11

Graham Birch

The meeting really raised several questions for me. Who was that woman that Spencer talked to? Why did she cry at one point? And on the way back home, Spencer suddenly felt... happy about the future.

The 4th of July came around. The large yard that surrounded Spencer's home was converted into a block party. Many people came, all bringing their own fireworks and wearing patriotic gear.

"The turnout is amazing." Spencer said.

"Country folk love two things: Farming and the US. This is just the first hour. In a bit, they'll all get drunk and loud." I said.

Spencer patted my shoulder. "No drinking for you tonight, big guy. Remember last time?" He asked.

"To be fair," I leaned closer to his face. "That was the spark that led us to dating. I'm just saying." I reminded him.

"I guess." He rolled his eyes. He planted a kiss on my cheek. "I got to go greet the guests. Keep an eye out on things." He said.

Spencer walked away to the front yard. I leaned against a brick wall. The smell of hot dogs and sweet lemonade ran through my nose. I was sweating and wiped my forehead with my shirt.

"Graham!" Freddie yelled. He walked over to me and patted my back. "Some party, eh! Looks like city kid knows a thing or two about throwing a function."

"You underestimate him, Freddie." I replied. He handed me a cup of lemonade.

"You looked parched. Drink something before you pass out." He said. He assured me there wasn't anything in it.

"Thanks," I replied. I took a sip of lemonade. Spencer had contacted some farmers and paid them to make natural lemonade.

"So, listen, Carola told me that Spencer is queer. Is that true?" Freddie asked.

I coughed up my drink.

"Uh, what? Are you drunk right now, Freddie?" I wasn't going to out Spencer if he didn't want anyone to know.

"Not yet," He winked. "I don't have a problem with it. Just something that I heard."

"I have to go check on Juniper." I said. Freddie leaned back on the wall. I handed him my empty cup and walked to enter the inside of Spencer's house.

Juniper laid on the couch and slept. He had run around earlier when the first round of guests came and tired himself out.

"Juniper." I whispered as I pet his soft hair. "Tonight is the 4th of July. I'll try not to freak out again. But I can't make any promises."

He began to lick my hand as if he knew I needed to calm down.

I've had a disdain for the 4th of July for 8 years. Every year, I try to move on from what happened, but it only gets worse. I wish I could be one of those people who moves on but instead I stay stuck in the past.

"Graham?" Spencer called out.

"In here!" I called out. He entered and quickly sat on the couch.

"Jesus, it's so fucking hot outside." He groaned. The collar of his shirt was already stained with sweat.

"Ain't used to the heat?" I asked with a smirk.

He signaled to his red face. "I grew up in SoCal but stayed indoors most of the time."

I stood up and grabbed a few ice cubes before putting them in a bag and wrapping it in some paper towels. I placed it on his forehead.

"That feels nice." Spencer said.

My phone began ringing. I excused myself, went to a random room and answered the call.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Just wanted to check on you. I know what today is and all." My sister replied.

"You know what? I think this year I'll be better. I haven't been freaking out as much as the years before." I replied.

"Still, I'm worried about you. Graham, why didn't you join us for the 4th? I could've kept a close eye on you." She questioned. It was like her to always want to check on me. She's the only one I got.

I let out a sigh. "Spencer needed me."

"Oh, your boyfriend? Well, I understand. But will he be able to protect you when your thoughts get to you?" She asked.

"I don't know, Rebecca. But I feel safe around him. And for the first time since her, I actually feel happy. Seeing him has become the new highlight of my day." I said.

"I would love to meet this man. He sounds like he's your knight in shining armor."

"More like knight in soft Ralph Lauren." I replied jokingly. Rebecca let out a small chuckle.

"Just in case those thoughts come, make sure you find yourself a quiet room with Juniper. And remember, Graham. It's all in the past. They won't hurt you again."

"Got it," I replied.

"Bye, Graham. I'll talk to Amir about visiting you some time soon."

"Please do. I want you to meet Spencer." I said. We said our goodbyes before hanging up. I leaned against the door and looked outside. The sun was going to start setting soon and the fireworks would start.

I returned to the living room and saw Juniper and Spencer sitting next to each other and looking out the window.

"What are you two doing?" I asked.

"I think Juniper saw a cat and now I'm helping him find it." Spencer replied.

My wandering eyes began to travel down Spencer's back and to his bottom. His shirt was slightly raised, exposing a bit of skin. The heat had allowed sweat to build up there.

As if he knew I was watching him, Spencer gave his bottom a small wiggle. It was strange for a man to have a bottom this beautiful. I almost wanted to touch it.

"It's here!" Spencer shouted. I stepped back, not noticing I had gotten too close to him.

"Uh, what's here?" I asked.

"The fireworks! I have to go now. Keep an eye on the party." He said. He kissed me on the cheek. "Bye! Catch you during the show."

Spencer quickly walked out of the house. I looked at Juniper before looking down at how hard I was. I knew I wasn't going out like this.

The fireworks were almost ready to set off. In the distance, all the fireworks that Spencer and other people brought were set up and would be lit up. Then, those far away would watch the show.

Kids ran around with sparklers and the adults drank beer and chatted loudly.

"Are you ready?" Spencer asked me.

I gulped hard. "Yeah, sure." I replied. In reality, I was shaking in my seat.

Spencer pulled out his phone and typed something.

"There. It should be starting in a few seconds." Spencer said.

It was about ten seconds when the first firework went off. It was one of the smaller ones and quickly caught the attention of everyone. The kids all sat in on the grass while the adults began to film the spectacle.

The fireworks started off slowly. Each pop rang in my head. I grabbed Spencer's hand for comfort. But I think he just assumed I grabbed it to be romantic.

"Oh, look! It's one of the big ones!" A person shouted.

A red flare rose into the sky and created a banshee-like noise. Then it burst into an even bigger red spark. The red light shone directly on us. I turned and saw Spencer's face was lit red as he looked in awe.

"Pretty, right?" He asked me. I nodded.

"Y-Yeah." I muttered.

Please, Graham! It isn't what it looks like!

I leaned back and placed my fingers in my ears. It's just my head.

Listen to me, Graham! I can explain!

Shut up. Shut up! Shut up!

Another large firework popped. This one was blue. Several more emerged. Pop, pop, pop. The area around reflected the different colors. And this overstimulation mixed in my head and combined with my conflicting thoughts.

Give me another chance and I'll do better, please!

"I'll be right back." I quickly said to Spencer. I didn't even wait for his response as I left my chair and entered the house.

As soon as I entered the house, I walked around and found Juniper on the couch. He perked up and quickly ran over to me and began to lick my face.

"Hey, Juni. I'm sorry, but I need your help." I told him.

Juniper and I walked into Spencer's room and entered his bathroom. I shut the doors and windows and huddled with my dog in the bathtub.

"Juni." I muttered as I placed my head in his fur. I couldn't hear the fireworks anymore. But I still felt on the verge of falling apart.

I tried this time to forget and be strong. The scar from that time, however, still bleeds to this day.