Twenty

October 15

United Kingdom

I stare out my hotel window with a small sigh. My eyes lowering as I continue to look out at the window. It's nothing out there but wet weather. I love to watch the rain, it naturally calms me down. Rain and music are the two things that really calm me down, besides driving. Everyone knows my ultimate love for driving; especially driving my Hellfire.

I feel my eyes close as my head leans against the window, feeling very tired. I allow myself to fall asleep only to wake up not against the window anymore but rather in the hotel bed, wrapped in Billie's arms.

I yawn when I wake up and shift some in her arms only to open my eyes to glaze into ocean blue eyes of hers. She smiles down at me with her pearly white smile and tightens her hold on me. "Hi pretty" shes says making me send her a lazy smile.

"Hi Bil" I reply, closing my eyes once more. She shifts her body down until my head is laying in her neck. I kiss her skin softly before going back to sleep. She doesn't say a word only rubs circles in my back.

—

I love being deaf.

That's a lie. I don't love being deaf but it's not the worst thing in the world.

It's times like this I like it though. The opportunity to make all sound immediately quiet by just turning my hearing aids off is something I love always cherish about being like me.

For hearing people, they don't have the option of complete silent. I use to dream of not having to wear hearing aids or reading lips but now I simply don't mind it. I have the ability to not hear those insults kids use to throw at me when I was younger nor not hear the screaming fans of Billie's.

Don't get me wrong Billie's concerts are nice—quite amazing actually— but with the loudness of her set combined with her screaming fans, I'm glad I can simply make everything go silent with my hearing aids.

I know Billie secretly wishes I wasn't deaf and could handle her concerts like a normal human being but in all honestly I like being deaf. I have read comments about how Billie's concerts would have some people's ears ringing or have them even seeing flashes when they leave due to how much flashing lights she has on stage.

Nope thank you universe for this disability.

I watch from the sidelines as Billie jumps around stage with the biggest smile on her face. Seeing a smile like Billie's makes you just want to smile as well. Anything pertaining her naturally makes me want to smile.

A hand taps my shoulder and I turn around to find Zoe in front of me. "Hey" I say as I put my hearing aids back in. She greets me back and hugs me.

"I thought you were coming next week" I say making her shrug her shoulders. "I decided to surprise Billie plus I missed her" She tells me.

I would to.

"Hey dear" Maggie comes over to gather Zoe into one of her warm motherly hugs. "She's almost done" She tells both of us making me smile.

Good because my feet are fucking killing me.

As soon as Goodbye starts, Billie rushes to the edge of the stage and gives the audience a giant air hug before thanking them for coming. She smiles at everyone and waves before hurrying off the stage as whole arena cheers for her.

She runs into my arms, breathing heavily as she clings to my body. "You did so good lovey" I tell her making her pull away from me with a smile.

"Than—ZOE" She tackles her best friend to the ground making her laugh loudly. I watch as Billie begins ranting about how much she has missed her. Zoe only rambles about the same and then pulls Billie in a tight hug.

"Now that's friendship right there" Maggie says from beside me making me nod in agreement and smile.

They rolled over, flipping Billie on her back before Zoe stood to her feet. She helps Billie up and Billie hugs her once she stands. "I thought you were coming next week" She says still smiling.

"You know I had to surprise you" Zoe tells her.

They then pull away and Billie turns to Maggie. "Hey ma we good here? I want to get some taco bell soon" She asks her.

"There's a meet and greet tonight Billie. I told you this many times." Maggie says crossing her arms over her chest.

Billie shoulders slumped at her words and sighed. "Oh" was all she said before turning to head to the green room. I share a glance with Zoe before we both watch Billie walk away.

"I'll talk to her" I utter lowly before following after her. I open the door of the green room slowly and peek my head in. Billie is sitting on the couch with a hand buried in a bag of takis.

"You alright mama?" I ask her as I step inside. She lifts her head to look at me before shrugging her shoulders. Billie watched as I walk over to her and sit down next to her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I then ask. She shakes her head no before shifting closer to me, laying her head on my shoulder softly. I slip my hand in between her arm and holding her hand in mine. Gently, I lay my head on top of her and allow my eyes to slowly shut.

—

Wolf  by Miguel ft Quin played through Billie's speaker seated at the soft red table a few feet away from the soft bench. Billie and I were laid across the bench, I laid between her legs with a soft purple fuzzy blanket spread across us both.

We had just gotten back from Billie's concert then meet and greet. Billie's mood immediately went sour at the mention of a meet and greet which had me the slightest bit confused. I know how much Billie loves her fans so I didn't understand why she was upset but I didn't push her to tell me.

Billie left about twenty minutes after I came into the green room and I was left for the next two hours by my lonesome. Zoe came in after an hour to get away from all the crazy fans. She told me how Billie was doing okay and should be done soon.

"I don't like meet and greets" Her words brought me back to reality but I didn't make an effort to respond. I knew that she needs to get it out so I only rub her thigh softly for a sense of comfort,

"It's not that I don't love seeing my fans because I absolutely do. I love them all so much but I can't stand meet and greets. The whole time it's security rushing me to only say a few words to a fan before moving onto the next. Especially once the picture of us is taken, they practically force my fans to talk to me quickly so they can get the next one."

Billie pauses and sighs, running a hand through her hair. "I don't like that. I want them to be able to say what it is they want to say for however long they need to say it. Why do I only get two minutes with a fan who probably wants nothing more than to just talk to me?"

"Then I can't stand those people who come to meet and greets just to shove a camera in my life and not give a fuck about my personal space. They want to document the whole moment instead of just having a conversation."

Silence.

She groans lowly and shakes her head. "Am I just overreacting?" She asks me in a hush whisper, almost afraid to hear the answer.

I sit up and turn my head to look at her. "Of course not. If it hurts or irritates you, then it hurts or irritates you. It doesn't matter what I think all that matters is how you feel and how you deal with what you feel."

I shift myself in her arms and hold her hands in mine. "Have you talked to your manager about it?" I ask her lowly.

She nods with a frustrated roll of her eyes. "He doesn't care basically because his argument is that there are so many of them with every little time to get to each one."

We grow quiet for a moment before Billie sighs. She wraps her arms around me before pulling me to lay back on her chest. "Let's forget it. I'm fine" She then tells me.

I don't believe her but I knew not to push her. So I allow my breath to slow and my ears to listen to the sound of her heart beat. Her angelic fingers run through my hair, gently scratching my scalp.

"I really like you Halley" She admits to me in a soft voice. I grin at her words and gently caress her hip.

"I really like you Billie"