Chapter 2- Philippines

Rhainne Jhammira Alethea Lopez

I can't sleep. I mean I'm not sleep.

How can I calm my mind when those memories keep creeping back, as vivid and sharp as if they happened just yesterday? The weight of them presses down on me, replaying in endless loops, each one cutting deeper than the last.

I try to push them away, to breathe and let go, but it’s like they’ve woven themselves into the fabric of who I am, impossible to untangle. Each flash feels so real, as if time hasn’t passed at all. How do I find peace when the past refuses to stay buried?

I breathed in when Butler Kim said that we just arrived.

"Where's the car?" I raised my brows.

Ang init talaga dito.

I'm here. I'm back in this country. I'm back from where everything happens. Masyado bang mababaw iyon para palipasin nila ng ganon?.

Maybe not, or maybe yes. The way Lolo acted yesterday—so sure, so certain—felt like a calculated move, a silent challenge, as if he knew exactly how to draw me back into this place.

He wants to fix everything? Psh sinong niloko niya? I know that he's up to something and I need to know what it is. Hindi siya basta bastang uuwi lang dito at kailangan niya pa talaga akong isama.

If this is a challenge for him I need to win.

This devilish plan of him will break me—surely. But not this time.

"It'll arrive sooner, young lady" magalang nitong sagot saakin

After 5mins the car arrived and sumakay na agad ako I'm not really good at waiting, my patience is not really long enough.

"Young Lady, are we going to stop in your home? I mean Mister Ry's house "

Tinignan ko sya. Is he joking cause it's not funny

Didn't know that butter Kim is insensitive.

Didn't expect that I would hear that name sooner than I expected. Facing the truths really hurt though.

"Stop asking me a question like that."- I coldly stated and look away.

Wala pang isang araw hindi ko na kaya. I want to go back in US. I already miss that country but now I'm stock here.

It's the deal that's motivating me from staying here.

"My fault young lady. Be assured that it won't happen again"

I didn't answer him and look at our way to distract myself. I can't bare having an anxiety attack again lalo na't parang matatagalan pa ang pagsunod ni Zhera saakin.

"Young Lady we're here" sabay tingin sa salamin na nasa harap ko

Agad akong bumaba pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon. As I get out of the car ramdam ko na agad ang init ng Pilipinas.  Parang mas lumala ang temperature nila.

"Where's my room?" tanong ko dito pagkatapos kong pumasok sa loob and gladly nakasunod ito saakin

"Aren't you going to tour around young lady?" Tinignan ko ito ng napakalamig dahil sa sinabi niya

"Just tell me where my room is" irritation is starting to burn inside me

"Second floor with black lining in the door young lady and here's the key young lady. And sorry again for inconvenience" agad kong kinuha ang susi at tumango dito bago tuluyang hanapin ang pinto na tinutukoy niya

As I entered my room I was amazed by how it made. Maybe I was mesmerized by the color of it.

My phone rang. It's unknown number. As a person who has a trust issue I didn't bother answering it but it's been calling again and again so I answered it

"Who's this?" I firmly asked to the other person.

I swear if this caller doesn't have a good worda to say.

Sa lahat ng pwedeng matawagan ako pa ha. I just arrived at may unknown caller na agad. Don't tell me nalaman na agad ng mga kalaban ni Lolo na nakauwi na ako.

"Nothing changed. You're still the same Rhainne Jhammira Alethea we know. I heard you're already here in the Philippines. Oh By the way I'm here down stairs Butler Kim let me enter." Oh crap, they already know?!

What did I expect? Of course Lolo would tell them immediately. I should’ve known. A sense of frustration bubbled up within me.

Iniipit talaga ako ng matandang iyon.

My heart pounded, each beat loud enough to drown out my thoughts.

Tears welled in my eyes, though I fought to keep them not to fall. How could he have done this? Didn’t he understand?. Didn’t he care? Damn you Old man.

My calmness was now triggered and I'm starting to weaken by the fact that someone is here.

I'm not stupid for me not to be familiar with that voice. Kahit matagal ko na hindi naririnig iyon

"Didn't you miss me?. Are you still there?" that voice..... it's always that voice.

Her figure suddenly flash in my mind. Her hair. Her face. Her smile. Everything

Fuck you Old man.

I shouldn't trust his words. Dapat hindi ako naniwala na hindi niya sinabe sa mga ito.

I let out a heavy signs

"Why are you here?" The words escaped my mouth before I could stop them, cold and sharp, like a knife cutting through the silence. I didn't even hesitate.

The disappointment is too much to bear today. My heart feels like it's sinking, overwhelmed by the weight of everything that's gone wrong. I just want to escape. Can this day end already? I need a break, a moment to breathe, to forget for just a little while.

That old man nakakarami na siya sakin at hindi ko pa siya nasisingil sa mga yon. Iniipit niya talaga ako sa mga sitwasyon na ganto. Damn him!

"My little sister doesn't miss me?" patanong nitong saad, her playful voice again, I rolled my eyes.

Little sister my ass.

I didn't hesitate to end the call at agad na naglakad pababa bumungad saakin ang babaeng nakatalikod na nakasuot ng black trouser pants, maroon long sleeve off shoulder and a 3 inch heels with her not too short but not too long hair.

Naramdaman niya atang nasa baba na ako kaya humarap ito. Bumungad saakin ang nakangiti niyang muka. Nothing's new, always the happy one.

"You're really here," she said, her smile lighting up her face as she slowly took a step toward me. Without warning, she wrapped her arms around me in a hug.

I froze. My body went stiff, caught completely off guard. It felt like time had stopped, my heart pounding in my chest. I couldn’t move, couldn’t think straight. This was the first time she had ever hugged me—for so long and I wasn’t prepared for the wave of emotions that crashed over me.

This is familiar. This hug feels familiar

And I hate to admit the fact that I'm craving for this.

Zhera. What should I do now?

I breathe in as I suddenly remember everything that Zhera said before.

Hindi naman nagtagal ay kumalas na rin siya sa pagkakayakap saakin.

She looks at me but her smile never fades away. How could she do that? Still smile even though she's disappointed?

I know that emotion in her face.

"I'm glad that you're back" that made my eyes squint

If you only knew that I was forced to here in front of you.

I didn't answer her.

"What's with that look?"

"It's old man"

Her eyes were starting to ask "Lolo"

"Right. He's a old man na nga pala" nakangiti nitong sagot.

Tinignan ko naman ang dala nito na ngayon ay hawak niya.

"Oh, by the way," she said, her voice bright with excitement. "I brought you food. Come on, let’s eat. I know you haven’t eaten yet." She smiled and led the way to the kitchen, where everything was already set out.

She hadn’t even bothered to change. It was just like her—always so eager to cook and serve me, to take care of me in that way. A part of me missed this so much, more than I could admit. But I couldn’t let her know. I couldn’t let my guard down.

"What food is this?" tanong ko ng makita ko ang nasa lalagyan muka kasing hindi familiar sakin eh or naninibago lang ako.

I mean familiar siya but I can't remember what this food called. Yah know that I been gone for decades. Isa pa hindi gantong pagkain ang kinalakihan ko buti nga at natuto pa akong magsalita ng language dito

"It's adobo, sinigang and pork steak" turo nito sa mga pagkain na inihain niya

I nodded.

Gosh. Kelangan kong masanay na puro black yung food. I mean the adobo and pork steak is the color black?.

Nilagyan niya naman ako ng pagkain sa pinggan.

"Hanggang ngayon tahimik ka parin"

I didn't respond perhaps I don't know how. I don't even know what to say. I couldn't find the right word to utter.

"Rhianna" she once mentioned my twin sister name that caught my attention

What is it again?

Every name that's been mentioned today is a flashed of memories that are coming into my mind all of a sudden.

And I know that this is not a good sign.

I really know that it is not.

And perhaps I might need Zhera sooner that I expected.

"She missed you. Actually she wants to see you. Not only her but all of us. When will you go to our house?"

I didn't answer.

Our house. Am I even welcome?. It's been 12 years since I last go there. Masyadong matagal na kung iisipin and yet here I am still bounded by the past. Everybody moves on but me? I don't know. I feel like I'm stuck.

"I-it's fine if you don't want to—for now. But I hope to see you there soon"

I can feel na labag sa loob niya iyon, wala rin naman siyang magagawa kung pipilitin niya ako.

I don't understand myself anymore

I want to move forward but damn it it's so hard.

That's why Zhera was here to help you.

Zhera is here.

Ilang taon pa ba ng pag therapy and sessions? Nakakasawa naring bumalik sa lugar na yon but it's soothing at the same time.

(A/N): please vote 🫶🏼