Chapter 46: The Calm Before the Storm

I woke up today and was pretty jittery. Rightfully so in my opinion. Today was the day before the big field trip. And since I packed cute clothes, today all I'm wearing is a t-shirt with the school logo, yellow sweatshirt, some gray sweatpants with the matching yellow school logo-Jesse gave me his old one- and some black converse.

It was all people were talking about at school when we entered. Thankfully I finished my math homework last night since I know Mrs. Gray is a bitch and will make us turn it in today.

Surprisingly, Audrey wasn't at my locker. I swiveled my head to see if I could see her, but it was no use. She wasn't at school today. I wonder why? Wait, if she's not at school that means I have to sit with my brothers at their table. At least Ian will be there. I still don't want to sit at their table though. The girls there will be sucking on some boy's face. I'll surely lose my appetite.

Oh well!

I walked into French and sat down. Mr. Fennec's class was boring. All he ever did was talk in French and expected us to understand it. In reality, most of us had google translate on and just used that to understand. The lucky few who could actually understand it, sat there in their cocky little seats.

Cocky bastards.

After French I walked into my next class: art. Art wasn't that bad, really. The teacher just couldn't take a joke. I heard this kid call his best friend an asshole and she gave him detention for that. Other than that she's pretty nice. Thankfully I only have her for one of my classes though.

Supposedly we're supposed to go outside to collect leaves and make a painting out of them? I don't really know. Since Audrey is not here with me to mock the teacher, all I do is just walk outside in the freezing cold weather, and pick a leaf or two. I look around and everyone is joking around and talking with their friends. I avoid the wandering gazes. Why can't people just mind their own business?

The walk back to classroom was kind of depressing. I'm over here walking and having a conversation to myself while the others are playfully shoving their friends and giggling down the corridor. I kept my head down. I mentally mapped out this whole school so I know exactly where to step and where not to.

Apparently I do not.

Just as I was thinking about my great mapping skills and how I should be a cartographer I ran into a supply closet. Luck is not on Little Lidia White's side today. Most likely it never will be so I guess today I'll just have to learn to accept it.

Not today because today I've embarrassed myself in front of nineteen of my peers. When I walked into the door, I fell flat on my butt. Everyone had started to giggle. Some tried to hold it in but others didn't have those kind of manners and let their laughs fly loose. My cheeks were red and hot.

Get me out of here.

"Class quit dawdling. We still have class to get to." Our art teacher called out. I was so thankful she did. I don't think my cheeks could take this much heat.

Who needs blush when you have embarrassment?

They eventually forgot about me and went on to their own business while I was stuck to wallow in self pity. I don't like pity, I've never liked it. So why do all of a sudden I feel I should just start pitying myself? There's nothing for me to pity though. Sure I was abused and neglected, sure I hold the darkest secrets, sure the person people see is a lie, but they don't need to pity me.

Back in the art room she made us draw the leaf. Why? What could possibly possess her to think 'Oh they should go outside and pick a leaf, then come inside and draw it!'. Seriously, what?

I spent the rest of the class in silence. It felt like when I first arrived. Quiet and lonely. No one ranting on and on about Casey. No one even bothering to acknowledge me. No one.

Alone.

I shook those thoughts out of my head. It didn't do me any good thinking like that. Even if it did feel like it, you just have to focus on something else. Your brain can only truly focus on one thing at a time so just concentrate on something else. Something less depressing.

That's kinda hard when you're depressed though.

Like I predicted yesterday, we're supposed to turn our math homework in today. Her reasoning for making us turn it in: "Well I forgot that we had the field trip. And no I will not give a pardon since you should've already finished it."

I hate her.

Thankfully since I was smart, I finished it yesterday. In fact, I was one of the only people  who finished it. It pays to have such a brilliant mind sometimes.

I really didn't want to sit with my brothers at lunch, their table creeps me out. Someone is always trying to suck another persons lips off. I don't know how my brothers can sit and watch that and keep on eating. I would throw up immediately.

As I stood with my tray in my hands, I looked around the cafeteria. First at my brother's table, then at my table. Then at my brother's table. Then at my table. As much as I don't like eating, I opted for my table since seeing someone pulling each other's faces off in public makes me want to vomit.

I sat down all alone at my table. I just sat there with my semi-warm fries, lazily munching on them and looking around the cafeteria to see if I can find an argument and role play it in my head. I was shook out of my soap opera when I felt a vibration through the table.

"Hey Lids, mind if I sit here?" Ian asked, already sitting there.

"Well you're already sitting there so why not?" I smiled.

He looked at me and grinned, then looked down and stole one of my fries. I scoffed and he only grinned harder.

"Why would you do that?" I asked. But let's be honest here, I didn't really mind.

"Why not?" He said cheekily. I softly smiled and shook my head.

Another vibration was sent through the table. "Hiya sis, hello Ian." Jesse said while plopping down right beside me.

Great. Leave it to Jesse to ruin moments like these.

I glanced over at him. "Hi. What are you doing here?"

"Oh so only he can come over here?" Jesse replied sassily.

"N-no that's not what I- oh forget it." I gave up my explaining since he clearly wasn't listening.

You know what they say, two's a crowd and three's co-

I couldn't finished my thought since another vibration was felt to my left side. I didn't need to look because I already know who it was. "Hello James. What are you doing here?"

"Can't your big brother come hang out with his little sister." He said in a baby voice.

"Wow, so now I'm your little sister? Y'know for the first, hmm I don't know, five months you've been acting like I don't exist." I snapped.

I looked over at him after two minutes of silence. He was clearly deep in thought. I looked over at the other two. They were shocked into silence. Suddenly my already nonexistent appetite had become even more nonexistent.

I took my tray and dumped it in the trash. I didn't really have any place to go since lunch still had fifteen minutes left. After careful consideration, I decided outside would be the best choice. That way no one would expect me to be out there.

Although I hate being cold, the outside air cooled me down. All those sweaty hot bodies combined in a room is not something that is desirable. Unless your freezing to death. Then it would be desirable.

Outside was chilly, but not cold. I sat outside on the bleachers of the football field, really taking in and residing how alone I am. Sure I may have my brothers, but they don't really keep me company. They're just there. Like dust on an old record.

Before I could harm myself with my thoughts anymore, a voice ten feet away from me called out. "Did they abandon you yet?"

I just stared ahead, not bothering to look at Donavon. "No, have you been to jail for stalking someone yet?"

He scoffed. "I'm not stalking you."

This time I turned around and faced him. "Really? Well you were at my first date and now you're at my school when you shouldn't be."

"That doesn't mean that I'm a stalker," he scrunched his face up, "you Whites think everything is about you, don't you? Since you have all that money and live in that big mansion."

I scowled. "Just because we live in a bigger house than yours, you think the world caters to us? Well here's a news flash: our lives aren't as perfect as they seem."

All his little bitch ass could reply was "Really?"

"Yeah!" I was about to go on saying how my brothers act like they don't love me and that stuff when I saw a little phone, pointing at me under the bleachers. "We don't have it perfect because no one does! We act like a normal family. We fight and squabble. We are nothing like the belief that we are perfect and get along perfectly and we have so much money and that means we are perfect. No. No family is perfect."

He clearly wasn't expecting that response. I heard the bell ring, signaling that lunch was over and it was time to get back to grueling work. I sighed and got up and started to walk towards the school.

"Hey!" Donavon yelled, "when we meet, you are always alone. Why?"

"Because I like it that way."

When we got into Jesse's car, I didn't say a word. Not a word of apology. Not a single word was uttered from my mouth. When we got to the house I went straight to the crafts room and did my homework.

But instead of doing my homework, I sat there deep in thought. Do I actually like being alone? It was nice to have someone talk to you, but the sound of silence was also amazing. All my life I have been alone. In one way or another, alone. It seems so foreign to not be alone.

Alone means having no one else present. In other words, it means having no one else in your life that understands. Because no one will understand, and even if they understand, they don't understand.

Alone.

I drifted off to sleep, tired of the days events even if I didn't do anything. I was woken up by a soft hand with mid length nails. "Hey Pretty Girl, it's time for dinner." Sasha said.

I tiredly nodded and walked out. I was fully awake when I sat at the dinner table. Mushroom soup was before me and it smelt so good. I bet it tastes even better. I ate my soup and surprisingly, I got a second bowl. It's probably because I only had like five fries at lunch.

Dinner went on like every other dinner. People chattering while I'm over in my chair sitting quietly and wishing for me to eat faster. It's not that I don't like the food-I do, it's really good- but I just don't want to sit there and watch other people interact while leaving me out. It's boring. Just sitting there, listening. Not even putting a word in. Plain old boring.

James didn't look at me. Not a single glance my way. And I didn't care. He's only proving my point. He acts like I'm just a nuisance. Like I'm just another mouth to feed. He doesn't acknowledge me ever. Like ever. I can count on one hand how many conversations we've had.

I finished my second bowl and asked to be excused. "Alright then Chica, just make sure you're all packed and ready. You know what? I'll just swing by later to see if you packed everything. I'll be driving you to school tomorrow morning. You are leaving at nine so I thought you could sleep in a little bit." Zack went on.

I chuckled. "Okay. I might be taking a shower so just come in and go through whatever you need to go through."

The whole time I was taking he kept nodding his head. "Okay. Good night Chica."

"Good night." I said and walked away to my room.

So so so sorry for the late update. Since chapters have been harder to write I will post at least 1 a week. Maybe sometimes 2 but it depends on how many chapters I have wrote. I hope you liked it and don't forget to vote, comment and obviously like :)