chapter 60

           I tagged along my mom throughout the venue wiping it with my dupatta. I can't help that it's twice my size and I can't even manage it. I was looking around at unfamiliar faces looking for the one which my yearned for. The one to keep me up at nights and make me dream at day. If only I find her once I swear I will yell at her , blame it all on her , vent it out and-       I felt a tug at my shoulder , ughh not again. Why this stupid cloth can't stop getting caught in every other- I tried to pull it , it didn't help so I tucked harder until I realised something held it back , more like someone. I turned around and for a moment I forgot I could breath.     " Don't pull, you'll end up tearing it.", her voice, the familiar feeling, of care , of warmth, of being close. I kept staring at her as she gently undid the entangled net of my dupatta from her bangle. I was too busy admiring her, sinking in every detail of her ; those loose hairs framing her face, how come I never realised she was so beautiful. The face beautiful than any flower. She had worn a simple black kurti on white jeans , a pair of silver jhumka and just a bracelet in one hand , watch in other. It was simple yet she managed to look so breathtaking. I even forgot I was allowed to breath as I stood staring at her like an idiot.      She looked up once she was done. Right now , if it was my Vibha she would have taunted me , I remember her lines and tone so clearly as if they were the only words I ever heard, ' Be my girlfriend and you can stare at me all you want. ' I didn't have to remember it right now , I could feel the blush spread across my entire body as I did my best to supress the smile.     I haven't met her eyes , I am afraid. I don't expect anything. I don't even know what to expect anymore . I just , just want her back. Back as in how she was . Heck even her getting on my nerves was way better than this suffocating silence. I bit onto my lips and played around with my dupatta. She hadn't said anything but she didn't even leave.    " Vibhavari!" , a voice interrupted us and I finally got somewhere to look. It was a guy waving at her she offered him a smile as he walked over. " Long time since I last saw you. " , he said as he extended a hand for her to shake. She took it gladly. They were having a conversation and she had this grin on. She was comfortable talking to him. I don't know what relation they share nor like I was interested in knowing. I just wanted to get away. I needed an excuse. My phone buzzed and I had it! I love you mom.      " My mom's calling. I will get going.", I said and left before I even received any response. Perhaps she didn't even notice me. I am not sure. I don't want to know. It was already embarassing. I hurried around trying to find mom . She was along with a few ladies who seemed to have found a great ground for deep discussion. I just sat there besides her fiddling with my phone. I don't how long , but my battery dropped from 90 to 40% and I literally have nothing to do on it besides pushing reels around.    " I will go with aunty for a moment. You are coming?" , mom asked and I shook my head. I didn't want to meddle in between those ladies. She left me to sit alone like an idiot. Now I regret not going it felt weird . I occasionally looked up and scanned the place just incase I got a glimpse of Vibha. But she was nowhere. Perhaps she found her group and they are having fun. Maybe I shouldn't have come. I would have received a lecture or more but that wouldn't be this bad.     " Have you eaten ?" , I flinched so hard at that voice. I looked up nervously, hoping, knowing dreading all at same time. She had plate in one hand and pulled the chair besides me as she sat across. Maybe I stared too long that she had to look up at me. " You didn't?", she asked again. That's when I realised, I didn't respond. My voice had been caught in my throat that I couldn't even form words so I just shook my head looking away.    " Eat with me . ", that was casual sentence yet I felt my entire internal system do a flip at that. She handed me the plate and got up , I only sat there holding onto it looking at her confused. " I will go get water. " , she said and left. I sat there frozen with the plate as if I was left to gaurd it.     I don't even understand what's going on. Weren't we distant? We were supposed to avoiding each other? Didn't I hurt her? Wasn't she angry with me? Weren't all our interaction just formalities? Why are we eating together then? Is it also a formality? Just a show in front of parents? Or is she doing it because she felt I was lonely? Pity? Is it what she felt? Was she just being kind?      " You could have started eating you know? You didn't have to wait.",I only looked at her , my lips opening and closing back ; yet again no words came out. " Hmm, give here . I will hold the plate so you can eat comfortably. She was talking so casually as if nothing ever happened between us and here I felt myself shrink further into awkwardness. I wanted to talk to her tell her I was feeling weird , tell her she was the reason but nothing really formed words.    " Why ain't eating? You don't like the food? ", she asked again and now she was looking straight at me , waiting for an answer. Now this made me more nervous . Why wasn't I eating? First give me stomach flips and then ask why won't I eat! This girl . " Nothing I just- I - just - I- I - I- that I-" I don't know how long I had dragged out on this but I felt her thrust a morsel of food in my mouth , probably to shut me up. " Give that little brain of yours some break."    I kept staring at her chewing onto the food as she resumed eating. What was this ? Did she just feed me? Was it to shut me up? Or was it - " hmm" I blinked at her hand once again at my mouth to feed me. I quietly ate it, not like I had options. This time it felt embarassing. Her feeding me with her hands in public casually as if it were nothing, I don't even know what to feel about it than embarrassed. And this girl was behaving as if it weren't anything. It meant nothing to her? Was I the only one getting entire zoo in my stomach.    It was the third time now and I quietly decided to use my own hand to eat before she would end up feeding me all the time. " I will go get rice. " She left and I could finally breath in relief. As if I was out of custody.       " You ain't coming to eat?", mom popped out of nowhere. And I was startled. " Yeah-"  " What? Are you waiting for food to come to you?" , she joked and I didn't know what to comment on it. Yes?     Just as if it weren't less awkward for me Vibha stepped in casually handing me the plate. " Hello aunty. How are you? ", she greeted mom with a smile the moment she saw her. " Oh my Vibha. I am good. How have  you been? So long since I last got to see you. You look so beautiful dear. " " Thank you auntie. You too. " " Should I get you a plate too?" , she asked as if she had been doing it for ages. " No no you two eat. I will go get myself. ", she said and left me to her. I don't know what to say.     Did she casually look over the fact that we were sharing a plate ? Like no comments? I mean , I do eat in her plate or to say even my cousin's but I expected her to say atleast something not abadon me here with Vibha-     It was weird. She had now got me and herself ice cream and we sat across each other silently eating. Never had eating felt such a difficult task for me. I don't know why. I kept looking at her , a chuckle escaping my lips when I saw how silly she had been to mess up her mouth eating ice cream. My muscles worked involuntarily as I reached out to wipe it for her using my handkerchief. I felt her flinch at that but her neutral expression returned once she realised what I was doing but that made me realise too. And now heck what the hell was I doing? I just took my hand back nervously.      I had to explain myself? I didn't. I shouldn't. Yet I tried " I- it's the cream-" , I stuttered so much that I embarassed even myself. I couldn't take it anymore so I got up , using the container as an excuse. I want to get away from here. I can't keep up with the rapid pace my heart is beating at all those feelings are way too overwhelming for me.        Dad saw me and called me and mom over .  We were to give the couple gift. We got over with all that with me nervously fidgeting throughout the entire time. I haven't seen her and only thing I tried to see from the stage was atleast a slight glimpse of her . She was nowhere.     It was time to leave. I looked around one more time as mom and dad continued exchanging goodbyes with dad's friends and mom's newly made friends.   It was her standing with a group of friends. Where were they this entire time? I didn't see them nowhere and now suddenly they are with her. She was too occupied with them. " Did you tell your Vibha we are going?" , mom asked and that felt like a peircing to my ears, ' your Vibha' . Not mine. " Yeah-." , I lied. I didn't want to face her. I don't want to have anything to do with her. I just want to get out of here. I just want to get over her. This all is too much for me.She is too much for me.Â