Chapter 33: "All this testosterone is killing my vibe"

We dropped off Audrey at the same gas station somewhere close to her house. Like when we hung out in Luke's office, she insisted she be dropped off there.

Jesse let me sit upfront which I haven't got to do since Friday the 13th when Caden picked me up. Gosh I hate that day. The stars must've aligned because when I got in, he waited until I was buckled! Very weird. Maybe he's sick. I should totally tell Zack.

"So, did I do good?" He asked.

I looked at him with my eyebrows scrunched up. "What do you mean?"

"What do you mean what do you mean? Was I a good chaperone?" He said excitedly like he was waiting his whole life to chaperone for his little sister.

"You did good I suppose. To be honest all you really did was look at clothes and occasionally glance at us."

He got a confused look on his face. "Isn't that what you wanted me to do?"

I gave a small chuckle. "Well yes but you didn't ask if I liked how you chaperoned."

His face went to a playful 'are you freaking kidding me right now?'. "Lidia that's- that's not- ugh. Just turn the music up."

I giggled and turned up the volume. The music that hit my ears was not as surprising as I thought. Eminem's Mockingbird came on. My eyes widen a bit as I took in the sound. I wonder why he had this on his playlist. "You have an interesting song choice." I commented.

He smiled slightly. "It reminds me of someone that I love with all my heart. It basically describes everything I would do for them and more." He says softly.

I smiled back at him. "Well I bet that person feels really lucky."

We stopped at a red light. "I hope so." He says in a light whisper.

I look out the window as my stomach churns with different emotions. Jealousy. Happiness that someone is being spoiled by my brother. And everything else that comes with those emotions.

Suddenly a huge hand engulfs mine. I snapped my head to Jesse. All he did was smile at me and then started to drive as the light turned green. "Although you could pull off anything under the sun, frowning is not one of those things. It makes you look like James."

I giggled. I turned my head and just stared at my youngest older brother. He really doesn't know how much those words mean to me. How much I have yearned to hear those words from anyone. Anything. And all it took was a song.

With my hand still resting in his, I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. I didn't necessarily sleep but I wasn't awake either. I was in a trance of tranquility. Everything in that moment was perfect. Everything.

I opened my eyes when I heard the familiar noise of gravel popping. We pulled into the garage. We stopped and when I turned to get out Jesse tugged on my hand. "Lidia you know I love you right? I always have and I always will, no matter what you do." He said in a serious yet comforting voice.

"I know." I said back to him softly. He nodded and let go of me.

He stayed in the car- probably about to leave to go to Ian's house- and observed me. I glanced back right as I was opening the door to the house. I smiled and walked into the house. Jesse may be a prankster and maybe a killer but he does know how to make someone feel special. Maybe that's why all the girls fawn over him. He makes them feel like they are the only person who matters then boom! He dumps them with a broken heart, broken ego.

Frankly, I don't know why Casey wants to date Jesse. And I'm not just saying this because I'm his sister. I'm genuinely confused. I mean all he does is tell people what they want to hear and then when he gets bored and tired of said person, he takes it all back. Everything. And they believe it.

I shook my head and walked to the crafts room. The soft sky blue walls welcomed me in like they did so many times before. This room has seen more of my emotions than any human ever has. Too lazy and tired to do anything I just sat down on the white fluffy rug and listened. I listened to the sound of silence that has overtaken the house while Sasha was away. I chuckled to myself. She would've never let it be this quiet. Never. It surprises me that I've only known her for about three months and she has had such a big impact on my life. Two weeks without her and I've been spiraling out of control. No wonder Caden loves her.

Knock, knock. I looked up to see Caden standing there. "Mind if I join you?"

I shook my head no. He then walked towards me and continued to sit down next to me. "You miss her?"

I glanced at him. "Yeah. All this testosterone is killing my vibe."

He chuckled. "She has definitely influenced you. I miss her too but hey, she'll be here in about seventeen hours."

I looked at him weirdly. "You've been counting the hours until she arrives?"

His face turns a light shade of pink. "Yeah. So what?"

I smirked. "Nothing. Just never would've thought you would be the kind who counts the hours."

He glared playfully at me and lightly punches my arm. "Ow! How dare you!", I said sarcastically, "That hurt sooo much."

He smiled. Now that I think about it, I don't think I've seen him smile this much. He normally just has his resting face on, much like Luke. I lean my head on his muscular arm that must've took ten years to perfect and looked out the window at the setting sun. We sat like that until our phones lit up, saying dinner was ready.

Caden sighs and stands up. He reaches towards me to help me up. I gratefully take hold and he pulls me up with me practically flying. We strolled down the stairs and are stunned to see the woman we were talking aimlessly about, standing in front of the dining room table with her arms stretched wide.

I waste no time in running into her arms. She catches me and stumbles slightly. "Wow Pretty Girl, if I had known you'd miss me this much I never would've went."

I glanced up at her and chuckled. "Well what am I? Chopped liver?" Caden announced.

Zack pulled me back as Sasha and Caden reunited once again. I tugged at Zack's shirt, signaling for him to bend down. "They really are made for each other aren't they?"

I feel him smile against my ear. "It would seem so Chica."

I gawked at them. I want that kind of love. The kind where you could go days without seeing or talking to each other and then speak one word and it's like they've never stopped talking. Ha, I doubt my brothers would even let me have a boyfriend, let alone the love of my life.

After they had been kissing for about fifteen seconds Jesse said "Okay enough. That's enough PDA for one night. And I believe Lids has something to give you Sasha."

Caden glared at his youngest brother. Sasha glanced towards me with a smile on her face. "Really? You got me something?"

"Well of course. Couldn't let my best friend come home with a without a welcoming gift. Who do you think I am? A monster?"

She giggled. "Okay fair enough. Where's this mystical present?"

My eyes widen as I suddenly remembered that I had left it in Jesse's car. I had only one job. One! How did I manage to mess that one up?!

"Here Lids." Jesse said as he gave me the present. I smiled at him in gratitude. He gave me a curt nod back.

I handed the little brown sack with blue tissue paper to her and watched her pluck out the tissue paper. Sasha gasped. "Oh my, Pretty Girl this is beautiful! I love it!" And she embraced me with loving arms.

We talked for a little bit longer but dinner was about to be served so we sat down and talked there. "So how did you get here?" Caden asked.

"Well I took an early flight and asked Jesse to pick me up and here we are."

It clicked in my brain. "So that's where you went!" I thought out loud.

"What do you mean?" Jesse asked.

"Well when you were pulling back out I thought you were going to Ian's but you were picking Sasha up! It makes much more sense now."

"You just figured that out?" James said monotonously.

"Yeah, yeah I did. Got a problem with that?" I remarked.

James's mouth twitched upwards. "No. Just wondering."

We continued to eat and talk and surprisingly I was included in the conversation. Never would've thought that would happen. Everyone was there. Ian, Kenzer, Manny, Kai, Spencer, and all of my brothers of course. It was probably the most I've laughed in a long, long time.

We even had dessert. This dinner was different though. Most dinners I wait and count the seconds until it's finished but this one, I never wanted it to end.

I hugged everyone goodnight-even Ian!- and walked upstairs to my bedroom, who was virtually calling for me, and laid in my bed.

The longer I laid in bed, the longer I thought. It's so weird. I thought back to all the times with my mother before Carl. Now that I think about it, she wasn't even a great mother then. Not like Sasha. Realization dawned on me. Sasha. She has been more of a mother to me than my actual mother. Even before Carl. I smiled to myself. Things may be going wrong most of the time- or all the time if you're me- but like an inspirational quote at the store I got her gift from said 'Every cloud has a silver lining'.

My legs and arms were stretched all across my bed in a starfish-like position. I really need to learn my lesson. Knowledge isn't always power, it's a curse that I have been so graciously gifted.

It's okay though. I have my brothers, my friends, and Sasha. I don't need anyone else.

Right as that thought entered my brain, so did the bad ones. Who would be mean enough to post a false picture? Who would be mean enough to hurt a small child? Who would be mean enough to bully a girl who they knew nothing about?

These thoughts are killing me. So what do we do when we feel like dying? We write.

Dear Diary,

Today Sasha surprised us and came home early! I really missed her. She was more of a mother to me than my actual mother. How can that be? Surely it has to be wrong but it doesn't feel like it.

I let the thoughts come back. The thoughts that I can barely stand. And y'know what came back with it? The pain, that's what. I can remember every single detail and hurt and pain of each of those who wronged and hurt me.

Do want to know something else? I have no one to share it with. Well except you of course but that-that's not real talking. You just hold me over til the next day. In all honesty without you I would surely burst with these thoughts taking all the space in my mind.

I should probably go to sleep. Goodnight.

Love,

Lidia White

Okay so in this chapter we introduced the soft side of her brothers. The side that cares. But will that love still continue? Idk you tell me. You know the drill, I hope you liked it and don't forget to vote, comment and obviously like :)