CHAPTER 28

This chapter is specifically for my favourite reader who is always voting and commenting.❤️🥰 @Mrs_Sir

Driving to Zama's house was a drag. I had to suffer a whole week without seeing her because I whenever I was not at work I had to make sure her car was getting fixed properly. I did have people doing a few things when I was at work but majority was done by me.  Black Coffee made the drive easier to endure. I parked at her apartment complex and went up the stairs to stretch a few muscles for the time being. The burglar guard was not locked and so was the door so I had no problem getting in.

I found her singing along to Sjava's amagama. I gently swayed her hips and held a spoon and pretended it was a microphone. Her eyes were closed so she did not see me admiring her as she sang. She wasn't exactly gifted 8n the singing aspect but the mere sound of her voice was enchanting. I silently stalked towards her like a predator to its prey. I wrapped my arms around her from behind her and she jumped in fright. She relaxed when she turned around to see that it was me and a smile appeared on her faced.

That was the reason I loved the woman that stood infront of me. She, at some point, had become the main reason why I still worked my ass off. To make sure she is spoilt and treated like the queen that she was. The mere fact that my presence put a smile on her face warmed my insides. She showed me her million dollar smile and engulfed me in her arms. I pecked her forehead and  snuggled my head into the crook of her neck. I held her waist as we swayed from side to side and listened to the song she played.

I littered butterfly kisses on the nape of her neck while her hands circled my torso and her head was rested on my chest. I knew how much she loved listening to my heartbeat and St some point I thought it's because she knew that she was the reason why it throbbed. Her name engraved in every this it made.

"Didn't you miss me?" I teased.

"Absolutely...not" she retorted.

"But I did" I said with fake sadness.

"Really, you missed me?" She dramatised with her hand clutching on her chest.

"No, man. I meant the food ntwana yami." I said with a Tsotsi accent and rubbed my hands together.

"Sho sho boza yami" she said with her fake deep voice and did what looked like a salute.

Goodness she was horrible.

I chuckled at her horrible Tsotsi Taal. It wasn't wrong per say but it definitely sounded wrong coming from her. It sounded like those Jehovah's witnesses that went from gate to gate speaking butchered native languages  just because you're black and they assumed you did not understand English.

"Make sure you never get fired because you could never survive as a thief" I said to her.

"And you could?" She sassed back but I did not reply. She definitely would not like the answer so I resorted to changing the topic.

"What are you cooking?"

"I'm making minced meat. I bought amagwinya." she said as she resumed with cooking. "Go get some rest I'm sure you're tired" she said with her back towards me.

"No, I'm fine, I want to help" I refused because I hated it when she did wife duties in my house. I prohibited any form of cleaning whenever she came to my house. Cooking was better but I wouldn't really expect her to. For some reason unknown to me, the sight of her doing wife duties always made guilt rise like bile in my throat. It was a stinging reminder of how much she deserved better, how one day she would be cooking and taking care of another man that wasn't me. I know for a fact that man would be better deserving than I ever could be.

We ate in a comfortable silence while I held her hand and stroked the back of it. I occasionally cleaned her chin or the corner of her lips since she was a messy eater. In most cases she would mess herself up and clean up when she was done but I enjoyed cleaning after her. We washed dishes together and went our seperate ways to get freshened up. I got showered up and plopped my whole body on the bed. When I was on the edge of sleep I was woken or poked rather by Zama with a laptop clutched closely to chest.

"Let's watch Hlomu." She said and made herself comfortable so we could both watch. I sat up straight and acted as if I paid any attention to what she was watching. I would comment occasionally, printing how stupid any of the characters are and she would shush me everytime I started complaining. "I would never be with a murderer. How does she live with herself knowing that he kills people for a living. If I were her, I would have run for the hills by now." She said and my muscle immediately turned into steel.

"Why would you leave. You can clearly see that she loves him and she, him" I reasoned with my voice starting to strain slightly.

"Sometimes love is not enough Nkosana." She finished and focused her attention back to the screen.

The atmosphere around had immediately shifted after that conversation. Maybe I was the only one who had noticed since she refocused her attention back to the laptop and I said nothing afterwards. I did not bother paying attention to what was happening, I didn't react to her comments because my stomach was in knots and so was my tongue. Every word struggled to leave my lips. Unsaid truths were clawing at my throat, restlessly waiting to be let loose.

When she finished whatever episode she was watching, she kissed me goodnight before going back to her room to sleep. Being left alone in the  dark gave me an unexplainable sort of serenity. It somehow tricked me into thinking it could tuck my secretes away. It made me think that the grotesque side of my mind was nestled safely, away from all the light—Zama to be specific. But the golden stretch of light at dawn would always slap the truth in my face. I was a monster. Even if I deneid it or hid it well. I was always going to be the monster in the dark.

******

My phone rang mercilessly next to my ear. It not possibly be morning already. The rest was too little and the night to short. It grabbed squeezed it to make make it somehow feel pain. It's an object, I know. But I really needed to satisfy my need to inflict pain on the nearest thing and that, unfortunately, had to be my phone.

"Ufunani?" I snapped at the caller.

"Hayi,voetsek, man."

"What do want Vuks?" I growled.

"The kid's house now."

"Why" I asked with panick slowly seeping it's way through my mind.

I looked for decent clothes to wear and washed my face. I dashed to Zama's room too wake her up and to tell her that I was leaving.

I violently knocked on her door and a few minutes later she opened with heavy and bloodshot eyes.

"I—I have to...to go. My brother's house. Vuks said—"

"Calm down, Nkosana" she said as she snuck her fingers into my neck and stroking it gently. "Just make sure you're safe" she said before pecking me at the basement of my neck where her hands were.

"Lock the door. I'll call you when I come back" I said as I basked in her warmth.

I later straightened up and wore my usual poker face that hid all emotion.

I left her apartment and drove straight to the twins' apartment, not caring caring whether the traffic light was red, green or orange or is it yellow? I don't even remember what colours represent what. No, not necessarily because I was in a hurry but the fact that I am a South African also contributes to my lack of knowledge on the road.

As soon as I  got there I parked at the most convenient spot. Which was at the middle of the road by the way.  I sped up to their apart and found the door wide open. Everything was disheveled. The vases they loved dearly were scattered into pieces. Cushions were torn and and even the couch had bullet holes.

"Vuks" my voice boom in the silence of the room. I maneuvered through the havoc and found him on the bed busy with his laptop. The closet was open and all their clothes sat scattered across the floor. "When did this happen. Where are they?", I asked with  strained calmness. Instead of an answer I was met with silence and Vuks' undivided attention on his laptop. "Vuks man" I hissed and that seemed to snap him out of whatever trance that he was trapped in.

"Shut up man", he violently snapped with cords of veins evidently crawling under his skin. His jaws clenched as his fingers stabbed his keyboard. "It's the fucking Cele's doing." I gritted out. He turned his laptop around for me to see and I am immediately met with the large intruding body that belonged to Fika. "It was a scare tactic, they know you weakness and I'm pretty sure this is just the beginning."

"So what do you suggest we do?"

"I'm guessing you already know what has to be done, Nkosana." He said with his eyes slicing into my mind.

I called Nhlonipho and told him to retire at my house for the night so he wouldn't ask too many questions. Above all else, I believe the most frightening thing was my slow and patterned breathing. The coldness in my eyes was a calling for anarchy.

"I'll get a clean up team and I'll see you tomorrow " I said.

"You're too calm. Which could only mean one thing and that is; I want nothing more than blood" he stated as he examined me.

"I'll stay here and make sure that everything goes smoothly and please keep your eyes and ears open. I foresee blood being drawn but I do not know from whom" he prophesied, he has no spiritual give but he somehow has an inkling for sensing the future.

"Okay, but I'll send someone to make sure that you are secured just in case anything happens. I'm leaving " he said as I leaped over the broken material on the floor.

"Nkosana" he called and studied me for a few moments. "Don't blame her, she has nothing to do with this" he finished after a few beats of silence.

I only sharply nodded in response before turning in my heel to leave. My thoughts shoved at one another as I tried to convince myself to not return to Zama's place. I completely switched off the engine and contemplated on whether I should proceed with going straight and find my way to Zama's serene arms or turn left to my siblings and drown in guilt.

Go home to Zama and be selfish once again or go home because my selfishness has already lead to my siblings being in danger because of stupidity.

The humming silence did not help me. It only reminded me of my impending decision. My phone buzzed on the passenger seat with the caller ID written "Sthandwa sami❤️". My hands, my feet, my soul, they all worked at their own accord. They moved towards their heart's calling. I drove until I flattened the accelerator.

As I parked and guilt rose like bile on my throat. Clogging and restricting my every breath. I reached my hand out from under my seat and a small box met my fingertips. I took out its contents and lit the cigarette. I opened the door as I inhaled the burnt tobacco. I twirled it around my fingers as I watched Zama's unlit room. I tried to convince myself to turn around not disturb her sleep.

I left the car and carefully listened to the cacophony that nature presented. The soft whispers of the rustling trees and the perpetual beat of silence. The crickets lull the night to sleep, it promises a better tomorrow. Soft pitter patter of footsteps announces itself in the silences. Soft hands snake around my abdomen and I am instantly engulfed by the scent of vanilla and blossomed jasmines.

"Nkosana", the mere utterance of my name from her lips tugs at every chord of muscle in my heart.

I turn around and her eyes pierce through mine, trying to decipher where I had post myself. Trying to find me and breath life into the corpse I had become. Like a paintbrush of colour on an empty and bare canvas. I let her colour life into me. I stare back  with my eyes heavy from baring my troubles. I let my eyes become Windows to my battered and vulnerable soul. I drop the cigarette and stepped on its burning flame. With no warning, I captured her lips into mine until a moan escaped her lips. I ravished her as I crushed her body onto mine while one hand explored her back and the other cradled her neck. I pulled away from her to give us time to catch our breaths. I inhaled her intoxicating scent as I ran my nose onto the nook of her neck. I let my breaths fan her skin and planted butterfly kisses as I made my way to her weakness.

"Nkos—" she tried to say and moaned the rest of my name the moment I latched onto her skin and nibbed at it.

I let my head rest on her shoulder and tightened my arms around her and seeked for comfort. Her hands skirted around my neck as she stroked it softly. We stayed in that position unknown to both her and myself but it was enough to feed my conscious.

"Go inside or else you're going to get sick" I mumbled.

"I'll wait" she said with her eyes not leaving mine.

"I'm just going to lock the car" I reasoned and she ignored me as she stood waiting for me. I knew it was because she thought I would leave so I let her be.

I locked the car and placed my hand on the small of her back as we went to the elevator. We stood in the corner with my hand around her waist and her snuggled up on my chest and her arms circling me.

At that moment, I realised I was not willing to let her go. Even if it meant spilling blood then so be it. My brother's lives were already in danger and my unquenchable thirst for blood did not help the fact that my nemesis had tried to scare me off. It took alot to scare me, at that point I doubted if that emotion alone dwelled in me. I ground my teeth at the mere thought of losing Zama because of her brothers resulting in me involuntarily tightening my hold on her.

"What has you so deep in thought?" She broke my train of thoughts. I sharply shook my head to dismiss all questions I could not give her the answers to.

The elevator dinged and I led her out to her apartment. I locked the door behind me as she watched me intently, still waiting for an answer as to what happened.

"Go to sleep" I commanded softly before planting a kiss on her forehead and leaving her to get some rest.

I walked into the guest room and sat up right as I stared at nothing in particular. I was, in some way, anticipating for something to go wrong. I was on attack mode and I waited for mistakes to present themselves. I waited until my eyelids became too heavy and my existence was suspended in darkness.

I woke up at 4 a.m and readied myself for work. I left some breakfast for her to eat and prepared her work clothes I had time to spare. When I had finished  I went to her room only to find her curled in bed with her night dress barely covering her thighs. I was stuck between waking her up to tell her that I was leaving and maybe give her kiss to start her day with or turn around and leave because  I respect her too much to look at her not do anything. The thin thread of self restraint that I so dearly held on to would definitely be amiss as soon as I stood within a two metre radius.

But because I was as stupid as panda and as brave as a knight.

I thought I could summon forth all self control known to man kind and walked to her sleeping form. With soft and serene breaths with her body rolled up until her knees almost touched her chest. I sat at the edge of the bed as I studied her and felt almost guilty for wanting to disturb her sleep but I knew she also would not take it too kindly if I just up and left with so much as a goodbye.

I whispered her name so low I hoped she would not hear me. My body—has not mastered the art of perfectly coordinating with my mind and so I had realised when my hands had wandered off to feel the softness of her skin. A few seconds later, she took a sharp inhale before smacking my hand away and glaring at me. Her face had somehow morphed from annoyance to confusion in less than a second.

"What's the time?" She questioned while looking around for her cellphone.

"It is time for me to go to work" I said, dodging her question altogether. "Come here" I added as I pulled her closer with my hands snaking her waist.

"No. Morning breath" she protested but I paid no heed to her words as I merely scoffed. "I'm going to brush my teeth first, my brother's always said my morning breaths could kill a man." She tried to reason with me.

"Then I shall die in the name of love, sthandwa sami. You're forgetting that I might get late"I said as I pulled her closer with her struggling to break free. I was, in fact, lying. I was going to get late for work but her dress had ridden up and I didn't she had noticed  and my mind was in a haze. Like my head had somehow become hollow and my brain was no longer a resident in my skull. I would occassionally steal glances but tried not to stare since she would noticed and I really would much rather we both save ourselves from such embarrassment.

I abruptly pulled her and locked our lips together. For a few seconds she stilled and I felt like I was kissing myself until I groaned in frustration and guess that was the wake up call she needed before kissing me.

"Your breath smells awful by the way" I mumbled with my lips against hers. Before I could kiss her again she pulled away, flushed with embarrassment. She playfully slapped my chest before scurrying off to the bathroom. "I was joking" I called after her and she slams the door on my face.

"Go away" she screamed from the other side

"I'm guessing that is my queue to go to work." I shouted and the door immediately opened with foam all over her lips. She dramatically mimed for me to not go and... other stuff that I am not quite sure of.

She signalled for me to wait before going back to the bathroom and coming in about two seconds. "I'm going to walk you to your car since I'm going to all alone for a whole three hours before I go to work." She intentionally tried to blackmail me. She walked towards me and placed a kiss on my bearded cheek. I was pretty sure some toothpaste foam was on my foam given her fit of giggles. "Please" she said while she skirted her arms around me and tried squeeze the life out of me.

"Fine, five minutes max" I said to her while I place a peck on her forehead. She happily hopped back to to the bathroom and chirped "okie dokie".

I lied on the bed and somehow fell asleep and was woken by a loud squeal followed by weight dropping on me, making me release a small oomph sound. "Asleep already.", she teased.

"No just resting my eyes" I said and drew circles at the small of her back. "Come her" I whispered and she plastered her on mine resulting into an earth shattering kiss. By the time I pulled away I had rolled her over with me on top of her and between her legs. "Now sleep" I commanded and as soon as I got off of her she followed me. "Zama" I warned.

"I just want to lock the door after you leave" she defended with a high pitch. "What is the big deal with me going outside with you anyways?" She interrogated.

"Nothing" I dismissed.

"We both know that that is a lie. What is going on, Nkosana?" She asked with defeat laced on her every word. I released a tired sigh and opened my arms so I could get a hug. Hugs don't exactly fix our issues but hers make everything more bearable.

"Everything is going to be okay" I tried to assure the both of us.

"I'm the one who is supposed to be telling you that."

"I know. I have just gotten used to me being the one to say that." I mumbled as I hid my face in the crook of her neck.

"And that is why I am here."

"I know"

"Can you tell me about your parents" she asked and all muscles within my body had somehow felt like steel. Stiff, heavy and unmoving.

"I have to get to work" I said as I quickly pulled away from her and took my things. I could here her calling my name but I chose to ignore all sounds spiralling around my being and closed the door. Before she could open it I held onto the handle like a nun holding onto her virginity.

"Nkosana, I'm sorry. Please come back." She said with her voice a but muffled from the barrier that the door csused

"You don't have to apologise. It is not exactly your fault."

"Then come back." She pleaded.

"I have to go to work" I said—trying to escape the string of questions in her mind. I knew that at that moment, nothing could help me face her. She probably felt guilty for something she had nothing to do with.

"Will you ever tell me?"

"Can I lie?"

"No"

"Probably not"

"I'm sorry"

"I love you, okay" I said trying to somehow assure her that I'm not mad.

"I love you too"

Authors note

I know you are all angry and I respect that. I am really sorry.

But on the contrary I have been going through some shit and I am taking therapy. It's family problems so imagine that paired with grade 11 stress. Yep.

I promise to try my best towards finishing this book. I also wanted to delete it but I really didn't want to make you feel like you wasted your time supporting me and voting for me.

Love you all so much.

Vote⭐

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