Chapter 20 - to

Kara

When I was a child, I used to question why God didn't rescue me whenever I needed Him. I wanted Him to punish my enemies right there and then and fly me somewhere where people were not mean and cruel. There had to be a place where my family and I could live in peace, a place where there were no malicious, jealous, manipulative people that caused pain.

But now that I'm older, I realized that He had always been with me. He would never put me through something I couldn't endure or a situation that was too much for me to handle. He is always faithful, merciful, generous even when I didn't deserve it, teaching me what I needed so I could be a stronger person, loving me even through my faults.

And I knew, as I watched the face of my brother, Dylan, even with the fear and horror ravaging his face, that there was strength and purpose in him as he pulled me and Veronica out of the burning building of our shop, out of the suffocating fire and smoke to safety. And that God was with us in this moment.

My little brother, Dylan.

"Kara, Kara." Dylan's grip on my arms was so hard that it hurt, but loosened as his knees gave out and he crumpled in front of me. "Kara, I'm so sorry I got mad at you. I'm so sorry," he sobbed, shivering like a puppy. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm okay, I'm fine," I said, coughing as I embraced him. My lungs hurt and my eyes watered from the sharp sting of smoke. The intense heat from the fire felt like my skin was melting.

Behind Dylan, I could hear the terrifying pop and crackle of the flames, like a monster munching and snapping on bones, see the fire eat the walls of the old bay that had been there since we opened our business. The office where we were was untouched by the fire when Dylan pulled us out. If the fire wasn't put out soon, it would spread to the office and the new bay.

"Are you hurt anywhere?"

He shook his head as my hands frantically checked him for injuries. There was no bleeding, no sign that he was hurt physically.

"No," he sobbed. Tears soaked his face and mixed with the dirt and soot. "I'm... I'm not hurt."

"Ver?"

Veronica squeezed my arm, silently telling me she was alright. I squeezed her back, relieved that she looked unharmed. Hands shaking, Veronica dialed 911 and talked to emergency services. I was grateful.

"Dad?" Horror clawed its way up my throat. "Dylan, where's Dad?"

All the guys had punched out for the day, and only Dad and Dylan were left at the bay when I heard the explosion.

"He... He's not..." His head turned, searching in panic.

I gripped his arms, shaking him so he could look at me. "Where is he?"

"He told me to pull you and Veronica out of the office. The fire... the fire was in the old bay, and Vlad was still... He wasn't sure if Vlad was still in the back room, so he..."

"No. No, no..."

My body moved before my mind did with every intention of running back to the old bay to save my dad, but Dylan held my arm with an iron grip. He rose, a look of determination in his eyes.

"Stay here, Kara. I'll go find them."

The sound of sirens pierced the air, and I knew the fire department would be here soon. But there was no way I could wait for them. Nor would I let Dylan go. Every second counted.

Just then, I saw two figures walk out of the smoke. It was my dad, with Vlad leaning heavily against him.

"Dad! Vlad!"

Before we could help him with Vlad, paramedics ran ahead of us, grabbing Vlad from him and putting him on a stretcher. He was conscious, but his foot was injured. One of the paramedics tried to check my dad, but my dad desperately searched around until saw us.

He started crying. Face pale and wet with tears, he ran to us, gathered all of us—Dylan, Veronica and me in his arms tightly, crying silently.

"My kids, my kids. Thank God, you're all safe," he whispered. "Thank you, God."

After the cops and ambulance left, Dylan and I crawled our way at the back of the shop to our house to shower. Aunt Elisa heard what happened and demanded that we sleep at her house tonight.

Except for Vlad who had badly sprained his foot, all of us were none the worse for wear aside from a few scrapes and bruises.

Dad went with Vlad in the ambulance and stayed with him at the hospital. I wanted Dad to get rest and volunteered to go instead, but he said he felt responsible for Vlad's accident and refused my offer.

Feeling drained, I stretched out on the sofa in the living room, waiting for Dylan to finish his shower. I already took mine and borrowed his clothes. Still, the smoke pervaded everything. I couldn't smell anything else. My eyes hurt, my skin hurt, everything hurt.

What had caused the explosion? A faulty equipment? Wrong mix of chemicals? A car? There would be a lot to take care of—for the employees, for the insurance company, for the business, for...a lot of things. I didn't want Dad to worry about it, so I would take care of it as soon as possible.

I had no idea how long the renovation for the shop would take, but I planned on sending an email to our customers tonight and cancel the appointments for the rest of the month. I'd follow it up with phone calls tomorrow. I was hoping the damage would only be at the old bay, where it looked like the fire had started, and not the office.

What about the contracts we have with our clients? How are we going to... Anxiety filled my chest.

Stop! Stop. Focus on one thing at a time, the urgent things, and prioritize.

But everything felt like they should be prioritized.

I needed a list. It would take time and energy to get everything done, but I could do it. I always found a way somehow.

Steel, baby, you're made of steel.

I took a deep breath to calm myself, pulled out my phone and used the Notes app to make my list.

My plan tonight was to drive Dylan to Aunt Elisa's, go back to my place, send the emails, maybe I could even do a bit of paperwork. I was also hoping I'd catch Veronica before she leaves. I knew she was counting on me to be at the party with her. Even though I knew she understood why I couldn't, I still felt bad. I had already set up the makeup on my vanity I was planning to use for tonight, but since I wouldn't be there, I told her to use them however she liked, especially the lipstick.

I was supposed to do her makeup tonight. Maybe if I hurry up, she'd still be there. I barely convinced her to leave and attend Caleb's birthday party. It was a very important occasion for her, and Caleb's mother was going to be there. I didn't want her to miss it and threatened her that I would go if she didn't.

The sound of a door opening interrupted my thoughts. Dylan stepped out of the bathroom. I sat up, noticed that his eyes were red and swollen from crying. Instead of sitting next to me on the couch, he took the chair beside it. I frowned.

Wherever we were, Dylan always sat next to me. It was a habit he had since he was a little kid. I remembered during family events, if there were no seats available next to me, he'd sit on the floor by my feet just to be close.

When was the last time we talked? Really talked. He'd often tell me about his day, his worries, his plans. When did he stop? And what did it mean that I don't even remember when my brother and I started to drift away?

We used to be close. I was his best friend. Lately he was always irritated with me, always picking a fight as though he was angry and resentful.

Water dripped from his dark blond hair to his shoulders, creating wet spots on his shirt. The sparse beard on his chin and jaw told me he was attempting to grow it, maybe to look a little older, but only emphasized how young he was. There were piercings in his ears that weren't there before. When did he get them? He was an adult now, but he was still a kid to me.

I wanted to ask so many things, but I didn't.

He finally lifted his gaze to look at me but looked down quickly. "I need to tell you something, Kar," he said, voice low and shaky.

"Okay."

"I'm sorry I've been a jerk to you."

I waited until he looked at me. "Why have you been a jerk to me?"

He swallowed audibly.

"Take your time, Dyl. I'm not going anywhere."

The corners of his mouth turned down as though he just heard a lie.

"But you have."

Maybe I would have been angry if it sounded like an accusation, but he said it in a way that told me he was heartbroken.

I bit my lip, trying to hold back my tears. I reminded myself that I was exhausted inside out, and maybe that was why I was feeling emotional. Besides, we almost died tonight. The thought of him hurt from the fire squeezed my heart painfully.

"Everything is my fault, Kar," he said. "It's all because I wanted Mom back."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's all my fault," he repeated. "You were right from the very beginning, and I didn't listen to you. If I didn't let her back in our lives, you and Cameron wouldn't have broken up. I don't know if—"

"You're not making any sense."

His hands clenched into fists at his sides. "If I didn't reach out to Mom, the shop would have been safe. I brought mom back. I started it all."

"No, Dylan—"

"If Mom weren't around, Andrew wouldn't have partnered with her and tried to sell the shop to someone else. Andrew wouldn't have cut the brakes in Cameron's truck. Dad wouldn't have had a heart attack. Dad's not the same. Sometimes he just spaces out and I can tell he's thinking of something sad. It broke his heart that his brother Andrew is now locked behind bars. And you..."

Tears trickled down his cheeks.

"You were different when Cameron left," he continued. "For a long while, you smiled, but it's not real. It's like you're trying too hard to smile so we wouldn't worry about you, but it just made it worse. I couldn't talk to you anymore because you were always so... sad. You were always so busy with work.

"You changed after Cameron left, Kar. I wanted to be angry at him for hurting you and maybe for a long time I was, but I love you and Cameron. And it felt like I lost both of you at the same time... One day you and Cameron were there, and suddenly I was alone. Everyone was leaving again."

My heart hurt. I should have paid more attention to him. Why didn't I? I felt like a bad older sister. I felt like I had failed him.

"After our accident..." he hesitated.

"After our accident?"

"After our accident in the truck, I couldn't drive anymore. I... freeze whenever I get behind a wheel. I kept remembering that moment when I woke up in the truck, and there was blood everywhere, and you weren't answering me no matter how loud I called your name. I thought that you... I thought that you died, Kara," his voice broke. "In that truck. I thought you died..."

"Oh no. Dylan... You saved me from that accident. We would've died if it weren't for you. It could've been much, much worse."

"I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I hurt you and I hurt Dad. I thought you didn't want to hang around me anymore because it's all my fault. I should've listened to you. I should've..."

I went to him and gathered him in my arms as he cried. After a moment, his arms came around me, his face against my shoulder. When he calmed down, I went to the kitchen, poured a glass of water, and gave it to him.

"Dylan, listen to me," I said as soon as I sat in front of him. "This is not your fault. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of this without me."

"Kara, it's not your—"

"It's my turn to talk. Please listen."

He nodded.

"I want you to know that whether you called Karen or not" —I couldn't call Karen my mom no matter what Dylan felt about her— "Andrew would've still tried to sell the shop. They were already planning it even before you contacted her. You're not to blame for the actions they took. How could you possibly think that? Wishing for a mother's love isn't wrong. It's not your fault."

My throat felt parched. I reached for the glass of water, took a sip.

"When Cameron left, it... it hurt a lot." I swallowed back the tears. Dylan would just cry harder if he saw me cry. "The only way I could cope was to work a lot. It was hard those first few months, wasn't it? Dad couldn't work and he had to go to therapy, and that depressed him. The shop didn't do well without Dad."

It was hard to talk about it—those days right after Cameron left.

"Dylan, I've never had my heart broken by a boy before, and it was the first time I fell in love, and Cameron really... he really cared for me, didn't he? And just losing all of that, all of him so suddenly, it... broke something inside me. I'm not giving you an excuse. I just want you to know the reason why I couldn't be there for you. I should have. I'm so sorry. You won't lose me again. Not like that."

He shook his head. "I just... missed you a lot, Kar."

"I missed you too."

"I saw Cameron."

He did? I shouldn't be surprised. We lived in the same neighbourhood after all. "Yeah, he's back."

"No, no. I mean, after you broke up. I asked Damon to drive us to BC. I wanted to talk to Cameron. I got his address from Caleb."

Shocked, I could only stare at him.

"I wanted to know why Cameron left. If he left because of what Andrew did. Our own uncle wanted to hurt Cameron, cut the brakes in his truck. Did Cameron want to be away from our family because of that? I just wanted to apologize to him. Maybe if I explained, he'd be back. And you could be together again."

My breathing picked up. Dylan's words brought excruciating memories from that night. I leaned forward, propping my elbows on my knees as I held my head with both my hands. I felt suffocated.

"Kara, I think that Cameron really loved you. He looked broken when I saw him, like a person who lost his will to live. He just kept saying your name. He was so drunk. I couldn't understand why he left if he loved you that much. It hurt to see him that way, and I couldn't really talk to him. I felt like it was my fault why you broke up."

Damon hadn't said a word to me about that visit. Why didn't he tell me? But I couldn't talk about Cameron anymore. I didn't even want to think about him. It hurt too much.

"It's not your fault that we broke up," I said. "Not your fault that he left. It doesn't have anything to do with you. I promise."

He nodded, and I hoped he really understood.

"I'm sorry again for being a jerk. I didn't know how to be close to you again. I was angry at myself and I took it out on you."

"Next time, let's talk, okay? You can tell me anything," I said. "Is it true you're scared to drive? Should we see a doctor about it? I don't like that you're going through this."

"It's okay. I'm doing something about it. I'll show you next time," he said. "Kar? There's... more I want to tell you, but I need time."

At his words, I felt a small prick on the nape of my neck. It made me nervous. "Do you need help right now?"

"No. Not yet. Let me fix it. I want to fix it first before I tell you."

"Dylan—"

"Please. Kar."

I sighed. His smile was tired, but it looked like Dylan's smile again.

"Okay," I said. "But you have to promise to tell me when you can't handle it anymore."

"I promise."

"So, are we friends again?"

He grinned, made a fist and slammed it on his chest. "Best friends."

By the time I dropped Dylan off and headed back to my place, I was nearly catatonic. It felt like I'd been awake for a week. With wobbly legs, I sat on the porch steps. I needed to get my keys in my purse so I could go inside my place, but I just wanted to collapse right here and sleep.

No. I still need to send those emails to customers.

I pulled the list of appointments, composed a short but concise email explaining why the shop would be closed for an indefinite period and needed to cancel their appointments,  recommended another local shop we trusted where they can go if they'd like to, and sent it. Tomorrow, I'd give them a call to be sure.

Exhausted, I fished my keys out of my purse, but instead of opening the front door and stepping inside the safety of my home, I closed my eyes, feeling the slight bite of wind on my cheeks. There was still so much to do. My body felt shattered, my heart even worse.

Wrapping my arms around my sides, I wished for... something I couldn't name. I don't know what it was, but my breaths became faster. My chest felt heavy with despair. I was overwhelmed. The whole events of the day was catching up to me. I just needed... I needed...

"Kara."

I opened my eyes. Cameron was standing in front of me.

A/N: Please make me smile and vote by clicking the star at the bottom of your screen!

Hi loves, how was your weekend? Hope it was a good one. There are still so many things I need to happen in WIL, and I'm going to write them all! I can't tell you exactly how many chapters are left. It's definitely going to be over 10. One thing for sure, I can finally see the ending! It's clearer to me now, especially that we are at the end of the timeline of Always Red. I don't always know the ending of my stories while I'm writing them until much later, but this one came to me unexpectedly. I have all these scenes in my head playing like a movie between Kara and Cameron and I hope I can write them the way I see them so I can share them with you. See you soon! Love, Isabelle