26. Goddammit

I open up my eyes fast. The dream is still here, but different. She was staring at me with her green, beautiful eyes. Like always. Her hair dark as night, her skin cold as snow. Her hand touching my skin on my cheek.

The desire to kiss me was all over her face this time. I could see it like I do most of the time. It's not hard to tell. She is resisting with everything in her; why would she do that. There is an obvious reason for that, but she won't tell me.

It's frustrating, and I think I have had enough. I thought this trip with Willow would make everything better. It just got worse than it already was. Pain, misery, and disappointment are all around me. It's like they have gotten stuck, attached to me and my skin and body have grown so used to it.

It's warmer in here now, and it looks like Willow opened the bedroom door to let the heat come in here. Which is nice of her, but I am still hurting. I sigh as the smell of pancakes comes into the room.

"Goddammit," I mutter; why do they have to be so freaking good. A knock on the door made me almost jump in the bed.

"Are you hungry?" She asks lightly, but I keep ignoring her by hiding under the duvet.

"Come on, Harley, you have been lying here for hours."

"I have been sleeping." I almost shout, which caused silence.

"It's in the kitchen if you are hungry." She says after a couple of minutes of quiet. I listen to her walk away, leaving me alone. My stomach is screaming for food, and the smell makes it feel like I'm at war. My head and feelings are against the human nature of eating, but it's a fight I can't win.

I groan in annoyance as I throw the duvet off me. My stomach is killing me. I need food. My feet stumble out of bed, giving in to my belly. My legs end up in the living room, and my eyes stare at the beautiful girl sitting at the table. Eating those amazing pancakes that my whole body is yearning for.

"There is a plate for you there." She points towards the kitchen, and I shuffle slowly to the counter after the lovely smell. I grab the plate and sit down quietly next to Willow, not looking at her as I start to eat.

"Is it good?" She wonders, and I nod, keeping my eyes away from her beauty. One look and I surrender to her mesmerizing eyes. It's dangerous; that is what it is. Everything about her is dangerous. It can't be normal. Can it?

Even though I am not looking at her, I can still see she has this amused grin on her face. I don't know what is funny, and I don't like that, but I love her smile, though.

"What?" I snap, hitting the fork down on the table, and the grin turns into worry.

"Nothing." She says, her gaze falling away from mine, and I keep on eating again. I didn't think Willow and I would end up in this way. I imagined something a lot better. Not this arguing. Over something, she refuses to tell me.

"I am sorry, Harley." She tells me, but I ignore her. I have heard that one too many times already. Enough is enough. She sighs in sadness, and I don't care.

"Thanks for the food," I say and leave for the room again. I can't be around her. It's so hard.

"Harley." She calls my name as I drag the duvet over my head.

"What?" I answer in annoyance and feel her sit down next to me on the bed.

"I am really sorry, and I just want to go back to the way it was." She says, which makes me roll my eyes.

"I want you," I tell her, and she sighs.

"I know, and I want you to. It's just too complicated." Willow tells me and clench my teeth in anger.

"Fine," I say, getting out of bed and look for my jacket in the living room. Putting my shoes on and rush out the door. Shutting it so hard, a little snow fell from the roof. I stumble down the road, not caring how much snow comes down from the sky or how much it is on the ground.

I want to get away from her, away from everything that is bothering my head.