33. I want you

I follow Willow into her house. Her place is amazing; I really like it here and especially with her. I close the door behind me and then see Will stare at me. It's like her eyes can't see anything but me, and the look she gives me is memorizing.

I have never seen anyone have that look in their eyes, except her in my dream. It's like I am the only one in this world that matters. Her eyes make my heart slip through my hands like sand. How can you surrender so easily to someone?

She comes towards me slowly as if she is unsure. I feel chiles flow through my body as her lips are just an inch from my own.  A few seconds after, she leans her forehead on mine and put her soft hands on my cheeks. Her thumbs stroked my skin lightly.

"It's so cold," I shiver, my skin filled with goosebumps. Toses and fingers have gone numb, hands trembling as I am holding onto her jacket.

"You can take a shower if you want?" She offers, then she moves her hands down and pushes down my soaked jacket, which falls on the floor. I swallow hard, feeling the unknown tension in the air.

I keep staring at her lips because I know they are so soft, and I love how they taste. Will is so beautiful, maybe even too beautiful for me.

"Y-yes," I tremble, wanting nothing more but feeling the warm water onto my skin. But at the moment, I think my body is craving something else as well. I want her, but feel like I don't have the right to ask for that. Not after what she told me what happened to her, the past she left unsaid for such a while.

She takes a step away from me with narrowed eyes, which left a small hole in my chest. I didn't want this moment to end. I feel there is something we are both not mentioning. Something we desire, but both too scared to use words.

"You know where the shower is," She smiles at me as she pulls off her jacket and picks up mine, hanging them up to dry. I stare down at my soaked clothes but look back up at Willow as she passed me to get to her bedroom. I bite my lower lip, not sure what to do. The insecurities of being a seventeen-year-old girl are quite painful at times.

I wish I had the confidence to do whatever I felt like doing, but not knowing if it's right or wrong at certain times can be confusing.

"Are you okay?" Willow asks as she comes out from the bedroom again, wearing only her white morning rope, her legs bare from the knees down. Making my heart skip a beat as I know she is not wearing any pants.

"Harley?" She says my name as she finds her way over to me. I part my lips, but words don't seem to exist. Nothing is coming out, not even a sound. The only thing I can hear is my own heartbeat in my ears. Will takes my hands into hers, as she is looking at me with worry in her eyes.

"What's on your mind?" She wonders, smiling at me lightly.

"You," I say without thinking and clear my throat as I gaze down at the floor.

"What about me?" She asks, letting go of my hands, which saddened me a little.

"No, nothing," I shake my head to get myself out of my trance.

"I'm going to take a shower," I smile, at least try as I pass Willow on my way to the bathroom. I was about to close the door as she placed her hand on it to stop me. I wait on her to say something, but she remains silent as she is watching me with her green curious eyes. Yet there is also more in them.

She pushes the door open, and I let her in as she comes closer. I walk back into the bathroom, and she places her hands onto my collarbones. As I don't know what is happening, I bite my lower lip in nervousness.

Willow smiles at me, but then she moves her hands down to the bottom of my shirt. Starting to pull it up, carefully not sure if she is allowed or not. But I raise my arms to let her. She took it off me and laid it aside. I shiver, feeling the cold air hitting my skin.

Right away, her eyes go to the scar on my arm, trailing it slowly with her fingertips. I'm not sure if it was her touch that made chills go down my spine or if it was the cold. But I don't mind either.

Without being able to stop me, I lay my hands onto her cheeks and demand her lips on mine. I couldn't take it any longer, but she doesn't push me away either. Quiet the opposite.

Her lips moving forcefully against mine, but then she lets me go and step, take a step back. I watch her dumbfounded and a bit annoyed because I didn't want it to end.

"I don't think this is a good idea," She says, pointing in between the both of us.

"What do you mean?" I sigh, feeling the disappointment tearing at me. I feel like we sometimes take a step forward but then take one back again.

"As much as I want to, I don't feel like we should do it until you turn eighteen," She tells me, and I narrow my eyes.

"I'm allowed to do it," I say, offended as I cross my arms over my chest.

"It's not that Harley. I'm older than you, and I want to be on the safe side," She explains, holding her hands up in front of her.

"I turn eighteen in a couple of weeks," I argue.

"I know, and we can wait," She smiles but bites her lips as she is staring down at me.

"You sure about that?" I raise my eyebrow and chuckle lowly at the way she is watching me.

"Yes, I don't want your parents on my neck," She warns me, and I roll my eyes.

"I haven't told my parents anything," I shrug, and I realized what I just said. Neither my mother nor my father knows that I am with Willow. Am I really with Willow, though?

"What are we?" I question, and I watch her open her mouth thoughtfully, but close as she can't seem to find an answer. I don't think we are in a relationship; I can't find myself in a position to call her my girlfriend. I feel like we are not there. Dating perhaps? I'm not sure at the moment.

"I don't know," She says deep in her thoughts, and I nod lightly to her.

"What do you want us to be?" Willow asks, which I didn't expect. I know what I want, doesn't mean I should say it.

"I feel like that is not something I have a right to answer to," I shrug, and she seems confused.

"Will, I think you are the one who should answer that question, not me," I explain.

"And I should probably talk to my mother about," I point in between the both of us.

"This," I say, and she nods nervously.

"But not until you figure out what you want, of course. If this is nothing serious, then there is nothing to tell, " I say and swallow hard because I don't want nothing; I want it all.  I want everything with her, but I don't know what she desires.

"Do you want us to be serious?" She asks, stepping towards me, closing the gap, and I take a deep breath.

"I know what I want; I'm not sure what you want," I shrug, unsure. She takes my hand into hers and stares me down right into my eyes. Her green is as beautiful as always.

"I want you," She says, laying her hand onto my cheek, and I lean into it, feeling myself smile at her words and her comfort. I have never heard anyone say that to me, that someone wants me. It's a nice feeling, but at the same time a bit scary. It's like going into the unknown, not sure which path I should take. But I know if Will is at the end of it, everything will be fine.

"Where are you?" I meet eyes with Will, and she smiles lightly at me. I swear every time that woman smiles at me, it's like she steals a little piece of my heart each time.

"I'm right here,"