CH 85

while looking in the direction where paolo had left, i felt like something was different from before. however, it was just a vague feeling.

if i were to compare it, it was like suddenly being seen as an adult instead of a child, which was how i had been treated until now.

“is it just my imagination?”

i muttered to myself and decided that thinking about it was pointless. maybe paolo was really feeling unwell, as evidenced by his flushed cheeks. if that were the case, i could understand why he had been so desperate to get me to the store.

feeling unwell can cause an inexplicable sense of anxiety. i knew this well from my past life, where i had often been bedridden.

“right, i see. yeah, that makes sense.”

i had been feeling uneasy about paolo’s change in attitude, but once i reached a conclusion, i felt relieved. as a result, things that had not been in my field of vision before finally came into view.

for example, dennis leaning against the wall and worrying about something.

“wait, what’s wrong denny?!”

“…it’s nothing. i was just thinking about how i could perfectly protect lady lorraine if jeremiah-sama were to approve this matter. i was also wondering what steps i should take to make lorraine-sama give up this matter.”

——wow, you’re leaking things you’re not supposed to.

i think i shouldn’t have worried him so much, but when i remember paolo’s expression and that record at the same time, i can’t stand still.

i’m sorry, but please bear with me here.

“i’m sorry for being selfish. but i really want to go.”

“please don’t say such a thing, lorraine-sama. my duty is to protect you. i will risk my life for that.”

“what! no, i don’t want you to risk your life. you’re the only one i can rely on.”

when i said that from the bottom of my heart, dennis stumbled as if she had been told something outrageous and crouched at my feet. she seemed flustered.

“my god. this is the first time in my life that i have been needed so much. lorraine-sama… i, dennis landegger, intended to serve the castalde family for life, but i want to stay by your side like this.”

i was even more flustered when she kneeled on the floor and made a knight’s oath-like declaration.

what should i do about this?

“please let me stay by your side.”

as dennis looked, tears shone in her eyes. should i think about this properly? for now, i said:

“you know, i don’t mind, but you should talk to jeremiah or his father. i can’t decide on my own, so i can’t give you an answer right away.”

“yes, i understand. however, my feelings won’t change.”

that’s troublesome.

anyway, eventually, i will marry jeremiah. besides, he seems to have made up his mind to leave dennis to me, so there shouldn’t be any problem if i leave it alone.

“s-so, yeah. um, for now, i think i can finally rest, so i’ll read a book here.”

“yes, leave the watch to me.”

no, there’s no need for that within the duke’s residence. i wanted to say that, but i picked up the book without saying anything.

i let out a sigh unintentionally.

i just wanted to rest my heart a little.

◇

the next day.

after breakfast, i was called to the greenhouse by jeremiah. i noticed that he had a stern expression, so i stopped in my tracks.

i wonder what’s wrong. it’s not just my imagination that he looks angry. well, even when he’s angry, his coldness increases, and he looks like a cruel demon, which i can’t help but admire, but i don’t feel like getting closer.

however, since i’ve come this far, i can’t just avoid him. i slowly walked towards the side of the beautiful prince emitting an angry aura.

“lorraine, i heard from dennis. give up.”

he suddenly said that even though i hadn’t said anything yet. i immediately knew it was about paolo.

and i also sensed the reason for jeremiah’s anger. i sighed and said,

“but we’re just going out to eat?”

“that’s still not okay. at least until the capital is safe, i won’t let you go to unsafe places.”

“i see.”

then, can’t we at least find a way to contact him? leaving paolo alone like that still worries me. while thinking about what to do, i sighed and jeremiah said with a slightly flustered expression,

“oh, no, i understand your feelings too. i heard about him. dennis was quite angry, but it seems that the country where you both lived in the past didn’t have social classes.”

“yes, at least that was the case in my country.”

until now, i haven’t talked much about my past life, not only to jeremiah but even to my family. the main reason was that i felt like they wouldn’t understand even if i told them.

so, i would answer when asked, but i never thought about telling them anything more. therefore, jeremiah’s question was unexpected for me.

“to be honest, it’s a territory that i can’t step into, so i envy that servant. however, i don’t want to take away your past for such a reason.”

“jeremiah…?”

i couldn’t help but call out to him in his unusually tense atmosphere. this was the first time i had seen him like this. i was completely bewildered.

what could jeremiah be so worried about?

“but for now, please don’t go to that store.”

he looked straight at me, and i thought my breath had stopped. it had been a while since i saw such a serious expression. i could tell from the bottom of my heart that he was worried about me.

i was so happy that my chest felt tingly.

——but.

“do you know about the records of gryphalva?”

“…no, is it some kind of book?”

“yes, it’s a book written by a scholar who was interested in people with memories in this world. i read it before. it includes various memory holders, from those who became happy to those who were possessed by the past and committed suicide. the author concluded that those with clearer memories tend to have unhappy endings.”

unknowingly, i tightly clench both hands, with such strong force that my fingertips and joints turn white. because i was scared if i didn’t.