Chapter 1 - Should I

Wicked in Love Copyright © 2020 by Isabelle Ronin. All rights reserved.

ORDER OF BOOKS

Spitfire in Love

Reckless in Love

Wicked in Love

A/N: Please note that this is the first draft of my story. It has not been professionally edted, editeed, edated, edited or profreed, prufred, proofread, pureed.

Cameron

"You're about to make the biggest mistake of your life—"

I turned the radio off, sighing in relief when the DJ's voice disappeared and quiet filled the inside of my truck.

Too late, man. Already did that.

I rubbed the back of my neck, wincing when I felt a kink on my shoulder. Squeezed it, rotated it, still ached. It was the damned lumpy bed at the motel I stayed at last night.

This was the second day of my road trip from British Columbia back to Esther Falls Manitoba. It was a little over a full day's drive, so I had to park the truck and find some place to sleep last night. I wasn't picky, but damn that motel was seedy as hell.

Opening the glovebox, I reached for my sunglasses, slid them on. It was past six in the evening, but the sun was still high up in the sky. Spring brought longer daylight hours, and that would work well with the plans I had in mind. Plans I never had before until the phone call from a few weeks ago. The phone call that twisted something inside me. I had nearly booked a flight to Esther Falls that day but managed to stop myself.

I finished the project I was working on as soon as I could, sublet the apartment I was renting, packed my bag, hopped into my truck and never looked back.

I drove down rural roads, spotting cows and horses grazing on acres and acres of grassland. Every few kilometers, barns and farmhouses with the Canadian flag on their porches would appear, a tiny church, an abandoned and dilapidated house standing in the middle of a field like a drunken old pirate. And made me think of the one I left behind.

And of the maze behind it with haunting memories that weighed heavily in my chest.

Think of something else, dipshit.

Maybe I'd finally fix the big house that came with it. I'd been putting it off for a long time. Maybe it was time to...

There's no time for that.

But if there was... Then I should probably bulldoze the whole thing, start over. But something inside me didn't want to give it up just like that. I didn't have to destroy every piece of it just because it was broken. I could still...fix it.

The last time I was on this road was in the summer of last year. When I spotted a familiar service station, I slowed down but didn't stop. Didn't even glance when I passed it.

Already got a drink, not hungry, already took a leak.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"How long still?"

"As long as it takes."

"Come on. Tell me."

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I made a fist, bit into my knuckle. And turned the truck around. Just a glimpse around the area, maybe get something to eat anyway, just in case I got hungry later. It had been a long drive from BC anyhow. Plus, I needed to stretch my legs.

Who the hell are you trying to convince?

I parked my truck, jumped out, my heart skipping a beat at the familiar sight in front of me. A service station with a parking lot only half filled with vehicles ranging from a family van to a semi-truck. A family of five eating together at a picnic table, lone men eating by themselves, a weary look on their faces.

And a small eatery selling tofu hotdogs and sweet potato fries. A hand sanitizer that smelled of peaches. Egg sandwiches. A blue hair tie. A woman with unforgettable hazel eyes.

The ache inside my chest was swift and sharp, throbbing like a rotten tooth. I rubbed my fist against it, trying to ease the pain.

It was a punishment that I welcomed. But no matter how familiar it got, none of the pain felt easier.

You deserve it, you son of a bitch.

My phone rang.

"Yeah."

"Cam."

It was Caleb. If the sound of his voice brought me a little relief, I must've been really homesick.

I didn't want to see or talk to anyone after I left Esther Falls. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted no relief from my own personal hell, but Caleb knew where I worked, and it didn't take him long to come and find me.

I barely remembered the first few months. All I knew was that I was in a very dark place. Darker than I'd ever been before.

Caleb had been there for me. He seemed to know when I was too close to the edge. He'd show up without warning, then dragged me back up. If there would come a time when he needed me, I would be there.

"You in town yet?" Caleb asked.

"Almost."

"Good. Bought me a souvenir?"

"You dying?"

"Yeah, of boredom. I thought you finally decided to enter a monastery and become a monk."

"I knocked, but they wouldn't let me in."

Caleb chuckled. "That's because they're smart. You'd probably burst in flames the second you hit holy ground."

"Life can be hard sometimes."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "And you're going to tell me all about it, right?"

"Who else would listen?"

I heard him sigh. "You going to The Yard to see Rick first? He's worried about you."

The sun was setting, the sky a kaleidoscope of colors like bottles of liquid paint spilled on a canvas.

"On my way there now," I said.

"So."

"So."

Another pause. Caleb always spoke everything in his mind, honestly and often recklessly, but this time I could feel him weighing his words carefully.

"Glad to have you back, man," he said.

"Yeah."

"The prodigal son finally comes back home. Could've told me it's today, asshole."

"Told you I'd come back this month, didn't I?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"I was planning on seeing you tonight anyway."

"Yeah?" I heard the smile in his tone. "If you'd have told me then I wouldn't have made plans. Going to meet the guys at a club tonight. Why don't you join us after you see Rick? Relax for a change? Let me show off my new car."

I wanted to see Caleb, but a club was the last place on Earth I wanted to be.

"I—"

Before I could tell him no, a movement caught my eye. I took off my sunglasses, stared. My throat closed up, my whole body tensed as though a current entered from the tips of my fingers and arrowed straight to my heart.

Long, honey brown hair swayed in the breeze. Even longer legs that went on for miles, temptingly exposed by the short sundress she wore. But when the woman turned, I realized it wasn't...her.

Shit.

Not even in the same city yet and you're already toast. How are you going to survive when she's actually in front of you?

I should get back to my place, see if it was still standing. Or if someone had set it on fire. But if I headed there now, so close to where I shouldn't be, so close to where I really wanted to be, I would end up where I shouldn't be.

Shit. I hate clubs, but it was better than the alternative.

"Yeah," I said. "I'll be there."

*

I wanted to leave as soon as I stepped in the club. The music exploded, the roar of the crowd on the dance floor blasted my eardrums as flashing green and red lights drilled a hole in my eyeballs. I hadn't been in a crowd like this in a long time and suddenly exposed to it made me itchy and restless.

I'd rather tie my nuts with barbed wire than be here right now, I thought as I reached for my beer, sat back in my chair, rolled the cold bottle in my hands. But it was too early to leave. I was afraid what I'd do and where I'd go if I left this place.

I pulled at the collar of my shirt as though that would make me breathe better.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Justin narrowed his eyes at me. "Don't even think about sneaking out unless it's with one of them sexy ass on the dance floor. I'm watching you."

I sucked on my beer. I really didn't give a damn.

A blond woman in a short pink dress approached Caleb, leaned down so she could whisper in his ear. He smiled at her, whispered something back, then she left. He looked distracted. And, I noticed with concern, almost sad. And Caleb was rarely that.

I had been burrowed too deep and too long in my own purgatory to notice what was happening to the lives of the people who are important to me.

Yeah, what's new?

That's right, I thought with disgust. Nothing.

Why don't you try something else for a change? Try, motherfucker.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" I had to yell for Caleb to hear me, gave him a light punch to the arm. "That was the fourth chick you turned down tonight and we just got here."

Caleb shrugged, drank his beer. "If you ate the same shit everyday, you'd get bored of it too."

Something was up with him, but this wasn't a place for that conversation. I finished my beer, swiped a hand over my mouth. Why did the crowd seem bigger? They looked like canned sardines now, possibly smelled like them too.

Justin yelled something I didn't hear. I tried to pay attention, found Caleb with his jaw on the floor, staring intensely at something across the club. He looked a little lost, completely mesmerized. I followed his gaze.

A beautiful woman in a tight red dress was in the middle of the dancefloor. For one single moment the world melted away around her. Every pair of eyes in the club was on her, and anyone could tell she didn't give a damn. The sway of her hips timed perfectly to the beat pulsing along the floor under my feet. Her long dark hair flowed across her shoulders and back like silk.

And reminded me of another woman—the only woman—with long honey-brown hair that smelled of peaches. With eyes that were more green than brown.

"Who's going to paint your bedroom?"

"I have some connections."

"Who's going to kiss you?"

"Everyone wants to kiss me. I'm cute. Haven't you heard?"

"Who's going to touch you like this?"

"You, Cameron. You."

Fuck. It was getting harder to breathe. Why this memory? Why now?

I stopped myself from constantly thinking about her by working myself to exhaustion everyday. It was the only way. And even then, she would follow me in my dreams. I fought the memories, but sometimes, sometimes I let myself drown in them.

In those excruciatingly long days after I left her, I struggled so hard not to call or text her. Stopped myself from asking about her. Barely controlled myself from driving to her place, knocking on her door, begging her to take me back.

It had gotten a little easier, and eventually I learned to cope with it. Eventually I learned not to think about her all the fucking time.

But everything was a delusion. Now I realized it was the distance that made me think I was doing better. Because now that she was so close, the urge to see her, to get a glimpse of her hair, her face, her hands, just a fucking second, was so intense I could taste it.

Selfish bastard.

She was better off without me.

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. This wasn't working. I had to get the hell away from here.

"Wanna dance?"

I looked over my shoulder. Bright blue eyes with the longest lashes stared back at me. Her hair was a flaming red that floated on her creamy shoulders.

"Don't think that's a good idea."

"Okay then." She leaned closer. A confident woman who was used to men falling at her feet. "How about we get out of here instead?"

A small bitter laugh escaped because that was exactly what I wanted. "You read my mind."

I stood, nodded at Caleb, and followed her to the exit. It was strange that I could hear the click of her stiletto heels on the floor in spite of the noise inside the club. She threw me a look over her shoulder—the look that says she wanted more than a conversation and a drink tonight if she liked me enough.

Why the hell not? One night with a pretty woman would help me forget about her.

I hadn't asked about her after I left, but that didn't matter. I still heard. I heard that she was doing great. She'd moved on from me. That she went on dates. That was what I wanted, wasn't it? Then why the hell was I getting angry?

I was sick of being in my head all the damn time. I was sick of thinking that I was doing better, sick of fooling myself. Sick of missing her. I hadn't moved on at all.

The air felt cool and refreshing the minute we stepped out. The sounds of traffic a welcome reprieve from the noise inside the club. And a pretty woman with red hair standing before me who looked at me with interest and invitation could only make my night better.

"Hey." She sent me a slow smile, waiting for me to make a move.

"Hey." I placed my hands in my pockets, jiggling my keys.

Cameron. Please. Stay.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath. When I opened them, the woman was looking at me expectantly.

But there was no choice for me.

"I guess I'll see you around," I said, then started for the parking lot.

I'm a fucking asshole.

"What? Wait!"

I stopped, turned.

She blinked slowly. "I'm a little confused. I thought that you...?"

"You wanted to get out of there, right?"

"Yeah, but..." She bit her lip. "You got somewhere to go?"

I looked at her for a moment, wondering if I should answer.

"Yeah," I said after a moment. "But I'm not welcome there anymore."

"Then why even go?"

Stay.

"I left something behind," I said.

Don't make me beg. Because I'm going to hate myself, then I'm going to hate you.

I closed my eyes for a moment, hearing the pain in her voice. "Something I can't live without."

"What's that?" she asked.

An image of Kara's face appeared in my head.

"Have a good night," I said.

I turned around and walked away.

A/N: Please don't forget to click the star at the bottom of your screen and add Wicked in Love to your library to receive notifications.

Hi there! My name is Isabelle and it's so nice to meet you here. How have you been?

I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Wicked in Love. It's the third book of the In Love series and I'm so excited to finally continue Kara and Cameron's love story. If by any chance you haven't read their first and second book, they are both on my profile for you to read.

For my Chasing Red readers, I hope you noticed that this chapter is pretty much the first chapter of Chasing Red in Cameron's POV. There will be more of them! I'm so excited because writing about all of them again is like hanging out with my old friends.

As usual, I don't have an update schedule, but you can follow me on Instagram @isabelleronin for sneak peeks and updates.

Do you listen to songs while reading? Are there any songs that remind you of their love story?

Thank you so much for reading and I'll see you in the next one! Stay safe and healthy.

Love,

Isabelle