No Wolf is Good, Darling…

MAX

I was waiting for her to wake up.

Even though I knew it would take some time, given her shock, I kept checking her pulse to make sure she was okay.

I was worried about internal injuries from when she was thrown off the bike.

I did all the checks I could, but our kind can heal from almost anything, so our pack’s hospital isn’t as advanced as human ones.

When she started to wake up, I was right there, holding her hand. She opened her eyes slowly, looking around.

She was clearly confused, which was expected. When she saw me, she smiled softly, but it faded quickly.

That’s when I knew she remembered, that she knew it was my wolf that caused the damage.

She whispered my name, but I had hoped she would be unsure. I was wrong to think that.

She pulled her hand away and tried to move away from me. I reached out to catch her, but she curled up, lifting her hands to protect her head.

I stopped touching her right away and got up from the bed. My wolf was hurt by her rejection, and so was I.

But more than that, I was worried. What if she was traumatized by what she saw? What if she was always scared from now on?

I got up from the bed and even moved away from her, which made my wolf whimper, but he wasn’t my main concern.

Estella was.

She thought I was going to hit her, and that felt like a punch in the gut. I knew I had to keep my distance and not try to touch her again.

She needed to feel safe.

I called my father to come as quickly as he could, and he said he would be there in about ten minutes because he was checking on Patrick to make sure he wasn’t poisoned.

Those ten minutes felt like forever, especially when I had to watch her pull away from me. I didn’t dare speak to her when she was clearly scared of me.

When my dad finally came in, I looked at him, hopeful, while he gave me a knowing and slightly scolding look.

He knew something like this could happen, and I couldn’t deny that I knew it too, but I had hoped that since my girl had been with us for so long, she wouldn’t be so horrified.

Hell, I would be horrified by something like that if I saw it, and I’m a grown man.

Sometimes, I forget that she’s just a kid and a human too.

Such things aren’t meant for children to see, whether they’re human or werewolf.

And seeing her family die when she was only six was traumatic enough. Letting her see me tear apart that rogue added to it, and it seemed to create a new fear.

My dad started talking to her softly, but she reacted the same way.

She even started whimpering, refusing to look at him, and when Patrick came in a few moments later, she completely lost it.

It broke my heart to see her like that, knowing it was my fault because I lost control.

No. I gave control to my wolf willingly because I was no better than he was.

There was no point in making excuses when the results of my actions were right in front of me.

I messed up, and the worst part was that I didn’t regret tearing that rogue apart.

I didn’t feel guilty at all. I would do it again and again and again to keep her safe.

The only thing I would change if I could was that she had to see that side of me. I could accept my dark side, but would she ever?

PATRICK

I didn’t know what was worse, seeing Estella look at us with pure terror when she looked up, or watching Max about to break down, feeling his pain as well as hers?

After trying to calm her down and failing, Uncle Howie called a nurse and asked us to come out with him.

I thought Max would argue because he clearly wanted to be with her, but he didn’t.

He was putting her first.

As we left, I looked back to see the nurse talking gently to Estella. She was still scared but let the she-wolf come near her. Then I realized that it was only us men she was afraid of.

It didn’t make much sense to me. Some packs don’t let women fight or train, but ours isn’t one of them.

Yes, there are more male warriors, but that’s because women usually focus on their pups after they find their mate.

That doesn’t mean we don’t have great female warriors. In fact, quite a few fought in this battle and did a lot of damage to the rogues.

“She’s asleep,” the nurse said softly as she closed the door ten minutes later.

“Is she okay?” Max asked, his voice shaky.

“Yes, doctor. She’s just shaken up, poor thing.”

After the nurse left, my cousin buried his face in his hands and growled in frustration.

“This is my fault,” he said, and how could I tell him he was wrong?

I didn’t say anything, because nothing could help him right now except Estella. But she needed help first.

It seemed like she felt safer with women around, so I called Eva and told her what was going on. Before I could ask, she offered to come and see Estella when she woke up.

“Max, you need to calm down,” my uncle said kindly but firmly. “Go home, take a real bath, and rest.”

“How can I when she’s like that?” Max yelled, his eyes red and his body shaking a little. “When we have to sedate her so she won’t freak out on us? On me?”

His voice broke on the last part, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t understand how much he was hurting. I didn’t know what I would do if I were in his shoes.

I knew I’d probably fall apart even more, being an alpha and all. For an alpha, the prospect of rejection from a mate is even more painful than it is for an ordinary wolf.

Not that Max was ordinary, but alphas tend to feel everything more intensely. My cousin, though, he never overdid anything.

He always kept his wolf under control. Except for that one time when he saw Estella in danger.

“You didn’t do anything that any of us wouldn’t have done in the same situation,” I finally said. “She shouldn’t have seen it, but what’s done is done.”

“You don’t get it, Patrick,” he responded, gritting his teeth.

“No. I don’t,” I conceded. “None of our kind has ever been in your shoes, and your lack of violent tendencies, which is unusual for a wolf, makes everything seem worse.

“But if you don’t pull yourself together, you won’t be able to regain Estella’s trust. You know that better than I do.”

He looked at me intensely. Then he closed his eyes briefly and nodded.

“I’ll go then,” he muttered.

“Go, son,” my uncle gave him a pat on the back. “I’ll let you know when she wakes up.”

After Max left, my uncle and I exchanged a look. Now all we could do was wait and see.

EVA

Sometimes I despise my powers. Despite my jokes about them not working on command, it’s that very unpredictability that drives me crazy.

Combine that with my pregnancy hormones, and you’ve got one seriously pissed-off luna.

Not only was I unable to fight alongside my alpha because of my pregnancy, but I also didn’t get any warning about the attack.

Nothing. No visions, no hints. Not even a twinge.

I was as surprised and terrified as everyone else. Yes, I admit that I’ve seen glimpses of a future with Patrick where we grow old together.

Or at least as old as our kind can get. But there’s no guarantee that this future will be the one waiting for us.

It’s the only thing that gives me hope that my most recurring vision won’t come true, despite the clear signs that there’s a high chance it won’t be prevented.

However, whether I was warned or not, I was relieved that the double attack on our pack and my father’s pack wasn’t fatal.

I hadn’t told Patrick yet, but the rogues had poisoned my parents. Thankfully, Max had sent our allies antidotes for every known poison, and they were saved before the effects could even show.

Max…

He was the one I was thinking about as I went to see Estella. She had woken up about five minutes ago, but no one dared to enter her room except the nurse who had sedated her.

Knowing that with all the panic and worry about Max and Estella, no one would think to call her family, I did it.

I had to because Lydia and Julian would be worried sick. I explained what had happened, emphasizing that Estella was unharmed.

But I couldn’t leave out the shock they would find their niece in when they arrived.

The walk to the hospital took longer than usual because even a she-wolf can’t move at her normal speed with a belly this big.

I’m sure I’ve gained more weight this time than in my two previous pregnancies combined.

Still, I tried to get to my young friend as quickly as I could.

When I entered her room, I found her pale and scared, but she didn’t turn away from me.

I awkwardly sat down on a chair near her bed and gave her a soft smile. She didn’t return it, which hurt.

I hadn’t seen her this upset in years. The last time was after her family’s funeral, and even then, she didn’t look as haunted.

“Sweetie,” I started gently. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” She shook her head.

“It might help.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. It was horrible, Eva.”

“I believe it was,” I agreed.

I hadn’t seen the rogue’s body, but Patrick told me it was a gruesome sight, and I believed him.

“I understand that you were scared. But things like that can happen in a battle. These rogues invaded our territory and my father’s territory, intending to harm us.

“They came to fight, and we had to fight back.”

“Your father’s territory?” she asked, frowning slightly. “Alpha Solomon’s?”

“Yes, sweetie. They attacked us simultaneously.”

“Is Caleb okay? And the boys?”

“We’re all fine, honey. Don’t worry. We’re safe, but to keep it that way, we had to fight those who threatened it.

“We didn’t ask for trouble. We just had to protect what’s ours. And that can get ugly and unpleasant.”

“You didn’t see what he did,” she whispered, shivering at the memory. “Max’s wolf. You didn’t see him. It was monstrous, Eva.”

Oh, Goddess! Max would be devastated if he heard her say that.

I knew that deep down, she didn’t mean it, but she was just a scared child who had seen more than she could handle.

I didn’t push her to talk more. I just let the others know that she wasn’t ready to see them yet. A few minutes later, Julian arrived to take her home.

UNKNOWN

She was silent as her uncle drove her home. On any other day, she would be scolded for her disobedience, but Julian didn’t have the heart to do it today, which was a small relief.

When they got home, they found Aunt Lydia waiting for them. She had made cocoa, hoping to cheer Estella up, but it was a lost cause.

Estella could barely manage two sips before she pushed the mug away.

In response to her guardians’ worried looks, she murmured, “I want to sleep.”

Aunt Lydia guided her to her room, helping her wash up and change into her pajamas. Not the usual gray T-shirt of Max’s she typically wore, but the matching pajama set Aunt Lydia had bought for her.

She didn’t even put up a fight. All she wanted was to close her eyes and dream of anything other than what she had seen.

But her sleep was restless, filled with tossing and turning, pulling at the pajama top because it felt wrong to wear it, especially after the day’s horrific events.

So, she discarded the unwanted clothing and slipped into Max’s shirt.

It always smelled like fresh laundry, just like him, and it confused her how this could be the most comforting scent in the world to her.

Shouldn’t it be unbearable now?

She couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that her Max, the person she loved and cared for the most, could also be the monster that had ripped another living being apart.

It didn’t matter that the other was a rogue or that they had tried to attack her. They were a living creature, and Max never hurt anyone.

He had taught her not to hurt anyone. So how could he do this?

The overwhelming mix of love, revulsion, and fear was too much, and the tears came quickly.

She had to let it out, and she did, crying until she fell asleep with the bedside lamp still on.

Her dreams were filled with nightmares. A massive, dark wolf with blood dripping from its snout was savagely killing a group of much smaller wolves that kept attacking him.

Then, for a moment, it stopped and stared into her eyes, baring its bloody teeth.

She woke up with a start, crying out, but froze when she realized someone was in her room.

She took a few panicked breaths, and then the scent hit her, the same one that clung to the T-shirt she was wearing.

As Max slowly stepped out of the shadows, Estella scooted back on her bed, pulling her knees to her chest and hugging them.

Was she still dreaming? A nightmare worse than before? Would he transform into his wolf form and devour her?

As if reading her thoughts, Max froze where he stood, giving her a pained look.

“I would never hurt you,” he whispered.

She avoided his gaze. She felt guilty for being afraid of him, for making him upset, but she couldn’t help it. What she had seen him do was haunting.

“I would never hurt you, Estella,” he repeated, louder this time, and moved closer. When he reached her bed, he knelt and sat on the floor.

“You killed that wolf,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.

“I did.”

“Why, Max? Why? I thought you were good,” she murmured, feeling tears well up in her eyes again.

“No wolf is good, darling,” he replied softly, and she looked at him.

Max had the most incredibly calm eyes she had ever seen, and one could easily lose themselves in their tranquil blue, but right now, he was looking at her with such a tormented expression that it nearly broke her heart.

“We are half beasts,” he said. “One side of us is bound to be more animalistic. More savage. I am good to you because I care about you very much.

“I am good to all the people I consider family. That’s how we all are. The rogues came here, to our home, to kill us.

“We had to fight them. All battles are like this in my world and yours as well. Kill or be killed.”

“This is wrong.”

“It is, and yet it’s the only way when it comes down to it. And that is why I tried to keep you away from the pack lately.

“Since you came, I had no choice but to go to extremes to protect you.”

“Is it my fault that you did that?” she asked, feeling her chest tighten. “That you…”

“No,” Max said firmly, “it was the rogue’s fault for trying to attack you and mine for not controlling myself as I should in your presence. It could never be your fault.”

“But I was there. I didn’t listen to you. I… if I hadn’t…”

“No, you didn’t listen to me, but I can’t blame you for wanting to see us. After all, you are still a child, Estella.

“Nobody expects you to think like an adult yet, but I wouldn’t want you to put yourself in harm’s way again. So next time, trust me, and I will not keep anything from you.”

She nodded slowly, trying to process everything, and then a question popped into her mind.

“Would you do it again?”

The moment the words left her mouth, she realized she didn’t really want to know the answer.

“Don’t make me lie to you, darling,” he replied with a sad smile. “Just know, there isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you, if anything at all.”

His eyes were filled with adoration as he looked at her, and a small smile found its way to her lips. She released her knees from her hold and stretched out her legs, still keeping her distance from him.

“Can you forgive me?” he asked, extending his hand cautiously.

She nodded again, but she didn’t take his hand.