CH 86

as it is, it’s very easy to just listen to what jeremiah says and say, “okay, i will not go.”

however, now that i’m involved, i can’t just leave it alone like that. i don’t intend to be a counselor or anything. i have something important to me now.

so…

“to me, paolo seems like that kind of person too. so, could you allow us to stay in touch?”

i said it. i said it out loud. there was a brief pause, and then the answer came back with a heavy sigh.

“…i understand.”

although his voice sounded reluctant and truly opposed, jeremiah nodded. i was relieved by his words and felt like collapsing on the spot, but i held back.

“sigh, thank you very much. i’m glad. i was worried that if i said something like this, you might hate me.”

“what are you talking about? there’s no way i could hate you.”

“but it’s completely my selfishness. even if i love jeremiah so much and wish we could live together, if our feelings drift apart for some reason, i don’t have the confidence to keep you with me.”

perhaps because i was too nervous until now, i blurted out lines that i wouldn’t normally say. in the end, i forced a smile and looked at jeremiah, hoping for any kind of response.

then, he was staring at me with his cheek pressed against the back of his hand. oh no, did i say something wrong? i panicked.

“uh, i just spoke my mind without thinking. i’m sorry, please forget what you heard!”

“…no.”

“huh?”

“i said no. i won’t forget what you said.”

i made him angry!

i turned pale, but jeremiah continued without paying attention to me.

“anyway, i want to ask you again.”

“huh?”

“you said you wanted to know what you think of me again.”

before i knew it, i was staring blankly at jeremiah, who had come quite close. then, i slowly began to understand what he was saying.

in other words, it was like he was telling me to confess again.

“why do you want me to say it again?”

“you don’t usually say things like that. sometimes i just want to make sure. can you say it again?”

he looked at me with a sad expression, and my head felt like it was going to explode. how can i refuse when he looks at me like that? but still, my embarrassment kept me from speaking up.

jeremiah remained silent and continued to stare at me.

i couldn’t bear it, i couldn’t bear it so much that i couldn’t help but wish to disappear like smoke.

after a moment of silence, i resigned myself.

“i want to live with you forever. i love you.”

as soon as i said it, i covered my face with both hands. i thought it was so mean to ask me to repeat this kind of thing, but i couldn’t say it.

as i writhed in my heart, my hands covering my face were grabbed. i resisted, but of course, there was no way i could resist his strength, so he forcibly pulled my hands away and my face was exposed.

“n-no, please don’t.”

“you’ve been staring at me all this time. yet you won’t show me that cute face of yours. that’s not fair.”

“ah!”

i was about to say that there was no way i was cute, but jeremiah looked so happy that i couldn’t say anything.

for a while after that, jeremiah teased and stared at me, saying it was payback for being watched. my heart felt like it was going to explode. while thinking that this was torture, seeing him so happy made me happy too.

however, by the time i was released from such sweet torture, i was completely exhausted and collapsed.

◇

three days had passed, and i finally made up my mind.

of course, it was about paolo’s request.

with the help of jeremiah and dennis, they searched for someone who could contact paolo on my behalf and found several people who were willing to take on the task. this helped me make up my mind.

“it’s hard to refuse. i really wanted to go.”

“opportunities will surely come again. besides, since his employer is lady astorga, he won’t be unable to live.”

“that’s true.”

encouraged by dennis, who stood by me like my shadow, i waited for the moment. paolo should have already been informed that i was waiting in this reception room.

as i gazed towards the door, hoping he would arrive soon, i heard footsteps. then, there was a knock on the door. i stiffened, thinking he had arrived, but was disappointed.

the butler of the duke’s mansion had entered through the door.

“i’m sorry to have kept you waiting, lorraine-sama. but unfortunately, paolo cannot come here.”

“what do you mean?”

“he has resigned from here.”

i was just surprised by the cold words of the butler. it was certain that i hadn’t seen paolo since then, but i thought he was just out on some errand.

“w-why?”

“well, it’s due to personal circumstances, and i can’t say for sure, but anyway, if you don’t mind, i have this to give you.”

the butler said that and handed me a neatly folded piece of paper. i took it and immediately unfolded it.

“…it seems to be an address for somewhere.”

dennis quickly scanned the paper and said.

as she said, there was an address for an unknown place written on it. what could be there?

and why did paolo disappear without a word?

there were so many things i didn’t understand, and i sighed while placing my finger on my forehead. for now, i had to investigate this address. that was all i could do at the moment.