prolog

My back hits the wall hard and a pained grunt wants to leave my mouth but I keep it shut, not wanting to give him the satisfaction.

"You don't even fucking know how to tie a tie! You're such a useless piece of shit!", my uncle booms and normally I'd flinch, like I did every time he raised his voice at me, but I don't.

I don't because after years of the same thing happening almost every day, you don't anymore.

That's just how it works, you get used to it. To the harsh words, to the shouts, to the pain.

And you learn. Learn what you should do and what you shouldn't.

Showing your pain is definitely a no no.

"No wonder you don't have any friends. You can't do anything right. Useless whore."

Face to face, he sees my jaw twitch and his lips pull into an ironic smirk. He knows he hit a soft spot, he always does.

He can read me like a book.

"Darling! Come down already!", my aunt shouts and Uncle Ray stiffens, finishing tying my tie.

"No word to anyone, son, you know the rules."

A curt nod from my side leaves him satisfied and I follow him out the room like the obedient puppy I am.

But the real puppy inside of me is furious and gets harder to control every day.

I close my eyes, let myself relax for a brief second, before stepping out the door, leaving my so-called home behind.

The dread from what's about to come makes it hard for me to really participate in the conversation my aunt, my uncle, and their daughter are having but when Ray throws me a sharp look, I hurry up to walk beside them.

The whole town is full of excited happy faces, the atmosphere is even more joyful and bright than usual and I put my head down, not wanting to see any pitiful glances my way.

Pitiful, disgusted, same thing by now.

As we arrive at the big place, the crowd is already forming and soon the whole pack is standing in front of the stage, where the alpha and the luna are currently talking to the beta of the pack.

My wolf can already sense them walking up the stage before you can even hear or see them and suddenly my heart beats loudly in my ears and my hands clench into fists.

Calm down, please. I try talking to my inner beast, hoping he can understand and listen to me, but as usual, nothing happens.

I only tense more when the two boys I was dreading so badly to see walk up the stage with smiles covering their faces.

Warm, welcoming smiles, filled with confidence and a sense of authority already, and when they scan the crowds, I force myself to look to the ground, not wanting to catch their eyes.

But I can feel their eyes on me. Just like I always did when I was younger.

"The look on their faces show how much you fucking disgust them, you cheap whore, just like you do everyone else",the mind-link has always been just another way for Ray to mock me.

He grips the back of my neck hard, only putting my wolf to edge more and I breathe in deeply, scared I might actually lose control.

No one ever taught me how to control myself and my inner wolf. No one bothered to help me, ever and with such a dominating wolf as mine I'm finding it difficult to even get ahold of myself.

And even tho I feel my wolf being protective of me, that's the only thing I get. Not comfort, no love, just this barely even there connection I feel at the rarest moments.

We are united in one feeling and that's anger. Undeniable and uncontrollable anger deep inside my chest burning along the pain I'm trying so hard not to show.

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen and thank you for showing up today. Not that I did expect any less", Alpha Cedric uses a playful tone, and the people around him all chuckle but everyone knows his words are serious.

Every pack member has to show up today, otherwise, they'd disrespect their new soon the be alpha and beta. Or Luna.

Or both. Since technically Levi was meant to be Adrians Beta since the day he was born but when they discovered that... that they are mates, he obviously became Luna as well.

Just the word mates makes me want to throw up.

"We all know why we found each other here at this specific place today. It's a really special day... I must admit tho, breaks my heart a little as well."

Another round of laughter and chuckles.

I can't help but frown a little since it is kinda heartbreaking in some ways. Alpha Cedric is the best Alpha I've ever crossed paths with and I respect him like no other. Mainly because the respect goes both ways.

"Please, let's get it over with."

Another round of laughter, but soon the atmosphere gets serious.

All sorts of emotions make their way into my body when I watch the two boys I once called best friends get crowned.

Sorrow, joy, bitterness, contentment...

But there's also pride. Because I am, I'm so fucking proud of them. If someone deserves it, then it's them, even if I wish I could stand by their side, show them how proud I really am.

And that's where all the sorrow and anger is coming from. Because I can't. And it's unfair.

The ceremony lasts another twenty minutes. Finally, the thing is done and the new Alpha and Luna of this pack stand on the stage with prideful faces.

"Adrian Crawford and Levi Adler, I now announce you as the new Alpha and Luna of this pack!"

My heart hurts. So does my head. My whole body is tense and my muscles start to burn.

Then there are my wolfs emotions that just consume my whole mind and body, that make me clench my fists and breath in heavily, make my chest rapidly sinking up and down.

He's so hurt. So angry. Jealous.

Slowly the crowd dissolves and the people begin walking into the pack house, where a feast is awaiting all of us.

Me and my uncle are some of the last people walking up to the big house and as I'm about to go up the stairs, my uncles' voice sounds in my head.

"They're so happy without you."

My wolf growls in my head and I shut my eyes, trying to control my breathing.

"Open your eyes. Look how happy they are."

I don't even know ehy I open them and do as he says, but his next words finally make me snap.

"They're better of without you. Just like your mother would've been. How your father is."

"Shut the fuck up!", I roar, pushing a surprised Ray down the three stairs he just climbed up, startling everyone including the pack members still outside the house.

My two supposedly best friends are one of them and suddenly all I see is red. My wolf takes control shifts midair and I find myself hovering over my uncle, barking my teeth in a way, everyone in the pack flinches.

My wolf is powerful, scarily so, even I can't control him anymore and from that moment on I barely remember anything that happens.

"Finally found the last bit of courage left in you, huh?"

My uncle doesn't seem to know when to shut the fuck up because the next thing I know, the beast bites into my uncle's shoulder, holding him up and throwing him at tree five meters away from him.

All while ignoring the scared shouts and threatening growls around him.

A nasty crack is heard and the next thing I know, the former alpha, pins my furious black wolf to the ground, not allowing him to move by an inch.

Even if he's powerful, Alpha Cedric has his under control and that's what makes him six times stronger than mine.

"Oh my god, Ray! Alpha he... he can't stand up, he can't move his legs!"

That's the last thing I hear before everything happens in a blur.

I'm forced to shift back, get thrown to the ground like a piece of trash and I would wince, but I don't and it feels like only seconds have passed but it actually was more than 20 minutes and I find myself surrounded by the most influential people of the pack.

Adrian and Levi one of them.

Alpha Adrian. Luna Levi. Or is it Beta? Or even Alpha?

"He paralyzed a fucking pack member, he should be killed, he-!"

I perk my head up and for the first time since I gained control over myself, I really seem to register the words I just heard and what's really happening around me.

I shake my head, not believing a word I just heard, scoffing, but I'm unsure, scared even.

"What, what did I do? Please tell me that's not-"

All I hear are my fellow pack members throwing words at me, words I'll never forget. The words register but my face stays the same way it always does, indifferent and impassive, just the way I was taught to by- by

I throw up. I wheeze and gasp for air until I can't anymore and that's when Alpha Cedric talks up

for the first time since everything happened.

"Son, I'm no longer Alpha off the pack, it's time to make your first real decision as an Alpha."

I hate Ray. I hate him with my whole heart. But I never thought my wolf would be able to do such a thing. He never liked me being hit, of course, he didn't. It made him feel weak and useless.

Now I know I said I respect Alpha Cedric more than anyone, I'm just so fucking disappointed in him for not noticing anything suspicious about my household, my uncle.

Because his words show that he's really clueless about the real shit going down at home and my stomach sinks, kinda foreseeing what's about to come.

For the first time in a long time I actually look Adrian in the eyes and I almost start crying right then and there, when I see the look on his face.

He looks at me like he doesn't know me. Not anymore. And that's probably one of the most hurtful things I'll ever experience.

"Father, please-"

"It's time, Adrian. You were prepared for this."

For what? What the hell was he prepared for? For something like this to happen?

Adrian thinks, a deep frown settled on his face. He looks at Levi, pleading with him to help him and I think he finds what he searched for because he looks back into my eyes and speaks the words that will forever be written in my brain.

"Rafael Cord, I Adrian Kai, Alpha of the crescent moon Pack, officially ban you from this pack's lands. From now on you'll be living with former pack member, Tristan Arnou."

And for the first time in a long time, I actually feel my face falling, showing the hurt and the horror I feel at that moment.

Adrian and Levi, the two people supposed to love and cherish me endlessly, finally look at me the way I see myself.

A monster.