13. Home

The sun peeked through the blinds, dancing across my eye lids like they always do in the early morning. Rubbing my eyes, I took a look around my room.

Today I decided I was going to move back home. I couldn't stay in the pack house anymore now that Nic was home. We were both going through things and we needed each other right now. And i needed to get away from everything and everyone here. I shouldn't want to leave Deacon and i don't.. he will be here without me.. we cant be seen together anyway though and having him near will just make it worse. He is going to hate me when he realizes i moved out and never told him..

All of these continuous disasters isnt even my fault but im taking the short end of the stick. I know.. pity party for one.

Whatever.

Taking a shower as swiftly as possibly, i managed to get myself clean and out in three minutes. No shaving. Sometimes a girl is just too depressed to shave. Not like im trying to impress anyone anyways...

I took a shower after last night but you cant be too careful around nosey wolves..

wiping the fog from the mirror, i took a long look at my gaunt features and dark circled eyes. These emotions have taken a toll on my physical health. Still pretty.. but it lie under a mask of emotional deterioration. Sighing longingly, i dressed in the plain black fitted tee and tight ripped up jeans laying on the toilet seat.

My wet hair dripped down my newly donned fitted tee, wetting my back and breasts, water dripping down to my bare feet. I towel dried my hair as much as i could, my eyes trained on my red toenails.. not wanting to see my reflection any longer. My hair wasnt my biggest concern today. It could dry on its own in waves. Hanging my hair towel on the door hook, i exited the bathroom letting the steam waft in my wake and began packing up all my things, which wasnt much.

Clothes.. photos.. frames.. memories.. books.. just the essentials i brought here not too long ago. My room at my parents was still the way i left it anyways.

Reaching for my photo album, a few pictures fell out along with a framed one, which caught my attention. It was a picture of Me, Deacon, Zaryn and Nic three years ago when just our families went camping. You could see our parents way in the back ground... it seemed like they were having a serious discussion while all four of us kids, we were covered in mud, huge grins plastered from ear to ear. Deacon always beside me.. zaryn directly behind me standing next to Nic.. but now looking at this picture i just now noticed.... Zaryn.

His eyes were looking down at the top of my head with a smile on his lips. He was staring at me.

Oh by the moon, if id only known of his love for me then... if he had only known of mine for him..

I packed the rest of my belongings just in time for Nic to show up at my door. The door swung open after a rapid few knocks. I turned briskly to greet him with a broad smile. His eyes were still tired looking but the smile he gave me reached them.

We were both living with broken hearts inside our bodies.. these bodies that kept smiles on their faces while their insides churned with black tar, gumming up our airways and shriverling our hearts to a nothingness... zombies of sorts. Walking, breathing, smiling for others to see while inside we were dead.

"Hey sis. You ready to go?" He leaned against the door frame, glancing around at the fewboxes and two large suitcases i had laid out ready to go, the only thing left in this bare room aside for the furniture it came with. It hadnt been long that ive lived in the pack house, but the memories here in this room were already horrible ones i never wanted to think about again.

"Yeah. Im ready." I smiled up at my brother, his dark brown hair sticking up in al directions as if he had tossed and turned all night.. but it was a good look on him. His fan club would love it. I laughed to myself as i thought of their faces once they discovered he had found his supposed mate..

Nic sighed with a grin, heaving up my two heavy boxes in his large arms, letting out a grunt. He seems so much bigger since the last time i have seen him.. a lot bigger.

"Holy hell what do you have in here!?" He groaned.

A chuckled left my lips as i watched him struggle to keep the boxes hoisted up. "Just some necessities. I only brought must haves with me when i moved in here."

Rolling his eyes, he sighed. "Well seems like you took basically everything. come on princess lets get out of this hell hole."

I couldn't help but grin as i snatched up my suitcases. This was going to be good. I needed to be with my family. I was getting out of the packhouse and moving back into my room at our home.. which was right across from Nics. We needed each other.

The trip back to our house seemed to take forever even though it wasnt but a quarter mile walk. But carrying all this weight was tiring me out. I saw a few pack members our age, outside playing but once they saw us, the females held giggles as they caught glances at Nic, then noticing me and the fact we were carrying my luggage, they began whispering with pity in their eyes... the males just shook their heads, sad eyes lingering on me.

They felt disgust for Zaryn... but he was their future Alpha.. and he had already made a mistake that could cause his title to be challeneged whenever the time came for him to take over the pack. It was bad... and Alpha Blake knew this, which was why he was always trying to do damage control, letting everyone know his son was doing the right thing..

But by the wrong female... in our eyes.

"You alright back there Nova?" Nic chuckled, listening to my heavy breathing and groaning.

"Yeah just keep walking!" I replied harshly. I was getting aggravated from sweating so much under this blazing heat.

As soon as we hit our doorsteps, i felt relief. Walking inside, we both dropped my bags and boxes by the front door as Nic closed it for me. Sighing with relief, we both dragged ourselves to the couch and collapsed together as we caught our breath.

Well... as i caught my breath. Hauling that much was nothing for Nic.

"Hey babies. How did everything go? Did you manage to get it all?" Mom asked curiously as she came down stairs with a smile that didn't quit reach her eyes.

I studied her a moment before giving her a smal smile in return. "Yeah mom we got everything." I noticed she hadn't been getting much sleep either. Mom and Dad should be the last ones not getting sleep over this but it seemed since both of their pups were wronged by their mates... it was all they could think about.

Mom just stood there a moment, staring at the two of us before she spoke again. "Well good. Im glad that packhouse is in your past. Your father and i were thinking... why dont you two take a vacation? Maybe we could send you to your cousins pack.. or maybe even human territory.. like a beach vacation? We have plenty of money saved up. I just want the both of you to be happy and to get away. I could come with you if youd like? Im thinking its time for your father and i to get away too... he has some vacation time and with all of this going on, Alpha Blake wont say no." She smiled sadly... she was pushing us to get out of the house already and Nic hadnt even been here but a few days.. i understood though.

Which reminded me....

"Actually, Nic. Deacon said something about you and i going with him to his uncle's pack to visit for a while.. i didnt know if youd be interested.. i dont even know if i am.. but-"

Nic closed his eyes, resting his hands over his face. "I cant Nova. Mom. I cant. It will eat me alive not knowing what's happening. I need to uncover some answers.. i need answers. I need to see where this all goes." He sighed, gauging our reactions.

I gave him a reassuring pat but mom seemed a little shocked. "But why sweetie? Do you want to torture yourself? Thats all staying here will do. To the both of you. I cant see either of you hurt." She sat between us, putting an arm around us both as she squeezed us into her sides.

"Mom," i breathed. "We will be okay as long as we stick together. The pack is turning away from Zaryn anyway and no one even likes Grace after what Zaryn said at Nics party. I think we will be okay." I reassured her as tears fell from her eyes.

I hated her feeling our pain like this...

__________________________

After settling in and fixing my room back the way i had it a short while back, i could smell the familiar smell of homemade chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen downstairs. Lying on my bed, i grabbed the photo i was mesmerized by earlier and proceeded to trace the outline of Zaryn's face before a knock came at my door.

Sighing, i slid the picture frame under my pillow. "Come in".

Nic walked in, flopping on top of my black down comforter , face down. He didnt say a word. Just laid there inhaling my pillow from the sounds of it.

"You okay bud?" My brows furrowed.

Letting his hands drift up under the pillow, i cringed inwardly as his head turned toward me. "Yeah. I guess. Moms making cookies. We have to go to pack dinner tonight...."

I felt my heart sink in my chest at this.

"Dont worry" his words were quick, noticing the change in my facial expression. "We stick together." His mossy green eyes focused on me. His eyes always change shade with his mood and right now he was feeling the urge to protect. I didn't want him to feel the need to protect me ... i needed to learn how to be a big girl.

"Yeah okay." My smile didn't reach my eyes.

A frown appeared, marring his handsome features as he removed his hand from under my pillow, bringing out the picture i had hoped he wouldnt find.

"What's this?" Confusion is his voice as he studied the photo.

Giving up, i sighed heavily. "I found it when i was packing. Remember when we all used to be happy? I like to remember those times... when i didnt care about mate bonds and we had our best friends.." i gently took the photo from his hand and smiled down at it, remembering that day.

"Nova..." Nic's voice was soft yet deep. "I know how you feel toward him. I do. But you cant torture yourself like this. I wont let you be with him while Grace is around so just dont think about the good things you remember because that al went outthe door as soon as he made his choice." Nic crawled up so that he sat right next to me, taking the picture away from me, studying it once more.

His words hurt my heart. "Nic. Grace will always be in the picture.. shes your mate. Have you thought about what will happen if and when she miscarries? I knw the pull of the bond. I know what can happen. Are you telling me you could reject her and not feel anything over it?" I kept my voice soft when i spoke.. i didnt want him to feel attacked. I know that feeling all too well.

His jaw clenched as well as his muscles. Nostrils flaring he turned his head slowly to meet my gaze. "I would never be with a female like that. I have a need to talk to her.. i have questions that need answers.. but she will never be mine." He gritted out painfuly, dropping the picture onto the floor as he got up and left my room, closing the door firmly behind him.

Tears blurred my vision and the shards of my broken heart vibrated. His pain is my pain. I can feel he doesnt believe what he says.. he would forgive Grace if she came to him and asked for forgiveness if the baby doesnt make it.

I know he would. Just like i would with Zaryn.

Hes that type of male.

A knock at my door had me wiping my tears away, plastering a fake smile on my face as i scented my mom's vanilla and grass scent coming from the door.

"Come in mom"

The door opened slowly to reveal my mom, her dark hair pulled away from her face, sporting a fake smile. We were all sporting them as of late.

"Hey honey. I just wanted to warn you..." her smile turned into pursed lips. This had me worried, a frown creasing my forehead.

"What is it mom?" My body turned to face her.

Her eyes fell to the ground as her expression changed to something akin to nervousness and sorrow.

"We are all to be at pack dinner tonight.. Grace and Zaryn will be there..." her soft eyes met mine. "You and Nic are to sit far away from them. Alpha Blake's orders. He is going to adress some things during dinner.. we have heard from Grace's father, the northern Alpha. Afterwards.. he wants to have a meeting.. with our family and ours. Im not sure it will be good news.. but i wanted to let you know ahead of time so you can be prepared." Pity in her eyes as they held mine along with regret..

My stomach rolled.

This couldnt be good.

I stared at her blankly as she gave me a half smile before bowing her head and closing the door softly.

What on earth would Alpha Blake say tonight...

What would he have to say to the entire pack?

To us?

To me?

The need to vomit hit me like a ton of bricks and i let my feet rush me to the ensuite bathroom, throwing up the samdwich i had managed to eat earlier.

What is happening?

What else could there be to destroy my life even more?

AN: hey guys hoped this was decent. It's really a filler of her moving home and about things to come. Can i just say things are about to get pretty wicked for Nova???

Theres a lot that no one knows here... but the moon knows all and plans all.