disaster.

I'm a disaster

he called last night,

he was drunk again

and I'm a mess

I didn't eat,

I can't sleep again

tell me what to do

I would like to be the woman

you have always dreamed of

the one who comforts you,

makes you smile,

the one who knows how to treat,

how to touch you

but look at me

I'm a disaster

and he screamed so loud

that I still hear it in my dreams

I can feel how it's slowly

falling apart in me again

and

more than ever

I want to be the woman

you are proud to have beside you,

the one you can't stand with a look into her green-brown eyes

I always wanted to personify your sense of happiness,

I wanted to be the support you always needed

but look at my heart,

do you feel the weakness?

I always wanted to be strong,

wanted to show you how much I care,

how much I would do

as long as it makes you feel better

but here I am

after he called me

drifting apart in an ocean of thoughts, burning like lightning light in my green-brown eyes

I get blinder with every minute

after six months,

hundreds of kilometres

and so many tales about the future

he still picks me up

and destroys me

how could I be any of the things you want,

anything of what you deserve,

if I can barely save myself?

in my body

I'm a disaster,

and

nobody sees how my world is tumbling,

how much my ground is shaking

looking at my body

I feel the cuts,

the parts of myself

he touched

and the parts of my soul

that still ache

and yes,

I am screaming

yes,

I am breaking

and I don't even have a clue,

if anyone will ever notice

what's behind these words

pain, pain, pain

is all that I am feeling

I am bursting

and I need you to hold me

just seconds

to distract me from this horror

distract me

my mind doesn't know the difference between memories and dreams, doesn't seem to notice the difference between the truth and fears

in my head

there is no rule to don't hurt the other, to be friendly or play with fair methods

it's pure chaos, war, fulfilled emptiness

my mind can't distinguish between desperate wanting and real possibilities

all I need is to stop the movies in my head

I would like to sleep again, but

I need someone to be gentle,

to touch the places I feel the greatest weakness

I need you to show me

that I am as strong and powerful as ever

I need you to tell me how beautiful I am with these scars

I need you to show me

that I deserve to be loved

change my mind,

show me the differences

take my disaster

and create a story out of it,

take my body

and carry me through the night

until your lovely words slip into me like a flood of milk and honey,

take care of my body

and treat me like every touch of yours is worship

I need someone

who declares

that I am the woman of her dreams

the one she would never let go

and maybe

some people do have better offers than me

maybe there a girls

that look better,

those with money or

those who didn't ever feel what I am feeling know,

maybe you want someone more talented, someone with more intellect

maybe you don't even want a woman

but look at me

I'm a disaster

and a sure as that goes

I know that there's no disaster on earth

that could do the things to you that I can

the good and the bad

and maybe we're both not as different as it seems

turn this poem around

what would you want me to answer?