56. Beast - part 1

Chapter Soundtrack:

Disturbed - Down With The Sickness

Dedicated to stellina79 for the song choice!

🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵

Note that Nova's change is positive and Zaryn's is very very ... feral and violent.

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Hey!

So i have a lot of Cova shippers and a lot of cova haters lol i also have a lot of Zova shippers lol idk which ship names you guys r using but i see many.

But none of you know how this will end! Some have guessed.

But i always change my mind. I however will not change my mind just because one person doesnt want it to end a certain way so they say they are not going to read anymore lol. Like srsly? Bye!

Read the a/n at the bottom

I dont want to bore you with my rant before the chap! :D

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Two months later

(2 months after Zaryn's pov in the chapter titled, Pack. Two months into the three month time period that Nic was given to train. Same time frame as the previous chapter in Nova's POV, warrior.)

This is Gabriel. The General from Dark Moon.

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Zaryn

Early morning, the air still moist with dew.. The sun was rising slowly beyond the horizon, streams of light breaking through the fog, evaporating as the chill remained in the air. Nearly bare trees surrounding the open meadow used to train warriors, the far west portion open. Visible for miles. A vast meadow. Colorful leaves in various shades covered the ground due to the fact that autumn was in its prime.. one month left until winter began. it was getting cooler day by day.

I watched as Gabriel taunted me from the opposite side of the training feild, his dark eyes challenging me to come for him. His age, nearly double mine at 40.. he was a lot more experienced..  but i had the power. The Alpha blood.

Gabriel is the General of Dark Moon... the one my distant cousin, Alpha Maxim sent to train me as a favor to my mother.

If only she had known who would be coming..

He had this smirk on his face that i itched to make disapper. My wolf wanted to rip his throat out but I had to force his instincts down.. take control. I had to constantly remind myself that he was the reason for my progress.. my wolf recognjzed that.

"What's wrong you little pup?" Gabriel called out. His chocolate eyes glinting  with amusement as that devious smirk appeared once more. "Im waiting.. right here. Arent you going to come get me? Or are you thinking about that mate of yours? Whats her name?" He pretended to think.. my wolf growing angry.

His arms crossed over his bulky tattooed chest, no shirts for us today since we shift to fight sometimes. Shorts only. We could stand the weather. "Ah yes! Nova... i bet she is one hot piece of ass. She's probably fùçking Conrad right this instant ." He grinned devilishly.

I felt my walls lower, allowing the wolf to make himself known as anger radiated inside of me like a hot furnace. My hands clenched inton fists, my teeth grinding as i met his taunting gaze with my own, filled with so much hatred. He hadnt used this line yet. It was a touchy subject, nova.

"Yes..." his smirk turned into a grin.. "i bet that sexy female knows how to give a good-"

Letting out a roar, i ran for him at full speed. He laughed loudly as he hunkered himself in place.. ready for me. But instead of barely being able to make him stumble like i used to when he first got here.. now i made him fly.

My body collided with his, throwing him to the ground which took him off guard, my fists pounded on him over and over with all my strength as he blocked and dodged the first two, catching the third and fourth in the jaw before he kicked out into my gut, sending me skidding across the wet grass on my ass. Wanting so bad to release the beast on him, i tried my hardest to fight it.. my veins popping out in my neck from the pulsing rage.

I knew what he said wasnt true because i would have felt it if she had done anything with anyone.. but it doesn't mean i liked to hear it.

Snarling at him, i jumped up and advanced quickly as he stood, staring with a cocked brow.

His experience made him such a hard trainer.. it made him twice as capable as me. If i could take him down, I could take my father down.  And that's what i was planning. Thats what we have been working toward secretly.

My father didn't know but my mother did. She wanted me to have my birthright... as did Nic. She was power hungry.

Meanwhile, my father was training Nic to become next Alpha  as planned.. At least he would receive his rightful training out of all of this.

I only had one more year of Alpha training in the north until I would be ready.... Now im getting four months worth and then some, in two.

"Now Zaryn you know i was only joking. If you try to kill me, you wont have anyone to train you. We've been through this." His deep voice sounded non chalante as I got up in his space, my hand shooting out, closing around his neck.

Quickly his knee rose, but i dodged his attack. His fist met my kidney, my body bending over and i was being flipped on my back, his foot stepping on my chest as he peered down with his infamous smirk. "And now you're out. Come on boy. You have a month left. You need to be able to get me down."

Growling, i glared up at him, keeping my wolf locked inside.. and  my muscles relaxed so he wouldn't sense my next movement.

"By the way Zaryn.." he bent over.. his dark eyes laughing at me. "How about when you lose this challenge with your dad, that i take Nova off your hands.. show her what a real male feels like. Oh. Wait. You dont even have her to give." He chuckled darkly.

Something inside me snapped... almost like my insanity as a loud rumble reverberated from my chest.

My hands shot outward, twisting his foot and bringing him down to the ground as I climbed on top of him.. my fist raining down with each word, "Dont. bring.  her.  up.  again." My voice was deeper now.. more masculine. i punched him in the face upon every syllable, cartilage and bone cracking under the force.

Angry now, Gabriel wiped the blood from his nose and punched me dead in the throat, making me gag. He threw me off him but i was on him again in no time. Screaming out my rage and fury as the mindless monster in me took out his anger.. needing to make him feel the pain .. beating him with both my fists.. i was enraged.. a maniac as i took my fury out on him. All my built up agression exploded as my throat went raw with how i was roaring at him.. blood flying from his face as it tossed back on both my fists.

He came back at me, trying to take me down but whatever i felt inside me.. the strength my wolf was feeding me.. it wasnt letting me stop. I wasnt going to take his hits without sending two more. I felt my ribs crack under a forceful punch but i didnt flinch. I just kept raining down on him like the fury of hell... my eyes seeing Blake under me instead of Gabriel.. thinking of how his actions has made me pushed me to become weak.. pushing my mate to not want me.

Something is wrong with me.

I couldn't stop. I couldn't control myself.  Nova was my trigger.. he said the wrong thing. I could feel my wolf.. his power mixing with mine as I broke Gabriels nose and his cheekbone with the force of my blows. He was fighting me off but barely. I was getting the better of him.

His hands pressed on my chest and into that broken rib, pushing me as hard as he could backwards, away from him. I went flying on my ass once more.

"Fůçk! Stop!" He roared at me as i collapsed on the ground, panting.. my chest heaving. The adrenaline disguising my broken bones. He's a hard hitter but i was born to be stronger.  I just needed him to bring it out of me.

I reeled the demon beast back in as i leaned up, peering at him. His face was coated in blood. Hand over his nose, bringing it back up to sew bood coated the skin, he pushed himself up, his eyes finding mine.. surprise and anger mixing as he stared down at me.

My heart was beating out of my chest. I dont exactly know what just happened...

I just know i couldn't stop. I couldn't feel his hits. I couldn't feel anything but blind rage.

He wiped his arm over his face, confused as he smeared the blood into his jet black hair.. disbelief written all over his features. "What the hell was that boy?"

Pushing myself off the ground, i felt that broken rib.. but i ignored it, my stare long and hard.. "Dont ever mention her again." I ground out of clenched teeth.

I was clamer. As calm as a violent wolf like me can get.

A slow smirk spread on that busted and bruised face of his, "i think we found your trigger." He winked, ignoring his broken cheek bone as he walked off, leaving me there to stare at his back.

Catching up to him, i felt that broken bone as the others bounced on top of it with every step from my jog.

I liked it.

Call me a sadist but that pain made me feel something more than numb. It made me feel alive. "What do you mean trigger."

He side glanced me, his height two inches shorter than my own. Those serpentine eyes gauging me as he spoke, bending down to grab our water bottles where we first started out.

"Your trigger. The thing that makes you snap. The thing that makes you lose your sanity. Yours is your mate. So was mine.. your mother. Now use it. Use it to your full advantage. Id be lying if i said i wasnt surprised but you just shocked the hell out of me, boy." He shook his head, taking a swig of his water with his busted lips before letting the cold liquid wash down his face, clearing the blood spatter away.

I find i liked the look of blood now.

He smirked a little bit it was off. his cheek had fallen slightly due to the broken bone beneath. He caught me staring at his swollen face, his brow raising.

"You dont look any better cheif. Reign it in." Another smirk.

My hands instinctively went to my face and i felt the sting on my eye, lip and cheek. But nothing was broken.

Shrugging it off, it was like any other day on the field.

Except this time i caught him off guard. I surprised him. Thats something. I can work with that.

"Come on. Its getting time to head back. We dont want anyone seeing you out here. We dont need any other males deaths on your hands today and they are all about to be heading this way for training." He met my blank stare with amusement.. "You're on your way kid."

An idea sprung in my head.. but i didnt think i was ready yet. Im not ready for that yet. But maybe I was ready for a challenge or two...

The cool morning autumn air sent goose bumps along my bare chest walking back through the woods. i stayed silent as did he. I didnt see the use in making small talk anymore.  He understood and agreed. An easy wolf to get along with. No need for niceties.

Its been two months since he's been here. Two months exactly.

My skin side has gotten stronger to the point that my wolf no longer takes full control in my mind or in my body.. But my wolf is still just as strong as he was two months ago. Only now my skin side is on the same level.

More testosterone.

Daisy and Doc, the way they explained it.. they said my wolf had absorbed my skin side's strength. That if i became stronger mentally and physically, I would reabsorb that strength from my wolf. That dominance.

What they didnt tell me...what they didnt know. What Gabriel did know.. was that it was possible for my wolf to keep that strength, and for my skin to become just as strong, if not stronger.

And thats whats happened.

It happened to Gabriel as well, when his mate rejected him for being too weak for her families liking.

That female was my mother... Gabriel was her true moon given mate.

He became weaker after her rejection.. until he built himself up into the male he is now. An agressive male.

He has been training me non stop for two months. Ive broken the barrier.. he said it would take longer but i have surprised him.

My skin side is so strong now. So capable. Just in two months ive changed so much. My body has changed.. muscles are building up in places I never knew they could.. my arms are thicker.. more muscular from all the weight training Gabriel makes me do. my torso is ripped from thousands of hours of sit ups, pulling fallen trees with ropes attached to my own body.. the harder stuff no human can do.. my legs and thighs are rock hard. My back is bulking up. I am almost more than my own father now. Almost.

My body is stronger, yes. But my mind is twice as strong as well. With the help from Daisy and Doc, i was able to get in touch with my feelings.. come to term with everything that had happened since Grace. Since i got her pregnant.

My wolf had been so possesive over his pup and his mate but now i see how those two things could have never meshed. The wolf has gone crazy not having his mate.. which is why he lashed out so many times before Gabriel came here. in every sense.

Now i have him under control.. we still miss Nova.  We both think about her and her wolf all the time. I want her here.. it would help my wolf and i both.. but now there is more on our mind. Our Alpha blood has made us power hungry for more.. more of everything. And now im the one in charge again. Not him.

It all started with me wanting to become stronger, to be a better wolf for Nova.  For my mate. But with Nic's impending doom, my wolf and I decided on a different direction.  We would become stronger... but our reason for it would multiply.  We would do it for Nova. And to help me cope.. bring my two sides together in harmony.... And we would do it for power. For revenge against my father. Gabriel was on board with that idea.

"Does that rib not bother you, boy?" Gabriel peered up at me as we wandered through the woods back to our cabins.

I spared him a glance, shaking my head 'no'.  I couldn't feel much of anything. Id been beaten so much by him, only to heal the next day and start again, that ive become numb to most things.  And internal pain i enjoyed.. it gave me something to feel other than weak. I never want to feel weak again. My parents thought I was out of my mind when I decided to get a few tattoos.. a large one over my shoulder that went down to my bicep.. our pack tribal symbol. Another large one on my back.. I recieved the warrior symbol on my inner bicep from Gabriel himself.. and a special tattoo that males get when they are mated. One that sits right below my waistband on the center of my abdomen. An infinity symbol.

I may have gotten my lip pierced as well. I was becoming addicted to the pain.

Im emotionally numb now. During Daisy's therapy, i came to terms with the fact my father's sins have caused so much trouble for me. Anita had caused so much trouble for me as well but shes dead now. Grace.. she had caused me to push Nova to the point of no return but if it wasnt for Anita.. none of it would have happened. My wolf caused me problems too but all in all it was me. I was never strong enough. I let everyone tell my skin what to do. Now my wolf is the ring leader.. i allow him to communicate his wants or needs.. and we compromise.

But Anita still remains on my mind.. the things she did..

I wish i could kill her myself. All over again.

I cant find joy in anything anymore. Except fighting. Thats the only thing that brings my wolf and i any sort of enjoyment. That.. and memories of Nova and I together.

Im too agressive now with all the testosterone running through my system. I cant manage to just hang out with friends like i used to.. not with the males wanting to challenge me. My dad has kept me out of sight from other pack members because of not only the challenges but the fact my wolf and I are constantly on edge. We are always assesing situations.. never calm. Even Eden and Nic can't be around me much because their wolves feel uneasy.

I dont blame them.

My wolf doesnt consider them a threat but the fact we are always on high alert makes them cautious.. uncomfortable. My dad and Gabriel are the only wolves that can be around me, but my wolf and i want to destroy my dad every time we set eyes on him so his visits have stopped a little over a month ago.

He doesnt know how far I've come.

My mom comes sometimes... when Gabriel isnt with me. I harbor feelings against her as well... for lying to all of us.. for the things she did to Gabriel that no one knows of.. but i would never attack her. My wolf can't tolerate the thought of killing a female. Teaching submission, we can do. But killing.. fighting.. it will never happen.

Gabriel is the only one besides Daisy and Doc who i can be around who can tolerate the dominance I give off. He can handle me and I can push the urge to kill him down..  Even then, i still want to hurt Gabriel most of the time for the way he taunts. But my wolf and I know he is the reason we are stronger.

Daisy has become more motherly to me than my own mom.. and Doc is like a step father in a way. His wolf recognizes i am stronger so he cant look me in the eyes much anymore, but he knows I wont hurt him. He and Daisy have been spending a lot of time together and that's okay with me.

Once we were at the treeline, the cabins visible in front of us, Gabriel turned to me, bruises blooming on his broken face. "Alpha Maxim is making a visit tonight to check on your progress. Your mother invited him. Theres going to be a pack barbecue in his honor which you arent allowed to attend." He winked. "Alpha will visit you privately. I'll see you back at the field after the pack has had their practice.. you're gonna fight some more on that broken rib. Feel the pain. Embrace it." He slapped me in the side, knocking the air out of me as i felt that rib stick me before walking off toward his cabin.

Getting my bearings.. forcing myself not to go after him and cause a scene, i scowled at his back... coming out of the woods and into Daisy's cabin.

The warmth hit me, the familiar aroma of herbs arroused my sesnes.. dragon chai tea. The door beint shut alerted to Daisy I was home. She and Doc were having their usual morning tea as I entered covered in blood and sweat. No tears. I dont cry anymore.

Daisy turned to me, her eyes wide. "Oh! Well. This is good. You dont have many pains today i can see. Did you do well, Zaryn?" Her hopeful smile made me feel hopeful myself as i turned something over in my mind.

Nodding, "yes Daisy. You can say i did pretty decent. I surprised him thats for sure." The corner of my lips barely lifted in a smile. I glanced at Doc, giving him a nod.. my wolf made him uncomfortable as he crouched in his seat but he returned my nod.

"Im going to take a shower. Pointless considering im training again later." I mumbled the last as I made my way down the hall to the bathroom.

Daisy and Doc no longer held sessions with me anymore. My mind had let go of the things that have held me back in the beginning.. now i think too much. I think about all of the things other people have done that have inadvertently made my life a living hell but mainly that person was me.

Locking myself in the bathroom, i turned on the water to the shower and stripped in front of the tall mirror. Once i was naked, i turned to the side, examining the spatter of bruises on my sides.. my face.. my knuckles were destroyed, busted and bleeding.

I looked like hell.

My body has transformed into one i dont recognize.. my shoulder and arm littered with tattoos.. the warrior symbol just under my bicep..

I think its time for a new tattoo.

I would get one when i needed to feel some exquisite pain. I liked the feeling. Besides Gabriel told me if placed correctly, they would visually improve my physique. But i had no problem there.

Wolves pack on muscle quicker than humans. Six months of training in humans is equivalent to one month in wolves. When it comes to body mass anyways.

Staring at myself.. at the new me, littered in scars.. i wondered what Nova would think if she saw me again. I didnt have a way to talk to her though i wanted to. I suspect Eden has been talking with her but if she has, she wont say anything to me about it.

I ran my hand over the hard muscles of my torso.. closing my eyes.. letting my memories go to that night in the cave.. the night we mated.

Sometimes its these thoughts that get me through to another day.

I felt myself become arroused and let my hand reach lower, gripping myself in my hand.

Im not the only one who has gotten stronger.

Thinking of her made me crazy.. in a way I couldnt help myself. These moments were ones that helped me keep my sanity. Helped me remember what my initial focus was in all this..

To be better for her.

Though i think somewhere along the way, i crossed the point of no return.

Still... thinking about the night i made her mine.. her legs wrapped around me.. that sweet expression on her face when i was making her feel good... her lips on my skin.

I began to stroke myself, living in that memory.. my mind recalling the events so clearly as if i were there with here again..

I need to release this stress.

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Nic

I despised training with Blake. Utterly despised it.

I dont know what Zaryn is planning but i hope he has something up his sleeve because we have a month of this shìt left until its time for me to challenge Blake.

Walking back from the training field with Blake right behind me.. i was forced to listen to him go on and on about how i need to be faster.. how i needed to do this, how i needed to do that. My wolf was becoming aggravated.  Blake is the reason my mate isnt with me.. he is the reason that no one wants me to have my mate. He's weak. Alpha's dont take orders from their pack.

I turned to face him, my expression letting him know i was about to snap.. my green eyes glaring at him. "LOOK! I dont care about any of this shìt! If i cant beat you oh fuçķìn well! I dont want this anyways!!" I threw my hands up, turning away and walking off from him.

"That's why you'll never be good enough Nic!" He called out behind me. "Because you dont want it!"

Shooting him a bird, i kept on.. the sweat drying from my shirt in the cool air, sending chills through my body.

I couldn't take it anymore.  I need to see Zaryn.  I cant take not having my mate...not being able to see her. I go to her cabin in the woods but she always makes me leave once im done. I'm allowed to sniff her and touch her skin.. for my wolfs sake. she's  become frail. A shell of what she used to be. She won't talk to me, afraid of falling even more.. agraid i will disappoint her.

Wrapping on the front door of Daisy the Healers cabin, Zaryn pulled the it open.. his hair wet, only wearing basketball shorts and a towel around his neck as if just getting out of the shower. New bruises on his body, tattoos along his shoulder and arm.. I noticed his lip was busted, swollen against the ring he wore on his bottom lip. His eyes were bright blue.. watching me. That dominance he's gained, fiing the space between us. Signaling to my wolf that he is the stronger wolf.

I cant stand being around him much because of the agression he gives off now...but hes still my brother.

"Hey Z. Gotta minute?" I rose my brows, stuffing my hands in the pockets of my sweat pants.

He never smiles anymore. Nodding once, he grabbed a hoodie by the door.. slipping it on and allowing me to pass through the front door.

Closing the door behind me, he eyed me, his wolf looking for the threat, sizing me up. "Whats up."

"Where's Daisy?" I shuffled around, feeling his energy as it encased me.

His face a mask, "Gone. Took a walk with Doc." He pulled a chair out at the kitchen table, taking a seat.. eyes telling me to do the same.

Zaryn is different now.. its hard to tolerate his excessively domimant behavior. Even though im an Alpha blood too.. hes... different.

Taking a seat at the oak table across from his spot, not wanting to be too close, a ghost of a smirk played on the corner of his lips.. his expression always hard now.

"How you feeling?" My attempt to break the ice sucked.

Sighing, he leaned back.. eyes meeting mine.. never leaving. I couldn't help but to look away. "Im better. Stronger."

A laugh escaped me. "I can see that. You're huge. You've changed so much.. from the way you stand.. to your expressions.. and the way you're always so stiff. You don't have to be wary of me Zaryn.. i know we are only a couple months apart in age, but you're stronger and you're my brother. I dont want the alpha title. Im no threat to you." I tried to make him understand... make his wolf settle.

Zaryn's chest shook with a chuckle, his sky blue eyes never leaving mine... always looking. "I know that. I just cant help it. My wolf just cant help it. After all the emotional shìt ive gone through.. along with therapy and training.. i can't help but to always assess.. to stay on guard. Its something you'll have to get used to because Gabriel said theres no returning now. Not unless your sister comes back to me. Thats the only positive to my negative." A sigh, his brows creasing. "Hows your training going." His attempt at changing the subject.  He doesnt like to talk about Nova.

"Im getting better but since i dont want it...im far away from being to the point where i can challenge any Alpha wolf. More than a month." I met his eyes with pleading mossy ones. "Please tell me you have a plan. Tell me you're at least doing better than me."

His jaw ticked, "Dont worry. I've got this handled. I've been thinking something over since this morning.. something i know will set me off to the point i can take Blake down. Just keep playing your part. Everything on my end is going well."

Sighing in relief, i still felt a little anxious about it. "Thanks Zaryn.. i know you have a lot on your plate.  But this belongs to you. Not me. You were born and raised for it." I met his strong stare. His fingers drummed the table for a moment before leaning forward..

"The Dark Moon Alpha is coming tonight.. Alpha Maxim." His voice deep, tone implying something i wasnt sure of.

Shifting my eyes away from his, i nodded. "I know.  Theres a barbecue in his honor tonight.  Penelope is hosting since its dangerous for Blake to be out until he steps down."

He laughed lightly, "speaking of.. i found out my mother.. she was never forced to reject her mate. Gabriel. He's her mate. I only found out recently.. but my mother... once she found out about my dads true mate's death.. her own cousin.. she begged Maximus, the late dark moon alpha, to coerce dad into mating her... isnt that something.. " his eyes danced with hatred.

My mouth went slack. "Gabriel is your moms true mate? She rejected him willingly!?" I know i looked like a fish at the moment with my mouth opening and closing. "Z, thats... thats wicked." I shook my head in disbelief.

This made me wonder how much pie Penelope actually had her fingers in..

"Does Gabriel still feel anything towards her? Does Blake know?"

Zaryn studied me for a moment. "Gabriel said he still feels a slight pull toward her since he isnt mated although she is. And Dad .... he doesn't know.. im saving this information.. " he smirked deviously.

This wasnt the Zaryn i once knew.

His eyes narrowed, teeth biting his lower lip. "So dad wont be there tonight at the barbecue...." it was a statement rather than a question, his mind was working overtime..

I shook my head. "No. Just your mom."

A devious grin lifted at the corner of his mouth, his muscles flexing. I didnt want to stay here much longer.. he's so much more Alpha than ive ever seen him before. He cant control the energy he puts forth.

We talked just a few more moments about Grace.. how depressed my wolf has been without her.. how worried i am. Sometimes when her walls fall down I can feel her turmoil.. the sorrow she expels.. it hurts me. It wasnt long before we both ran out if things to say.. i had to get out of there. The tension he gives off is worrisome to my wolf. Im a strong fighter.. the top of the betas bloods.. but i know i would never win against Zaryn.

Checking my watch as I walked down the dirt road, it was already 3. Eden needed to go to her appointment and I volunteered to take her.

The sun was high in the sky...a cool breeze blowing the multicolored leaves around the dirt road. The air was cooler here and much more humid due to the lake being so close.

I could feel a sense of distress running through me.. a sense of self loathing and a pain so heart breaking it made me faulter.. standing in the middle of the road, my hand on my chest. My heart felt as if I were in so much pain.. emotionally.

These werent my feelings.

They were Grace's.  I could sense them through the mate bond.. the one sided skin bond.

I needed to visit her. Just as soon as this doctor appointment was over with. I needed to go to her... to make sure Grace was okay.

I sped my way to Eden's which wasnt far from Daisy's cabin.. not bothering to knock, i went on inside, the warmth enveloping me. Closing the door, i peered around her eccentrically designed cabin, searching for Eden. I could smell her scent..

"Eden? Im here!" I called out.

The bathroom door down the hall opened, revealing Eden. Her usual glammed up self in a pair of dark wash jeggings and a red top.. fire engine red, pointy heeled, ankle boot looking shoes and a black leather fitted jacked. She looked kind of bad ass for a pregnant female..

Her blonde hair curled down her back, lips painted as red as her shoes.

I couldn't help but to stare.

Her being an oracle, she always held that sense of power within her.. sometimes it would creep out. But she was good at keeping it locked away.. however, dominant wolves still found her extraordinarily desireable.. even the lesser wolves found her tempting but they would always be too intimidated by her power to make a move.

"Stop staring. Do i look that bad?" Her nose scrunched as she peered down at her outfit. "Is it too much?"

My brows rose. I know how hormonal females can get. "No! No. You look beautiful. Very sexy. Very much so. Mm hmm. Yes." I nodded, my words fumbling out of my mouth.

She narrowed those startling green eyes at me before shrugging it off. "I guess i could start dressing more motherly. But i dont know what the moon has in store just yet. So.. you ready?" Her smile broadened, showing white teeth.

My eyes lingered on her abdomen.. she wasnt showing much but i could see the slight protrusion of her belly. It was hardly noticeable in the outfit she wore but i knew it was there. "Yeah. Sure." Before i could stop myself, my hand went to her stomach, pressing in lightly.. feeling the firmness that has begun taking place. She smiled, rubbing my hand that was on her.

"Come. Lets go get our picture of the little guy." She kissed my cheek, rubbing off the smear of red lipstick before she took my hand.

Eden walked past me, taking me with her and we both headed out the door into the cool crisp autumn air. I didn't like that she wore heels so high.. she could trip and fall... hurt the pup.

"So... how's Grace been doing?" She bit her lip, glancing over at me as we walked leisurely to Docs.. unsure i would be willing to talk about it.

I let out a breath, meeting her gaze, "She wont really talk to me. I go to her cabin.. she lets me sniff and touch her skin through the window for my wolfs sake.. but she refuses to talk much. Lately she's seeming worse and i hate that theres nothing i can do about it. I felt her emotions on the way over here...it hit me like a ton of bricks...she's in a lot of pain.. heart ache. I can feel it." My voice whispered.

We walked in silence for a beat until her voice broke through, "its not healthy for her to be locked up like that Nic. Its going to drive her wolf crazy. I ... i had a vision."

Shocked, i stopped short and turned my head toward her. "What kind of vision?"

Sighing, "the kind that meets the same demise as Zaryn nearly did. You need to make sure shes safe Nic."

Her words .. her vision.. it all made me feel uneasy. A wave of guilt and sadness washed through me. I needed to be with her. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to so badly. Just to hold her .. it would solve all my problems. I now see why Zaryn is the way he is without Nova.

We rounded the curve, coming up to Doc's. "Blake and Jack made sure there was nothing in her cabin she could harm herself with. If thats what you mean."

Her eyes were weary as they studied me.. she was unsure.. just as i was. What if something was overlooked?

"After you." I gave her a small smile as she entered the Clinic.

Today i would see my son. Im not sure what he'd look like since its so early.. but i was ready to see him. My paternal instincts are starting to take over and they get the best of me. I find myself constantly thinking about things Eden should and shouldnt do.. i find comfort in touching my unborn son..

If this was how Zaryn felt, i can only imagine what will happen..

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Grace

So white.. sterile. Familair.

Only months ago i was here. In this very room. Delivering my son who was dead upon birth.

Now here i am...alotted this one day to come into pack for a checkup because im sick.. my wolf is sick. We are dying inside slowly..

Im wasting away.

Looking down at myself, i havent showered in a few days.. my clothes hang so loose from my body.

Im a walking disaster.

"Shh. Dont think." I told myself.. rocking back and forth on top of the hospital bed.. waiting for Doc to bring me whatever medicine he thought i needed.

My heart hurts. My mind is going.. my wolf hasnt shifted in months.. i tried the first week in the cabin but she became confused.. not being able to be out in the wild. She constantly claws at my brain and I know Nic can feel my turmoil. I try to keep the walls up the best I can but sometimes im not able.

Thinking about him... he is probably always with Eden, seeking comfort in his pup like Zaryn did with me. Being marked makes it worse.. my wolf isnt as attached to him as I am.. but i hurt.. its worse not seeing.. not knowing what he's doing. My attempt to have very little contact with him.. to not become attached... it doesnt help like i thought it would.

I could hear the front door of the clinic being opened, a murmur of familiar voices. A delicious scent made its way to my nose and my wolf began to writhe inside me.

Mate.

He's here.

Maybe he has come to check on me? Maybe someone told him I was here...

There was another voice. Another scent.

Eden.

My heart lurched in my chest.. familiar knots in my stomach curling, giving me anxiety. I felt like I was going to be sick.

Doc was talking to them.. taking them to a room further away from mine. The scratching in my mind from the wolf was driving me crazy. Gripping my head, I rocked back and forth..

I had to see.

Hearing Doc say he would be back in a few moments, i snuck out of my room.. slithering down the hallway quietly.  Once i came to their room, i watched in disappointment as Eden lay on the bed, her pants unbottoned, shirt raised revealing her bare stomach. A small protrusion extending from the skin. Nic smiled down at her, his hand resting on her stomach..

Now i know what he felt.. what Nova felt. My heart beat fast inside my chest as i watched their tender moment together.. a smear of red on his cheek.

Lipstick.

She kissed him.

Crippling jealousy wrapped its slippery tentacles around me.. my wolf seeing red.  She wanted blood. I tried to push her down.. but she was rabid.. so many days being couped up with only my mind to keep us company.. thoughts of Nic with her.. I didnt want to be tied to him but he had forced it on me and now im plagued with these intense feelings the bond makes me feel.

My wolf began pushing against my weak mind.. crawling her way out as i breathed in, watching them. Tears welled up in my eyes.. the wolf who put his mark on me.. my mate.. he sat there, cooing sweet nothings to the oracle female thats carrying his pup.

Is this how he felt?

No. This is worse. Im marked by him. He never carried mine.

As if finally sensing me, Nic whipped his head toward the doorway.. looking at me with wide eyes.. Eden peering over his body at me.

My tears were running down my face as he gaped.. my heart clenching in my chest as my frail form stood there shaking with the effort i was puttin in to keep my wolf from pushing her way through that last barrier.

"Grace." He called out, worried eyes never leaving me as he got up from his chair, rushing over to me. Hands holding my face gently. It only made my heart break further.. i didnt want to be tied to this male but i am.. i loved him even though i didn't know him well. That's how mates feel. Love.. even before knowing one another. Especially one with a mark. His hands were gentle against my tear stained skin and i only cried harder because they smelled like her.

"Are you okay? What are you doing here?" A tiny crease formed in the center of his brow.

He was confused as to why i was here.

My breathing became labored.. tears falling freely down my cheeks. I couldnt manage to find any words as my heart broke in front of him, hyperventilating as I shook. His eyes roved over me.. down my body.  Brows furrowing even more. "Grace you haven't been eating. "

Ignoring him, I reached up, my finger wiping the smeared red lipstick off his face.. bringing it back down. Examining it. I didnt want to feel this way but i couldnt stop it. Realisation came over him, his lips parting while my features strained.. my mind snapping with the jealousy, betrayel and heart ache.

I could be gone from here if it wasnt for him. I could be on my own somewhere far away.

My wolf broke free of the loose bindings in my mind. My eyes changed.. teeth descending...claws protruding.. a quick glance at Eden as a growl escaped my throat.

The wolf wanted her throat. She's stronger when it comes to her mate. Breaking away from the wall, i flew toward her form, lying in that bed. The wolf wanted to be rid of her.. to take her out of the equasion.

Not being able to control myself, I lunged my body toward her.  Eden gasped, wide eyed, screaming as she covered her stomach protectively. My claws were so close to her skin as the wolf let out a feral roar but strong hands were gripping around my waist, hauling me backwards into the wall.. my body smashing hard into it. His eyes were glowing.. his wolf confused, wanting to protect his pup and comfort his mate at the same time.

Rabid, my wolf growled, fighting against Nics wolf in his skin... claws slicing flesh on the arms that held me tight against the barrem white wall. Pieces of drywall were cracking, falling around my feet as Nic shoved me harder

"Grace! Stop!" He bellowed, but i wasnt in control. She was. Thrashing in his grip, my wolf, seeing out of my own eyes.. those bright eyes of hers trained on Edens stomach.. i could almost taste her blood in my wolfs mouth. Scared, i hid in the corner of my mind... i couldn't fight her anger.

My wolf tried to snap at Nic, her canines inches from his throat. Thats when Nic let his wolf surface completely in his skin.. no longer was the wolf just watching out of his eyes.. he was there. Claws and teeth coming out..

he was able to control his wolf. I wasnt. Not now.

Despite my thrashing.. Nic's strong hands gripped my arms, forcing them to the wall.. his claws digging in my skin as he sunk his teeth in my mark.. holding me in place.

My wolf stopped suddenly.. her thrashing ceasing.. almost like a flower wilting, my body relaxed...

subissive to her mate.

The wolf reclused back in my mind, throwing me out of my corner my her teeth, with a jolt.. claws and teeth disappearing as whimpers began.. my body shaking.

Nic removed his teeth.. his wolf's eyes staring down at me before he hauled me up in his arms, clutching me to his chest... his teeth and claws also gone. "Eden ill be right back.  Tell Doc to wait."

She stared at us with widened eyes, nodding as her hands covered her small stomach.

He carried me to my room as i cried into his chest.. full blown sobbing.  I didnt understand what was happening to me. I just know how my heart felt.

Broken.

Lying me on my bed, Nic pulled away, a tortured expression on his face as his green eyes stared into mine.. confused. My neck ached but it was a pleasurable ache. "Grace... what was that?"

Shaking, i wiped my tears away. "I-i dont know. My wolf... she.. she wants to kill.. i cant stop her.. i - i cant.." muffled sobs wracked my body as i put my hands over my mouth. I could feel his hands rubbing my shoulders.. soft words from his lips but a hard look on his face.

He was having trouble with this.

This is what they experienced...zaryn and nova. This is what they went through.

"Grace look at me." His voice cracked at the end. Peering up, i saw the anguish he felt, portrayed all over him. "That lipstick... she only pecked me on the cheek as a thank you. I dont love Eden like you think. Shes having my pup and im there for her. Like a friend. She has made it clear herself, that thats all she wants from me. A friendship. I feel the same. You are who i chose. Its always been you. I do feel drawn to the pup as I watch it grow.. but there are no intimate feelings between us. You have to make your wolf understand." His grip on my shoulders loosened. "That night i came to her with my question.. it was about you. I wanted to see you once i left there but we began talking about you.. and we had decided to have a few drinks. I wound up having an entire bottle. It was a drunken night that unfortunately has come between you and i and I'll forever be sorry for that. But Grace.. don't let this get to you. We need each other. You especially need me to survive in that cabin one more month. Im trying all I can to make sure you never have to endure this again but with Blake still having his title, theres nothing i can do at the moment. Please.  Please let me help you." His mossy eyes pled, making me feel lost.

He may not love her, but the unwanted jealousy in my bones was something i couldnt stop. I didnt want to be marked. I didnt want this.

Staring up at him, i felt a single tear roll down my cheek. "It doesnt matter." I whispered, my voice crackiny. "Zaryn went through the same thing you are. And Nova went through what I am.. only worse. It wont end well for us. It wont. Eden has the moons favor. And i cant get away because of this stupid mark! Its driving me crazy Nic! Why!? Why... I just want to leave! I just want to let you go and do your own thing! I just want to not feel so helpless. Two months in that cabin .. im hearing my own wolf speak to me.. telling me to do things. Wolves dont speak! Im talking to her.. im seeing images.. im.. im going crazy!" I sobbed.

My head was bowed into his chest as I cried , his hands rubbing my back soothingly when i felt a stick in my arm.

Jerking up, there stood Doc, giving me an apologetic smile, sharing a nod with Nic.

I glanced between the two, bewildered. "Y-you asked him to sedate me?"

Shaking his head, "no. He was going to give this to you anyway. Grace you're losing it. Your weight is decreasing... I'm going to start coming by twice a day to the cabin and i want you to talk to me.. to confide in me... to let me feed you through the window. I know it isn't much but its all I can do for now. "

I scoffed, "you mean until you have to reject me.."

He frowned "Im not rejecting you Grace. Zaryn has a plan. Just please.  Hold on."

I felt myself slipping away as little by little i died inside.. "I can't be your mate anymore. You have a pup that may actually be born." It was barely whispered.

His words were lost in a sea of darkness as it took me over.. i felt myself slump against his hard body.. his hands going around my back and knees, lifting me.. until i lost unconsciousness.. letting the darkness swallow me up.

~~~~

Warm.

I felt heat radiating along my skin.. my eyes fluttering open to see flames licking up the logs in the fireplace.  Someone had brough me back to my cabin... a mile away from civilization.

Hurt washed over me...how Nic just shipped me away .. to come back to this torture chamber.

Peeling the covers away from my body, i sat up on the couch, glancing over to the window. It was dark out. A full moon spilling its light into my living room.

Nic.

He had not cared enough to demand to stay with me.. he was feeling too protective of his pup. He wanted me locked away.. keeping the pregnant female safe.. safe from my wolf, because im too weak to fight.. but shes not.

Ive shifted once since my dead pup was pulled from my body.. once. And it was here in the cabin.

Im slowly withering away. The heartache is too much.

I just want to be free.. free from this mate bond.. free from this life.. free from all the pain and my burdens that haunt me. Free from the loss i feel.

Tears began again, falling for the millionth time today. I closed my eyes, letting my walls drop.. letting Nic feel my agony. If he wouldn't set me free.. id make him feel my pain.

Remembering my visit to the clinic, i let my hand dip down inside my boot.. pulling out a rolled up papertowel. Carfully unrolling it, a silver scalpel fell in my hand, burning my palm as i hissed before dropping it on the couch.

I had stolen it while inside the clinic.. finding the one thing that could put me out of my misery.. Zaryn.. i now knew his will to want to die. I knew what that felt like now.

I watched as the flames danced around the scalpels refelective surface.. taunting me.

Do it. Free yourself. My mind was telling me.

My wolf was telling me no. To let her out. Solve our problems. I dont know at what point she began having a mind of her own.

Take the pain away. Was all my mind was thinking.

No one cared about me. I had no one. My dad.. the only one ive known, rejected me. My real father killed by his hands.. my aunt.. the only mother i knew.. killed after she used me.. persuaded me.. scared me into doing what she wanted.. for power. I know she loved me.. but she was also selfish. My pup who i thought would love me... who i could give my love to, gone. My mate... my mate now doing the same thing to me that was done to him.. he doesnt fight to free me. He doesnt do anything. He instead allows me to be sedated.. brought back to this hell.

I'd rather be anywhere than here.

I dont deserve to live anymore. Im no one. A lowly wolf. I have no one. No friends here. No family at all. No one at all... im all alone in this world.

Sniffling back tears that clouded my vision, i picked up the scalpel carefully, the tissue wrapped around it.. i stood, walking to the kitchen slowly.. letting my memories come to my mind as I sat on the tiled floor. Rocking back and forth.

I remember on my fifteenth birthday.. my aunt and dad.. conrad. They wanted to make sure I had a special birthday. I was so sheltered.. dad never let me practice with the warriors... never let me train.  He would buy my pretty dresses and jewelry.. whatever i wanted. He would never let any males come around me. He spoiled me. But on this day... he let me have my way.  I remembered he let me spar with him early once i woke up.. teaching me a few moves.. nothing too daunting. Afterwards he and Anita brought me out to the stables..

He had gotten me my own horse for my birthday.

Imagine.. a wolf riding a horse. But i loved them. My wolf loved them as well.. it was the best day of my life. That night he took me to dinner.. just he and I. He told me stories about my real mom.. he had never done that before. He didnt have many great stories because they didnt have a great relationship but i remember it was the first time he ever showed me her photo.  He always denied me whenever i asked.. i later found out jt was because he didnt have any. He had gotten this one from Anita.

I remember how beautiful i thought she was.. how classic she looked. I didnt look a thing like her.

That was the other reason I broke out in tears when i first saw Nova... standing in the driveway at the packhouse on my arrival. She looked like my mother. I didnt want to pursue Zaryn anymore in that moment. I wanted to go back home but Anita ... she used her willful words on me.. she knew how to manipulate me.. and it always worked.

Nova.

The thought of her brought about all of my sins. All the horrible things i have done. Knowing what my mom went through... it was always on my mind while i was pregnant.  How sick it made me to think I was ruining her life the way my mothers was ruined.

I deserve to die.

I deserve it.

I was never strong enough to think for myself.. i had never had to. Everything was always done for me.. decisions made for me..

Without another thought, i plunged the scalpel in my jugular, the silver burning my skin like acid... letting the blood spew from my throat as i laid myself on the cold tile floor... watching the thick red life source fill the crevices between each square. The grout would be hard to clean.

Letting the darkness engulf me once more tonight, my pulse beating inside my head.. i felt light. Queasy but light.

i was only faintly aware to the sound of my door bursting open.. yelling from a familiar voice.. the floor vibraring with stomping feet before strong arms and a calming scent enveloped me.

And then i was weightless.

End of part 1

Part two will be published late tonight. Possibly in the AM. Still in the packs pov then we will go to Nova's pov the next chapter after.

The time jump in Nova's pov is coming soon! Like two or three more chaps.

Dun dun dun!!!!

So! Okay first of all.. yes both nova and Zaryn are training. And yes they have similar methods because Conrad's cousin he was raised by was Maxims father.. the previous dark moon alpha. So conrad picked up some things on pain but he trains more....idk .. normal? Gabriel is like Zaryn except he is older.  He's had time to live with his rejection.. hes had time to sift through his feelings. But hes still a beast.

And omg zaryn is a freakin monster now. Hes gone insane. Legit. He is too powerful on both spectrums.. the wolf and the skin.. and Nova seems to be his trigger hmmmm.

Who likes Gabriels taunting?

And holy sugar so Gabriel is that male that Penelope rejected only we now find out that maximus never forcd her to do it. She did it herself after finding out Nyra died. She wanted to be a Luna. Shame!

Now for my rant or what i like to call... a 'hey you should read this before you decide to b a cnt'

I had two covad shippers to say, "thats it! shes not going to stay with conrad, i just know it, so im done reading the book." Lol.

Im sorry... but i dont really care if someone doesnt want to read my story just because its not turning out how they wanted lol. I dont write you guys' fantasies, i write mine! So if you were the person that said you werent reading anymore because its not going how you want... then, here you are on the next chapter lol. To the person who said it jokingly, this isnt toward you. I know you were kidding.

I just wanted to take the time out to explain, this is MY story. If someone wants it to turn out differently amd they feel so passionate about then hey! I hope i have inspired you to write your own story! But none of ya are psychics.. well aside from the few that guessed my ending.. therfore NO one knows whats happening except for me.

And if one or two people dont want to read then thats totally okay! One or two isnt going to be noticed on  5 thousand something reads. Im JUST saying. The threat isnt going to bully me into changing my story just because one or two people dont like the way its going. If this was a completed story, you wouldn't even say a word lol.

Just saying..

Its not going to make a difference on how i write so save your battery and dont bother wasting the words.

I dont care!

But i do love all of u positive readers and i do enjoy your comments and rants on the characters!!!! So keep them coming. You can yell at my characters all day. I think its hilarious!

Xoxo

Chilee