16. Last Time

Chapter soundtrack:

Rihanna - Stay

AN: Just a little shout out to rmills75 ! Your books are always so amazing and reading Clayton was such an epic adventure.. i appreciate your inspiration.. and also your advice.. explaining how emotion and perspective are the key elements.. that is what inspired me and look what is happening now! You and Serenityr0se are absolutely my favorites ever!!!

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Nova

The wind blew lightly through the moonlit trees.. rain was coming soon. My wolf was eager to meet her mate in his true form, as she knew my predicament of wanting to rush the situation. But she always won somehow.

She yipped, letting him know she noticed him and he could approach. I felt warry in the back of our mind.. he shouldn't be here. But the wolf side wasnt thinking that way. She wanted to meet her mate's wolf.

He carefully slinked out of the shadows. His wolf was large. A full grown adult alpha male with a juvenile for a mate. We were much smaller than he. He sank low to the ground, Pressing his belly onto the clover covered earth, paws forward. He used his hind legs to push himself inch by inch towards her.. stretching himself before shaking his fur out.. approaching slowly.

He eased toward her purposefully and pressed his side into hers, bumping bodies as he rubbed her scent into him... she sat very still, letting her mate introduce himself. He turned, rubbing the other side while his muzzle pressed into her scruff, sniffing. She did the same. She liked the masculine scent he held. Woodsy.. like sandalwood and earth.

She rolled over onto her back, submitting to.his more dominant wolf.. allowing him to sniff her belly, rubbing his face into the fur before he put his nose between her legs, sniffing, checking for traces of another male wolf.

There was none.

His wolf expressed his contentment at this fact with deep rumbles from his chest.

Her face came back to his and she licked his muzzle before he noticed the blood on hers. Tasting it, he realized it was a deer and fresh at that. He took the time, cleaning her fur with his tongue. Licking  off all the left over blood she couldnt reach from her trophy kill.

Moments later he was lying on the ground, belly up.. not in submission but to allow her to press her scent in and smell him.  Her nose ran down the length of his body... rubbing her scent on him as she went..

She then did something out of the norm. She stretched in front of him.. with her rear end near his head...  chest to the ground.. pressing her hind legs up so her rump stood proudly, tail up. Alowing him access.

I screamed inside for her to stop, this was too soon. They just met.. even as pups we never really had close contact in wolf form. but she wouldnt listen. He crept behind her, paws going under her belly to hold as he reared up, mounting her, ready to put himself inside her. This never happened until after the mating in skin form. You didn't go backwards. It was unheard of.

I wasn't going through my heat yet... so i couldnt get pregnant. But i wouldn't become pregnant in wolf form anyways. Nor would my virtue be taken... but my wolf's would. Any other wolves around mine would know that.

Just before he got ready to thrust, i shoved my wolf back as she expressed her anger. Fur shrank into each pore as my skin dispersed, bones crackling, shifting into human form before collapsing on the ground with a huff... feeling the fur of Zaryn's wolf against the back of my thighs as I lay there, trying to calm myself... my cheeks clenching together. His wolf wouldn't attempt a thing while i was in skin.

It was different..  as mates.. your human sides have the relationship.. as the wolves have a relationship. But one mate in wolf form, the other in human.. it was more of a respect. More of a bond of sorts. The wolf side always felt love and protection towars their mate's human side..

Zaryn's wolf whined in a high pitch tone due to the fact he lost his chance with her. I chuckle surpassed my lips as i lie on my stomach, hiding myself. Bones crackling behind me alerted me that he was shifting now.. moments later, Zaryn was moving beside me.. lying on his stomach next to me.

I felt the warmth rise in my cheeks, feeling his skin so close to mine.. the static that sparked between us seemed as if it was pulling us to touch. I lifted my head slowly, eyes catching his. The corner of his mouth rose on one side, displaying a small smile as he cleared his throat.

"Sorry about that.. he just..-" he began before i cut him off.

"Its okay. She wouldn't let me shift." I admitted embarrassingly. "You shouldnt be here Zaryn." I glanced away, paying special attention to the clovers beneath me, bringing my hands up to rest in front of me so i could push up and lean on my elbows, my breasts grazing the grass oh so slightly.

I heard him sigh deeply. "I know Nova. But no one is going to come looking for us. Not tonight. Everyone is too wrapped up in their sadness.."

My mouth fell open as i turned to gape at him. "That's not the only reason you shouldn't be here! Don't you have a pup to worry about? I appreciate you vocalizing your desire for me and not Grace but.. its not good for me to be around you. It's only going to make it harder for me. Is that what you want? For me to cry myself to sleep at night because the one wolf meant for me is the one wolf i cant be with!?" I asked incredulously.

His eyes lowered to the ground. "I just wanted to spend one last evening with you.. if you'd  let me. Just to talk." His words were soft and sorrowful. I peered back up at him to see his blue eyes shining beneath the full moon, staring at me with hope. A need coming from him i couldnt describe.

He is always able to sway me. Always. "Do you not care about how i feel Zaryn?"

He shot me a frown, surprise etched on his perfect face. "Are you serious Nova? Of course i do. We may not be bonded, but i feel it when you hurt. Those waves of nausea you get sometimes.. arent just your own. They are my feelings seeping into your soul as well..." He rasped, his voice holding pain.

I contemplated that..

He really did tell the entire pack he didn't want Grace, he wanted me. But what Nic had said...

"Zaryn did you really not sense her heat?"

His blue orbs locked with mine instantly... more pain. More sadness. More guilt. "No. I didnt. Not the whole night until it just hit her in an instant. It hit me too. My wolf and i were on the same page about waiting.. for you.. but we couldn't control it once it hit ."

My mind flooded with thoughts..

Should i relent? Give him one more night? A goodbye of sorts? Just talking.. nothing more... it wouldn't hurt so badly if we just talked.

"Okay" my words were barely audible. My aching heart stopped throbbing when he was around.

One more time, i told myself.

The last time.

Just one last time to be with him. My heart needs the break.

Smiling sadly, he pushed himself off the ground and pulled his legs up to sit down on the grass. My eyes roved over his glorious naked body.. muscles that called for me to touch them. Glancing downward, i saw the very obvious sign of his excitment he still had from our wolves' near encounter. It was extremely hard to miss. Im glad it was dark because im sure my face was beet red at the moment.

His eyes caught mine with that sly smirk and i turned my head away swiflty, embarassed at being caught.

I sputtered while he chuckled at my shyness.

"Sorry Nova.. " he laughed a bit. "Kinda hard when you are sitting naked next to your mate." Laughter in his tone had me giggling as well.

I felt care free right here. The happiest ive been.. is with him. Always with him. Those feelings i get inside.. the body shock.. the sensations.. the distractions were always welcome.

"So umm..." i couldnt help but to peer back over at his body beneath my lashes. He was a gorgeous specimen..

"Its okay Nova. You can look. Dont be shy.. we are mates. Whether we can't be together right now or not, im not going anywhere. Im yours. Look all you want. Familiarize yourself. But i know one thing.. i can't ever take my eyes off you. I wont lie.. Even when it doesnt seem like im looking..im looking." He grinned down at me, that handsome face that would break a million hearts.. he really was the sexiest guy ive ever seen in my life.

My eyes rolled with his bluntness but i swelled up inside with confidence.

And then i looked. Again.

"Okay Zaryn. Do you have any clothes stashed around here? Cas im not going to sit with you naked all evening.." i tried my best to keep from smirking.

His features softened and a hand caressed my cheek gently. "You are even more beautiful when you smile." He smiled back in return. "Come on." Getting up from his spot, he took my hand, lifting me along with him.

I didn't feel embarassed.. didnt try to cover myself. I felt his eyes on my skin, lingering.. and i let them. He led me to the treehouse on the other side of the clearing. Stopping at the ladder rungs, he grinned at me expectantly. I scoffed, shaking my head with a smile and pulled myself up each rung.. feeling his eyes on my bare ass the entire time until we were fully inside the treehouse.

He looked me up and down, biting his lip which was oh so sexy. Excitement pulsed through me. Shaking himself out of the trance, he walked over to a chest and threw a large tshirt at me blindly.

"Put that on. Please. Or actually dont but..." he turned to stare at me, biting that lip again. " you may want to." His sly grin drew my attention away from his arrousal. I had to calm myself from the obvious excitement seeping out my pores as I pulled the shirt over my head. It was long enough to cover me, hitting right at my upper thighs.

Once he was dressed in basketball shorts and a tshirt, i watched him spray the masking scent around the tree house before going over to the matress and lying down near the edge, leaving the inner side closest to the wall open. He looked at me expanctantly, holding out his hand.

I shouldn't get on that matress with him..

I know nothing will happen.. the masking spray prevented that. But still.. just being that close to him drives me crazy. Thinking about the fact ill never get to be around him again for a while began to make me sad.. i shouldnt lead myself into a deeper hole.. its only going to be worse.

But the temptation is difficult.

"Nova. Stop thinking so hard. Lets just be. Come lay with me. I just want to talk. And hold you. One last time before we are forbidden from each other. Please come here." His soft eyes pled with me, their color changing to a light blue.

Sighing, i pushed myself, one foot infront of the other as i took his outstretched hand and crawled over him to the space next to the wall.

"Why do i have to be on the inside?" I smirked, lying on my side to face him.

His finger came up to trail down my cheek while his eyes drowned in mine. "Because im your protector." I felt his warm breath fan my cheek sending shivers up my spine. All the worries i had before, were gone in this moment with him.

That's what a mate does to you..

They make you feel safe. Protected. Special. Like you are the only one in the world..

Only im not.

"How did Grace fare after i attacked her?" I wondered.

His eyes closed briefly. "Don't know. I didn't stick around. I was busy looking for you.. then i found that very impressive deer carcass lying in the woods.. " his mouth tugged upward on each end into a grin. "Thats my girl."

My girl..

"Zaryn..." my eyes shifted downward to stare at something other than his eyes which i would gladly drown in for a lifetime. Something innocent in them held promise, while at the same time I knew he could promise me nothing at the moment.. other than the now.

"Nova. Dont. Please dont. Dont remind me that this moment might be the last for a while okay? I know its too soon for me to say this.. but.. I've known you my whole life. I know everything there is to know. How you hate ketchup.. how you love scary movies and you love them more if you have someone to hold onto during the worse parts.. how you dont like white gold.. you prefer yellow. You hate any food with red sauce.. you hate wearing shoes but you do it anyway and you also have a big heart despite the things people like me have done. Nova i love you and i know you dont trust me anymore. I know i have fuçkeđ everything up but i swear to you... if i had had one clue that... that she wolf was going into heat, i would have steered far away. I saved myself for my mate, as cheesy as that sounds.. and it was all for nothing because of one awful night that constantly keeps me up at night. I know you hate me for it.. but ill never stop loving you and till my last breath, i will find a way to get out of this.. i promise you." His eyes were telling me the truth. "If you can somehow forgive me one day."

He loves me...

And he saved himself for me.

But Grace is who he lost it to

I felt myself choke on emotion. Every word he had said to me were fears i had secretly harboured .. thinking he wouldn't want me before, because i was too young and naive in his eyes.  My vision blurred and my nose stung as tears fell onto the pillow past my cheeks. I cried, sobbing silently as he pulled me into his chest.

"Shhhh let it out. You dont have to be strong. Not in front of me. Im always here for you." His words were whispered into my hair, feeling his kiss on my forehead that enflamed my skin in a fiery heat.

I was at a loss.

I cant have moments with him anymore.. i cant be a respectable female if i run off with him. We both have duties. I want him.. my heart wants him to ourself... but with all the shame and guilt that comes with being his mate.. i dont think i could ever let him have me. Unless Grace was purely gone and he had the chance to start over which may or may not happen.. i cant leave myself available, waiting for him.

This is truly our last night together.

No matter what my wolf wants. No matter what his wants. This was it.

"You know this is it Zaryn." My bleary green eyes met his own blue ones. His emotions had gotten the better of him as well.

He clutched my hands in his, our bodies slightly touching, eyes scouring my soul. "Only for now. I wont stop Nova. I wont stop trying to find out why things happened the way they did. I wont stop trying to prove to you that we belong together.. even when Grace is gone, i wont stop. Ill never stop trying to be the wolf you need me to be. Even if you move on."

My heart felt as if its shards had mended itself.. close to the way it used to look.. but nothing considered whole. I felt at ease with him but not knowing the future ravaged my soul with agony. I flung my arms around his neck, nose going into his skin as i inhaled, my tears staining his skin.

Large masculine hands came around my back, holding me tightly, just rubbing... soothing my soul.

Screw it. If this was our last night together, i wanted to taste his kiss. Ill suffer the consequences of feeling lost without his touch later. Right now i just needed this. A last lingering remnant of his love for me.

Raising my head, my lips found his which welcomed mine with earnesty. His lips so soft.. all those static sparks dissipated once our skin touched, leaving trails of fire in its wake. I felt hot..

His lips covered mine, kissing delicately as if afraid he might hurt me.. as if my lips were delicate petals.

A sweet kiss.

The feeling of losing him after tonight, set my kiss into one of frantic movements... devouring his taste. His male essence. His tongue licked my bottom lip, asking for permission. I granted it to him without another thought.

The things we do when we are so wrapped up in each other.

He explored my mouth, his tongue tasting all of me. Our breathing picked up, our hands pulling up under shirts to touch each others skin. The fire seemed to cool with every touch and caress but the fire burning inside my lower heat wouldnt stop. I was aching for his touch, my arrousal evident in the air.

He pulled away, hands gripping my shoulders to push me down in the matress as he flipped to sit atop of me.

"We should slow it down Nova." His voice rasped thick with desire. I felt that desire, hard against my abdomen as he strattled me. I lay, panting beneath him.. my chest heaving for air but nodded at his suggestion.

He gave me a soft lop sided smile as he stared at me. "You have no idea what you do to me. Or my wolf." He breathed as he lowered himsef back to my side, turning me so we were face to face.

Even thinking about him with Grace makes my blood boil... i try my hardest to block it out. He. Is. Mine.

Whether i want him in the future or not, depending on what happens.. he is still mine. Unless things go terribly wrong and i have to choose another, he is mine.

"Hey. Instead of all the thinking.. lets imagine. How it would have been if I had come home... unscathed." He urged with a boyish grin for my answer.

Pursing my lips in a smile, i nodded. "Okay. You first."

"Alright." He put one arm behind his head while the other toyed with my hand, locking it with his. Such a large hand that my smaller one rested in. He was 4 years older after all.

"When i stepped out of the truck, and smelled your scent.. that enticing smell of lemon grass and honeysuckle.. a hint of vanilla..when our eyes locked and i felt enthralled.. my wolf going crazy when you said the words "mate", i would have stepped right up to you... put my nose in your neck and inhaled.. i would have taken your face in my hands, pressing my lips to yours for our first kiss while everyone cheered around us... then.. of course.. my dad would have ushered everyone away while we stood there.. just taking each other in. At that moment, we would have let our wolves take over without concern and i would have taken you in my arms.. kissing and licking your neck until i found the spot i wanted to mark you for everyone to see.. and that's when i would have done it.. i would have let my teeth slide in your beautiful skin as you writhed with euphoria in my arms, your soul binding to mine... id stay that way for moments.. relishing in the feeling.. then remove myself before picking you up in my arms and carrying you to my home. No one would have bothered us.. and i almost did mark you that night if my brain hadnt started working. your turn" he sighed dreamily, turning so his eyes were on mine.

I couldnt help the goofy smile that split into a grin at his fantasy of our first time meeting as mates. Clearing my throat, i closed my eyes. "After you had me in your cabin, we would be experiencing that rush of heat everyone speaks of. As soon as we had entered, i would have wanted you. You, being the gentleman  would kiss me sweetly-"

"Actually baby, in that instance, no i would not. I would have tried to devour you." He chuckled. I swatted his chest . "My story. Hush."

"Yes ma'am " he grinned..

"Like i was saying.. you would have tried to devour me.." i felt his chest rumble with laughter. "And we would strip from our clothes.. you'd lie on the bed with me under you, being the dominant wolf you are,  and we would make love. It would have been so passionate.. so blissful.. yet primal. Biting into each others skin.. you'd sink your teeth back inside my mark, holding me to you as you would have shown me your neck, lifting my head up, urging me to. My teeth would sink into your skin once id found my spot, and my arms and legs would lock you to me as we rode the wave together.. our souls combining as one, in more than one aspect." I ended, breathlessly. Finding myself aroused once more. And surprised that I was so open with him.. as if we talked this way all the time.

I waited, but i could hear nothing but Zaryn's breathing. When i opened my eyes to look over at him, i saw he was mesmerized.. lips parted, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. This made my heart palpitate.. those shards mending together, letting blood flow through, reviving the massive organ as it beat.. looking into his eyes.... thats all i needed.

A male never cries. Especially an alpha male. But when it comes to their mates, they will cry like a baby. Its a bond.. a trust that no one can  come through.

"What?" I felt like i had said something wrong.

His hand cupped my cheek, bringing his plush lips to mine. "That was beautiful.. i wish so badly i could turn back time and have that momemt with you. But i fuçked it all up. I need you Nova. I need this to be over with so i can be with you. If you'd have me. I would try every damn day for the rest of my life to make everything up to you.... as i keep saying" His last words were rasped as more tears fell. I brought my arms around him and just held on.

"I wish we could turn back time too.." a sad sigh left my lips.  "Your turn by the way." My voice was muffled against his neck.

Zaryn took a deep steadying breath. "After our souls combined.. and we could feel each others wants needs and desires, we would had finally fallen asleep, i would hold you to me through the night and before you awoke the next morning, i would have scrambled around making you breakfast. Afterwards... we would shower, only for your parents sake.. but together. Then i would escort you back to the pack house as a couple and spend the day with you.. taking walks.. doing whatever you wanted. I might would have talked you into letting me eat you out since you'd be sore. And you'd let me." I couldnt help the squeal that escaped my lips as my cheeks flushed.

"Then time would pass.. we would be together all the time. A few days later, on the day of your heat, our bonding ceremony would be held.. then afterwards, I'd take you to our home and make love to you.. claiming you all over again. And again. You'd ride your heat out with me and as years passed, the moment you decided you were ready... i would make the sweetest love to you and put a pup in your belly." His sad smile had me wanting to touch his skin.

"Then" i continued. "You'd become Alpha after a while, i would become Luna, and we would have more children... two boys and two girls. Maybe abother down the road when all our pups had grown up. We would grow old together.. have many grand pups.. and live happily ever after in each others arms." I sighed dreamily.

"Oh nova.." zaryn sighed happily. "I do love you. Even though I shouldn't tell you right now because its selfish.. but i cant hold it in. I love you. I want many pups with you. Youre so beautiful and smart. Funny too. I will never be able to express to you how much i hate myself and how sorry i am.. for all of this." His sadness seeped into me. I found that whatever he felt, woud be thrown into me as well.

My heart seemed to swell with his words. I love you.

He didnt lie. It was the truth. He did love me but i refused to say it back. It would only make it harder.

How did i become okay with all this? This was supposed to be goodbye.. not share time. The mate bond is so strong.

He was pulling me into his arms again, lips findng mine.

Soft, sweet chaste kisses. My skin was burning up and my lower half wanted more as i ground myself into his leg, saturating the material.

Soon, his kisses turned into passionate kisses with his tongue invading my mouth. I moaned as he leaned up to brace himself over me.. on hand by my head, the other skimming my side, down my curves and over my hip until he brushed the skin at the top of my thigh.

Our kiss broke and he stared down into my eyes with that love. I could feel it pouring from him. I felt it too but figured it was also lust mixing in.. making it indistinguishable.

"Nova.. i know we said nothing would happen tonight.. but..  let me taste you. Just one last time. Thats all i want. Let me bring you pleasure and taste your sweet essence.." his voice was thick as his fingers lighty grazed the inside of my thigh.

I couldnt do this.. could i?

I wouldn't do anything with him but.. i could do this one last thing right?

Im always telling myself no aroud him amd then falling for his trap every time. I did want to feel his mouth on me..

It was then i heard it..

The sound of rustling leaves below us, closest to the creek bed.

Zaryn's wide eyes snapped up to meet mine. Someone was down there.. and we were about to get caught together.. and punished...

These punishments Alpha Blake delivers are ones that scar for life.

Why oh why did i decide to listen to my body tonight?

I just wanted him to stay...

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