The Epilogue

Again thank you so very much!

Dear diary,

Well. That was an adventure. A stupid adventure, I know now. Honestly, this whole thing has been an adventure. All of these months with my new found brothers and Sasha. Ian. Manny. Audrey.

Never would I have believed that I went from cowering in fear when I opened my front door, to watching the clock until I could go home. Speaking of him, apparently he's dead now I guess? Supposedly he killed himself in his cell.

I'm glad I failed in my attempt. No way could I have gone out the same cowardly way Carl did. Although I can't say I'm glad. I don't know what I feel about it. The source of my pain and anguish is dead, but I still feel it. Thankfully not to the point of wanting to kill myself. Ha ha my brothers made it veryyy clear that I would never get the chance to do that again.

They took away my lock on my door leading into the hallway. Sasha protested, and told them I was still a teenager. They wanted to take the lock off of my bathroom but Sasha quickly put that down. Zack was very upset, but I assured him he could have a key.

I also am never alone. Audrey always finds me during the time in between our classes, and one of the boys always is with me. At first it was sweet, now it's a bit annoying. I love them of course, but listening to Jesse harp on and on about Audrey isn't really how I want to spend my time.

Speaking of Audrey and Jesse. I was a little hurt that they didn't tell me they were "talking" as Audrey put it. I guess one day at school Jesse dropped his stuff and Audrey being her wacky self made a joke about it, to herself she told me, and "the rest is history". Jesse shrugged his shoulders when he told me that. What history, I still don't know but I didn't push it.

Me and Audrey go out and do so much stuff together. I was surprised when she told me she wanted me to meet her mom and brother. She never tells me anything about herself. It was a good surprise though, and I was super excited to meet her family.

Her mom was super nice and her little brother was hilarious. He reminded me of a younger Jesse. Is that weird that Audrey is "talking" to someone who acts exactly liked her little brother?

About my attempted suicide....yes I know it was stupid. I beat myself up pretty hard when I woke up from my coma. Though coma sounds like I almost died, which I did, but I rather not be reminded of my failure to be strong. Instead, we call it, The Great Nap. Kind of like sleeping beauty.

I'm pretty embarrassed about it all honestly. Looking back now, I kind of went zero to a hundred. My emotions are so out of control. My therapist told me I shouldn't think that. She said that I should look at it as how far I've come since then. Which, to be fair, is pretty far.

I still am sad. I still have nightmares. She told me that I'll probably always have those. Yay for me. They're getting better though. Some days I don't wake up feeling like total crap. One time I actually fell asleep at a decent hour. Which, not to brag, is a pretty big deal.

I mean, I went from being a scared little girl with no one, to being a little bit less scared girl with someone.

That alone is a big accomplishment.

Caden proposed to Sasha a couple weeks ago. She asked me to be her bridesmaid. Though I have to be a junior bridesmaid, and I won't be included in any of the bachelorette parties, which she assured me I wouldn't like. I believe her. If she says I wouldn't like it, the I won't like it.

Ian and me have been getting pretty close. When I was in the hospital recovering, he stayed by me and talked to me the whole time. I could tell Zack was jealous, but I didn't care. He could wait his turn. Of course he didn't wait long, and then he told me stories. I enjoyed them though.

Luke finally had that treehouse built for me. He said he was so sorry for everything. When I was fully lucid he asked me what I wanted, and he would get it that instant. I told him that I wanted the treehouse built. I'm actually writing this diary entry in it now! This is the one place I'm allowed to be by myself, thank goodness. It's pretty big and spacious. It has some couches and a big rug on the floor. Fairy lights hang around it so I can actually see in here.

Well, I better go. James said every Friday after school we could workout together. He's about to come home now from school. I got to skip to go wedding dress shopping with Sasha. She thinks she wants a floral mermaid dress. I think she looked beautiful in all of the dresses she tried on.

Diary, I just wanted to say thank you for always being there. You were my first real confidant, and you've never let me down. Of course there was nothing you could do about Zack finding you. But thank you, for always listening and never judging. Okay I have to go! James just called for me from the back door. Bye!

With much love,

Lidia White

Again thank you all so much! I love you guys! This has been a wonderful part of my life, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! And for the last time (sniffle) I hope you liked it and don't forget to vote, comment and obviously like ;)