CH 46

I have been told such things before.

As a man, there is no reason for me not to be happy to be admired by women.

Having an appearance that can attract women’s attention is a happy thing. However, just by looking at my sister who has struggled because of her appearance, I knew that it was not always a good thing.

Therefore, I feel a sense of caution towards women who look at me like that. I try to see what the person looking at me is thinking behind the scenes.

As a result, I cannot be happy about it. Although I cannot be happy, I understand the courtesy, so I don’t get too frustrated just because I was looked at.

However, there is a degree to everything. That lady looks at me so much that I want to get angry as if she is going to make a hole in me. And yet, does she not want to be looked at herself? Even if she says it’s because she’s embarrassed, it doesn’t make me feel any better.

I spoke as if I were spitting out my thoughts.

“If you don’t want to be looked at, then don’t look. It’s not good to faint every time just because your face is pretty.”

“Well, yeah. But as someone who has actually fainted before, I’m a little happy about it.”

“I see, you got married and your head is in the clouds. No, wasn’t your wife there?”

“Yes. That’s how I met her, so I have to thank those women as much as I can.”

I don’t know the details, but there has been something popular in high society for the past two or three years.

It’s called the “Support Group,” and it’s a mysterious group that gathers people who like a particular person, especially handsome upper-class gentlemen and successful generals in the kingdom’s army, and supports them without permission.

Of course, Bruno and I are also part of it, and on birthdays, piling up gifts on our birthdays and making a fuss about our suitability if we say anything politically. It’s a group that is both appreciated and annoying.

It’s not clear when it started.

Still, it was certain that it contributed to Bruno’s happiness.

“Hey, Jeremiah… Are you so stubborn because you’re still hung up on Dario? There’s no other reason for you to dislike such an aversion to young women and their mothers.”

“Of course, that’s part of it. But it’s not just because of him.”

I muttered and took a sip of my drink.

The hot, thick, syrupy liquid spread quietly on my tongue and eventually fell into my stomach with bitterness and sweetness. That burning sensation.

The emotions I felt at that time were similar to this.

“I see. We’ve gotten off topic. Anyway, I don’t think you need to worry about that lady who keeps staring at you without saying anything.”

“No, it bothers me. I want to know what kind of person she is. It’s still annoying to be constantly watched like this.”

When I said that, Bruno shrugged his shoulders and took a breath, but he smiled happily.

“It’s rare for you, who always seems so detached, to become so emotional. I want to see it too. How about this? I’ll lend you mine and Tatiana’s eyes. If there are any events you plan to attend, let us know and we’ll help you search together.”

“I see. It’s easier to search with six eyes than two. I’ll count on you then.”

I said that and showed him a bundle of invitations. Then, he pulled out the ones they were planning to attend, albeit with a slightly strained expression.

After receiving them and swearing to definitely find what I was looking for, Bruno left.

I was reminded of what he had said.

Dario.

He was the first friend I had made outside of the noble class. By chance, he had expressed interest in a business I was involved in and wanted to invest in it.

It was going well until he got engaged to a poor lady.

The scene from that cold day came back to my mind.

◆

A solemn funeral was held in the cathedral.

There were many attendees, which clearly reflected his personality. He was a rare person who could get along with anyone regardless of their social status. There were rarely any people who disliked him.

But he died.

It was so sudden.

At first, I didn’t know if he was really dead. But those eyelids would never open again. His skin was so cold that it seemed to steal my body heat.

By touching him, I realized that his death was a reality and it hit me hard.

As I watched my friend with closed eyelids in front of me, I thought that even if there was a marriage based on love, only a lucky few could obtain such a thing.

Otherwise, the plain young man in front of me would be pitiful.

His eyelids would never open again. His skin would never feel warmth. The world he dreamed of was destroyed by his love.

I quietly offered him flowers and turned my back to the coffin.

Inside the solemn cathedral, people dressed in black listened to the majestic requiem and occasionally sniffled or held back sobs.

I couldn’t bear it anymore and left the cathedral.

Although there were a few people outside, they were not willing to come out into the biting cold wind, and those who did quickly returned to the cathedral. However, I remained in the wind and gazed at the sky for a while.

It will soon be the season of socializing.

The season to greet His Majesty the King and deepen ties with the nobles.

I enjoy observing the greetings to His Majesty and the people of the court. Sometimes, I am even invited to dinner parties at the lower end of the table. However, I was not interested in deepening relationships. For me, the capital was nothing more than a place where parliamentarians debate. Participating in politics is a noble duty, and I am proud to be supporting this country.

However, I was tired of the daily parties, those looking for a marriage partner for their daughters, and those drowning in alcohol and gambling. But as the heir to the Castalde family, I couldn’t refuse all invitations.

“You’re such an idiot, Dario. I told you from the beginning not to trust that woman.”

As if speaking to a friend in the sky, I returned to the cathedral to join the funeral procession. Dario, my first friend outside of the noble class, was buried on the cathedral grounds that day and fell into eternal sleep under the cold soil.

◆

When I brought a bundle of invitations to my mother, she widened her eyes.

“Well, what’s the occasion? You hated it so much.”

“Bruno came to visit earlier, and I thought I could tolerate it if I went with him. I asked about the events we’re planning to attend, so I won’t have to resort to drinking.”

“I see, but they just got married, so don’t disturb them too much.”

Putting down the embroidery she was holding, my mother said as she looked at the bundle I handed her.

“I understand. Besides, I have a purpose now.”

“Oh, that’s good. Did you find the person you were looking for?”

“It’s something similar, but not quite. For now, I’ll be satisfied with just attending these events. After they’re over, I’ll return to my territory.”

I said firmly, and my mother laughed as if to say she couldn’t help it.

“I understand how you feel, but it’s just the beginning.”

“If I have to waste my time attending pointless gatherings, I’d rather help the peasants in my territory. Anyway, that’s all.”

Without waiting for a response, I left the room.

I didn’t want to be near my mother anymore and be persuaded by her words. I didn’t think I could argue with her logically. Besides, there was an event scheduled for tonight.

I wanted to avoid drinking.

In any case, it was good that I had a purpose. In my heart, I declared war on that lady, “Don’t think you can hide forever.”

I would teach her what it feels like to be uncomfortable under someone’s gaze, just like she did to me.

Thinking back to the lady’s bewildered figure, I smiled softly.