30

-• my fallen star •-

Rudra

I seldom believed in myths.

But I did once. Just once.

Taranya goes back to ignoring me the next morning. Didn't I say one day her hot and cold attitude is going to be the death of me? It leaves me feeling estranged whenever she refuses to gaze at me warmly. Her blues bear the power to weaken me in the knees. I wish she knew. I wish she felt half the intensity of my love towards her. Would she be scared? Would she be overwhelmed? Or will she finally understand me?

"Should I cook today?" I offer.

She pauses briefly, her eyes flitting towards me through the reflection in the mirror. "No, I like to cook. I'm more comfortable doing that than washing dishes."

I nod.

She resumes getting ready for the day. I stay in the bed and read a book. She has pulled back into her shell again. And I'm a little tired. I didn't think I'd ever be tired of expressing myself. After all, my feelings were sequestered for a long time, it's only now that I've grown familiar with them, and became comfortable sharing them with the people around me. Maybe because I didn't know along with expressing myself openly, I will also have to convince people of their sincerity. Is that why people like me are less likely to be trusted? I don't blame them.

My phone on the nightstand starts to blare. I pick it up and read the name flashing on the screen.

"Hello, sir." I greet upon answering the call.

"Hello, Rudra, my secretary got in touch with me recently with your message. I cannot promise you positive results, but I'll try." He replies, dimming my hope a little bit. "Politics gets nasty, Rudra, and to stay in power, I've to make sure I'm proven worthy of it. With the recent threats from the opposition party, I've to focus solely on my party so the current government doesn't collapse. But I assure you, once I deal with the problems on my end, I'll consider your request and see if I can do anything."

"I totally understand, sir."

"Thank you. And if I get this done, promise to meet me personally this time. I've gone far too long without meeting the real power behind Esther Industries."

I nod. "Sure, sir."

"Great, see you when the time is right. Bye."

"Bye." Hanging up, I toss the phone on the nightstand.

When Yuvraaj said there's no on-paper evidence of the Chairman's fraud, I was more than confident that I can produce one after pulling around a few strings. I lost hope on Virendra as soon as I saw him in the morning during breakfast. Not a stray dog will glance at him twice, there's no way the higher officials at the main corporation will trust him with any confidential information. Hence, I turned to my political connections. But I reached a deadend there too.

"The launch is six months away. Make your call."

I sigh.

I don't have six months in total. Once the model passes the tests, documents go through and Rajawat Motors get the approval sanctioned by the government, it's official. I cannot reverse it. They will immediately start advertising campaigns, exhibitions, and events. Launch is simply a fancy packaging of a product to satisfy people's expectations.

"Shourya," a shake on the shoulder brings me back to the present. I look up and meet the finest, clearest blue eyes gazing at me worriedly. "What's wrong?"

I blink. "Nothing."

She frowns. "I called your name for over five times. You looked stressed. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I move away so her hand drops from my shoulder. She shifts back, making space for me after I get down the bed. "Is breakfast ready?"

She nods. I breeze past her out of the room. A plate of pancakes and a glass of orange juice waits for me at the table. I carry it back upstairs, thanking her for the food on my way and close the door of the bedroom. Putting the plate on the bed, I bring my laptop in front of me and get to work.

I'll have to find a way. And I will. I've never once accepted defeat easily. I've never once accepted defeat at all. I'm not mentally prepared to ever face a loss. Especially when it's in my power to prevent that.

Taranya enters the room an hour later. I hear her walking around doing something. Sometimes she stops near the bed, and I feel her eyes on me, but everytime I look up to acknowledge and ask what's wrong, she turns and pretends to be busy.

The bed dips on her side. To avoid coming blocking her way, I shift the tray of breakfast and laptop away, giving her enough space to get comfortable.

She sighs aloud.

I glance at her, find her busy on her phone and look back at my laptop.

A few seconds pass, I hear her sigh again.

"Is something wrong?" I ask out of courtesy.

"Mmh hmm," she shakes her head.

But a minute later, she sighs again.

I stop typing and look at her. "If you're bored, go and watch TV."

"I'm not bored." She mumbles.

"Then why do you keep sighing."

"The breakfast," she points at the tray. "It took me three tries to make those fluffy, round pancakes. You haven't even touched them yet."

I reach over and pick two pancakes, rolling them like a burrito before I finish them off in three bites. Then I wash down the sticky texture with the glass of orange juice. "There, done."

Her frown deepens, but she doesn't complain.

Putting the tray away, I resume work.

A while later, I notice her get down the bed and slam the door roughly on her way out. I flinch. What has gotten into her since this morning? I don't remember doing anything that'd piss her off. If anything, she started the day on a sour note. She acted forlorn with me. She maintained this intangible, awkward distance between us.

Shaking my head, I focus on the work.

She comes back in the afternoon and places the lunch on the bed. "Thank you," I answer distractedly. She makes sure I know she has walked out of the room given how loudly she slams the door shut. Then she returns in the late evening with dinner and takes back the empty lunch plates.

I have the food whilst working and put the plates away.

I started with trying to figure out a way to acquire Rajawat Motors and ended up updating new softwares for the beta tests. We've made exceptional success through Esther Innovations. We provide security to multinational companies, multiple startups and an ample of goverment e-services. Yuvraaj proposed the idea of launching another subsidiary joining the Esther Innovation. He preferred e-commerce, it's safer and scalable. The investors are on board with his decision but I find it an uncomfortable leap. To start online services for regular netizens requires extensive understanding of modern taste, trends, attractions and affordability. There are already too many B2C giants in the game, and a few of them have effortlessly made themselves a common name in every household. To beat them, we need to be better than them, offer cheaper, feasible services. It doesn't simply stop at earning a customer, we'll need to be consistent with our services to earn their loyalty.

Unfortunately, we don't have enough capital to make that happen.

The easiest way through this is to start an on-demand cloud computing platforms. We've too many software based companies using our security softwares to protect their data. They'll have no qualms trusting us with their computation and infrastructure.

I've been working on the presentation of this idea for two weeks now. The last meeting with Yuvraaj left me stumped and I got distracted with all the Rajawat Motors fiasco. I'll have to incorporate a way to work on both the issues together. They need equal attention.

An email pops up in the browser. I click on it and download the attached JPG file. It shows a medical report. My phone starts to ring instantly. I answer the call.

"Yes,"

"Do you see the reports? His brain waves have noticed a slight change. For normal coma patients, we even consider it negligible. But since he has been dormant for so long, the report shows a little hope."

"Did this not happen two years ago?"

She sighs. "Yeah, it did, but this time the Alpha waves -"

"Wait, we've been through this. I don't understand these medical terms. I'll do one thing, I'll send you a phone number. He's a surgeon at Mankind Medicare. Get in touch with him."

"Are you sure?" She asks. "You said he's a surgeon at Mankind Medicare."

"Yeah, he's family. Don't worry." I assure. "I'll mail you the number."

"Okay. Good night."

"Good night." I hang up and put the phone aside.

"By the surgeon at Mankind Medicare, did you mean Vivaan Bhai?"

I hum.

"What do you need to discuss with him?"

"Nothing important."

"Is it about the old Shourya?"

I nod.

"Is he awake?"

"No."

"Will he ever wake-"

"Tara, I'm working." I throw a glance at her.

She blinks and looks down at the magazine in her hands. I read the time on the wall clock. It's quarter past eleven. She should be asleep by now. I wonder what's keeping her up.

"Are you not sleepy? It's past your bedtime."

She doesn't answer.

"Is there something you're worried about?"

She flips a page.

"Tara, I'm talking to you."

"I'm reading." She says tersely.

I scoff out a chuckle. "Make up your mind, Tara. When I give you my attention, you make me feel as if I'm a bug getting on your nerves. And when I don't, you act irritated and cold. I can't handle your mood swings."

"Shouldn't have married me." She doesn't even bother to look at me.

"I married you because I love you." I reply. "I'll work in the living room. You can turn off the lights and go to sleep." Grabbing my laptop and phone, I leave the room and head downstairs.

It's a lot quieter in the living room. I set my laptop on the coffee table and start working again. As usual, I lose track of time and don't realise when I doze off.

I wake up to the sound of birds chirping and pressure cooker whistling in the kitchen. As my arms go up to stretch, the comforter covering me slips down to my lap. I rub my hands together and cup my face to soak in the warmth. My eyes dart to the figure in the kitchen, working around haphazardly to prepare the food. Then I notice the pile of squeaky clean dishes near the sink. She puts them off one by one while checking on whatever's cooking on the stove.

I close my eyes in regret.

That's right. Cleaning was my job. I did nothing but work yesterday. I didn't even ask if she had her lunch or dinner, or even breakfast.

Fuck, Shourya. You were supposed to not work on your honeymoon.

I tend to forget everything when I'm working. I know it's not a good habit. But someone who has always prioritised his work over everything else, even above his own health, cannot change overnight.

But I need to.

"Tara-"

She comes over and puts the cup of coffee next to my laptop. As soon as she turns to leave, I hunch forward to grab her wrist. "You- You don't need to do this-"

Our eyes meet.

"I've nothing else to do here. Kitchen keeps me busy." The pressure cooker whistles again. She looks up and removes her wrist from my hold, "Excuse me." I watch her go back to the kitchen.

Picking up the coffee from the table, I take a small sip. My attention drifts back to her. I wonder if she remembers the conversation we had five years ago. I told her about my dream. How I wanted to smell the coffee as it brews in my kitchen while I read newspaper in the living room. She wasn't a part of it. Nobody was. But somehow, my dreams always end up becoming all about her. I'd never want to see a day when I'm all alone again.

After finishing the coffee, I walk into the kitchen and wash the cup before flipping it upside down near the sink. "Let me help you with something," I request.

"Can you-" she turns around and her floured hands slam into my chest. We both freeze. The time stops. Or that's how it feels like. My hands go around her waist to stabilize her. I feel the heave of her chest as it rises and sinks against mine. She looks up timidly, her hair pulled back in a loose, messy bun. A few strands have escaped and found home on her rosy cheeks. My fingers itch to gently tuck them away. I swallow feeling her hands squirm on my chest. "Your heart,"

"What about it?"

"It's racing."

"Oh," I whisper.

She breathes harder, her gaze unstable, touch squeamish, and I hold in my breath as she gently, almost subtly, feels me through the thin barrier of my black shirt. I don't move, don't try to encourage her, scared she'll come back to her senses and pull away. Her fingers graze over the bare skin of my chest. I clench my jaw. She inhales deeply, and a lost, slightly intoxicated daze clouds her blue oceans. I take that opportunity to glide my hands around her waist and gently pull her closer. Deftly, I move her until her back is aligned with the kitchen island and then effortlessly slide her over the counter. She gasps, her hand cupping the base of my neck. Our eyes meet, now leveled, and her gaze drops to my lips. Hands planted on either side of her body, I lean in. Her lashes flutter close. And I consider that as her acceptance.

Except, the pressure cooker goes off startling both of us, and rationality wins her over again.

She looks at me.

I sigh in defeat and drop my head, sliding my hands off the counter to step back. She grabs me by the collar and holds me in place. I look at her stunned.

"Once," she murmurs shakily. "Let's do this once."

Her lips consume mine. I groan in the back of my throat. An animalistic need surges to the surface, and I'm closing up, wounding my arm around her waist. My hand travels up her hip, underlining the curve of her breast with my thumb, before rising to cup her cheek tenderly. I tilt her head back, hunching forward with need, desperate to satisfy my fill of her. She moans softly, slender fingers losing themselves in my hair, and grabs a fist of them, gentle, but affirmative, as she pulls me even closer, almost devouring me. I stroke the seam of her lips with my tongue and they fall open with a sigh. Her legs fall apart as soon as our tongues meet. I grab her by the butt and yank her until our cores brush. She throws her head back to moan, separating our mouths, so I chase my satisfaction in the nook of her neck, kissing, licking and nibbling her flawless flesh.

She leans forward and I press my lips against hers again. We kiss savagely, noting no gentleness in our actions, all teeth and bites. Then she pulls away abruptly, "That's enough."

I struggle to compose myself. "Yeah-"

"That's enough."

"But not fair."

I stare at her in shock.

She blinks. "Wha-What?"

"We kissed."

"Congrats on catching up." She pushes me aside and jumps down the counter, moving towards the stove to turn the flame off.

"On the night I got drunk, we kissed."

She stiffens. "It was a mistake."

"And this?" I turn her around forcefully.

She sighs. "This was a mistake too. But I did it intentionally."

I frown.

"It's the attraction. We have to get rid of it somehow." She mumbles under her breath. "I know a way," she looks up at me.

"What?"

"Let's set up a transaction between us exclusively for sexual favours. It'll be nothing but sex."

I feel slapped in the face.

"What's wrong?" She tilts her head to the side. "This was your idea, remember? I'm in."

I shake my head.

"No?"

I shake my head again.

"Why?" She frowns.

"I love you."

She sighs exasperatedly. "Stop saying that."

"It's true." I aver. "I love you."

"You should be jumping at this opportunity." She comments.

"I should. But I won't. I want you to fall for me in the most naive, unfiltered, raw moments of emotional intimacy. Yeah, if we sate our physical needs using each other, we might form an attachment. But I'll be constantly insecure, anxious, unsettled. I've been used for physical pleasure once." My voice weakens. "And I'm scared. Of being thrown aside like a waste. I pity the young boy who made that offer to you. He was so confident, but so wrong. And I'm sorry, but I can't subject myself to that torture." I move closer and gently cup her cheek. She shivers visibly. A shaky smile curls at the corners of my lips. "Trust me, I can't wait to have you. I'm dying to have you. The day you come to me with the promise of forever, I'm yours to own."

I press a soft kiss to her lips and turn to leave.

"And if that never happens?"

I don't have enough strength in me to face her, so I stand rooted in my place.

"Then I'm yours to ruin. But I'm yours either way." I walk away.

I once wished upon a shooting star.

To have a star fall into my bleak darkness, and fill it with blinding lights.

Soon after that, I met Tara.

This man 🛐😭

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