary stumbles over with a pinched expression, falling into the hug like he's dying.

"I feel awful," mutters Gary into Winston's shoulder, hanging limply in his grip.

Winston pats his back, smooths his hand down the long line of his spine. "Come on, let's snuggle with a movie," says Winston and stands, managing to drag Gary out with him. Janet mouths a thanks to him as they go, but Winston is concentrating on making the trip, short though it may be, as easy as possible for Gary. And soon enough they're comfortably cuddled up on the bed with a thick blanket over them, and the laptop running at full power.