CHAPTER 31

It has been a few days since I have spoken to Zama and my mood felt heavier. People weren't exactly walking on eggshells when they were around me but they definitely knew not to bother. I could barely construct a full sentence to contribute in conversations. I only spoke in one word answers and avoided people as much as I could.

Mandisa and Vuks were the only people who know about my sinking love life. Mandisa suggested that I go to her brothers and humble myself which was absolutely idiotic and absurd. Nightshift was, for the lack of a better word, a bitch. I was woken up by my ringing phone from my well deserved slumber. Without checking the caller ID I answered the call. I hummed at whoever decided to disturb my rest however it sounded more like a groan.  After a few seconds the caller was still silent. There was a bit of shuffling and then silence again. Maybe it was one of those annoying scam calls or someone was trying their luck by tracking my location. I checked the caller ID only to find that it was Zama.

Panic seeped into me. Why was she quiet? Was she in danger or something bad had happened to her?

"Zama, are you okay" silence "Zama are you in danger? Please say something or just shuffling or blow some air into the speaker. Anything. Zama if you do not answer me then I'll just have to track your phone" I said and she immediately hung up after that. My pings notifying me that a message was sent by Zama. 'Stop worrying. I'm fine.' it read and then I don't see her profile picture any more. She blocked me. I could not believe that Zama blocked my number because I'm worried about her safety and well being.

I get so pissed off that I wiggle in my bed in anger like boiling spaghetti. I punched my pillow and force myself to go back to sleep. I did not wake up after that. I did not answer any incoming call either. I had learnt my lesson for that day. I only woke up to eat and gym before I went back to work.

Work was normal. No one spoke to me because they knew it would be like they were speaking to themselves.  In some cases they would give each other glances and then give me a side eye. They would sometimes dread sharing food with me so to save them the trouble I would buy my own food from the cafeteria.

As soon as work was finished and I could finally go home and sleep my life away. I freshened up, ate and cleaned a bit around the house for going to rest in my room. Before I could ever close my eyes my phone rung.

"Mseki, make it quick I had nightshift"

"Oh really. Must be nice being you" he said sarcastically, "make it quick" he mimicked. "Did you know that someone is sewing your farm? No, no you did not. You would know if you had bothered to answer any of my calls or better yet return them when you had woken up. But sure toss all of your shit to the debutante lawyer. I had to check the rentals two days ago and also check on the shisanyama. But Nkosazana does not care right?" He vented with his voice piling up with rage with every word said.

"I am sorry for tossing everything for you to deal with. I will make time to sort out all of these problems as soon as possible. Ngiyaxolisa Msindazwe. I will make it up to you. Life has just been hectic." I apologised.

"Stop buttering me and send me some money" he negotiated.

"Fine now let me sleep" I said before hanging up after he reminded me of the money I allegedly owed him.

I woke up at one o'clock in the evening and made some food and freshened up to run some errands. I was frying eggs when Vuks called. One would swear I was a receptionist by the amount of calls I had been getting.

"Nansi intombi yakho lana. Woza uzoyilanda" he teased.

"Ukuphi"

"I'll send my location. Phuthuma khona uzoyeka ukungi tetemela" he said before hanging up. Vuks had this annoying tendency of thinking he was a celebrity by just hanging up on me. He believes when he is done with what he has to say then we're both done.

I ran to my room took my car keys, wallet and to changed me shirt. I hopped to the kitchen while putting on my shoes. I barely have sandals. I have aknowledged the fact that my toes are a form of visual pollution. I was by the door ready to leave when I smelled  something burning.

"Shit, shit, shit" I mumbled to myself as I ran to the kitchen to switch off the stove. What was meant to be eggs now looked like to patches of sand paper on a pan. I opened the kitchen window and left. I drove to the location and found Vuks waiting for me at the entrance.

"She is at a clothing shop near checkers." he said before leaving.

I looked for checkers and as soon as I walked in I saw her with a pile of clothes in hand, heading to the changing room. I remember her saying that retail therapy is not therapeutic if she doesn't fit all those clothes. I involuntarily smiled at the memory.

I walked up to her while she was looking at herself in the mirror. She placed the dress on her front to check it's length. When I was about two metre away from her our eyes met through the reflection of the mirror. For the first time in my life someone's scowl brought a painful sting to my heart. She walked away pretending as if she had not seen me.

"Zama—wait, please listen to what I have to say"

"To say about what Nkosana"

"Ngiyakucela MaNdosi. Ngicela sikhulume"( I'm pleading with you

MaNdosi. Can we please talk)

"About what, Nkosana?"

"About us"

"What us? There is no us. I am me and you are you. We live in two seperate worlds. Yes, maybe we wanted our world's to collide but the result of that is us crumbling and our hearts shattered. You do not know how much I love you, Nkosana. I cannot sleep or concentrate or laugh and waking up in the morning has become the most difficult thing to do. Nkosana I can't. We cannot keep on doing this to ourselves. I want my old life back. The one that now feels foreign without you. Love is not enough Nkosana." She broke down with her voice cracking. I knew the staff were listening but we both cared less at this point. I hated being on the spotlight but I don't think we were both thinking straight at that point.

"Zama, I'm sorry can we—" I pleaded

"Don't fucking touch me and don't apologise either. I don't know what I've been through these past few weeks. I don't know how much I fought the urge to call you or come to your house to see if you're okay and I fucking hate you for that." She fumed and threw the dress she had at me. "And don't look at me like that. Youreaking this harder than it should be. Please Nkosana. Stay away from me. My heart is already in pieces, don't shatter my sanity too." She said before leaving. By the time Zama walked out the whole staff had had already binge watched on the story of my life. The were like meerkats hiding behind clothing rails. A few whispers and eyes drenched in pity. I ignored them and payed for the dress Zama wanted to buy. I left the mall and drove back back to my house before I could open the gate a call came in from Vuks.

"Hello loverboy"

"Shut up"

"Do you know the date of today is?"

"You could not possibly have called me to ask me that"

"Just check you damn calender"

I checked the calendar and saw the date had been labelled with the word 'Asignment' in bold letters. Damn it!

"When, where and by whom"

"I cannot believe you fucking forgot. How irresponsible of you. Do you know how dangerous that is?"

"I know, now tell my all I need to know" I said in a bored tone. I drove out of the drive way and drove to the address as instructed by Vuks.

Vuks and I met at am old bar about forty five minutes away from the actual address. Vuks and I never gave out such information on the phone incase our phone calls get traced or hacked. We only spoke about it physically. He gave me the the information about where the assignment would be and at what time. Vuks gave me a change of clothes and a motorbike. I hated riding motorbikes.

I wanted to get it over and done with. I switched off my phone and sped off  to the location. I was in a quiet rode and after a few minutes of waiting impatiently, the target had arrived. With my silenced gun in and I had started the engine of the motorcycle. I could vividly hear Zama's voice in my hear. Reminding me that I was a cold blooded murderer. "Get a grip on yourself" I growled at myself.  Two bullets in the head had the car screeching. The bonnet crushed under the might of a tree. I drove away, forcing myself to not look back. To drive as fast as I could. When I was about five kilometres away from the crime scene, at an internet cafe, I called Vuks using a stranger's phone. I called him twice and when he answered he said nothing and waited for me to speak.

"Vuks, fetch me at—" I looked at the owner of the phone and asked for the name of the place. "Tholakele internet cafe", I finished.

"Why? what's wrong? Did you finish the assignment? Were you identified?" Vuks interrogated.

"No. Just come and fetch me" I commanded before hanging up. I sat down and ordered a cup of coffee which by the way tasted like imbiza.

I waited for Vuks for about half an hour. He came with a 4x4 so we could put my motorbike. The drive to the bar had been filled with absolute silence. I mumbled a small 'thank you' before getting out if the car and getting into my own car. I went to my house to ready myself for work. I was a tad bit too early but I cared less. I needed something to occupy my mind. I took a 20 minute shower which mostly consisted of me reflecting on my life and asking myself of where I was going.

I couldn't believe I just killed thee Mehluli Phungula. He wasn't a dangerous but he did have quite a number of dangerous connection. He was a an extremely powerful politician who would do anything to get to the top. I knew killing him might cause a war or better yet get me killed if I were to be found.

By quarter past four I was already dressed and ready to leave. I started the ignition and did the dumbest thing known to man kind. I went to Zama. I did not know why I was going to her but I knew I needed her. My sanity was slowly seeping out and being in her embrace would somehow cure my addled state. I waited for her at the parking lot until I heard her laugh. It was the most serene and ethereal sound one could ever hear. Like the earthy scent of the soil after a rainy day. I watched her talking and laughing with her colleagues as they all made their way to their cars. They all bid each other goodbye before they all scattered.

I walked up to her as she search for her keys in her handbag. I stood behind without saying anything.

"Nkosana what are you—" she said after heaving a heavy sigh. I held her waist and turned her body around so she could face me.

My lips latched onto hers, kissing her greedily. For a few seconds Zama had remained stationary until she returned the kiss. She released a heart wrenching moan before pushing me away. "Please. I don't know why I'm here but I know that my heart told me to come here. I had a horrible day. The love of my life doesn't want me and my life is turning upside down. I know being here doesn't exactly solve my problems but being in your arms makes life easier to bare" I pleaded as I slowly placed butterfly kisses on her shoulder and neck. I placed my forehead against hers with my lips excruciatingly close to hers. Her hands were then on my neck with the other ,doing her favourite thing which was,  brushing my beard.

Zama pulled me to her as her lips connected with mine. Goodness, Zama's lips were like a siren's voice to a sailor's ears. When we both pulled away to catch our breath she studied me. Her eyes carefully absorbing every curve, every line, to try and figure out what had me so troubled. I was a burden I know. That's why we should not be together. I was too much... trouble. I was a complex labyrinth that had perpetual dead ends. A puzzle that had too many missing pieces.

"I love you. I love you so much." I mumbled against her forehead as I gave it a soft peck. I embraced her, burying my head in the crook of her neck. The scent of her engulfing my nostrils as I pressed her body against mine.

She shifted away from my body as she peeled her hands away from me. She cleared her throat with the hope of the haunting awkward silence that had nestled between us. "Goodbye Nkosana", she finally said. If one didn't listen too carefully you wouldn't hear the slight crack between every syllable. Like the mere utterance of those words pained her. Her eyes had become glossy as they settled for anything but my eyes. She turned around and got into her car. She did not once look into my eyes.

Even after a few minutes I still stood there—that one heavily weighted word ringing in my head. Hammering itself into the basement of my skull. The word said so softly and yet felt

so terrorising. Bile rose in my throat as it left a bitter taste of what my life without Zama would be like. My eyes had begun to sting and I blame the weather.

I got into my car and drove to work. As most women say I asked it until I made it. My participation in every conversation was forced as if it had been clawed out of the basement of my throat. Laughing was tiring, I couldn't even remember half the jokes that were shared. As soon as knock off time came I went back home.

I walked into the house only to be engulfed by the cosy smell of coffee.

"Boss" a voice spoke coming from the kitchen. S'kaqakaqa emerged from the kitchen with two cups of steaming coffee. He sets them on the coffee table before taking a seat on the couch.

"Umenywe ubani emzini wami?" I questioned with an eyebrow raise.( Who invited you into my house)

"A problem" he stated before taking a sip of his cup.

"What problem?" I asked as I walked towards him and crashing on the couch adjacent to his. My body immediately ralaxes and he pushes the untouched cup towards me.

"A heavily protected problem that might cause war if we don't shut it" he said before placing a brown envelope on the table. "Docket has been erased and police have been compensated. I fear that there will be noise not far from now" he added and completely refocused his attention to the cup at hand.

I took a sip of my own cup and closed my eyes in contentment as the bitterness calmed the siren's in my head. I took the envelope and opened it. Inside it was a name I wish I had not ever seen. My mind immediately froze and I fear that if I had been holding the mug in my hands my hands would be visibly shaking. My heart had begun to thumb in my throat. Name, surname, place of work,  family members and even personal phone numbers were there. Every fucking piece of information there was to know.

"I had done I bit of my own research on the target. An open window would be—"

"—No, there is no need. I'll do it myself"

"Boss, I know what I'm dealing with. I'll be careful. I'll take all the necessary precautions. No trails will be left behind. "

"No."

"Boss, I've been doing this for years. I know how—"

"I don't give a shit about how long you've been in the game. I'll do it myself."

"Boss, please."

"Get out."

"Boss."

"S'kaqakaqa, I need you to leave my house. I'm tired and I just came out of a draining day of work. I just want to rest my head before I think of killing anyone." I said calmly with my right hand pinching the bridge of my nose.

"I'm guessing this is a personal case" he concluded as he walked away. He stopped when the room had been stained in absolute silence. I took two sips of my coffee before answering him, hoping that he would understand the fact that I do not want to speak about it.

"It is" I agreed. He stood there waiting for me to delve deeperinto the given matter but that is all I could offer. He turned around and left.

As soon as the door closed I sunk into the couch. What the flying fuck? Fatigue had seemed to seep into my pores. I took the the file once more with shaking hands.

Zamagcina Nosipho Cele.

I wonder what they have been feeding that pretty little head of yours.

Author's note

Hello guys. I know and I am sorry kodwa mara I'm trying. Impilo is busy.

Anyways how are you? I hope December treats you well. I wish you a happy and blessed December. I love you all. Let's vote, and share. ❤️ And once again I love you guys. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.🫶🏾