40

-• we lay bare •-

Rudra

In the dead of the night,

I've been the most alive tonight.

Control slips out of my hands, into her own and she owns it comfortably. But I grow tense. I've imagined this moment a thousand times, and each time I have become more restless, more impatient, as if I can't go another day without making it my reality. Yet here I am, in the exact moment I had dreamed of for the last five years of my life, unable to stop the tightness of my body, and the way it gets apprehensive at each touch and slide of her hand on my length.

I'm hard.

I'm painfully hard.

But the moment is not mine, it's hers, it's my body's, and my head is far off out of it to make sense of the pleasure, because it's asking me to pull away, and run.

"You need to relax," she rubs a hand between my chest.

I try to focus on her touch, on her hand, on her, and the realisation makes me want to close my eyes so I can bask in this precious moment, but as I go to do that, my head kickstarts and I'm panicking.

She pulls away her hand when I fail to reciprocate through my actions. "I'm sorry," Getting up from the wet floor, embarrassed and ashamed, I move down the stage to grab my clothes. I put them on hurriedly, eager to cover myself again, picking up my fallen wallet and turning around instinctively to see if I've left anything on the floor.

I abruptly stop, my gaze locating hers and she stares at me, burning bright red, the humiliation of rejection clear as day on her face.

It hits me in the face.

I've begged day and night for this woman, and now that I've her, vulnerable and wanting me, I escape the moment it gets hard for me. Last time it was easier, so easier. I had her in my control, I was the one deciding whether to keep going or to stop, but as soon as the roles flipped, I chickened out.

Tears burn in my eyes. "God, I'm so sorry!" I throw the wallet on the floor and climb the stage, rushing back to her side. "I'm sorry, Tara," I kneel in front of her, taking her shriveled hands in my larger ones, and look at her guiltily. "I want this, but- but I don't know-"

She nods, pulling her hands away and my hands flex, missing the warmth, and still my skin burns at the way she removes herself from me.

She puts on her bra and then her squelching wet dress. I sit there defeated, staring at the shiny floor, berating myself for fucking up the umpteenth time. I shouldn't have initiated it if I wasn't ready. But I gave her the impression that I'm waiting, that I've been waiting for years, and then audaciously left her naked in the middle of it because I got uncomfortable.

I wouldn't blame her if she stops talking to me. I deserve it.

"Are you not coming?"

My head snaps towards her.

She looks down at me softly.

"Huh?" Stunned, I stare at her like an idiot.

"I believe we need to talk first." She mumbles.

I frown.

She sighs. "Rudra, you're clearly not ready for the intimacy, or maybe for the part where you're vulnerable and an open book. You've limits that maybe you haven't explored yet, and it's confusing you. Because I can see you want me, but you've no idea how you want me, and what that involves you to do. Your role is unclear in your fantasies. You must have dreamt of it, but you've never thought about it practically. You don't know your hard limits inside the bedroom. And we need to talk about them if you want this experience to be beautiful and not traumatizing."

I lurch forward to clutch her dainty fingers, "Nothing with you can be traumatizing."

She pulls away disappointedly. "Well, your brain doesn't think the same way. It's wired to believe the moment you're naked in another person's presence, you're in danger. It regards physical intimacy as a threat."

I look down at the floor again.

Feeling her squat next to me, I lift my gaze back to her gorgeous face. She smiles tenderly. "It's not your fault. Yeah, I was hurt when you suddenly got up and left, but I know where you're coming from. I can't understand the reaction, but I sympathize with it. I know you love me and I know rejecting me is the last thing you'd ever do to me." Her hand comes to rest on my shoulder. "But wanting my company and wanting me physically are two different things, Rudra. And I think you're mixing those two."

"I want you," I say earnestly, taking her hands in mine again. "In every way I can have you. I want you, I swear. I wouldn't be jacking off six times a week at your thought if I didn't want you." I blurt out.

"Don't tell me you stick my picture to the shower wall before you beat your meat." She grimaces.

I shrug. "I might have thought of that once or twice."

She slaps my cheek playfully. I chuckle and catch her hand, pressing a chaste kiss to her palm. "I want you, Esther. I loved what we did that night in the farmhouse. It was the most beautiful and sexiest intimate moment of my life. But today, I was all naked, and you were on top of me and I just froze. My body liked it, it did, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that between both of us, I'm the most vulnerable, that I'm no longer in control."

She hums. "I should have known. You seek control in the outside world, what are the chances you wouldn't want the same inside the bedroom?"

I nibble on my lower lip.

"So is that what you want?" I raise my eyes to her. "You want to spank me?" My eyes go wide. "Draw me across your lap and tell me how bad of a girl I've been the whole day for teasing you?" She places her hands on the floor, between my legs and I swallow hard. Then she crawls closer like a kitten, innocent, but the devil shining within her eyes spells sin in red. "You want to dominate me? Throw me on the bed and use me as per your convenience?" I blink. "Do you want to fuck me until I beg no more?"

"That sounds illegal."

She licks her lower lip, "Do you want to reduce me to helpless mewls and breathless whimpers? You want control, don't you?" I nod. "Then take it." She whispers, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to my lips. I chase for more but she pulls away too soon. "Take me."

My breathe grows uneven, I blink to focus on the woman in front of me.

I lunge for a kiss and she falls on her back, my hand cushioning her head as she giggles freely. I kiss her hard, sliding myself between her open legs and arching her back for a better access.

"Wait," she places a hand on my chest.

I quickly stop, looking into her eyes in confusion. Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt her? Did she change her mind suddenly? Fuck, did I blow this off again?

"Do you have a condom?"

Do I have a condom?

"What?"

She rolls her eyes. "Condom, Rudra. It's a rubber like thing that goes on your penis-"

"I know what a condom is." I snort.

"Good. I thought education failed you. So, do you have it?"

"Why would I have a condom with me?"

"Well, maybe because you have a hot wife that you're planning to bang ever since you married her? And because you're a man."

"Why does the last one makes more sense?"

She growls and pushes me off her, sitting up straighter. "Go and get a condom. It's in my purse."

I get off the floor, then stop, facing her down. "Why do you have a condom?" My eyes narrow on her.

"Because I've a hot husband that I'm planning to fuck ever since I married him."

"You've been expecting this?" I ask in disbelief.

She was ready? Has she been ready for over two weeks?

"I've been anticipating this."

I beam. "Really?"

"Yes, Rudra, now go and get the condoms!" She snaps, agitated with me.

"Okay, geez, so impatient." I get down the stage and approach the double doors.

"Don't make me wait!"

"Yes, ma'am!" I call out behind me, closing the door gently after.

The giddiness overflows my body like soda fizz out of the bottle when you shake it up. I don't waste time walking. I skip to the elevator and let it take me to the third floor. Entering our bedroom, I locate her purse on my desk and for a moment I stop. It's the first time I realise how well she's embedded into my life. She's everywhere. The dressing table, which holds her perfumes, cosmetics and accessories, then the nightstand, which has her phone and charger, then the side of her bed with rumpled sheets and haphazardly thrown pillow, and the most significant of them all, her scent in the room. She's not just in the memories of this room, she's in the present of it, and undeniably, will be there in the future too.

I shake my head, driving out the distracting thoughts and grab her purse from the desk to look for the condom. Only I hadn't expected to open Pandora's box when I unzip her bag. There are things I can't comprehend why one would even keep. Like receipts or chocolate wrappers, and the most bizarre of all, a half eaten apple.

I grimace.

Avoiding the gooey, stenching fruit, I dig in deeper and my hand finally touches the plastic foil. I take it out and read the size.

XL.

She did not underestimate me at all. My chest puffs proudly, unable to stop myself. I know the length of your penis has nothing to do with your performance in the bed, but I can't deny the ego stroke it gave me.

I drop the purse back on the desk and rush out, almost slamming into the person standing outside. I stumble back, as does the person and our eyes meet in surprise.

"What's the hurry for?" Niharika questions, looking at the hand I hold the condom in. I quickly fist it and shove it in my pocket. She frowns, which replaces with confusion when she notices me drenched from head to toe.

"Do you need anything?" I ask, curbing Taranya's thoughts so my dick doesn't get up to say hello to the wrong person.

"Why are you wet?"

"Do you need anything? Is it important? Because I'm busy."

She sighs. "I need Jumbo Steels' financial statement analysis. If you have a copy with you right now, I'd appreciate the help."

"I don't. But you can call my secretary. I'm sure she does. Excuse me," I walk past her and inside the elevator, avoiding looking at her as the doors fall close on her face.

Taranya bellows at me as soon as I enter the hall. "What took you so long?"

I climb the stage and toss the condom in her lap, kneeling down and crawling on top of her to calm the seething lioness. She melts against me like burning wax, her hand coming around my throat to kiss me harder.

My tongue slides over hers and she moans, lowering herself flat on the floor and taking me along. I grab the wandering hands and pin them above her head. If I take control, I take it all or I take none. My thigh nudges between her legs and they fall open. I roll my hips against hers, she goes lax, eyes clenched and head thrown back, her mouth opens to reveal a soft, dulcet moan.

This is perfect.

I fucking love this.

I love having the rhythm of our bodies in my hands. I love that I can manipulate it, maneuver it, rein it tight or let it loose, all according to my satisfaction.

This time around, it's easier for both of us to get out of our clothes. They've semi dried and we're more patient with them. Naked, she lies back down and invites me on top of her, her arms opening, beckoning me closer.

I don't think I deserve to see her like this. God's most beautiful creation lies disrobed, sans all the embellishments and glitters, except for the nuptial chain and our engagement ring. She wore it back. My mother's ring. It's back on her finger. Fuck. How did I not notice it before?

"How are you so beautiful?" The baby blues shy away, the oceans in them turning over a tide, as if pulling up a veil. "I've to worship you," So I start with her toes.

She gasps, curls them tightly. I don't leave a space where my mouth doesn't touch her. My hands embark on a journey of their own, guiding themselves down the slopes, cliffs and ridges, a colossal of nature existing in the ups and downs of her body. She doesn't stop crying, doesn't stop repeating my name. She chants my name like a mantra, like what she's experiencing is otherworldly, and except for sacred nothing else defines it.

I breathe on her right mound, the rubbery nub swollen and anticipating my mouth. I give in, enveloping my lips over the hard nipple and suckling softly like it's the only pacifier to calm the raging storm inside me.

She buckles her hips, arms bending backward to clutch something but she returns empty handed. Her hand covers her mouth, muffling the screams of pleasure. I throw it away, interlacing our fingers together and grind my girth against her core, we're both naked as the day we were born, no fabric seperating us.

"Oh my God," her eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling in awe.

"Did you see him yet?" I pull my mouth off the dripping wet nipple and shield her sight of the ceiling.

She shakes her head blankly. "I might if you don't stop," she whispers.

"Stop what? This?" I ask and roll my hips over hers. She gasps. "Or this?" I lower my hand to her folds and thrust a finger in. She chokes on a sob. "Or this?" I lean in and squeeze her throat, until her mouth opens automatically for my tongue. Her eyes roll back in pleasure.

"Everything," she pants, "everything."

"Everything?" I sit up straight, on the balls of my feet. Her knee bends as I glide a hand up the back of her leg, hooking my hand around her calf before I yank her to my chest. "Rudra!" She squeals, darkening when she finds my mouth hovering right between her legs. "Does this count too?" I lick between her folds. A groan erupts from me at the first taste. She's fucking heaven.

Her legs tremble, unable to hold onto the pressure. I hook them over my shoulders and drag her closer to my mouth by her buttocks before I dive in for my feast. She screams the hardest I've ever heard her scream. And that's enough encouragement for me to keep doing what I am intending to do. The moans don't stop falling from her mouth as I tongue fuck her, adding a finger to hit the spot while playing with her clitoris with my thumb. She spasms through the overwhelming cascade of pleasure drowning her all at once.

Taranya is not at all quiet. She's a screamer. And every time she voices out how good I make her feel, the wide hall echoes those affirmations back to me.

"You've to stop! You've to stop. I'm close." She tries warning me. I don't. She eventually gives up, shuddering through the nerve wrecking high and filling my mouth with the salty taste of her orgasm. I lap it up eagerly. "Why didn't you stop?" She asks dizzily as I come back on top of her and kiss her hard, giving her a taste of herself through my mouth. She sucks on my tongue like a needy wanton.

"I like making you scream, and I like your taste." I answer.

She opens her eyes, hooded with unabashed lust, and locks her hands around my neck, stroking my jaw with the pad of her thumb.

"I think, this is it."

I frown. "You mean no more?" My face must have fallen quiet dramatically because she panics.

"No, no, no," She shakes her head hurriedly. "I don't mean that this is the end of what we're doing. I mean, this is the end of my search."

I relax. "Oh," then confusion takes me over again, "of what?"

"Of a partner, silly." She chuckles.

"Oh," I say again.

"Yeah, oh," she copies me like one does a toddler. I look away bashfully. "You're not the same man who fucked me with his tongue like I'm his last meal, did you?"

"That's me, yes." I nod.

She laughs, reaching over to kiss my cheek. I smile the widest. "I've been very fickle with my feelings towards men I like. And that used to scare me. I was scared of getting into a relationship, because I knew they weren't going to last long. And that made me unsettle. I was afraid of committing the same mistake I did with Atharva, or Samuel or the men I met after you. I was afraid of losing myself in this chase of male validation thinking that I'd end up liking someone else while still being a relationship, or worse, cheating on that person who has given me his trust to keep. But surprisingly, you never made me question that. It didn't matter to me who you were. Rudra or Shourya. I was always sure about my feelings when it came to you. Always. Maybe that's why I was so infatuated with you. I was crazy for you. I think I still am." She chuckles softly, her voice heavy. "I couldn't imagine myself with another man. Or maybe I could, but I couldn't trust that imagination to last long. And there you were, three years later, asking me- no, blackmailing me to marry you, and I knew right away, in the back of my subconscious, that if I give in now, I'm trapped for the rest of my life. And for some reason, that didn't scare me, so I let it challenge me. I wanted to prove it wrong."

"Do you still want to prove it wrong?" I ask, holding my breath.

She smiles. "I want to," my breath hitches, and hurt flickers in my chest, "but I'd be fighting a losing battle. It has already proven itself right. There's nothing more I can do."

"Is that the beginning of you falling for me?"

She shrugs. "Depends."

"On what?" My brows furrow.

"Will you catch me if I fall? The ground is uneven and I'm scared."

Ignoring the burn in my eyes, I smile shakily. "Always, Esther. Always."

Trust me, I really wanted to end it in one chapter. But their moments of intimacy brings out their vulnerabilities and I know there's so much unsaid between them that needs to be expressed. I can't help it.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment. Makes my day.