"I loved you as Icarus loved the sun. Too close. Too much."
*************
Lilly's POV
After I finally got the chance to breathe without it burning my lungs anymore, Chase gathered me up in his arms. He had picked one of the folded towels from over the lounger and used it to dry the water off me. My lower lip trembled slightly from the sudden surge of cold hitting the bare skin of my arms. Chase noticed my shaky state so he immediately took off his suit jacket and placed it around my shoulders, covering me up as much as he could.
He kept his arm around me, scared if he let go this time, I would sink back into the water again. Something so negative vibrated off him, and if it wasn't for me, he would've exploded all over the place. But to keep me calm, he tried to control himself. I wanted to tell him that I was calm though. I wasn't angry or scared, not even one bit. I just felt so drained, both physically and emotionally. I just felt so turned off, because on that second when I was close to passing out, right before he pulled me out of the water, I had faced my worst darkest nightmare and well, it turns out that nightmare wasn't as scary as I gave it credit before.
So, I am...okay. Partially. But, I am okay nevertheless.
My gaze flickered to Chase beside me as he busied himself with fixing the jacket around my body. When he noticed I was looking at him, he paused in his movements and gave me his full attention. His eyes softened almost instantly, the look in them reflected that he was ready to give me and do anything I would ask for now and my heart trembled yet again.
I leaned closer to him, seeking his warmness, "Can we go home?" I mumbled, my voice low, my throat still felt raw and scratchy due to the amount of water that was forced into it.
He nodded his head, "Yeah, sure," His voice was just as low, the muscles of his jaw working and I brought my hand up, my fingers resting over his cheek, my smile weak but there nevertheless, "Hey, I am fine," I said, needing him to be less worried and scared, "Nothing happened."
"That was not nothing, Lilly," He grated out and shook his head, the anger climbing up the walls of control he surrounded himself with, "If I had gone to look for you only one minute later, just one minute late and-" His jaw ticked and he breathed out harshly, looking away from me and unable to carry on the rest of those words...if I was one minute late, you'd be dead. It was too heavy for him to say out loud.
"Well, you didn't, and I am fine," I added but it seemed that nothing I'd say would erase that raw emotion from his gaze.
Instead of arguing over it, he kept an arm wrapped around me, tucking me closer to him as he walked me out of the room. I turned my head back, looking at the pool I was under just minutes ago, my gaze flickered to the exit door at the other end, the one that was left ajar as whoever attacked me ran out when he probably heard Chase getting closer.
It doesn't need rocket science to figure out who my attacker was; it was either Nathan himself or someone he had sent to do his dirty work for him...
I carelessly shook the thought away as Chase walked me back toward the gym room where the party was still going on. Chattering deafening sounds rushed from inside the big hall, and light music played in the background, setting the mood as it enveloped every edge of the place and merged with the people's conversations; those who were trying to catch up on everyone's whereabouts, those discussing their accomplishments, and those reminiscing the good old days, those dancing, those hugging, and those laughing...
I silenced everyone's voice, stuffing my ears with imaginary cotton, and walked inside from the entrance at the other end of the room, so as not to grab attention to my messy state. I tried not to look around, I tried to stay in one spot as Chase reached to grab my purse and coat, more than ready to get out of here as well. Conner was close by, he was the one to notice us first, his gaze flickered from Chase to me, and confused lines etched his forehead. He rested his drink over the round table and inched closer, only then that I noticed Zack, standing on his other side, the same confused look in his eyes as he looked at me...God, I must look like a total mess.
"What happened? You two went skinny dipping with your clothes on?" Conner's words were playful, his eyebrow arching mockingly as his teasing gaze flickered from my head to toe.
"Conner, shut up," Chase's words were harsher than usual, not the tone he uses when they bicker, no, it held a warning tone that if he doesn't actually shut up, Chase will plant his fist on his face without hesitation.
Conner's eyes slightly grew wide, sensing the absurdity of the situation, "Oh shit, it is serious," He whispered, his eyes drifting back to me, worry wrapped with the confusion and his eyebrows pulled closer. Then he spoke again, asking, his voice much lower and his tone more steady, "Are you okay?"
I forced on a small smile and nodded my head, "Yeah."
"What happened?" Conner asked, his question directed at Chase now and Zack's clueless gaze went from his cousin to me. He offered me a very small smile, the look in his eyes asking what he couldn't voice out loud. Things like; Are you okay? Why are you always a mess every time I see you? Who was the guy you were kissing in the back of your car? Does Chase know about him? Maybe he wasn't exactly thinking about those specific thoughts, but my mind and insides were a train wreck and I only saw blame in everyone's eyes...
I am really just the shattered remnants of a speeding bullet train, hurtling toward an uncertain end.
I swallowed past the rock lodging my throat and felt a weird sense of exposure, it climbed up my nerves and had my spine tense slightly. It was the feeling of someone's eyes on me, watching, inspecting, and analyzing. Trusting my senses, I turned my head to the left, my eyes falling at a distance, all the way across the room and out of everyone, my gaze met hers. She didn't shy away, she didn't break her stare, she kept her neutral gaze focused on mine, and I didn't look away either, waiting for any reaction from her side.
I could feel the negative energy vibrating off her all the way from across the room, the way her fingers tightened over the drink in her hands, the way she was paying zero attention to the girls by her side, talking and gushing about something. Her gaze left my face and settled on Chase's arm, the one wrapped around me and she probably thought of how not long ago she was in my place, in his arms and I felt myself break away from Chase's touch, slightly distancing myself. I felt disturbed, I felt disgusting, I felt hurt by the heartbreak that consumed her face and I realized that yet again, I was the bad guy in this story.
If I hadn't come back, if I stayed there like I was planning to, they would still be together, even if their perfect relationship was a lie, they were happy...he was happy, I suppose. He was calm. He was steady. She looked away from me and I did the same, breaking my gaze only to settle it on the guy standing beside me. Six feet-plus of uncontrollable rage and worry, ready to explode any second, his jaw tight, his fingers slightly twitching as he spoke with Conner, trying to say everything and nothing about what just happened. His chest was tight as air pushed in and out. In and out, In and...his eyes met mine and only then, he seemed to breathe again. The air he sucked in, finally parted from his lips.
His eyes softened, "Let's go," He whispered the words and I nodded my head, so de-energized that I just wanted to collapse into my bed and fall asleep for days.
Conner's eyes held mine for a second, he offered me a soothing boyish smile and waved his hand, muttering a low bye as Chase and I left the room and headed outside. I let him lead my way, I let him open the door and usher me into his car. He clicked the door shut before he joined me inside as well, turning the engine on, and switching the heater to the highest before he pulled us away.
I rested my temple against the cold window and my eyelids dropped close. My shoulders fell down slightly, relaxing and reveling in the silence. It was silent, even in my head, so silent I could hear the steady beat of my heart and I could hear the fast rumbling of his on my side.
I pried my eyes open, blinking, my gaze focused on the road, out of the window as I spoke, "I really wanted us to have our first dance in there," I mumbled, voicing out thoughts, "It's the only reason I wanted to attend this silly reunion," I added, and I could feel his gaze on me, so warm and so close, "We never had our first dance," A low sound that resembled a low laugh came from my strained throat, this fact shouldn't hold that much importance, but it somehow did, "On that day, when you graduated, we didn't have our dance, you remember how we ditched the party because you were leaving the next day," I recalled back our last day together.
My voice dropped lower, "Then, the year after that, when I graduated, you weren't even there for us to have that chance."
I remember waiting, I remember picking up a dress, I remember doing my hair, I remember getting ready, I remember being so hopeful, I remember thinking he'd come back and surprise me even though we weren't talking that often, even though there were no promises he'd come back and take me to prom. I was hopeful. I believed in the young boy I loved. I believed in the boy who I thought loved me still. I believed that he knew me so well, that he knew how much I wanted that.
I remember my optimism. My excitement. My disappointment. I remember my tears when the party ended and he didn't even show up. I remember my heart breaking when I saw that Conner had come back, I remember him hugging me and Sally, saying he missed us, that he missed here, and we caught up on lost days. I remember looking behind him, beside him, in the car, searching for my boy. I remember asking if Chase came back. I remember him saying that Chase was busy. I remember going back home. I remember burying my face into the pillow and crying all night long. I remember how that night I realized there was no hope for us anymore.
I remember how on that night, for the very first time, I started to imagine a future without him, I remember closing my eyes and dreaming of what my brand new life in England without him would be like...
"I thought if we had this dance now, within those same walls, that somehow," I smiled, pitying my stupid fantasies, "That somehow we will go back into that past, that it will fix it, that everything will fall back into their right place and just be okay again."
His silence at my words had me turn my head, my eyes meeting his tense blue ones, intently listening to what I said, reading between the lines, and tasting the disappointment residing deep within my bones. He watched me for a long second, he looked like he was about to speak but stopped and held himself back. Truth is, I didn't want him to say anything, I just wanted him to know that I hoped for that silly chance today.
I tore my gaze away and continued looking at the outside world as it passed us by. No more words were spoken from either his side or mine for the rest of our drive. It was much darker when we reached our building and I couldn't wait to be inside my room. As we waited for the elevator to take us to our floor, I slowly unwrapped his suit jacket from around me and handed it to him, "Thanks," I mumbled with an appreciative tone.
Hesitantly, he took it from me and when we stepped out of the elevator, I spoke again, "I want to be alone tonight, if you don't mind," I mumbled with a polite tone as I paused by the door to my apartment, just inches away from his own.
He stayed silent. One second. Two seconds. Three...He nodded his head, without saying a word. I dug into my purse, pulled my keys out, and unlocked my door. He just watched me and I offered him a small smile before I stepped in, "Good night."
I was about to walk inside before I felt his hand on my waist, turning me around and he edged closer, crowding my personal space and stealing my breath away again. He rested his palm over my lower back, his other hand trailing and moving up my waist, gently, tenderly, and the little touch wasn't supposed to scorch my skin the way it did. His hand cupped the side of my neck, tilting my head up just slightly, making me face him and his disarming soft gaze.
"If you need anything, I am just next door," He said, assuringly. His thumb drew lazy and gentle circles at my chin and the area near my mouth. I nodded my head, whispering, "I know."
He tipped his head down, his lips capturing mine into a very small, very slow kiss. My eyes closed, an instinct to just melt into him and his hold, "I am sorry tonight didn't turn out to be like you wanted," He said and my eyes shot open, shaking my head, "It's not your fault."
"I will see you in the morning?" He asked, more like he was taking permission because he sensed that tonight I needed distance away from him and just everyone else.
I nodded my head, smiling softly at him as one hand freed my waist and the other trailed from my neck, to my shoulder, to my arm, to my wrist, to my hand, and to...nothing. I almost shivered at the absence of his warm touch and I backed into my own house, waving a small goodbye as I closed the door. I rested my back against the wooden surface and felt like I could crumble to the ground. I brought my hands up and covered my face. I breathed, in and out. I stopped thinking. I didn't want to think and I decided to go sleep and let tomorrow be a brand new day.
I pried my eyes open and flickered the lights on before I walked further inside only to be halted to a sudden stop, frozen by the kitchen's entrance. My eyes fell on the one thing out of the ordinary, the one thing that wasn't there before. Over the counter laid a piece of paper and above it rested the burgundy, red-wine-colored ribbon I had on earlier tonight. The one that matched the color of my dress. Involuntarily, my hand went to the back of my hair, checking even though I knew it wasn't there anymore. I thought it got lost down the water...
The indication of what this was, of what the piece of paper could hold, words of pain, threats, words of blood, of killing, of torturing...it was like a punch in my stomach and a knife slicing right through my chest. I pressed a hand to my stomach, like maybe I could stop it from tumbling all over. The weight pressed tighter over me till I broke over and I shook my head, "No, no," I mumbled, and the blurriness started to take over my vision, the tears forcefully pushing themselves over the edge, "It's enough, no, enough..." I whispered to no one. I didn't want more of his psychotic messages and insane lullabies.
I didn't...couldn't...breathe anymore.
It's what he is going to do. He will ruin me mentally before physically. He will psychologically disarm me, take down all of my defenses, leaving me bare for his last and final attack. Till then, till the last battle he is definitely planning, he is gonna drive me crazy. Drive all of us crazy. Why can't he just kill me, the old traditional way?
I sank to the floor, my arms tight around myself, my eyes pressed shut and I squeezed myself, wishing to pry one normal breath out of my lungs. Breathe, Lilly. Breathe. Just breathe. Breathe, breathe, breathe...
I couldn't decipher why I was panicking. He wasn't here. He wasn't going to kill me tonight. Maybe I was more scared of that fact, of how he plans to prolong it for as much as he wants.
Breathe.
I pressed my eyes tighter. The tears streamed down my strained red cheeks. I could taste the saltiness on my lips and I so desperately tried to think of positive happy days. I tried so hard but they were so far away and out of my reach. Memories flowed and overcame me. Two blue eyes, soft lips, and gentle caresses, hiding behind closed doors, laughs and tears, whispers and promises, heartbreak and pain...Chase, here, and Chase, far away. England, Christian, and the perfect two years of lie and deception, looks of love, looks of hate, Christian hurt and bleeding in that basement...Dad, angry, hurt, and disappointed, Max in that hospital bed, Mom and her tears, Emma and her threats, Nikolas and his family, and...Louis, no, Nathan. Nathan. Nathan...
The air rushed with full force to my lungs, almost knocking me backward as I finally made my way out of the tunnel of memories. I was breathing again. I was angry. I was teetering on the edge and seething. I harshly wiped at my cheeks and struggled up to my feet. I reached for the counter, pushing the ribbon away and snatching the paper, turning it around and reading whatever bullshit was scribbled over it.
"The water's surface, calm and clear,
Enticing us to venture near,
But danger lurks beneath the waves,
A perilous place where many meet their graves.
The current tugs, a force unseen,
A treacherous foe, a wicked scheme,
To drag us down to depths unknown,
To make our bodies their final home.
Our lungs fill with water, our vision fades,
As we sink deeper, into the aquatic shades,
Our heartbeats slow, our bodies numb,
As we succumb to the ocean's drum.
So heed the warning, and stay on land,
For the sea can be a treacherous strand,
Where danger lurks in every wave,
And the price of swimming may be the life we gave."
He made sure to sign it at the end with his initials: N.V.
My jaw tightened and I wasn't impressed. Not at all. I was just so angry. I was Vengeful. God, I wanted him dead. I want to be the one to do it. I don't care.
I looked around, searching for my purse and I pulled out my phone. I went immediately to his number, not sure if he still uses it even but I dialed him nevertheless. The phone pressed to my ear as I waited for his voice to penetrate through.
"Aww, did you miss me, little one?" Those were the first words to leave him and my fingers tightened over the phone, "Why don't you stop with your psychotic games and just come face me yourself," I grated out, "I am beginning to really think you are a coward, loui..." I scoffed, "Sorry, Nathan, was it?"
He chuckled, amused, "I am going to excuse your behavior now, the lack of oxygen probably messed with your brain cells, can't blame you there," He said, never shying away from admitting that it was he who pushed me underwater.
"Why didn't you just do it?" I asked, challenging him, triggering him, just anything, "You could've faced me then, killed me, stabbed me, shot me, but why didn't you?" I asked.
"Because what's the fun in that?" He mumbled and I could imagine him pouting, really believing that this is fun, "I mean of course, I am going to kill you, stab you, shoot you," He mimicked my words, "But I need it to be in front of your ex-boyfriend, in front of your father, and other father," He laughed, "What's the fun if I didn't have an audience?"
"You're right," I said, my jaw clenching, "I am gonna love having an audience when I kill you myself."
He laughed again, so very amused, "Oh, Lilly, did you put your big girl's pants on today?" He exclaimed with fake warmness, "It's so heartwarming to watch you grow up from the naive little girl you were."
My jaw was so tight I am sure it was going to snap, I wanted to hurl the phone across the wall, I wanted to punch someone, to break something, "Did you read my poem?" He asked with a hopeful voice, making a conversation, almost like we were good old friends and just catching up.
I stayed silent, but he loved to talk, "Ah poems, I love them. The mystery. The symbolism. The way everyone derives a meaning of their own," He said, "The ambiguity. The intrigue. God, sometimes it is even more pleasurable than stabbing someone in the kidney," He added humorously. I pressed my palm over the counter, tightening my grip over the edge because I was so close to unraveling all over the place, my anger multiplying by the second.
"Anyway little one, I advise you to take off the big girl's pants, hang them and go to sleep, they are not your size," He said, his tone slightly shifting, "This fight isn't yours, so stay on the sidelines, stay as only a causality of war, as a pawn for me to move around as I please, that's all you are, all you will be," He added, "If you try to be the hero, you will be only bringing a sword to a gunfight, sweetie," He said.
"Lucky for you, swords don't go with my style."
He laughed at my words, "Gotta admit, you were fun to have around, I kind of miss you, maybe we should hang out soon."
"We really should," I went on with his stupid indirect threats, "We have so much to catch up on."
"Go to bed, Lilly," He said, his voice slowly losing its humor, "And be very careful of the monster lurking in the closet. He could come out any second and bite."
He hung up and I slammed the phone over the counter, harsh enough to break the protection screen. He was just so infuriating. I looked at the paper once again, I wanted to crumble it and rip it into pieces but I held myself back. I folded it and kept it, thinking that somehow, his crazy words would bring me closer to figuring him or his next move out somehow.
Exhaustion weighed my body down and I threw myself into the shower, hoping these clean drops will wash away the dirty ones from earlier today. I tried not to think of my earlier panic moment, of my fears, of my wavering mental state. I stepped out of the shower, drying myself before I slipped into simple shorts and a tank top, ready to call this a day and slump into the comforts of my bed.
Right before I could dissolve into the mattress, a light knock on my door had me jolting up. I eased down the anxiousness, knowing very well Nathan won't be polite enough to knock on my door before he steps in to slit my throat. Right then, my phone vibrated from over the nightstand. It was a new message from Chase, spelling out: 'It's me.'
Relief washed over my limbs and I pushed my feet into the slippers before I headed for the door, opening it to come face-to-face with him again. He was still wearing his clothes from earlier today, but without the jacket this time. He's wearing black pants and his white dress shirt hugged every muscle on his chest. It was tucked inside, the first few buttons left undone, the sleeves rolled up and his hair was slightly disheveled. The raw look in his eyes penetrated all the way through till my heart was trembling again.
I acted indifferent and smiled, "Hey," I mumbled.
"Hey," He tucked one hand into his front pocket, and the other went and scratched the back of his head. He looked...was he...nervous?
"I know you want to be alone, but can I borrow you for like ten...maybe fifteen minutes?" He said, his blue eyes slightly tense, his lips trying to form a small smile but failing. My own lips twitched, he was slightly nervous indeed.
I nodded my head, "Yeah, sure," I said, curious.
He extended his hand but before I could place mine in his, "Uh, let me grab my keys..." He shook his head, "I have a spare key, come on," He insisted, his hand still extended and I rested my small one inside his. His fingers wrapped over my own and he pulled me forward and closer to him. His scent enveloped me right away and I sighed in satisfaction, sinking into it without precautions. It was like the fragrance of the forest after rain, or the aroma of a campfire burning bright. It was wild, it was refined. It ignited my senses, my mind, and my heart.
I thought he was going to take me to his apartment but he proved me wrong when we headed toward the elevator. He pressed the button for the first floor and confused lines etched my forehead. The first floor was where the gym and the other common areas were located. I looked down at my attire and I felt myself blush. I should've at least into something more presentable.
"There is no one downstairs," Chase spoke, reading my hesitant thoughts and I looked up at him, I nodded my head, swallowing past the embarrassment.
We stepped out and Chase's tight warm hold over my hand led my way through, taking me in a direction I haven't gotten the chance to explore yet. The narrow pathway was made of glass leading to a connected small compartment. The pathway was designed to look into the outside world, passing through the beautiful colorful garden I keep promising myself to visit since I moved in here. Astonished, I looked all around us, watching the rain on the transparent glass perform a hypnotic dance. It was a mesmerizing display of liquid grace, as droplets of water pranced and prattled, creating a symphony that filled the small space.
The pitter-patter echoed softly all around us till we reached our destined spot. Chase opened the door to the compartment at the other end and I impatiently waited to what was hidden behind. My eyes grew slightly wide as we stepped inside. I was rendered speechless, amazed, and astounded. The small room was a haven of tranquility, with tall windows of glass that offered a view of the lush and verdant garden. A serene oasis. It was breathtaking.
The room was cozy. It was filled with warmth and light. A world of candles and lanterns, casting a soft glow at night. The flickering flames created a magical atmosphere. A haven of comfort, a place to forget all doubts and fear.
The scent of rain and candles intermingled in the air, creating a symphony of fragrances that's beyond compare. The sound of rain on the windows became a lullaby, a soothing melody that's sure to pacify. God, it was magical. Almost not real. Like I've slipped down the rabbit hole and was welcomed into wonderland.
Then, a soft and soothing melody began to play, filling the room with a musical trigger and I turned around to see Chase as he rested the remote away, his eyes assessing me and my reaction. He strode forward, coming closer, "It doesn't necessarily need to be our old high school, I thought we could have our first dance in here," He whispered, or maybe I couldn't hear past the wild beating of my heart.
The notes of the music were gentle and serene, a melody that evoked a sense of peace and intimacy. The perfect accompaniment to the rain's rhythmic symphony right outside. A harmony that invites one to release, to let go. I am tempted to ask if he is the one who designed this sensual music over the black and white keys of the piano. It felt like him. It sounded like him. Calm but also so intense.
He extended his hand forward, emotions of a different kind enveloped his expression and gaze, his lips titled up as he requested, "Can I have this dance?"
My heart was on the floor, he was dancing, and twirling. My heart was a drunk crazy creature. My heart was happy and high on feelings. My heart was made for this man. My heart was slightly feeling alive now.
I rested my hand in his palm and he curled his fingers over it, pulling me close. His strong arm wrapped around my waist, drawing me even closer, so close that we were breathing the same air. Our bodies pressed against each other, and I could feel his warmth, his need, and his wild untamed heart dancing on the floor alongside mine.
The music enveloped us in its soothing melody. We moved together in a slow and graceful dance, swaying in perfect synchronization. Our bodies moved in tandem, as if in a trance. The candles and lanterns brought a warm and intimate glow. Their flickering light accentuated our every move and every edge to his features. The golden hues reflected on his face and I started to wonder if he was even real. If he was human. If he wasn't a pure angelic creature god had sent to make this world a better place.
I started to wonder how can one person be so perfect.
I started to wonder how will I ever live up to him. How will I ever deserve him? How will I make up for years and years of mistakes...I started to wonder if I even have the time for it.
I felt Chase's warm breath on my neck as we swayed. His touch alone sent shivers down my spine, and made my heart quiver and shake. Our eyes locked in a deep gaze. His is blue, so blue, so alive, like the waves of the ocean, clashing and writhing beneath the shore. Struggling. He was struggling to keep so much inside. Struggling to keep control. Fighting to not fall in love again, to keep me at an arm's length but he lost the fight before it even started. I lost too.
We moved in rhythm, lost in each other's ways and I wanted to cry. It was stupid, to accompany the memory of such a magical moment with tears but I couldn't keep it in. Emotions overwhelmed me. Overcame me. Overpowered every logical thought. Our bodies were so close I could feel his heartbeat, thumping in time with the music, a rhythm oh-so-sweet. Our hands were entwined, our fingers intertwined.
We danced together, lost in the moment, lost in each other's embrace.
I rested my head over his chest and tears started to flow, one after another. One that is so regretful for every day we lost. One that missed him so badly. One that wanted to be locked within the intimacy of this moment forever. One of fear. One of panic. One that showed me another version of a future without him. One where Nathan wins and one where I cease to exist.
I kept my ear pressed right there against his chest, savoring the sound of his heartbeats. It was soothing in ways I couldn't explain. I felt him tighten his hold around me, his fingers running down the length of my spine. I felt...god, I felt so much at once. So much. Which is why I couldn't stop nor control the downfall of my tears.
"Can you promise me something," I whispered into his embrace.
"Anything," His voice was just as tortured as mine, because he was feeling way too much like me, which is why I am scared.
"Promise me that if anything was to happen to me, that you'll be okay, that you will move on as you should and you will be okay," I mumbled and Chase tensed up, the tender swaying of our bodies paused, the soothing heartbeats I was savoring took off a sprint and the pitter-patter of the rain intensified, almost like it could ram a whole through the glass surrounding us.
I edged my head back and tilted it up to look at him. I blinked through my tears, through the blurriness to read the shocked, tense, and terrified look in his eyes. The waves of the ocean in his gaze weren't just clashing, they were rocking a freaking tsunami all over the place, "What are you talking about, Lilly?"
I brought my hand up, and I let it rest over his cheek, feeling his clenched jaw beneath my touch, "You and me, we..." I smiled because we were so alike but also ocean's apart, "We had everything we ever wanted, we didn't usually lose, which is why we don't..." I shook my head, "We don't really know how to deal with loss."
"Which is why we did the stupidest mistake when we lost one another, we did everything to just fill in the emptiness our absence created," I explained, "Which is why this time it will need to be different," I added, pouring some playfulness into my tone, "You need to promise me that won't just go and hook up with the first hot blonde girl that runs into you," The muscles of his jaw ticked and he found no humor in my words, the anger wrapped the immense worry in his eyes, his hand removed mine from over his cheek, his voice tight, warning, urging me to just shut up, "Lilly, stop-"
I shook my head, needing him to let me speak, "You gonna need to promise me, Chase," I mumbled, "That you will be okay, that you will wait till you find someone who will make you feel like..." I rested my palm over his chest, my gaze drifting there, "...like this," I whispered, "And you will, you will move on and you will be happy and you will continue building your life and your family," I smiled, my gaze still focused on my palm, on where his heart was about to jump out, "You know, I have a feeling you will be a great father," I lifted my gaze up to his, "I always have this image of you in my head, of you and a little baby," It was a perfect image, "A little girl and she'd have those same perfect blue eyes," I smiled again, "I have a feeling I would love her even if she wasn't mine."
"Lilly, you need to stop talking like this-" His chest heaved up and down, harshly.
"And I need you to promise me, Chase," I said back, "And I need you to keep your promise this time around."
"Why are you talking like this?!" His voice got louder, harsher, with such rawness, like he wanted to split the ground in half, with one side him and me and the whole world on the other side.
"Because everything is possible," I answered, shrugging innocently.
He shook his head, bewilderment flooding his gaze, "No, Lilly, no, you are talking like you are going to walk into a suicide mission, and I need to know what the hell are you thinking about right now, what are you planning to do?"
I shook my head, "I am just weighing my options," I mumbled, my voice so low, so calm when compared to his, "You know, there are always casualties in war, so-"
"Yeah and I'd die before I'd let you be a causality of anything," He snapped back, interrupting the rest of my words, "Goddammit Lilly, I can live far away from you, I can live apart from you, I can be continents away, I can do all of that, but I can't possibly survive in a world where you don't exist, so I need you to think straight, I need you to trust me, to trust your family, to trust yourself, to believe that we are going to make it out of this, that you are going to be okay, that I..." He shook his head, "That I won't let anything happen to you."
He shook his head, "So no, I won't promise you that, no," He added, breaking my heart in his tender gentle hands, "Unless you want me to lie to you, I am not promising that," His chest heaved and I was scared, god, I was so scared of everything now, "I'd never be okay, if anything happens to you, I'd never be okay."
My heart which was dancing on the floor minutes ago, he is sitting by the corner now, crying out loud, heaving for one breath. He is curled into a ball and hugging himself so tight. He is petrified and panicked, he is reeling because he had also come to a solid realization after so long.
He realized that there was never a choice to be made, he realized that, "Oh god," I couldn't see through my tears, "I never stopped loving you, did I?" That thought was supposed to stay inside my head, I wasn't supposed to voice it out loud but my weak emotional and mental state had me shape them into words. I could read the shock that took over his eyes, I could feel the same surprise in mine. I wanted to bolt and ran away. I couldn't be stupid enough to admit such a thing at such a time, when we had only started again days ago.
I edged backward, "I...uh, I should've not," I wiped at my cheeks and eyes, "I didn't mean to say that, I am just, today is just not my day...the reunion, the whole almost dying thing, you know, Nathan and his threats," I looked around the room, I wanted to dig my way out of here, "You doing this for me, I am just all over the place, I should keep my mouth shu..."
I gasped because I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. I couldn't because he had suddenly stolen all of my defenses, I couldn't because he had pressed his lips into mine, his big body consuming my small one, his hand wrapping tight over the back of my neck, pulling me closer so he can taste every bit of me. His other arm was around my waist, drawing me in till each cell of mine collided with his. My eyelids dropped down, surrendering to him. My hands climbed up his chest, feeling the hotness radiating off his skin, they reached his shoulders, they wrapped around his neck, and they got tangled up in the mess of his hair.
I moaned when he sucked on my tongue, and when he bit my lips, I moaned because he tasted so good, he tasted of passion, of pain, of happiness, and of everything I didn't deserve. He looked like he could make me break apart and put all my shattered pieces back together. He felt like a familiar song, pushing itself so deep, promising me that I would never forget its heartwrenching tone.
We were tangled up in each other's embraces, kissing against the glass wall, against the rain and the wilderness of the outside world. We were cocooned in our safe haven, we were two very desperate hearts, aching and needing one another to survive.
We broke apart the hold of our lips and he looked down at me and I looked up at him. He cupped my cheek with one hand, keeping me confined between the glass wall and his warm chest. He couldn't promise me what I wanted, he couldn't assure me, and he couldn't clear my conscious if I went ahead and did a bunch of irrational decisions. But he needs to at least assure me that this is real, that he is real and not a figment of my imagination.
"Promise me that I won't just wake up one day to find out this was just a dream," I mumbled.
He smiled, a smile so pure, so beautiful, and he rested his forehead over mine, "I promise."
"Promise me that this won't be our last dance," I requested.
His smile became softer, more tender, "It won't. I promise."
"It really pains me to interrupt this magical moment," The new sarcastic sound in the room had me jump up straight, gasping, my heart seething and my eyes wide as they flickered to the entrance, where Christian was standing, arms crossed over his chest, a permanent scowl on his face, and a very unhappy look in his eyes, "But there is a life or death situation that we need to tend to."
"What the hell are you doing here?" Chase grated out, he had straightened his body up but his arm was still around me, keeping me close.
Christian rolled his eyes and a very impatient sigh left his lips, "As I mentioned two seconds ago, there is a life-or-death situation that we need to tend to," His eyes flickered from Chase and fell into mine. His gaze involuntarily softened, almost pained before he covered it up too fast, he hid behind his nonchalant act, "So, if you two could stop ogling and groping at each other for a few minutes and follow me, I'd be really appreciative."
He didn't wait for us to respond, he just turned around and started to walk away, so sure that we'd be right behind. My gaze left him and went to Chase beside me. He looked as confused and slightly disturbed, well, slash slightly, greatly, and massively disturbed, almost like he wanted to go after Christian and put his head into the near wall, then open the ground and bury him ten feet under.
I sucked into a deep breath, reminding myself that my life could never ever be simple enough. My jaw tightened and I rushed a hand over my face, clearing and wiping the tears and hitting a pause into the moment we were sharing. I gave Chase a reassuring look, nodding my head, "Let's see what he has," I mumbled, "It must be Nathan-related, and it could be important."
Chase decided to trust in me, and he accepted without putting up a fight. He knew that if the situation included Nathan, we needed all the help and information we can get our hands on. So, we walked out of the room, heading in the direction Christian went into and I couldn't help but turn around and sneak a little look at the small magical place.
Chase paused as well, his eyes falling on me and when I faced him, I couldn't hold back my smile, "Thank you," I mumbled lowly and he returned my smile, his arm tight around me as he leaned in and pecked my lips, "I asked for a first dance, and you gave me the perfect dance, so thank you," I mumbled into his lips. It makes me feel like I could ask for anything, and he would give it to me.
"It was nothing," He brushed his thumb over my lip and whispered back, "Lilly, I would cross oceans, and move mountains just to see a glimpse of your smile."
And here goes my heart, stumbling, falling, and passing out after one hell of a day.
I kept myself tucked up to his side, my hand tangled up in his and we walked away. We reached the elevator, where Christian was impatiently waiting for us and I couldn't begin to think of how did he figure out we were here in the first place. Always acting like my creepy stalker, isn't he?
His eyes fell on us and he sighed, "Finally," He grumbled out, stepping into the elevator and slanting us both a bothered look, "I'd appreciate it if you keep your hands where I can see them, I am not interested in seeing all of that again."
Chase was trying hard to keep calm as he held Christian with a hard glare and I couldn't wrap my mind around what was happening. I stayed close to Chase, his arm still around me and I gazed at Christian, my stare grabbing his attention to mine, "What happened?" I asked.
"I will explain," Was all he said, his gaze drifting slightly down, to where Chase's hand was wrapped around my waist and he met my eyes again, a hint of blame in them, a hint of betrayal like I wasn't supposed to be doing this, like it was a sin and I am the biggest sinner ever to exist and I wanted to claw out of my skin. This was beyond uncomfortable.
He covered that look rather quickly and shook himself back, drifting his gaze away. He stepped out of the elevator and paused by the door to my apartment, urging me to open it already. My gaze flickered to Chase, who was warily eyeing Christian's every movement. He pulled my spare key out of his pocket and edged closer, making sure to shove Christian by the shoulder to the right so he can have space.
"You're so unbearable."
"Look who's talking."
Chase opened the door and urged me to walk in first, he followed and Christian came in thereafter. We paused when inside, looking at one another. Me and Chase on one side and Christian across from us.
"What do you have to say?" Chase was first to ask, impatient to get this done with.
Christian's glare didn't waver but he tried to focus and pulled a piece of paper out of his jacket's pocket, "I received another special delivery from Nathan today," He extended the paper and I took it into my hand, reading through the same poem written in my special delivery too, "And I kept trying to analyze what it could possibly mean-"
"I got the same one," I said and Chase beside me stilled. His questioning eyes fell on me and I felt like I needed to defend myself, "It was in the house when I got in," I explained, hinting that I would've told him about it later, but would've I really?
He didn't question it further and his eyes fell on the paper, taking it from me and reading through the poem. I lifted my eyes to Christian's, shaking my head, "You don't need to figure out what it means, we already know what it's about," I mumbled, suddenly feeling my throat clog up, like it was getting filled with water again.
"What do you mean?"
Hesitantly, I spoke, "Well, he kinda tried to drown me earlier today."
Chase's hand tightened over my waist, recalling that unpleasant moment and Christian's eyes grew wide, "The hell," On instinct, he stepped closer, his hand reached for my arm, the worry breaking through his façade and he looked like he is about to touch my face and caress my cheek but held himself back, "Are you okay?"
Chase waited, he waited for me to pull away before he'd make his move and I backed away, letting Christian's hand fall away, "I am fine." I mumbled, my voice losing all of its edges.
Christian, he noticed what happened and the energy vibrating of Chase had me shift on my feet, uncomfortable, nervous, and in desperate need for this day to reach an end already.
"Do that again and I will make sure you don't have a hand anymore," Chase grated out from beside me, his fingers torturing the not-so-innocent piece of paper in his hand.
Christian's jaw tightened, his eyes on Chase, and that same furious energy reflected off him, like he wanted to punch him, push him away, and break down the walls surrounding us, "So what now, you two are back together?" He asked, not actually expecting an answer as his eyes flickered between the two of us.
"That's none of your business," Chase responded back and Christian scoffed, "No offense but you two share the chemistry I share with my fish," He mocked and I wanted to throw him out of my window, "And here is the thing, I don't even have a fish," He added, his sarcastic words hinting that our chemistry was non-existent, as if he knows me, as if he knows my feelings, as if he knows anything.
"Since you clearly don't have anything more to say, can you please leave," I spoke before Chase could speak and this could accelerate into more and I really have no left energy for more.
His grey eyes were hard, like steel, and the longer they gazed at me, the more they softened till they resembled the calmness of a misty morning. I indirectly asked him to just stop talking, to stop triggering Chase, to stop being so him, to just leave me be. He sensed that I wasn't okay and my energy-less state had him finally shut up.
His gaze flickered to the paper in Chase's hand and only then that he remembered the reason he is here for, "The poem is not about you," Christian said, a hint of suspense in his voice and he looked at us, more serious now, calculating and analyzing.
Chase nodded his head, agreeing with him and he said, "I think it's a warning."
I looked at Chase, "A warning?"
My pulse accelerated and a hundred different thoughts raced through my head as I recalled back Nathan's words; Poems. The mystery. The intrigue. The way everyone derives a meaning of their own. Those were very true words.
"I have a hunch but I am just not very sure," Christian added and I nodded my head, urging him to speak and explain more, "Nathan isn't working alone, of course, he isn't, he has men, those who are still loyal to Isaac, and those who would love to join the rebellion act he is trying to build," He clarified and I intently listened, "I know that your...that Emma, she is been catching them, one by one, I know that she's been interrogating them, trying to get any information out of them-"
"How do you know all of that?" I couldn't help but ask and he only shook his head in return, dismissing the topic.
"I think she was able to find something-" There was an edge in Christian's tone. A one I couldn't decipher but it seemed that Chase did.
"And you think it's a trap," Chase commented.
Christian nodded, "I believe it's a trap."
"And for this to show up today," He cocked his head toward the poem, "If I understand Nathan's twisted games by now, I'd have to say something is about to go down tonight."
There was a truth to his words, a very logical explanation and I couldn't dismiss my panic any longer, "We need to know what's happening," He added, his eyes on me, declaring the reason he is here for.
He wants me to ask dad, to ask Nikolas, to check on what was happening. It still feels strange to have him stand by our side, but I knew by heart that he wouldn't want any innocents to get hurt. Innocents beside my dad...
I dismissed the thought, "Let's go," I said, already heading for my room and quickly changing into the first thing I grabbed from the closet.
Chase followed me inside, closing the door behind him and facing me. Doubt clouded his gaze, "You think we can trust him?"
I nodded my head. We can. True Christian is an asshole, but he is an asshole I can trust. Maybe it's crazy, but I do know him. Putting aside his hatred for my dad, he is fighting the right fight. I know that like me, he is regretful of a hundred different things. I know that he too is not capable of changing the past. I know that we both will have to live with the outcomes of our mistakes for too long before we can taste freedom again.
I dismissed every other thought and shrugged my jacket on. Without wasting more time, we all headed out and took off toward my parent's house. Me and Chase in one car. Christian, in the car behind us. I didn't try to think of what dad's reaction would be upon seeing him, I had a feeling we had much more impending things to worry about.
What I didn't expect was to see the lights seeping in from our house, and the many cars parked in the driveway. When we stepped inside, I didn't expect to see almost everyone else in here.
It took me a quick second to look around and observe my surroundings. They have all huddled around, the atmosphere tense. Electric. Chaotic. My gaze fell on the laptop's screen, the one broadcasting live some scene. I inched closer, my gaze focused on there only.
It was a boat.
The water's surface, calm and clear. It was calm, so damn calm.
"Emma, you should've waited for me to get there first," Nikolas's frustrated voice grabbed my attention to him. He sat across from the laptop, his phone laid over the surface, speakers on.
"Nik, I am a big girl, I don't need you to hold my lunch box as I fight our psychotic stepbrother," Her mocking voice echoed from the phone, followed by some rustling noises as she moved around.
Nikolas ran his hand over his face and over the top of his head, his muscles tense as he listened to every little sound from the other side, his eyes focused on the screen, trying to catch anything out of the ordinary.
Dad sat beside him and was way too absorbed in this too. Stressed lines etched over his forehead and between his brows, his jaw set tight and his whole being set on high alert. Ronald was here, Noah too, both observing. Mom and Max stood at the side and carefully listened. It was one hell of an audience.
It only reminded me of Nathan's words again. What's the fun if I didn't have an audience?
"Emma, keep talking," Nikolas urged, the harshness in his voice wasn't directed at her but rather at the messed up situation, "Tell me what you see, keep talking, don't drive me insane."
The sound of her low chuckle echoed from the speaker, "Aww Nik, are you worried abo-" She cut herself midsentence and Nikolas shifted forward in his seat, "What's wrong?" He asked.
"There is something in here, but I can't quite see it," Her voice was lower now and followed again by those rustling sounds.
No, no, something is wrong, something is not alright.
I took a step closer and the sound of my shoes against the floor was enough to grab dad's gaze, away from the screen and up to me. Confusion wrapped up the worry, "Lilly-" He couldn't mutter my name fully as his gaze fell behind me, taking notice of our unwelcome guest. His eyes grew wide and he shot up in his seat, "What the-"
"Is Emma in there?" I asked, interrupting him, and focusing on what was important, pointing at the boat.
But danger lurks beneath the waves.
A perilous place where many meet their graves.
No. no.
Nikolas's eyes met mine and I shook my head, the fear eating up at my nerves and I stuttered, "She...she needs to get out," My voice barely made it out, breathless under the impact of my panic, "She needs to get out," It slightly got louder and when everyone stared at me in bafflement, I screamed, "She needs to get out of there now!"
I rushed forward toward the phone, "Emma, get out, now!"
The current tugs, a force unseen,
I was late.
A treacherous foe, a wicked scheme,
So fucking late.
Silence enveloped the whole room for one second, one second only, the same silence before the onset of a storm, one second before the loud reverberation of the explosion rumbled from the phone's screen and from the computer's speakers, it hit the four walls with a bang, echoing back as a torturous scream, one that broke through my eardrums and invaded my mind, clinging to it, and staying there as an unerasable memory.
To drag us down to depths unknown,
To make our bodies their final home.
The boat on-screen burst into flames, red and orange and blue and every color that resembled pain, agony, and torment.
Our lungs fill with water, our vision fades,
As we sink deeper, into the aquatic shades,
I clutched my chest, trying to catch my next breath but failed, my wide eyes on the screen, my ears felt as if stuffed with cotton and I was hearing every voice from beneath. I backed away, stumbling backward, and strong warm hands clutched into me, holding me steady.
Our heartbeats slow, our bodies numb,
As we succumb to the ocean's drum.
Everyone was on their feet, shock saturated the room, panic resided deep in everyone's bones and Nikolas called for Emma, non-stop, over and over again, "Emma!" He shouted, so loud, his voice ready to penetrate through the screen and travel miles away till it can reach her.
So heed the warning, and stay on land,
We should've stayed on land. We should've. We...I should've figured it out, I should've figured it out sooner.
"Emma, say something, please," Nikolas's panicked words squeezed my heart tighter, his eyes on the phone and he clutched into it with all his might, as if he could conjure her up from within the remnants of the explosion.
I clutched tighter into Chase, the tears drenching my face, waiting, anticipation, hoping...hoping for any sign of life from the other end of the line.
"Emma," Nikolas's voice was now so low, so desperate, so...broken.
We all held our breaths. Waiting, waiting...
Till the line went fully dead.
Heed
the
warning.
**********************************
Hey! It's me again!
How was the chapter? I hope you liked it. It was a mix of different various emotions. What do you think of what's happening and what could happen next?
What about Lilly & Chase? Christian? Nathan? And now Emma?
Don't forget to vote and comment. I love to read your little thoughts.
Love ya all! :)