10: It Wasn’t A Dream

“Nayth,” Ryst groaned, but it wasn’t pleasure; it was raw desperation. “Nayth, please.” It was early, not quite morning, and I had woken with her in my bed and pulled her back against me. She'd been sleepy at first, my right arm under her, wrapped around her waist as my hand traced her wet folds. She had helpfully coated herself in her favorite mango seed butter and had directed my fingers down where she wanted them. Then the pleading had begun.

My cock hard against her ass, I longed to give her what she wanted. Longed too much. So much longing. All the longing. All the years. “Please, Nayth. Fuck me.” I lifted her left leg, growled against her neck, and slid my fingers over her slickness.

Something in my mind went— I saw— what? She showed me her—her on her knees with me holding her hips up, thrusting and banging into her. That was what Ryst wanted. Needed. It made me groan. It was the dream. It was madness. I’d go mad and snarl and rage. The hunger raged in me. I tried to cage it. “No, Nayth. No, please. Don’t go away. Don’t stop it. Please, let it out! Don’t leave me here like this!”

Oh, clouds. Clouds! Agony. “I don’t know what to do, Ryst,” I groaned. I hadn’t even realized that I had moved us both like she wanted. I was over her, behind her. She was so small, and her panting face was pushed into the mattress. I was on my knees with my cock between her legs and my right arm holding her belly. “I don’t know what to do." It came out like a sob against her neck. She trembled. I trembled. There was so much emotion. It was worse than the dream. It wasn’t savagery. It wasn’t violence. It was years of anguished longing all coming out at once. She had been right. It was like reaching into every dark moment we’d been apart and shining a light on it. Every single moment I had missed her and hadn’t been able to do anything about it. All. At. Once.

We stilled for a moment. I breathed against her skin and let the soft scent of her fill me. I let myself be filled with Ryst. Methela— my life, my heart. She was with me. Finally. She needed me. She needed something in me that wasn’t quite savagery. She just—needed all of me. All of me. To let go. It was a pathless path. But I had to choose. Couldn’t I see that she was opening herself— all of herself to me? Was I just going to let her stay that way alone? Please, Nayth, I felt in my being. Fuck me, please.

I felt her. All of her. She was in me from my pubic bone to my throat. She wanted to fill me full of her until I overflowed, but she couldn’t force me. I had to choose.

It was— safe. It wasn’t dangerous. I couldn’t hurt her. I felt everything she felt. She was all love and hope and joy and freedom. And I could be free too, couldn’t I? If I just let go. Ryst let me choose.

I let go and sank into her. Yes, it was my cock into her wetness, but it was my self. It was the inner part of me. That inner wildness that I had thought was a monster. It had felt monstrous. But it was desire, reaching across the galaxy. Reaching for Ryst—my Methela— reaching to connect. And I reached back. I let go. I felt something surge from me. Warmth, desire, love, longing, need. All the need. I opened up to all that need— years and years and years of it. I let it rise and flow. I didn’t have to think; I just flowed with her. She filled me, and I filled her, and we would overflow.

It was rough. I was not gentle. I was a man, and she wanted a man to fuck her like a man fucks a woman—with wild abandon. Unchained! She kept demanding, “Harder, Nayth,” and I could feel it! I could feel what it felt like to be her, desperate for a man to fuck her, no holding back. Just free to fuck and fuck and fuck. I let go and grabbed her hips like she wanted. Her body sang to me, and I knew everything she needed, all the ways she wanted me to move. I groaned and let all the noise out. It just made her wilder, and her wildness made me surge. I felt what it felt like to have a vagina and to need a man to fill it.

Her body demanded that I push a palm of my hand against her lower belly and massage into her with the heel of my hand. When I did it, she moaned and pushed into me, like something she needed so desperately had finally happened. I felt it in my own belly. It was pleasure like nothing I’d ever known. I massaged her womb, and she opened us both up.

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I felt my pleasure, and I felt her pleasure. Our pleasure. It was one pleasure. I knew exactly how to touch her clit, and exactly the moment when we broke. And there was light. I exploded. No, we exploded. It was one orgasm. It wasn’t a man coming into a woman, it was one explosive impact. We tore from the inside out. Soulgasm, I felt Ryst scream in my mind. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t hear. I floated. Silver light. I floated in silver light, and I was aflame. We were aflame. Ryst was right. We were two stars colliding.

We were stars.

We were stars.

We were stars!

I came back down, back to myself and opened my eyes. I was on top of Ryst, crushing her into the bed so I started to get up. No. Don’t go. Not yet. Don’t leave. You’re not crushing me. I’ll tell you. Trust me? I hadn’t heard her voice. She was talking in my mind. I didn’t speak; I didn’t need to.

This is what I am, Nayth. I don’t need words, I felt her say. Her mental voice, it was so familiar, yet seemed like such a far away distant memory. Like a dream long forgotten then remembered.

It was a feeling more than anything else. I just knew what she meant. She didn’t have to use words. You hear me back? I asked. Amusement. We were merged. We were two and one. I saw a double helix in my mind. I wanted to look at her, and I felt her agree. I didn’t even have to say what I wanted, and she knew!

Shaking my head a little, I rolled over onto my back and pulled her languid body on top of me. I couldn’t help humming into her hair. This moment was everything, everything and so much more. It was better than the dreams and visions of her. We were connected. Fully. Still two people, but a union of body and mind and— what? Essence? Being? Our beings were intertwined?

I realized she had drifted off, and let my fingers trace gently over her back. Would I ever get enough of touching her skin? Hums escaped my chest. I didn’t want to wake her, but I was so content, and the song was in my soul. My heart! My heart! She had come to me, at last. Two stars had reached for each other across the galaxy, and we had collided. All I’d had to do was let go. Let her see all of me. See for myself all of me. All that I had been chaining had come rushing out, and she had caught it with love and acceptance. All of her, and all of me had connected.

My arms wrapped around her, holding her tight against my heart. I would let her rest, but it wasn’t over. We'd collided and something had happened. There had been silver light and stars. It wasn’t an orgasm; it was something else. Something so powerful it had taken me beyond our world. Was that what kept happening to Ryst when she went all dreamy-eyed and saw things I couldn’t see? Going somewhere so far away that I couldn’t make sense of it? What had happened to us? We'd fallen apart like strands of DNA and were being put back together into something new, but I had no idea what that something new was. I drifted off into the silver light. My life, my love, Methela. We were stars.

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I gently kissed Nayth’s neck, just above the collar bone. I would never get enough of his chocolate skin against my lips. I was full of him, and still wanted more. I was full of Nayth, of his—well, what should I call it? What was a sexy word? I chuckled against Nayth's chest.

“Something funny?” he hummed.

“I was just wondering why there aren’t any sexy words for semen? I mean, how am I supposed to describe it? Cum? Ejaculate? Spunk? All the words are unromantic.”

He chuckled into my hair, “I never know what’s going to come out of your mouth. And who are you describing it to, anyway?”

I cocked my head back, laughing throatily. “My journal! I want to remember this moment so I want to write it down!”

“You want to write about my cum?" he laughed incredulously.

“Oh, you have no idea, Nayth Carmidee! I like to research… and record… and describe…. You’re in bed with a wild woman! Tindin erotica extraordinaire. I have soooo many outrageous things to tell you! I didn’t spend all those lonely years wasting away.” I laughed and laughed.

I knew what he wanted. He thought he’d been hiding it from me, but every pound of his body into mine had sung “Marry me.” No longer hesitant, I was so full of him and so free of the past, and we had merged: mind, body, and being. My Ahtah had finally unchained himself.

I kissed my way up his neck, across his jaw, nipped his earlobe with my teeth, and whispered into his ear, “Nayth Carmidee, will you marry me?”

He was golden fire, surging all around, within me and without. Life and happiness overflowing. Astonishing. Free and alive, so alive. “The answer is always yes.Yes! Ryst, Methela, will you marry me? Don’t say no.”

I was aglow, silvery like a blade, gleaming through him, spilling out around us. “The answer is always yes, Ahtah.”

I felt his whole being sing with joy, Wife, my wife, my wife, and it was true. I always was and always was going to be. I was his, and he was mine, and he could call me “wife” all he wanted. Methela. My wife!